Just say no to pink?

[Mollusk]

We've decided to find out the gender of our Feb 2013 baby - but I really want to avoid gender-stereotyped gifts. My mother and sister are big fans of the pink/glittery/princess oeuvre that my feminist instincts can't deal with - but if it's a girl, is it rude to say "We will be grateful for any gift, but please no pink?" Anyone else been in this situation?

Bloomin eck If its a gift accept it in the grace it's given. Someone's obviously given it cos they have put some thought into it. If you don't like it don't bloomin use it or whatever. But if family know you and your feelings etc it ahouldnt be a problem. I'm in the same boat tbh we had dd 14 week ago and I hate the symphony of pink beige stuff. Family know me and what I'm like so dd got loads f bold outed stuff clothes wise ok we did get some baby pink stuff but tbh after the 3rd poonami and outfit change of the day I was always glad to have clothes in the cupboard regardless of what bloomin colour they were

I've not said it so directly, but have paved the way by expressing my view about gendered clothes. Or don't tell them, you can still find out the sex and not tell others. Or get some clothes dye.

I'm the same. Just accept graciously, take the obligatory photo (if necessary) and then continue using your own clothes. I think my ILs have finally cottoned on that DD generally doesn't wear much pink & frills. She's nearly 2

What Melliebobs said.

TBH, even if you say " no pink" now, people will still probably buy her pink stuff when she's older (and it gets worse).

Congratulations on your little girl. :)

Don't tell anyone else the sex.. Problem solved no pink !!

Just cos people buy pink stuff doesn't mean you have to dress the DD in it though. As long as you have an array of different colours, the odd pink item won't matter much anyway.

What Melliebobs said too.DD is 8 months old. I haven't bought her pink stuff, my mum has. She's worn it, sicked on it, poo-Ed on it and grown out of it. She mostly wears her brother's hand me downs. Pink is as valid a colour as any for her clothes, but I don't want then all the same colour, whatever that colour is.

Like AliceHurled says, get some clothes dye - and let people know that anything overtly pink will be tie-died to something more gender neutral.

It won't work for everything - aint no colour that's going to make a pair of frilly tights and a multi-layered froufrou skirt look gender neutral. But that's what e-bay is for, you can sell on the froufrou stuff and get hold of some bundles of gender-neutral stuff instead.

If you really want to avoid gender-stereotyped gifts, don't tell anyone the gender before the birth and say to people that this is because you'd rather avoid colour coding as much as possible and will be trying not to use pink on a girl or blue on a boy as much as possible.

Just a warning though - it is REALLY difficult to live this out in practice. 85%+ of clothing is very much gender-coded. Even if it isn't pink or blue it will have a tractor/football/flower/butterfly embroidered on somewhere to let you know which type of person it is intended for.

I think you can say no pink but IME people wont respect it. DD is due in October, my family know how I feel about gender stereotype clothing but it's like they are even more compelled to buy it to try and prove some point , or they just bang on about it and try and convince me.

I don't get it really, it's a non-issue to me, I just like to dress my babies in lovely colours and comfy clothes. The world seems to think I'm mad for not needing to colour code them and put them in horribly uncomfortable outfits. I think that people just find it really hard to deal with when others challenge their ideas or make different choices.

I'm 23 pg and tired of it already!

Sorry, I've just realised that you haven't actually found out the gender yet!

I'm tired! :o

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

I don't think it's a good idea to make a big thing out of this.
Pink is just another colour to me but I can see you feel strongly about it, so if you don't like the clothes or toys you're given, just don't use them. It's simple, really!

I also don't see the point of this either. Pink is just another colour. A pink t-shirt isn't going to cause long lasting damage.

Just politely say thank you, dress baby in pink outfit, take picture and put outfit in a draw or something.

I think if you tell people the right way (or don't tell them gender) they will generally be ok with it. A friend of mine made a similar request, asking for clothes that were not pink but were bright colours instead. I got her dd some lovely gender neutral multicoloured sleep suits with animals from next that I also got for my ds. Harder when they are older though.

Might be worth mentioning if you want gender neutral toys also, before you end up with too many fairy/flower/frilly doll type things.

