Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Will baby be Christened? Why/Why not?

69 replies

LuckyOwl28 · 10/09/2012 14:15

I waded into dangerous territory yesterday telling my Nan that we're not having our baby Christened. To her it's just the done thing, she can't understand why we wouldn't.

This topic isn't to say we are right, I'm just interested in other people's decisions on this matter, as we have some much more choice these days and Christenings don't seem as popular. Im sure there are varying reasons for this, our reasons (briefly) are as follows:

Although we're not entirely atheist, neither myself or Hubby are religious. We never pray or attend Church, although we have absolute respect for those of any faith.

I would feel almost like a bit of a fraud reciting passages in a Church that I don't necessarily believe in, purely for traditional or superstitious reasons. We didn't get married in Church for the same reason.

The idea that all children who are not christened go to Hell (in my personal opinion) is untrue. I can't believe that if there is a God he would turn away an innocent child simply because they hadn't been blessed.

I would be quite happy if our child decided to follow a certain faith as they grow up, but think that is their decision to make not ours.

I would be really interested to hear what you have decided if you fancy sharing?

OP posts:

AgathaTrunchbull · 10/09/2012 18:34

Definitely not, as we're both staunch atheists. Despite this, my grandmother still thought we'd have a christening nonetheless, presumably because in her head, that's 'what people do'. I have to say that I actively and rather angrily resent having been christened myself as an infant, when I obviously had no say in the matter. My husband wasn't christened.

Some kind of welcome party would be lovely so that everyone can meet and celebrate the birth. We'll probably do that, but make it clear to everyone that it's not in any way a religious occasion.

birdofthenorth · 11/09/2012 08:35

Yes because I'm a regular church goer and my faith is important to me. I doubt many Chrisitians still believe unchristened babies go to hell and that certainly isn't my motivation- I see it as an official welcoming into the church family (although CDs have come with me to warm welcome from birth!) which will allow them a point of access for forging their own relationship with God later in life should they choose to (obviously I would like this but would never force it on them).

We host lots of Christenings at church whereby you'll never see the family again, which I do think is a bit sad/ strange. The Church of England has an open door policy and if people want a Chritening for whatever reason they can have one. I suspect some people just want a big party to celebrate their arrival and can't think of more creative ways to do it that suit their own beliefs better (or they are pleasing grandparents etc?). When I was a late teenager my boyfriend who was very much an atheist agreed to be his DN's Godfather which I thought was the height of hypocrisy. You have to stand there and say you turn to Christ and renounce the devil! I choose Godparents who mean it. I have closer friends who are atheists and I don't believe I have offended them by picking others as it would be weird to ask them to make public statements they don't believe in.

birdofthenorth · 11/09/2012 08:36

DCs even, not CDs!!

EnglishGirlApproximately · 11/09/2012 08:43

OP I could have written your post. I have no involvement with a church community so would feel like a fraud to have my baby christened. If he chooses to follow a religion when he is older we will support him in that, but we want it to be his choice.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 11/09/2012 08:49

Im an Atheist. I havent had dd christened as I would like her to chose her faith (if indeed she choses any). I also could not say the words the Vicar would ask me to.

The only person who would change my mind would be DH if he followed a religion, but he doesnt. No other relative, friend or man on the street would sway my decision to Christen (or equivalent) a young child/baby.

Dogsmom · 11/09/2012 08:56

I'm unsure, I don't believe in God but did get married in church and I've heard (urban myth) that if you aren't christened then you can't marry in church and wouldn't want my child to have to be christened as an adult if they chose to marry in church.

My husband is on the fence about religion, I don't think he believes but is slightly scared to say so just in case there is a heaven and he doesn't get in!

If we do get him/her christened then I'd just want it me, hubby, baby & godparents there, I'm not into the whole 'massive party' thing.

PeshwariNaan · 11/09/2012 10:39

We probably won't as my DH is militantly atheist (I'm squidgy on it, but would put myself as agnostic).

