Fantastic 40+ Mums To Be

[10000fireflies]

A lovely shiney new thread for us to keep chatting on.

Bit quiet on here lately! I'm still househunting - lurch from feeling excited and positive to feeling convinced I'll be having this baby at my mums with our stuff in storage somewhere...

midgetm the pandemonium bit was excellent! Thanks or advice, am going to push to chat to consultant, or at least get my mw to when I see her on thursday. R U still getting nosebleeds? How annoying ...

exexe what perfect builders - could have been sooo much worse! I completely understand your view of the job / pay thing. I feel my priorities have completely changed. Irony is that because of juggling money, it may be DP that steps down at work and does the childcare as I earn a bit more and have opportunities for promotion that he doesn't (although I don't want them!!), and keeping my job means we can live in much cheaper place in the future and manage on 1 salary. Hopefully I'll be fed up of being at home after mat leave (although I bet I'm not)

eagleray I'm so sorry about the news about your dad. Sounds like you are going to have a difficult week. I hope it goes as well as it can - at least you can rest on the journey as much as possible after your amnio and listen to relaxing music etc. Hope seeing your dad helps - I bet he'll be glad you are there, although I guess there's a risk he may not show it if the shock of all this is overwhelming. One of those times when you just have to do what feels right. Best of luck for the amnio.

LRM you are so organised with your shopping! Remind me when's your due date? Well, after a slow start with my little pack of vests, I have been having dreams about baby arriving and me having nothing ready for her - no clothes, nappies or anything, so I pulled myself together and did some online shopping for the beginnings of a capsule baby wardrobe yesterday - more vests, a few babygros, a dress (ah!) a hat, mittens and a couple of baby blankets. I feel sooo proud of myself! The posh organic baby clothes companies that I really like but can't really afford all have good sales on right now so I thought what the hell - I know we'll be given lots of stuff, but I want some lovely non-pink things that I've chosen for her. Afterall I've been waiting for this baby for years! Now to get head out of sand and face the pram thing.

So hppb is baby here? Hope you are doing OK!

VQ how is pox/foot/DH situation doing?? Any further thoughts on childcare? I'm clueless about this stuff - how far in advance do you need to plan it?

My NCT starts this week - I'm convinced everyone else will be in their 20s... on a good day I tend to look a bit younger than my advanced age, so maybe they will think that my DP, who is '50+', is my dad coming along for moral support... how horrific! Feel a bit gutted that even if they seem like great future friends, I'll be moving soon anyway... I wonder what you do in the first class? Hope they don't make us do lots of 'icebreakers' I really hate that - just find it unbearably cringy and may have to go to the loo for a long time

Capsule baby wardrobe I was dreading what you were going to say then! Well done for shopping. It is nice being given stuff, but it is never usually stuff you would have chosen yourself. I was given some hideously fussy cheap dresses that were only worn when the kind giver was visiting.

DH was a stay at home dad briefly, and I really resented him having that role. Even though it may be financially better for you, have a long think about whether it is really worth it. It probably sounds really selfish but I would rather we both worked and I left DCs with a nursery, than leave them with him. Plus he did not want to do it really, so did not take them out, or do other stuff in the house, except go on his computer.

As to when to look into it, I would say the sooner the better. Some nurseries need booking before you are even pregnant, but it depends on area I guess. It would be easier looking with a bump too, rather than a newborn.

Do not worry about the NCT group. I am sure it will be fine.

DD2 is now well over the pox, thank you, and my foot is improving slowly. Managed without painkillers yesterday, and it does not need elevating all the time now. It was getting very uncomfy with my growing bump.

Hello all :)

Back in civilisation and glad to have hot running water and a flushing loo, despite quite getting into ?cabin life? (although the kids had ?cabin fever? a bit). Midget, bytheseaside & Hpbp you would be most welcome to join us there. There are actually 5 bedrooms and room to sleep umpteen guests (despite it looking like an unassuming little log cabin in the woods). Must like the smell of wood though and be able to negotiate the nearly 1km long spongy woodland path from where the cars can park to the cabin (was precarious for me and my giant bump/crap centre of gravity), be philosophical about ticks, not mind ?going? in what is, essentially, a latrine, and bring insect repellent.

