Termination following diagnosis of abnormality

[Rosy]

Sorry to bring everyone down, but I will soon be going in to hospital to have my 17 week pregnancy terminated following an amnio which showed that our daughter has Downs. Obviously we're distraught about it, and the more we learn about it the worse it gets (I will have to be induced, my milk will come in after three days, there will be a funeral...) As we've found, there's not much to say about it, certainly no looking on the bright side, but I would welcome other people's experience of it, and reassurance if there is any. Thanks, Rosy.

Hi Belgrano, sorry you've found yourself in this situation. How are you feeling now after the CVS - did you find it uncomfortable? I had a CVS back in 2005 and I found it pretty painful but some of that was probably was due to shock / stress about the situation I was in. Hope you are doing OK?

Anyway, I saw the title and can only help by telling you about our situation. Hopefully it may help in the way you hoped Rosy would help. I had DS1 in May 2004 and was pregnant again in Oct 2005. To be honest we were not nervous at all about the 12 weeks scan - dont know why as I was really worried about it with DS1. But in the scan the lady said she saw a problem with fluid build up on the babies neck. It wasn't a nuchal scan but the build up was so pronounced that she said it was obvious. We were refered and had a CVS the next day. I didn't have a clue what to expect or what may be wrong so was left to imagine all sorts. The results when they came back were all clear so we started to feel a bit more optimistic again even though the scan still showed that the fluid was getting worse. At our next scan (20 weeks) the situation was so much worse. There was fluid everywhere - all over his body and all his joints had fused so he couldn't move anymore. We were told that he would not live and probably wouldn't make it to term. His organs were just not forming correctly. We decided on a termination mainly because I just imagined him in pain and also because of my own sanity. I couldn't go through the rest of my pregnancy knowing he could die at any time and I wouldn't know. Also what do you say to people, getting biger and bigger but knowing you'll never bring your baby home?

The induction was fairly grim but it was as expected although I was surprised how little interaction I got from midwives. In hindsight I can see why but at the time I felt ignored. However after he was born they were brilliant. He was dressed beautifully and had a little hat on and he was just gorgeous. We spent some time with him before coming home. The next couple of weeks were a blur. I had him the week before xmas and all the usual xmas stuff just happened around me really. I was bleeding heavily on and off and I knew it wasn't right but didn't really make a fuss about it until I haemorraged and needed a D&C plus transfusion. I didn't really understand how likely it is to have retained placenta after an early induction.

So, just over 3 years on I still know I did the right thing, but I do still think of him (we named him Henry). I've kept all the things relating to my pregnancy, his birth and his funeral in a box and I still look at it, including his photos. After his post mortem they told us the name of his condition as it was unknown before and advised us that we had a genetic / recessive problem and so any subsequent baby would have a 1 in 4 chance of having the same problem. We're lucky enough to have gone on to have another baby boy in 2007 who is fit and healthy (my care and checks during that pregnancy was incredibly good!).

I still consider myself to have 3 boys although I'd never say that to anyone who asked. People asked me a bit how I was feeling just after Henrys birth but no-one mentions it now outside of immediate family. I dont know whether friends feel awkward or whether they just forget. I dont blame them but its nice to talk about him (as you'll see from the length of my post!). My husband did an amazing thing for me though which keeps my 3 boys close to my heart. He designed a necklace for me which he had made which holds 3 silver pebbles which each hold the birthstone of my boys. To everyone else its just a pretty necklace but to me its an acknowledgement that Henry is a part of us.

I've gone on too long but hopefully some of this will help. I really do remember the time that you're in at the moment and fingers crossed that for you the results are all good and you on to have a happy healthy pregnancy. If this doesn't happen then there is a lot of non-judgemental support out there. Please let us know how you are and what the outcome is.

Best Wishes

Thank you Chooster, that is so helpful. Poor you, what a horrendous situation. I'm really really sorry for your loss.
Congratulations on your two other healthy boys though.