Just say no to pink?

[Mollusk]

We've decided to find out the gender of our Feb 2013 baby - but I really want to avoid gender-stereotyped gifts. My mother and sister are big fans of the pink/glittery/princess oeuvre that my feminist instincts can't deal with - but if it's a girl, is it rude to say "We will be grateful for any gift, but please no pink?" Anyone else been in this situation?

Yes lilbreeze. Mine is a boy

I'm wondering why you want to find out the gender, if you don't want to prepare in the traditional way ie buy a load of typically boy/girl stuff. Genuine wonder, not criticising your decision.

Don't tell people you know the gender? They'll only buy neutral that way, at least until the baby is born. You won't be able to stop the tidal wave of pink cutesy/blue 'Here Comes Trouble' stuff afterwards regardless of what you say to people, by the way

I feel the same about pink! When I had DS I would have said "no pink" if he was a girl.

However since then, friends of mine have had girls, and I've discovered how difficult it is to find non pink stuff! When I was shopping for a present for one of my friends baby girls I was determined to get her non pink stuff, but I'd left it too late to do mail order. I spent 2 hours!!! trying to find her something non pink on the high street. I was determined! But I failed, there simply wasn't anything (except for white stuff with teddies which isn't me friend's style at all).

In the end I had to admit defeat and got her something with minimal pink (pink spots on purple background).

So although in principle YANBU to as for no pink, in reality it might be unachievable (ridiculously!) and it' could well sour relations between you and well meaning friends and relatives if you reject or scorn their gifts.

But then on the other hand it's a bit silly to end up with a load of stuff you can't use!

What I will do now if I have a girl next time, is to say I prefer not to only dress my DD in pink, and that I really like the White baby grows, and the brightly coloured stuff from h&m / Sainabury's / katvig / wherever and hope they take the hint!

But I realise now that asking elderly relatives or really busy people to scour the shops for something very rare is unreasonable. So I will now accept the pink stuff with good grace.

It's also a question of money. There are some lovely inependants and also makers like Katvig and Brights and Stripes which do lovely stuff, but at approaching £20 a babygro, it could be a big ask for some.

It's a ridiculous situation and makes me at the idiot shops actually.

I said to both sets of parents that I'd rather DD wasn't dressed from head to toe in pink, and that if they were choosing between two outfits, could they please go for the non-pink one, so she had a range of colours.

To be honest, she still has more pink than anything else. Not having pink is a constant battle... she usually has purple shoes because pink, purple and red seem to be all Clarks does (and while we sometimes go for the red, the weight of pink clothes-as-gifts means that her shoes often clash with what she's wearing) Wouldn't it be lovely if they sold little green leather shoes, for example? Would the world actually stop turning?

Sorry for typing, on iPhone!

Just a little thought. Our DC are 14 and 17 now. The nursery was lemon and blue. DS then moved into his room which was orange and blue (quite bright but the late 90's were). DD stayed in the nursery. Both were repainted in v. similar colours until about three years ago when both children were allowed to chose the colours. DS chose blue/grey for the walls and very simple neutral curtains in linen with a bit of blue in the weave. DD chose marshmallow pink, a raspberry carpet and cream silk curtains with a white fairy embroidered duvet set.

DS had neutral clothes as a baby, DD wore her brothers dungarees with pink socks until she was walking and even then lots of navy, red, yellow and green. Doesn't always matter what you do with them as babies they will form into their own people and you can't really fight it.

Things have changed drastically since I had my eldest dcs 20 and 18 years ago. Then you had a choice of pinks,blues,lemons and greens and all manner of pastels. You could also get primary colours.
When shopping for my youngest babies 2 and 4 years ago I had a choice of pink, blue and beige.
Since I find it terribly depressing to dress newborns in beige that left blue.
There really is very little chice when buying baby clothes.
I bought from supermarkets. I couldn't afford independant places when stocking up on basics.

Sorry x-posted with a couple of others.

I've got 3 girls so know where I stand on girls' clothes more than boys' so it's interesting to hear that some people do want gebder-neutral clothes for boys - I had assumed it was only the pink, frilly, fairy princess stuff people objected to.

I took the pink stuff we got given for DD back to the shops and swapped them for colours I liked better - I told people that I'd changed them for different sizes and that was what was available in that size.

We asked for gender neutral clothing as we wanted to re use for future DC. Ive never found it hard to avoid pink tbh but you do have to look in boys clothes sections too and ignore sales assistants in Clark's who repetedly try to avoid bringing you boys shoes and push pink and white shoes on you.

Fwiw we do get quite a bit of girly stuff now dd is older but ALL of the clothing that was hugely gendered (how many pretty dresses does a baby need FFs?) just hasn't been worn.

All I want for my dc are nice bright clothes that don't have logos, cute phrases and gendered images (dinosaurs, faires, shopping etc). I've noticed though that when my toddler wears a red striped top and blue jeans everyone assumes she must be a boy. I hadn't expected people assume that, what I thought were neutral colors, were assumed to be boys colors.

I told people we werent finding out the sex and when they asked about how much unisex stuff we had I just said how much I liked bright colours and would put a boy or girl in everything we had bought. I said that I was keeping H&M afloat. I also was quite vocal about my dislike of pastels.

However, I wouldnt say 'please dont get me x, get my y instead' as a lit of people enjoy picking out stuff 'they' like for babies.

However. I never took tags off until I put it on dd and that way I could still exchange it or regift it. I have ons of unworn stuff from dd, however a few pink-fan friends are pg so ive told them they can have whatever they want from my hoard, some worn some not.

