Help please - threatened miscarriage for past 4 weeks

[ruthlouise]

Hi can anyone give us any positive outcome stories or further information?
I am currently 16 and half weeks pregnant.
My 12 week scan was all fine but 3 days later I was in A&E bleeding heavily :(
Was told there was no hope but had follow-up scan and baby was still alive but scan showed moderate bleed area. Have since had 4 more scans. Each seems to show further deterioration, by that I mean the bleed area became more extensive, leading to a collapse of the amniotic membrane around the baby. Todays scan showed blood in amniotic sac and reduced levels of amniotic fluid. Consultant says outlook is 'gloomy' but baby is still growing. Consultant also said this is vey unusual therefore difficult to give prognosis. My bleeding is much lighter as long as I rest lots. As soon as i do more (no lifting though) I have increased loss.
Please respond if you can give us any hope or have experienced sub-chorionic bleed (bleeding between the two uterine membranes), collapsed amniotic membrane or blood in amniotic fluid. Or if you experienced bleeding at this stage of pregnancy. If you had bleeding - how long did it take to resolve?
Sorry if I'm not being very clear. I've posted on a couple of other sites but got no responses which makes us feel there's not much hope.
many thanks
Ruth

Thank you again for your responses - they make us cry as we read them but it is comforting to know that people care enough to post their sympathies -
doing so much crying but chose the name Isaac because it means 'laughter' and we know one day the healing will enable us to laugh again - wwe need to do this for the sake of his little sister, Lydia who is 19 months - although we will never forget our little boy.
love Ruth

Have just read this thread. Am so very sorry that you have been through this and for your loss.

ruthlouise just read this and I am so so sorry for your loss. Isaac sounds a perfect name for your boy. Thinking of you and your family and best of luck for the future. xx

Ruthlouise,

Just caught up on this thread - just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your news - I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you and your family. I think Issac is a beautiful name - I'm so sorry for your loss.
x x

Thank you for your continued messages. I'm finding things very difficult. I know that there's no easy way through this but thought I'd cope better.
I find myself browsing the forums online but just don't know where to go so its a comfort when someone shows they care enough to post a message. At times, I really need someone to talk to - I'm still quite new to MN. Is there a live chat facility (never used one before)? How do you get to know people? The site seems so huge - its a bit daunting. Before we lost Isaac, I had recently become part of an antenatal group but now just don't know where to go. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry if I sound desperate but I could do with some more support.
love Ruth

and of course, I shouldn't really be on this forum either now as I'm no longer pregnant

ruthlouise, you can post wherever you want. There is a miscarriage/bereavment section on MN, maybe you could post there too?

Have you been giving any advice about services for bereaved parents in your area?

You sound like you are doing really well. Everyone grieves differently. You are coping and you will come through this.

How is your dh doing?

ruth, those of us in aug ante natal are still thinking of you. you can come to us if you need to, i understand if that would be too painful though.

there are alot of miscarraige threads that might be able to offer you more helpful advice and guidance

if you just want to talk without dwelling on the awful few weeks you've had you can go to the top of the screen and click on 'all topics' and this brings up a list of all the conversations most recently contributed to, handy if you want to chat.

whichever suits you best at the minute pet. hope you'll find some comfort soon pet, my thoughts are with you, mark and lydia {{{{HUG}}}}

Ruthlouise \link{http://www.babyworld.co.uk/wb2/default.aspx?action=27\here} is a link to another site on which there is a forum for women who have suffered losses. (Not that MN isn't fab!! Just posting this link in case it helps you further.) I once found it very helpful.. and for a long time. It's there in case you want it. You need to look in the Support heading and it's Losing A Baby forum (but you need to register to view/post on this and a few others of the more sensitive forums.)

Sending you love xxx

I contacted the local baby bereavement goup in my area today only to be told it folded last year and no longer exists.

Eve2005 - Thank you, To be honest I often still visit and read the antenatal thread to see how people are doing. I don't feel I should post there - although I'd love to, In the long run it would be more painful - with all the pregnancy chat and mounting excitement as the due dates arrive. I was so sad when my name was removed when the 'due dates' were updated. Take care and love to everyone on the forum.

Hi Ruth, just wanted to see you are ok.
And if you are looking in please say hi, we have all been thinking about you and hubby

Alicia x

HMo2 - thanks for asking re dh - its hard to tell really, men tend to hide their feelings but appears to be doing ok. he's quite philosophical. He was obviously upset 'cos he couldn't be there when Isaac was born and by time he came into the labour suite, Isaac had died. Next 2 weeks will be hard cos he has to work abroad - not sure how either of us will cope with that.

Sleepyjess - thanks for that link - i will have a look

post whenever you want sweetie, we all wondered how you were doing and would love to hear from you.

you've certainly been an inspiration to me with the strength you've shown while dealing with such tragic events and i know others must feel the same. i only wish there could have been a happy ending for you, you deserved one so much.

oh, I didn't realise that. That must have been hard for him, and hard for you, being alone

There are lots of people here who care about you, do keep posting.

ruth, how are you today?