Hpbp - any news for us? Been thinking about you and looking forward to hearing of your arrival! :)

eagleray - I?m so sorry to hear your dad?s diagnosis but glad that you all have some answers at least. I?m thinking of you ? I was, not so long ago, in a not dissimilar situation and there?s a lot of shock for everyone involved. Also hoping the amnio goes/went ok and that you?re holding together alright x

bytheseaside - Hope your blood pressure starts to settle down. I?m also worried that something like that will be lurking for me at my appointments this Friday and next Tuesday. Total bummer about the house. Also having big probs selling my flat ? i.e. 14 viewings, no sniff of an offer. Looking at dropping the price although the crap agent is still sceptical because it?s on a ?busy road?. Irony is, I spent my whole time there being told how in demand flats like mine are for letting (they?re very big for London 2 bedroomers) and how I?d have a practical bidding war by buy to let-ers if I ever sold it. Pffffffftttt!

VQ - glad to hear the foot is improving a bit, and DD?s much better. Actually LOL?d at your ex, the clit .

Midget - sorry to hear about the nosebleeds. Crossing everything that they?re not a sign of anything sinister. I had a couple of mammoth ones in my first trimester but went on to have low/normal BP so let?s hope the same?s true for you. Very of your DH in the opening ceremony. We gathered at a neighbours cabin (with a telly) to watch it and, despite my initial scepticism, I thought it was really great but left just when Sir Paul came on?felt we?d seen the best of it already (and DP was having trouble getting our gaggle of 8-12 year old charges to bed after leaving early with FIL to stop them killing each other over which DVD to watch?).

LRM - I don?t know what they?ll do at this scan. I?m just hoping we get a really nice view of our LO as the last scan we only saw the top of her head as the gynae was only concerned with doing his measurements, not letting us see her . We?ll have to compare notes after. Hope your UTI clears up soon. Am concerned about possibly having one myself now after some strange ?undercarriage pain?.

Better go, just been summoned to pick up DSD2 from her 24 hour tween play date. Hope all ok with everyone else I haven't managed to mention, or lurking. Positively busting for news from Hpbp :).

Hello, sorry to jump into this thread abruptly. I'm 41 and this is my first pregnancy and I'm 13 +5. Been to see the consultant today and even though my health is good and I've had no problems at all so far and from my scan last week everything is also good with the baby, he's trying to make me have a ceserean or to be induced on my due date. This seems to go against what the midwife said ( that my age would make no difference). I'll be swapping hospitals before the birth as we will be moving house, so I just wanted to check with everyone here that the induction/cesarean is not standard NHS practice for over 40's who are in good health?

HI Swan, I was 43 with my first and my age or my vast BMI didn't seem to have an effect at all. All set for a normal delivery, altho DS didn't feel ready to face his public and they let me go to 2 weeks before inducing me. Good luck at your new hospital - at the end of the day it's your body and your baby...

swan hello and welcome this is a lovely supportive thread. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I have been told that over 40 there is a risk of the placenta deteriorating beyond 40 weeks, which could result in the death of the baby, so many consultants prefer to either do an ELCS or induce at 40 weeks. It is however your choice. They cannot make you do anything.

I am due my third in October, am 43 years old, and will be having an ELCS.

Welcome back Fjord I missed you x

Afternoon all,

I am feeling like pants today. Brace yourself for TMI but I had the worse pooh related incident yesterday. Couldn't get it out! strained so hard I thought I was going to have a prolapse (front and back - front was all swollen for hours and really sore) Pregnancy can be a vile vile thing on occasions and it terrified me! Ended up having to nap for 2 hours to get over the effort. I am disgusting! The indignities just keep on coming. Baby had a few really quiet days to drive me to distraction - having another growth scan tomorrow so at least can put my mind at rest about placenta and PE for another 4 weeks (this baby is so well photographed).

VQ Glad you are off the meds and starting to turn a corner - about time you had a turn of fortune - you've had more than your fair share of late.

Welcome Swan induction at 40 weeks pretty standard for over 40's because of the placenta deterioration but you can always ask to be monitored at the end instead. This can be a bit of a faff as you have to go in a lot but saves unnecessary induction and gives you the chance to go into labour under your own steam. Like MrsW says its your choice. I will go no later than 40 weeks but my placenta had started to deteriorate with DC1 already at 37 weeks and that was when I was a spring chicken at 36 ahem

Fjord Welcome back, bugger about the flat - I think things are very quiet in the summer anyway for sales so hopefully it may pick up after August is out.

Bytheseaside Hows the house hunting coming on? I also want to echo what VQ says about role switching. It can work really well but it can also be a bit problematic sometimes. DH is currently doing most of the childcare for DD and I kind of resent it sometimes and it is not always as straightforward as it can seem. He is also better at some bit which is just fecking annoying

LRM are you still on holiday? On the childminder v nurseries debate I think they both have pluses and minuses. A good childminder is worth their weight in gold. However, I often think there are more safeguards at nurseries - even though they are not always as cosy as a good childminder. Nurseries don't have many holidays (unless sure starts which can close of bloody ages sometimes) so more reliable for work commitments.