You don't have to find out the gender and if you do you don't have to tell anyone that you have. If people buy pink smile nicely. In five years you may be having screaming matches if you have a daughter because she will only wear the pink outfit whatever you think anyway. Probably less trouble stored up ahead if you are relaxed about the whole thing.

BTW my mother wouldn't let me wear pink and when I grew up and bought my own house I had a pink kitchen

I dislike the blue/pink thing for babies. Dd (13 weeks) was met with an avalanche of candy floss pink outfits when she was born, out of about 20 sets only one was different (orange).
Those clothes were given by people who were genuinely delighted for us and our new baby though and so I couldn't care less what they bought and whether it's in my taste or not. That's not the point.
I won't be buying dd anything in baby pink and I dress her how I choose. What other people buy for her is up to them and if it makes them happy, that's fine.

And if it's a boy, will you ask them not to buy blue? or clothes with pictures of diggers/tractors dinosaurs on them?

I know the 'if it's a boy' question isn't for me, but mine is a boy. So my reference before to how I have stated my preference and what I'll do is for a boy. I don't like gender stereotyping. I dislike what girls and boys are told they are meant to be equally.

I can recommend cordelia fine's the gender delusion for anyone who doesn't understand why it's an issue and is interested.

In fact OP, perfect solution, if yours is a girl we can just swop half what we get

To be honest we are having a boy and I feel the same about baby blue. There are such other lovely colours to choose from. I don't think you can specify what people buy you though. However we have purposely gone shopping with mil and my mum and dropped hints. Eg Everything seems to be baby blue we love finding clothes for ds which are other bright colours. My dh also hates beige clothes so we have dropped this in too. Again for mil and my mum if we have bought something that is particularly our style like recently got gorgeous pair of red dungarees with white stars on we will take them over to show them on our next visit and say how we couldn't resist showing you them aren't they gorgeous. Mums always like looking at cute baby clothes anyway. However will be grateful for all gifts. If I really hate them as others have said there is always eBay! I am 39 weeks so hopefully will find out soon if they have picked up our hints!

I tried this, it didn't work, and people bought pink anyway. Honestly you will care a lot less about this once the baby is here because you simply won't have time! You will be grabbing the first (pink) vest from the pile and charging in to clean the poo explosion. They fly through the clothes so quickly, and once the little one has outgrown all her gift clothes and it comes for you to actually buy some yourself, you can get some other colours then.
Honestly, I hate the princess thing more than I can say but... Standards slip!

but most people want to buy presents that will actually be used, don't they? So I agree with the bit about being gracious if they actually give you the stuff (I would secretly go back to the shop and see if it can be swapped) but as a present-buyer I would rather know in advance as I like to get people things they actually like, not that will get hiden in a cupboard and never used. Plus I don't see why you should have to dress your child in something you really don't like to please other people.

On balance I agree with not telling other people the sex when you find out (that way you'll get lots of neutral white stuff which is good for back up) and in the meantime, if it is a girl, you can start laying the groundwork for not liking the fairy princess stereotype.

I'm also quite anti-pink but it's probably healthier to see it as a colour like any other as some have said above

Dd1 is now almost 5 and loves her pink fairy outfit and doing ballet but also loves her pirate and fireman outfits, climbing trees and having rugby "lessons" with Dh in the garden.

She also loves "pretty" clothes - dress skirts, bright colours, floral prints etc. In a way it's a shame boys are denied those - in that sense girls have more freedom in how they dress than boys do, as they can wear pretty clothes and dresses as well as more practical jeans and t-shirts.

I think gender-stereotyped clothes are unnecessary at any age (but virtually all adults conform as well as children) and the pink/blue colour-coding from birth is just plain daft. However I wouldn't dream of dictating what clothes other people buy for presents (unless they specifically ask, which some do).

earlyriser I would ask them for gender-neutral stuff as well, yes - although I feel dinosaurs are less offensive and limiting than the princess/shopper/kitchen stuff that gets shoved on girls.

EightiesChick - spot on, thank you.

Earlyriser's question is interesting - would anyone specify no blue / pictures of diggers etc for boys' clothes?