Just chatyer to friends and family abou how you are wary of finding out the sex as the fear of ending up with a wardrove full of pink or blue is scary.

Maube say to people; docs says its probably a girl but dont buy anything iverly girlie incase he is wrong?

We found out a few weeks ago that we're having a girl, and I too DO NOT want loads of pink. Me and my husband decided we wanted to keep baby's sex to ourselves, and told family this! Luckily they were fine with this but if you think it would be a problem just say you didn't find out at scan or baby wasn't cooperating.

Haha we have just painted her room blue (going to paint clouds on it like it's the sky) so love that it's going to confuse people. Lol am I really mean?

Ime of having a boy and a girl, people buy baby clothes that they like as presents.

ShatnersBassoon - When I said "we", I should have said "my partner". I'm not bothered either way, but he is keen for some reason!

I think everyone's right to keep the gender secret from others. Lots of food for thought, anyway...

Mollusk

If you are sensitve to this kind of thing you are going to be amazed when baby arrives!

I admit dressing in pink wasnt something on my radar, but allowing my DD to simply BE without constant vocal sterotyping has been v v hard.

My DD has a range of toys from freecyle so not specifically brought for her - so she has trains, cars, dinasours, etc, as well as a kitchen and shopping trolly and a doll .

She is passionate about dinasours, and loves the " boy films" like cars, as well as disny princess films.

Any toddleer group, friends houses, even school, have said and infront of her....

" wow thats unusual, for a girl to play with boys things, does she have a brother, I guess she will turn more girly later...."

We cant escape it - and I just want her to play with what she wants to play with out any brain washing her that she is playing with " boys" toys!

She loves pretty things, but also loves playing with the boys wherever we are, and likes so called boy things. I have to keep pointing out - she is a girl and not a boy, and just likes playing!

I never wore pink as a little girl or was allowed anything glittery or fairy like. I coveted pretty girly things with all my heart and was insanely jealous of my friends with their girly toys.
I grew up to be a fairy hating feminist.
I'm really not sure how to tackle the whole issue with DD, but agree with those who have said it's probably not a good idea to make too much of a 'thing' of it in front of them?

Red is a really lovely colour on both girls and boys, by the way.

FaneFeyre

Surely being all rounded is the best thing then they can pick what they want, rather than going militantly one way or another....and just not using boy or girl tags....

I just dont mention girls or boys round my DD, or refer to girls or boys toys.

BTW i love that hamleys have now gone - and organised thier floors by toys not gender.

ComradeJing: That's not necessarilly to do with the colours she's wearing. Toddler DS is often mistaken for a girl, even though he wears neutral colours and has short hair!

I didn't really want a ton of pink stuff but thought it rude to dictate any gifts. There is so much to buy I was grateful for everything/anything. Some people will ask you what you want/like. But you are going to get pink because it is readily available.

You could make it known that you love white newborn stuff, at least it will work great for any future babies of either gender. I know people who have found out the gender but kept it a surprise for everyone else, I find that a bit odd but it has worked for them.

Oh as it turned out dd particularly suits pink, I love it on her!

Check out www.pinkstinks.co.uk

I moaned and moaned about the pink for girls, blue for boys clothes selection in baby shops when I was pregnant and everyone got the hint. When I had a little girl they all jumped through hoops to buy non-pink but still nice stuff. The first shopping trip I went on, I bought her two pink babygros. She has dark hair and dark eyes and looks lovely in pink.

I had my 20-week scan last week and we've found out that our DS will have a little sister come October. I used to be virulently anti-pink/anti-frills and all the rest of it but have mellowed with the years ;) and don't mind having pink items in DD's wardrobe, but as part of a wide range of colours rather than a predominantly pink/princess/etc. theme. For that reason I've just told my SIL (who is now going on a shopping spree for her long-awaited niece, bless her) that we would much prefer them selecting non-pink (and non-frilly too ) clothes. She was more than happy to oblige.

The way I'm thinking, if you don't say anything, you might end up with far more pink than you're happy with. At least if you say 'we would prefer no pink if possible, but would of course welcome any gifts that we are fortunate enough to receive' (or somesuch), you've conveyed your preferences but it's also then up to them as to what they would like to buy for you. But I'd only say if they were asking; I wouldn't presume to tell people what to buy and we would of course never contemplate rejecting thoughtful gifts (though if we felt them to be really inappropriate they might quietly find their way into the wardrobe until they didn't fit anymore ) Same with birthday gifts when people ask what your child would like; I think that if they're asking they would very much like to get something that you (and child!) were happy with and would rather be given a steer.

Come to think of it, most of DS' clothes were quite neutral (i.e. undyed, so beige) in the first year - and actually still are, actually, although I wouldn't dress him in pink, socialised person that I am ;). I love stripes and brights and still get those for him now where I can (and that's probably what DD's colour palette will end up like too, although there will be dresses and more patterns thrown into the mix!)

I think it'd be fine to request but churlish to get snippy if they ignore you & give very pink girlie stuff after all. I wouldn't want to be deluged in pink either (although I wear it myself).

We've said 'no pink thanks' but I'm now making a patchwork quilt that has quite a bit of pink in it! Hmm?! Oh well, I was going with blue and now have given into pink obviously.

Both DH and I are astonished at the stereotypic gendering in the shops and pink seems to be the start of it... we're hoping that she'll like lots of things and not just princesses, frills and bows but also building lego, computers and anything else that may use her brain!