Best go and feed my face. Big waves to you all x

Poor midget that poo sounds awful. Make sure you keep on top of it with fibre and water, and if it persists speak to GP. I must admit last week I had a challenging one, and I was scared I was gonna push the baby out by mistake. It really is horrid, and nobody understands unless they have experienced it.

Childminder vs Nursery. When my eldest was born I could not get my head around putting her into a baby prison ( nursery) as I wanted her to have the home from home feeling. I had two childminders before she went to nursery. The first was fab, just her daughter and mine, and they were the same age. She was just starting out, and when she took on two other children she decided she did not want to carry on, she just wanted another baby. I then went elsewhere, and the childminder was full, so DD spent most of the day in the pushchair or car doing the three school runs, or watching TV while she helped the older ones with their homework.

Holidays were an issue too. If she was off, I had to take leave, but still had to pay 50% fees. If her or her kids were ill, I did not have to pay, but still had to be off. If I was on holiday or my kid was ill, I had to pay, and take time off. It felt as if I was always off, so had no leave left for holidays. also extra charges for public holidays, or she would want to be off. Only 2 weeks notice needed for holidays, so could really cause problems at work. Contracts will vary, but I have had another childminder since for after school care, and that was also the same.

With nursery there is always someone who can cover if someone is ill, and if the other kids are I'll, they stay off. The nursery is only shut between christmas and new year, and we do not pay for that Plus it is when most people want to be off anyway. I pay full price if my child is ill or if we are on holiday, but that is perfectly reasonable. I quite often prefer to have long weekends, so miss less paid nursery time. At nursery there is more structured activities, and more staff and children to interact with, and no blooming school run or car journeys. One childminder used to do all her shopping and washing and ironing and cleaning with the kids in tow. I did not agree with that one bit.

Evening all

ah midget I've been there! lots of water, dried apricots, yukky prune juice and if you need it some lactulose for you! I had this all the time in 1st tri, felt like good practice for childbirth :( so I know how horrible it can be

welcome swan and congratulations. my consultant and mw haven't (yet) told me I have to do anything specific due to age - but I think I'll want them monitoring placenta

Fjord welcome back - actually I'm not great on hols without running water these days - too much basic camping as a child put me right off. Will need to get back into it once baby arrives and we can't do nice B&Bs anymore...

vq what a childcare minefield. even less idea what I'll do now. I have such a strong instinct not to want anyone other than DP, family and friends look after my child, but I know that is utterly unrealistic long term ... If DP gives up work for a bit, at least my hours are flexible and hols good so I won't be too absent. I guess we'll play it by ear.

We may have found new house, just on tenterhooks (again) to see if everything will fall into place... please let this be the right one! Feels like such a responsibility to find the right future home for this wriggly little one. wouldn't care nearly so much if it was just about me and DP. The teeny baby clothes I ordered arrived in the post today - they are so soft and lovely, and mainly not pink

Aww VQ - missed ya too. Thought about poor you & your ankle every time I nearly went arse over tit on the spongy path to the cabin (there but by the grace of god go I...)

Welcome Swanlike :) like the others say, I think the induction after 40 weeks is fairly standard in the UK, due to known risks. However to suggest a caesarean straight off like that for no given medical reason seems a bit antiquated. That's what happened when mum had me; if they thought you were overdue they performed a caesarean. I live in Norway & have just been told that I should call my GP if I get to 41 weeks without labour starting. And that feels a bit worrisome to me compared with the UK standard (I'm 41 with complications). I'm worried their laid back attitude might leave me with a failing placenta so I'll be beating the hospital door down like a looney at 40 weeks exactly!!

Midget - I'm sorry about your poo situation. I too have been a little, uncharacteristically bunged up recently and remember recently 'pushing' & wondering if I could bring on premature labour that way. Your experience sounds grim though and I won't be so irresponsible as to recommend a wee tot of red wine which may or may not work but sure does make one feel better ;-). Know what you mean about the summer & the flat. Problem is, I really needed the money in my account before labour or I may have to pay through the nose for my whole birth episode (with no money) which is being a very stressful worry at the moment (to add to my others that I won't bore you with - except one below...).

bytheseaside, fingers crossed for the house.