Today has been a bad day. Last night we managed to download a couple of picture of Isaac from hubbys mobile phone. today have been trying to sort funeral arrangements. Its so hard to try and be positive and not dwell on things. I feel so low. Hope tomorrow will be a better day.

ruthlouise, it's normal to feel low after what you have been through - your son died. I am so, so sorry for what you have been through and that Isaac didn't make it in the end. We discovered our second son Tom had died when we went for our 20 week scan and he had to be induced. Very sadly, there are many of us on Mumsnet who have undergone a second trimester delivery. Please keep posting wherever and whenever you want.
I am so glad you have photos of Isaac - they may be impossible to look at, at times, right now, but they are such precious things to have.
I hope you are receiving good aftercare (physical and pastoral) from the hospital so that you can maybe find out why this happened to you all.
Sending you lots of love and strength for organising Isaac's funeral. Doing this for Tom was one of the worst and best things in my life, if you see what I mean, and I don't regret it for a second. But it was hard. Marina XXX

Oh my goodness - the yoyo effect. sorry, doing better this evening.

i know there's a miscarriage/bereavement forum but don't really want to go there. I don't want to dwell on Isaacs death. I looked at the site you recommended Jess but others on there had been through so much more than me and I'd feel very self-centred and self pitying in comparison iyswim. I find my grief overwhelming at times but its no comparison to losing a baby at full term or after a few weeks of life is it.

I don't think we will ever have answers as to why this happened, we have been told that a sub-amniotic bleed is extremely rare. Its not known why or how the blood gets between the 2 membranes. We have been told its probably the first case at our hospital, midwives might hear of it during training but never expect to see it. The consolation is that chance of it happening again is 1 in a million. A lot of our anger stems from the way we feel we were so let down by our consultant. He hadn't seen this before, didn't know what was likely to happen. We feel he should have told us this and referred us to a larger FMC to specialists. We are also upset that he didn't return my phonecalls when I asked for urgent referral for 2nd opinion and time ran out.

I don't want to stay like this, I'd like to develop some new friendships on MN. maybe to find a group of people whom I can get to know and have a laugh with.
I enjoyed being part of the antenatal group as it was an ongoing active thread - found it by accident as still quite new to MN- enjoyed the chat and laughs. Are there any other small groups like that on MN? Or even 'trying to conceive' type groups of mums? or older mums with little ones? etc etc groups that are supportive and have a sense of humour? I saw the pregnancy after miscarriage thread but thats for mums who are pregnant isn't it?
I looked at the 'all topics' section but MN is so huge I'd imagine you'd never meet people again unless you are part of a smaller forum?
how do you develop friendships or get in touch with people again?

thanks for reading
love Ruth

Marina I was sorry to hear of your sons death - how awful to find out like that. Hearing stories from others like yourself has made me very aware of how much heartache mums have gone through on MN. In a way it gives me comfort because I see that you are all so courageous and most of all - survivors. It gives me hope. Thank you for sharing your story.

I desparately want another baby and to be pregnant again, not to replace Isaac but because we want another child iyswim.
Is it true that you are more fertile after a miscarriage? It took 6 months to conceive Isaac.

Hi Ruthlouise I am so sorry to hear of your loss - Isaac is a lovely name and I hope there is laughter for you soon.

The ttc boards are wonderful (look under conception in the topic headings) - there are loads of ones to join (I am on the Clomid one at the moment) - I have been using these for a year and they were brilliantly supportive after I had a m/c in November as well.

Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug

Jen

ruth, whereabout do you live? there are meet up threads too, so that you can get to know people in RL

Ruth this is so sad. My dh did not get to see our dd when she was born, I was having an emergency cs and unfortunately by the time he was allowed to see her she had died, he did hear her though! We had lots of pictures taken with her and of her, this really helped and still does.

We had a funeral and took a few pictures of it - it was hard but a great comfort, it is now 14.5 years later, but sometimes seems like yesterday.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, it does get easier but you never forget.

She was our first child and we then went on to have a dd (13.5 now) and ds (12 now).

Be strong, don't be afraid to cry and also be prepared for friends to act in strange ways, I had people cross the road when they saw me because they didn't know what to say - that hurt more than if they had just said "sorry" or touched me arm, yes I would have cried - but so what. I didn't want her existence to be ignored. Also keep talking to your dh, hopefully he may have a friend a can talk to but unfortunately it is not a "man thing" to discuss and also people tend to think it isn't affecting him as much - rubbish, it is.

Whoops sorry for the ramblings got a bit carried away.

X

Am coping better today. Thank you. Slept better last night too.
yesterday was so bad - seemed to come out of nowhere. Then felt stupid in the evening for being in such a state earlier on! Its just when i all seems so black you kind of need a hug there and then iyswim.

Pindy - another 'survivor' - I really don't know how you found the strength to carry on - having a section and for your husband to have heard his daughter cry . I am 'grateful' to have gone through the birthing process and delivered my son although I so didn't want him to be born knowing he would die iyswim. I know some people have d&c's etc and never have that opportunity.

Since having Isaac, the phone has been very quiet. People don't even email when they know.

I've looked on the 'meet up' threads but we live in an out of the way place, not central to anywhere, near London or other large towns etc. I used to go to a local toddler group with my dd until I was on the 6 weeks bedrest. No one from the group has contacted me since then so that has shaken my confidence a bit. Hadn't told anyone I was pg so its not 'cos they were at a loss as to what to say. Just makes you realise how transient some relationships are.

Jen - thanks for that, I hadn't realised that the conception area was the same as 'trying to conceive'!

How soon can you ttc after a miscarriage? Is it the same after a late miscarriage? Or should you wait longer - I know its actually down to whether your body is ready but what should I be looking at realistically? I'm worried because I'm 41 next month and Isaac took 6 months to conceive - can't bear that thought.