However, I'm worried about school places as we're in London and the best local schools seem to only take baptised children who go to church? I could probably "be" more religious if needed, but it bothers me a lot that the state sponsors religion in this way.

KatAndKit · 11/09/2012 10:42

We don't go to church so we didn't have a christening. why would you if you aren't a member of a church? I thought "naming ceremony" was a bit poncey to be honest so we just had a "welcome party" at our house with lots of friends and family.

PeshwariNaan · 11/09/2012 10:43

BTW, we're having a "welcome to the world party" hosted by a friend instead.

Dontbugmemalone · 11/09/2012 11:17

DS1 was baptised (in the same ceremony as our wedding) so I guess DS2 (11 weeks) will be as well.
I'm athiest and DH is catholic and although I respect his fath, I would prefer not to have the children baptised or to have got married in church. However, I do these things for an easier life. If I didn't then DH's mother would emotionally blackmail us and his sister into having DS2 baptised because she is deeply religious.

LadyMaryCrawley · 11/09/2012 11:37

No, for the same reasons we didn't get married in a church, i.e. it would be massively hypocritical of us.

I guess we might have a big first birthday party or something instead as even "naming ceremonies" seem a bit twee, but that's just my opinion, I don't object to anyone else christening their babies or having naming ceremonies.

messtins · 11/09/2012 11:37

I agree with birdofthenorth. We are both Christians and members of our local church, we chose (as many of the church families do) to have a dedication service. I was baptised as an adult and we hope the children will at some point choose believer's baptism for themselves but that's their choice. I don't think it is something you should choose for someone else, and I don't think you should have your child christened if you do not intend to keep the promises. The congregation are asked to promise to help the family to bring the child up in the faith, pretty difficult to do if you never see them before or since. I understand from the clergy POV they don't want to turn anyone away and they offer christenings, like weddings and funerals, as a service to the community. I have a lot more respect for people who choose an alternative that welcomes and celebrates a new life without making promises they have no intention of keeping.

Kelbells · 11/09/2012 12:08

I'm in your camp, I'm currently pregnant and have had quite heated discussions about our decision not to christen with both my in laws and my parents who are all 'believers' but non practicing.... Although my dad believes 'the least' (he's virtually an atheist but not quite ready to commit ) and was the most vocal about doing it to cover our backs!!!! My partner is atheist and I am agnostic.... I don't believe my baby will be punished by 'God' if he's not baptised and would like him to make his own decision about religion when he's ready to (unlike my DH who is ready to ram Richard Dawkins down his throat!). I would feel an absolute hypocrite going to a church for this, I've even declined offers to be a godparent as the promises you make in church are to God and about God... It feels like making false promises to me.... But it is such a emotive subject that I try and avoid it as much as possible

Jakeyblueblue · 11/09/2012 12:10

No. I am a total atheist and would only be doing it because some of the wider family expect it. I didn't marry in a church for the same reason. To believe thAt children who aren't christened go to hell, you have to actually believe that he'll exists, and I don't so it's a bit of a non brainer!

Jakeyblueblue · 11/09/2012 12:11

Sorry that should say hell not he'll!

LadyofWinterfell · 11/09/2012 12:20

My DCs were, as DH is christian and it's important to him. He takes the DDs to Church and they both enjoy it, DS is too young to choose!
They don't attend the Church they were baptised in either, that was the 'Family' church and 4 generations now have been baptised there. I don't attend Church, as an atheist i find it hugely hypocritical!

confuddledDOTcom · 11/09/2012 13:04

The idea that children who aren't christened go to Hell is unscriptural and even the Catholic church now don't support this idea.

My children haven't been and neither will this one, they've all been Dedicated though which is bringing them to church and thanking God for them. It doesn't do anything for the child, it's for the parents. Faith is something a person can only have for themselves. We were both baptised as adults (well I was 13 so old enough to choose for myself) and our children will be if and when they decide to be. We had hassle from his family who don't attend church because they thought we should be christening their grandchildren/ nieces but I said as I was the one who does go to church I was the one who would decide! What would be the point in going to a totally different church to our regular one to do something I don't believe in???