Came on here to moan really but the last 24+ hours has been so horrid I've lost the will to do almost anything except lie down & worry about stuff. DSD2 (the 11 going on 6 year old) has been absolutely VILE and has been a stroppy, spoilt, rude brat for more than 24 hours solid. Have come to the conclusion that although DP knows what to do, he totally lacks confidence to act. I'm finding it so hard to live with - it makes me very down, drained & depressed as I can do or say nothing (except to him). Have just had to endure DSD2, on arriving at FIL's, announcing that she has been deprived of an evening meal for 3 days which actually went something like this: day 1, 'didn't feel like' expensive takeaway pizza we had bought and wanted a substitute hot meal of her choice bought and made while we were eating; day 2, had been at a friend's all day and agreed to come home at 9.30pm - they obviously hadn't fed her so she 'demanded' a hot meal, again of her choice, be prepared for her at 10pm or we go out and buy her an expensive pizza (as she 'missed out' last night) and threw a Veruca Salt diva strop when we suggested soup or sandwiches instead, assuming her hosts must have fed her (in Norway, 'dinner'/main meal of the day) is at 3.30pm-5.30pm as she hadn't informed us earlier; and day 3 (today) refused all food we had in the house or were willing to prepare from what we had (as we were going away to FIL's in a few hours) and repeatedly demanded we go to the shops and buy her something she could 'feel like'. DP made her her favourite, omelette, which she scoffingly rejected (claiming it was 'breakfast food', then promptly helped herself to a bowl of cereal) and now we're at FIL's & she got through the 'poor me, I'm being starved by Papa & stepmother' routine, he offered to make her omelette, which she then gratefully lapped up (claiming she couldnt eat her father's omelette as it was a bit 'thick and bumpy' compared to her grandfather's. Vile, vile, vile child. Thank you for listening. Fjordmor (wishing I could click my heels 3 times and 'go home').

What a little b*h! Takes after her mother I am guessing?

VQ clearly . I think some of it is attempts at control/attention seeking but I wish DP would address her issues another way & just step on this behaviour. He must usually have given in I'm thinking or else she wouldn't keep it up for so long - being that it's getting her nowhere. I'm so cross with him as we desperately need her to grow up, to at least her age, for when the baby comes, yet I fear this acting out (if it's attention seeking) will only get worse and then her mother will blame our having a child on her 'problems' (which have existed since long before they split up, the family inform me). She's just being driven to a shop on the nearest town now by her grandfather (at 10.15pm!) to get something she likes to shut her up . Arghhhhhhhhh!!!! (I insisted they got me chocolate too to make up for me losing the will to live completely). Meanwhile at least DSD1 doesn't seem to have anorexia. She's eating normally most days at the mo so I'm fairly sure she doesn't have a huge problem. At least she is behaving with relative maturity & family spirit!

Thanks everyone. I think I'd rather go for the monitoring of the placenta to see if it's still performing ok (wasn't even memtioned as an option yesterday) and of course if anything is looking dodgy I'll agree to the induction. But I don't want to be pushed into agreeing anything yet. I'm just catching up with the rest of the thread, but lovely to meet you all and I'll be back soon.

fjord the behaviour sounds absolutely dreadful! And so frustrating there's so little you can do yourself. Choc will be well deserved tonight... When do kids get to the stage of being embarrassed to behave so childishly? Perhaps they don't - I know nothing! And sorry about your flat selling probs too, forgot to say - what a nightmare. Do you have to pay for all healthcare in Norway because of being british? Sorry, you prob already said.

welcome swanlike this is a fab thread and the ladies on here are brillant.

Fjord - good to hear from you twinkle, yes we will have to compare appointments next week. UTI infection seems to have been a false alarm, the hospital may have read the results incorrectly my GP said. I hope your pain has gone.

Bythesea - Due date is 4th October, cant believe I am 31 weeks Thursday freaking me out not long to go. Glad all your shopping was a success, got to buy buggy bag yet.

Midget - hey missus, yep still on holidays and have eaten my body weight in biscuits and water. I know its gross but hope you have had a poo, I must admit I have not had that problem, the exact opposite from waking in the morning I get cramps that last 15 seconds or so then operation poo. Down side is once I wake the chance of a layin in slim as I am on the loo. This baby buisness is lovely isnt it!!!! Parter is betting me I will poo on the midwife!!! he knows how to make me laugh which is a good thing. I dont know about the rest of your 1st timers or those who have had remember when you wake in the night and think OMG I am giving birth soon, I have this little person to look after and I dont have a bloody clue AHHHHHHHHH!!!!. Partner wakes everytime I wake and checks on me he is a star and is keeping me sane on melt down days. He has helped me so much from decorating to shopping online to look for the best deals days on end. Rubbing my feet which he says he will suck up to do. You cant beat a good cuddle when you feel like shit and he is top banana. So glad he is here for me.

