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Pregnancy

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Original poster

I had an amnio today and am now preparing myself for possibly having to make a terrible decision

130 replies

emkana · 06/02/2006 21:47

I had a repeat scan today. There were three soft markers for potential chromosomal abnormalities.

A month ago I would have been convinced that I would never have an amnio because I would never have a termination.
But when the results of the scan were presented to us today dh and I both knew instantly that we needed certainty, so the amnio was done there and then.
We also both feel that we would want to terminate if there is a chromosomal abnormality.
Am now reading past MN threads on termination of pregnancies with Down's, and am feeling that I will be condemned for wanting to terminate. Majority MN view seems to be that Downs' is no reason to terminate.
But my "gut feeling" is that this is what I would have to do.
Please someone talk to me, this is the hardest time

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 06/02/2006 21:48

Em
I hope you find no one here judges you for whatever decision you have to make, if in fact you have to.

What you do is a very personal decision between you, your family and your doctor.

I wish you peace in however this works out.

When will you know?

katzg · 06/02/2006 21:49

only you can make this descision but make sure it is an informed one, weigh up all the pros and cons for continuing/terminating. What impact this will have on you which ever way you choose to go.

Original poster

emkana · 06/02/2006 21:50

Wednesday or Thursday, hopefully.
Apparently it depends whether there will be enough cells in the sample. If there aren't it will take two weeks.

OP posts:

BudaBabe · 06/02/2006 21:50

No-one can tell you what is right or wrong. We all make our decisions based on what is right for US. It is no-one's business but that of you and your DH.

Hoping you won't need to make that decision. The waiting is the hardest part.

Hugs

starlover · 06/02/2006 21:51

oh emkana... no-one will condemn you! this is a decision that only you and your dh can make. the hardest decision you will EVER make...
no-one thinks this is something anyone can take lightly.

i hope everything turns out ok. when will you get the results?

starlover · 06/02/2006 21:53

sorry, just read when you;'ll get the results...

i've got everything crossed for you

tamum · 06/02/2006 21:54

emkana, I don't honestly think that anyone would condemn you, however strongly some people feel. A lot of people would do, and have done, the same. There are some MNers with absolutely wonderful children who have DS but you have to make the right decision for you and your family at this time. No-one can tell what that right decision is except you. I am so sorry that you're going through this

Cristina7 · 06/02/2006 21:54

I'm sorry you are going through such worrying times. Hugs, Cristina

spod · 06/02/2006 21:56

Message deleted

elliott · 06/02/2006 21:57

emkana, I think you'll find that most of those who believe that Down's is no reason to terminate have never been in your position. Arguing in the abstract is very different from actually making a real decision. I am sure that one of the threads you've found is TC's own journey through this, which you may find helpful.

littlemissbossy · 06/02/2006 21:57

Emkana, so sorry to hear this - only you can make the choice, no one else can make it for you
Hope everything turns out alright, let us know how you get on. lmbx

Yorkiegirl · 06/02/2006 21:58

Message withdrawn

PrincessPeaHead · 06/02/2006 21:58

emkana I can only say the same as everyone else. this isn't a time for you to think about what others might think (and I don't think anyone here would condemn you at all FWIW), you can only think about what you and your dh think is the right decision for you. you can't let any thoughts of other people colour your decision because it is so important for you that you make the right one.
And I don't think any of us know, really, what we would do until we were in your situation and had to make the decision for ourselves.

Thinking of you, it IS the hardest time, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
xx

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 22:00

No-one would condemn, but I would find out more about Downs Sydrome before choosing termination. There are many different types, from mild to severe.

Sorry, I really should parp, I don't want to upset you, it's just that my nephew has this condition and he's soooo special. Sorry.

Latz · 06/02/2006 22:02

I agree with consensus here - its your decision. Hope to god everything is OK. No one has the right to comment on what you need to do.

Time to rest and watch all the movies u wanted to see for ages look after yourself.

BIG HUGS

robinpud · 06/02/2006 22:03

What a terible dilemma for you and your dp. I hope you are able to talk things through with people who understand your situation. no one will judge you, just admire your courage. Goodluck.

FioFio · 06/02/2006 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dingle · 06/02/2006 22:05

emkana, I have a 4 yr old DD, Amelia who has DS, and I would never condemn what your decision may be.

I was lucky enough to never have been in your position, so by the time I knew my DD had Down Syndrome, she was in my arms and in my heart and there was no looking back.

What I will say that as disabilities go I do consider myself lucky, Amelia is happy and healthy. Yes,she can be hard work, but so can my NT son!

You will need to be strong, look at all the possiblities and get as much information as you can before making your choice. At the end of the day , you need to choose what is right for you and the rest of your family.

If I can be of any help, please feel free to CAT me and I will try.

HUGS......dingle.

edodgy · 06/02/2006 22:11

Oh Emkana I was in the same position as you for 5 weeks over the summer we too had an amnio due to finding a soft marker on the scan. Its the hardest decision I've ever had to make but we had the amnio because we felt we probably would terminate if the baby had a chromosomal condition. Thankfully we didnt have to make the final descision as my amnio was clear, I sincerely hope this is the case for you. I really feel for you as it was such a horrible and frightening time. You know what's best for you and your family. Im so sorry you're having to go through this.

Original poster

emkana · 06/02/2006 22:18

It's so strange because I was always so sure that I would never, ever have a termination - but now that it is a very real possibility that the baby has an abnormality I have this strong feeling that this is the right thing to do for me, dh and our two dd's.

OP posts:

Original poster

emkana · 06/02/2006 22:18

or rather would be
nothing is certain yet, but because there are three markers I feel I should prepare myself and not put my head in the sand

OP posts:

Latz · 06/02/2006 22:19

Exactly - am desperate for No 2 - (if I can ever conceive!) but at 37 am thinking what I would do dd is the most important consideration for me and I would have same dilemma if it (ever) happens to me.

bakedpotato · 06/02/2006 22:22

I've been there too. Two soft markers/amnio. I/we felt the same, we had to face the fact that we would have terminated. I posted at the time. I know it helped a tiny bit, at a time when it all seemed so bleak, to have someone say, "Yes, I would do the same.'

Original poster

emkana · 06/02/2006 22:32

Thank you all
yes it does help to read other posters saying that they would probably make the same decision.
The thing is that this has made it so clear to me that you just never know what your reaction is going to be until you are actually faced with something.
As I say, I would have been soooooo convinced that I would never ever consider a termination...

OP posts:

pacinofan · 06/02/2006 22:32

Emkana, I can wholly identify with a lot of your post, particularly when you say that you and dh 'needed certainty'. That is exactly how we felt too and why we chose to have amnio. The results were, thankfully, clear, but we were never in any doubt that we would have terminated for all trisomies, including downs syndrome.

I would reiterate what several previous posters have said, i.e that this is an entirely personal decision to be made by yourself and dh only, no matter how well meaning other people may try to be. I am afraid this seems to be a subject that raises strong feelings, but it really is your business and no-one else's - I was actually quite shocked and upset to discover from my mil that sil/bil were totally opposed to us even having had an amnio.

My only advice would be to try and take a step back so you can think things through thoroughly, and rest as much as you can. I was pretty shaken up by my amnio, which I didn't expect, and it took me a good few days to feel like myself again.

Sincerely hope you feel better soon x

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