Beamur, that's the point, it doesn't. Jesus said that children come to Him with no conditions attached.

Dogsmom, not an urban myth, it's parish churches. Some will include it as part of the wedding or during the reading of the banns. Other churches though don't care.

PeshwariNaan, my eldest goes to CoE school and the others will too.

Marrow · 11/09/2012 13:07

Our DC aren't christened for pretty much the same reasons stated by OP.

TryDrawingAPicture · 11/09/2012 13:28

It hadn't even crossed my mind to have dd baptised, which meant i stumbled into an awkward but hilarious conversation with my (staunchly roman catholic) mad aunt.

Aunt: Of course the baptism will need to be around 3 months for your baby to fit into the family gown...

Wtf? Baptism? There's a family gown?

Me: Er. We're probably going to have a welcome party at some point and leave the religion until dd is old enough to make her own decision about things.

Aunt: But that's far too late! Have you discussed this with [Dh]'s parents? What do they have to say about it?

Me: We haven't discussed it but I don't think they'll mind.

Aunt: But without a baptismal certificate, the baby won't be able to get married! Or vote! It'll cause all sorts of problems! Oh heavens, I warned your mother that this sort of thing would happen.

Me: Eh?

Aunt: Yes, I told her to have you baptised before you turned 18 and started to decide these things for yourself.

Me:

confuddledDOTcom · 11/09/2012 13:33

So Muslims etc can't vote or get married???

I'm on my second husband all without being christened lol

minipie · 11/09/2012 13:38

at "leave the religion until dd is old enough to make her own decision about things... But that's far too late!"

and at "the baby won't be able to get married! Or vote!" please tell me she doesn't actually believe that?

Treats · 11/09/2012 13:40

We had DD baptised - and I enjoyed it as a way of having a little 'welcome to the world' party. But ultimately, our reasoning was quite pragmatic. My dad works in the education team of a London diocese and urged us to have her baptised to maintain the option of sending her to a Catholic school when she's older. Without baptism in the first year, it would be impossible to get in.

If that sounds massively cynical, then my motivations for getting DS baptised were completely the opposite. We knew that he was only going to be with us for a few hours so when we were offered a baptism, we jumped at the chance. It was the only way we were able to make a public acknowledgement of him while he was still with us. When you're shattered and bleeding at 6 in the morning, you don't have time to dream up a personal naming ceremony.

I'm glad that we had the rhythms and structures of the Catholic rites of baptism and funerals to comfort us at that time - it helped, in a small way, to make sense of it all.

We're going to the naming ceremony of our friend's baby who was born exactly a week after DS this Sunday. I'm glad for them that they've had the luxury of being able to get to know their baby and to design the kind of ceremony that reflects him and his family.

The baby I'm expecting now will be baptised - no question. Both his sister and his brother were and it will be a way of remembering our DS who isn't here.

confuddledDOTcom · 11/09/2012 13:44

Treats when my baby was born they offered to call someone to do it and we said no. My mum Dedicated her, just the three of us and the baby, as she finished she asked Jesus to take her which is when she died. I don't understand Catholic rites but it meant a lot to us so I can understand how comforting it is to do something for your baby when there's nothing else you can or will ever do for them.

Beamur · 11/09/2012 13:50

Just realised I'd misread ReallyTired's post - sorry about that!

thekidsarealright · 11/09/2012 13:54

I'm not religious but would consider myself spiritual. DH is opposed to religion and believes in "Science".

We are having a naming ceremony in a humanist church at Christmas along with my niece who is a similar age to DS and home from oz at the time. The ceremony is about giving thanks for the child mainly to me for baring such a beautiful child and while water is used, it's to symbolise the purity of the child which I quite liked.

Flip

1 2 3