LRM what a lovely DP. And everyone poo's on the midwife. There is no way to push a baby out but keep your starfish shut. It feels like you are pooing the baby out anyway.

fjord would you consider visiting the UK near your due date? Might save a few quid?

Thanks everyone. I think I'd rather go for the monitoring of the placenta to see if it's still performing ok (wasn't even memtioned as an option yesterday) and of course if anything is looking dodgy I'll agree to the induction. But I don't want to be pushed into agreeing anything yet. I'm just catching up with the rest of the thread, but lovely to meet you all and I'll be back soon.

Good evening Ladies, I am just back today from the clinic and there is so much to digest so apologies in advance if I miss any one. Welcome to Swan and very glad to be home with all of you again.
I had a sweep on Sat morning as cervix was 2cm dilated. By 8pm started to have regular contractions. Drve to clinic by 11pm. Epidural by 4am, cervix was then open by 5cm and contractions at 95% and had my little girl ON my tummy at 8.50 am on Sunday. Epidural was very good, could not feel the pain but felt the baby's head engaging so could push effecively when needed. Very proud of myself too to be able to get her out without any forceps (that was the case almost 4 years ago with DS).
Baby girl Anastasia arrived on Sunday 29 July weighing 3.020kg and 49cm long, with lots of black hair, and a lovely round head. Her brother and parents are all in love already.

Well done mummy! And welcome Anastasia. Lovely name. So glad all went well. Sounds like a lovely birth experience! What is that in pounds?

6lbs 10.5oz apparently

Stalking around for a while on this thread again ladies 31 weeks today mahoosive ankles and now tingly hands counting down the weeks left to work which is four. Starting to struggle a bit with the work commute.Loving all the posts.

43 31wks #1

Just about to pass out and dream of poohing on the midwife but had to say...

Congratulations HP sounds all rather civilised and gorgeous, big hugs to the whole household, especially Anastasia and you.

LRM your DH sounds lovely --and I am a bit .

Fjord DDD2 sounds like a little cow and no wonder you are . She spud alike she behaves more like a baby than my horse feeding DD who is 4. She needs a lot of time on the naughty step.

Must pass out so will catch up with the rest of the posts tomorrow, early growth scan first thing x

Well just got back from my consultants appointment and had a full check on everything and all looking good. No sign yet of the dreaded PE, although my BP is creeping up (one of the readings is into treble figures which is unusual for me but creeping better than shooting up) so I am now having to have BP done every 2 weeks in addition to scan every 4 weeks. Scan was really cute. He was pressing his face against my belly which looked just like someone squishing their face against a window and had both feet right against the probe. Babies feet are so cute! Growth bang on average except for his chubby belly and no sign of the dreaded amniotic band so hopefully he has shoved it out the way with his big old head. My problems all started later than this with DC1 so not out of the woods but all very positive and consultant happy so I am happy. I have such good care I am very, very lucky. Seriously considering ELCS now I have seen the size of his head though! If I could be allowed to go into labour naturally I would not be so fearful but after my experience last time I am mindful of ensuring that I get out of hospital as quickly as I can and for me - that be a C Section. Decisions, decisions.

Fjord My post makes no sense. Bloody iphone, should say... She sounds like she behaves more like a baby than my....

Waves at you all and must do some work

Midget, I am very glad your scan went well. You must berelieved than the amniotic band is not an issue anymore. Enjoy therest ofthe pg. Try not to think about PE and BP, you will deal with it if it shows up, and it might not :) Re the head circumference, remember that the skull bones are not attached together yet so the size of the head will somehow be moulded in the birth canal and during engaging process, unless it is a huge baby, you should be ok.

Fjord, OMG, I feel for you. These teenagers are so hard to deal with... Good luck, I am very impressed that you and OH remained so calm. Sometimes I wish we could still use physical punishment....

Firtbubba, welcome to this thread, good luck with the commute.

LRM, your DH is a pearl, keep him close, we all wish to have such a caring person by our side every single day. Constipation is awful, thethought of it made me drink lots of water and fruit and fibers throughout the hole pg. And tbh I asked the MW for a laxative when I arrived at the clinic, giving birth position is a bit weird imo, no need to add embarassment with a poo on top !!!

VQ thanks for your post. How are you feeling ? Does your cast help a bit re pain ? How long do you have to keep it ? Hope your DH s more helpful now and understanding.

Exexe, you are so lucky with your builders, hope it is going well and over soon so thatou can enjoy your new kitchen before baby comes.

Big hugs to every one from Paris. Can I remain a little bit more with you onthis thread ? I am goingto miss it.