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Original poster

Just say no to pink?

126 replies

Mollusk · 18/06/2012 07:11

We've decided to find out the gender of our Feb 2013 baby - but I really want to avoid gender-stereotyped gifts. My mother and sister are big fans of the pink/glittery/princess oeuvre that my feminist instincts can't deal with - but if it's a girl, is it rude to say "We will be grateful for any gift, but please no pink?" Anyone else been in this situation?

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ladymuckbeth · 18/06/2012 13:32

Am I the only person who bristles at people saying they are finding out the gender of their unborn baby? It's the sex you'll be finding out - not its gender.

I am vehemently anti-pink btw, have twin daughters, and so far am happy to say that I don't think it's inevitable they'll end up obsessed with pink princesses and sparkly nonsense. I am surrounded by sceptical family and friends though who tell me it's just a matter of time before they succumb... Hmm

Re clothes given in pregnancy, I made a right tit of myself i'm sure, by refusing certain things and being ridiculously precious about it. My advice is to accept it, take obligatory pic, and leave it at that. Over time people get the message re how you like to dress your children, no need to offend them along the way.

Thechick · 18/06/2012 13:33

Wow, what an interesting discussion. I'm 18 weeks and won't know the sex for another 4 weeks. I have a teenage boy already and would like another boy but having a healthy child is the most important thing. I've been saying that if i have a girl she wont be a pink and fluffy girly girl. I'm not a pink and fluffly woman and never have been, but saying that i've never been a boy and have brought my son up okay.
I didn't even think about people giving us gifts that were pink and fluffy. After reading this thread, when we tell the inlaws the sex, if its a girl i might get dh to mention that we don't want her to be a pink and fluffy girly girl, but not state that any gifts given cannot be too girly and then see what happens. My family know how i feel.
ShatnersBassoon i want to find out the sex because i want to know as much as i can about this life I'm growing. I know you didn't ask me the question but i just wanted to give an opinion. The room we'll be giving to the baby is a light blue and will stay that colour whatever the sex.

RobinSparkles · 18/06/2012 13:48

I just wanted to add:
Not telling people the sex/saying that you didn't find out probably won't work - they'll wait until your announcement to go out and buy!

ellangirl · 18/06/2012 13:49

I don't know the gender of this baby, but I have a boy already. I don't mind a bit of pink amongst other colours, but I do dislike baby pinks sparkles, princesses and kittens etc on clothes. Also in general that you can't buy things in bright colours often just pink or blue. If I have a girl, she will just have to play with all toys I have already for my DS, which included dolls and a pushchair etc anyway.
I have already hinted to people that I prefer other colours on girls than just pink, and I don't see the issue. As a few others have said, I am sure people would prefer to give gifts that will be liked and appreciated. I can't think of anything worse than just dressing your baby in an outfit for a photo then never putting it on them again-what a waste! I have a friend who went and swapped clothes she had been given that she didn't like because they were too pink. Isn't it better to tell people initially you don't like pink rather than to pretend you like them, or swap them in secret?

Lovemarmite · 18/06/2012 14:42

I think it's hard when others tell you what colour they would look 'nice' in.

I have ginger hair (Okay, it's strawberry blonde to everyone else!) and MIL is determined that I dress all wrongly and thinks pale greens are nice... nope! yuck, it bring out the red veins in my skin - nice. So she's making LO a light green ensemble - blumin' great!
Obligatory picture and then banished to the basement of never to be seen again... that sounds so ungrateful doesn't it, but why does she think she knows best? agh.

MarySA · 18/06/2012 14:50

What's wrong with a bit of pink??? Not keen on frilly stuff for girls I must say but don't mind a little bit of pink. I think folk should be grateful for stuff given them and not moan about the colour. Sorry if this isn't popular but it's my opinion.

parched · 18/06/2012 14:54

Check out www.pinkstinks.co.uk/

ivykaty44 · 18/06/2012 14:56

I asked for white everything - and mostly people did bring white even when they knew after the birth that dd was a girl.

EarnestDullard · 18/06/2012 15:01

As a feminist I support my DD's right to wear whatever colour she chooses, pink or otherwise. I know what you mean about the "everything for a girl MUST be pink" attitude, it can be a bit much, but I think that having the grace to accept gifts in the spirit they're given is more important than worrying about what colour a newborn is dressed in.

MerryMarigold · 18/06/2012 15:05

My cousin was expecting a dd and just asked for 'bright colours'. She got lots of orange, green etc.

BetweenTwoToddlers · 18/06/2012 15:07

I don't think there is any problem with girls wearing pink. It annoys me that toys have become pinkified though and I hate beyond reason the clothes for little girls that are too grown up for them, or worse slutty with 'juicy' on jogging bottoms.

