Pregnant (1st) and huge second thoughts

[CityDweller]

I'm new on this site as I just found out I'm 5 wks. Background is that I'm in very happy marriage, we've been together ages, I'm 36, he's early 40s, and have a life we love. Money is ok, but not much left over each month. I've never been maternal (I find children, even ones I'm related to, mostly boring and annoying - sorry if that offends) and my husband is ambivalent. But, seeing ALL my friends and our siblings have kids made me begin to wonder if we were missing out on something - that extra emotional dimension to life that a child seems to bring. And I worried about becoming one of those slightly emotionally distant childless women (dykwim???). But I've never felt the 'baby urge' and there's very little I envy about the lives of my friends/siblings with children.

Anyway, we thought we felt ready to come off contraception and let nature take its course, comfortable with whatever happens (happy if it did, but not desperate, so to speak). Now I'm pregnant and we're totally angst-ridden. Terrified at the changes to our life, not sure we want to make sacrifices for a child we don't even know if we want, depressed that we can't afford to raise a child with the same advantages that we were lucky enough to have as we grew up, terrified that we might have a disabled or learning-difficulties child we wouldn't be able to cope with. But I'm also scared of deciding to end this pregnancy.

I've spent a long time reading a couple of other threads about people regretting having children and it's put the fear into me big time. Many of them sounded, like me, unsure whether or not to have kids, did it because they thought they should, and are now miserable. But, my friends all say it's the best thing they've ever done, despite the challenges.

Am I just experiencing usual pregnancy jitters and concerns or should I take my misgivings as a genuine sign that I shouldn't mess with a good thing (ie our life right now). I know we should have already resolved these questions before allowing pregnancy to become a possibility, but we did genuinely feel we'd be fine with whatever happened.

City,

Have you thought about going to an options counsellor? Because right now you have a choice to make - to terminate the pregnancy or to carry the pregnancy to term. If you choose to carry to term, you need to make a choice to parent or to not parent and give up the child for adoption.

This is a highly personal decision that you need to make yourself. I believe that everyone is the expert on their own life, and you can get all the advice in the world, but in the end it is your choice and you will need to live with the consequences, both good and bad.

It may be worth writing down your fears and then writing the pros and cons of the choices available to you. It may also be worthwhile for you to speak to someone who can give you nonbiased information from which you can make a choice from.

These links may help you as well:

www.fpa.org.uk/helpandadvice/unplannedpregnancy/
www.bpas.org/bpaswoman/counselling

I wish you the best of luck as you move forward, and I hope you find peace in whatever choice you make.

Thanks very much iloveberries :)

I am feeling very similar. I have wanted a baby all my life but since many of my relationships did not work out I had given up on it. I recently got back with my partner and he can be unpredictable even though I know he loves me deeply. We decided to get pregnant and at 37 I did not think it would happen so fast. I am five weeks pregnant now. At first my partner was super happy but today in a heated argument he said he regretted making a baby with me and wants me to abort. I can't stop crying and feel very traumatised by this. I don't think I could do it alone and I am already full of doubts such as if the baby will be healthy and the whole loss of my own life . I think also all the hormones are really messing with me. I don't think my partner means it , he just wanted to hurt me but it's started a whole chain of fear and doubt in me. I really appreciate reading all the posts . I can see how supportive everyone is.

What if it doesn't "become real for you" even after you've heard the heartbeat & seen them in the ultrasound? I don't feel connected at all. I even watched their lil heart beating on the screen & I didn't feel a thing.