My girls love wearing pink, they also like wearing green and purple and red etc. Wearing pink or not wearing pink shouldn't make any difference really, its the guidance we give our girls that matter.

Even though there are no boys in the house we have a garage and cars, a train set, a hammer and saw work bench but we also have a play kitchen, a dolls house. Its a good mix.

I want my girls to grow up thinking they can be successful, independent and strong even if they do wear pink or like girly things because they have been taught that being a female isn't a barrier to all of lifes options.

I think the pink/not pink thing is focused on too much tbh.

Ample · 18/06/2012 15:20

I felt similar when I was pregnant with dd. We kept the gender to ourselves so we received a lot of lemon/lime/cream gifts before the birth but couldn't avoid all the pink that came afterwards. I didn't stipulate though...that's asking too much tbh.

If baby is a girl I think you'll be given pink gifts anyway as most people like to give pinkish things for girls and blue for boys (note that I did say most people Wink)

Thing is, you can try to control the non-pink now and see how far you get but chances are by around 5 years or even younger, you'll have a child with his/her own likes and dislikes...your own will go out the window.
You just can't control it every minute of every day. You might as well face it that with girls some sort of pink is going to get by!

Fwiw my 5yo dd likes pink (and red, orange, purple, blue..) she also loves fairies, ponies, dragons and dinosaurs in equal measure Smile

Ample · 18/06/2012 15:24

I forgot to add that my own mum never dressed me in pink (I think it was easier to do that in the 70's Smile) surprisingly I love pink now..from my underwear to my All Stars.

Original poster
Mollusk · 18/06/2012 15:48

ladymuckbeth Weirdly, I had just reread my question and thought, "Hm, that should have read 'sex'" when I saw your comment. That'll teach me for posting first thing in the AM...

OP posts:
elizaregina · 18/06/2012 16:32

BetweenTwoToddlers

totally agree and anyway its the boys i think who suffer more from this discrimination because girls see it usually as cool to say " i was a tom boy, but what boy says - Yeah I was a nancy boy i loved dolls and sewing!

Beans1977 · 18/06/2012 16:45

If you get any unwanted pink stuff feel free to send to me - 26 weeks pg with DD #1 ;-)

BikeRunSki · 18/06/2012 16:46

Ariel That is exactly how my DD's room is decorated. Got a few raised eyebrows when I was doing it last year, lots of "Are you sure you're having a girl Bike....?"

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 18/06/2012 16:54

Pretty much all baby cakes' clothes were hand me downs, so it was boys' clothes whatever, because that's what we got given, however I always get lots of compliments when I put on the pink polo shirt I bought specially. He looks smashing in it... :)

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 18/06/2012 17:01

Josie - for shoes try ' happy little soles'. My friends gets her dds' shoes from there and they're gorgeous. Turquoise and blues and great service apparently

oikopolis · 18/06/2012 17:13

i've just said "i'd be grateful for things in light colours so that i can bleach them if need be".

i've also thrown in the "we're not 100% sure it's a girl, so bear that in mind if you're thinking of sending frilly lace nappy covers/ mary-jane booties/ Strawberry Shortcake pjs".

if you get some really horrid pink stuff, hey ho, take photo and then donate/regift.

Daisybell1 · 18/06/2012 17:27

I had real issues about a sea of pink, and didn't tell anyone we were having dd. I've made a joke of "no pink" with my family and they're very good at buying non-pink now.

We were inundated with pink from other people though. My solution was to grab any offer of hand-me-down boys clothes and use them to balance the pink - boys t-shirt under girly dungarees and vice versa. I'm also making a mental note of every outfit dd wears where people say "what a lovely boy" so I can use that for dc2 if it's a boy.

Midgetm · 18/06/2012 17:34

I didn't dress DD in pink. Pink is around everywhere though and guess what her favourite colour is now? You are fighting a loosing battle IMO but go ahead and fight it till you can't be arsed anymore. I had the same view of plastic toys (instead of nice wooden ones that I like the look of). That lasted even less time than the pink thing. You may be more principled less lazy than me though so good luck. They then move into purple...

GnocchiNineDoors · 18/06/2012 17:39

Oh, if dd needs a new tshirt and asks for a pink one...fine. Til she can ask for certain clothes, she gets put in stuff I like...which is unisex brights.

tethersend · 18/06/2012 17:49

Pink is just a signifier- by banning it, you are in danger of reinforcing and perpetuating the gender divide it signifies.

It is what pink has come to signify which must be challenged- I think this is best done by encouraging boys to wear it, not banning girls from doing so. Banning something that is used as shorthand for female in our society can inadvertently communicate the message to girls that 'girly = weak, bad, to be avoided', and that 'male' pursuits are somehow more valuable, when the opposite is true.