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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I had an amnio today and am now preparing myself for possibly having to make a terrible decision

130 replies

emkana · 06/02/2006 21:47

I had a repeat scan today. There were three soft markers for potential chromosomal abnormalities.

A month ago I would have been convinced that I would never have an amnio because I would never have a termination.
But when the results of the scan were presented to us today dh and I both knew instantly that we needed certainty, so the amnio was done there and then.
We also both feel that we would want to terminate if there is a chromosomal abnormality.
Am now reading past MN threads on termination of pregnancies with Down's, and am feeling that I will be condemned for wanting to terminate. Majority MN view seems to be that Downs' is no reason to terminate.
But my "gut feeling" is that this is what I would have to do.
Please someone talk to me, this is the hardest time

OP posts:

geekgrrl · 07/02/2006 12:01

yes, I agree with jimjams. Although I do know several people who work full time and have a child with SN. I think Thomcat works f/t?

I'm sorry you're going through this, emkana.

I don't have experience of the terminating - all I can talk about is life with a child with DS. And well, it's fine. Life is good. I'm not a naturally cheerful person but I really don't feel like I suffer or have been dealt bad cards in life, IYKWIM.
I know dh feels the same.

FioFio · 07/02/2006 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 07/02/2006 12:03

my gut feel is that this is a very personal decision and only you can make it

whatever decision you make you would have my full support and I would say you would have Mumsnet's full support too

good luck Emkana .. I wish you strength

biglips · 07/02/2006 12:08

you have my support too as i cant imagine what youre going thru atm - so sorry!!

misdee · 07/02/2006 12:09

Its a very personal edcsion, and you kow mumsnetters will support you no matter what. there was athread l;ast summer from someone who had a anmio which revealed their baby had downs syndrome, she got a lot of support. if you want i will see if i can find it.

Original poster

emkana · 07/02/2006 12:11

Thank you misdee, I've done a search on amnio etc. and have already read through quite a few threads on the topic.

Did go to toddler group, and felt okay there, but now I'm back home the tears are rolling down my face again.

OP posts:

misdee · 07/02/2006 12:13

i believe she went with the decision to terminate her pregnancy, so it may be something you want to read or not. totally upto you.

foundintranslation · 07/02/2006 12:13

Emkana
Thinking of you. This is a horrible position to be in and nobody is going to condemn you, you know that.
When do you get the results?

Original poster

emkana · 07/02/2006 12:15

If you could find the thread that would be great, thank you misdee.

fit - hopefully we'll get a result tomorrow. Have an appointment to see the consultant tomorrow.
Even if the amnio comes back fine we will still have to discuss the implications of the enlarged ventricles.

OP posts:

hotmama · 07/02/2006 12:17

Very personal decision - but do what is right for you.

I first got pregnant at 36 had dd at 37 and am nearly 39 and am expecting dd2. I had a CVS with both pregnancies because I wanted to know and also because I personally knew that I would terminate if there were problems. What is right for me as an individual may not be right for others and the same for you.

Don't feel you will be judged by us - everyone is different - I personally have found MNers to be sympathetic and caring (on the whole) You will have support whatever your decision. Will be thinking of you.

geekgrrl · 07/02/2006 12:19

there's also the charity ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices who have a helpline number on their website. They are totally impartial.

mummytosteven · 07/02/2006 12:20

I think it may have been this thread that misdee was thinking of:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=49&threadid=42417

misdee · 07/02/2006 12:21

here it was nov 04, didnt realise it was that long ago. its very emotional reading.

madness · 07/02/2006 12:30

just my story; also had a "suspicious" scan, so went ahead with CVS. No doubt in my mind or DH we would chose for temination if pos result. As it happened the result was neg for DS. But was told still increased risk for neurological/cardiac problems. What the consultant said though was that even with normal scans some babies are born with problems.
Anyway was "scary" pregnancy, but for present pregenacy still choose for all the possible screening tests and would again gone ahead with CVS etc if indicated.

Normsnockers · 07/02/2006 12:34

Message withdrawn

sansouci · 07/02/2006 12:37

emkana, you have my total support & sympathy. I would never condemn you (or anyone else in the same situation!) for whatever decision you might have to make.

We would have had to terminate for personal reasons & understand the turmoil you are going through. How old are you, btw?

fairyjay · 07/02/2006 12:41

Just thinking about you.

Original poster

emkana · 07/02/2006 12:44

I will be 33 in May

OP posts:

bundle · 07/02/2006 12:50

thinking about you emkana, I've had 2 amnios and know how difficult the whole experience is. i had an Edwards scare for my 2nd pregnancy and would definitely have terminated even though my decisiveness pre-pregnancy definitely wobbled, xxx

onlyjoking9329 · 07/02/2006 12:52

sorry you are having to go throu this, dunno what i would do in your situation, i don't have a child with DS, but do have three with autism, i wouldn't say my life is any more dificult than other people who have 3 children , but it is different, good luck with the results, read as much as you can and read any of thomcats posts.

sansouci · 07/02/2006 12:58

I had my 1st amnio at 36 on doc's recommandation. No tests beforehand. Just straight in. I had the results in a week & with the next pg, another amnio (I was 39) & had the results in 24 hours. It's agony but I've talked to so many mums who've had blood tests first (can't remember the exact term) & who've been scared silly by the markers! If you had the amnio today, you should be resting! tsk tsk. Anyway, you should know for certain within a week & then worry about making a decision. How many months pg are you?

twirlaround · 07/02/2006 13:00

If it helps at all, statistically, I think the vast majority of people do terminate when problems are picked up at amnio. So if this is what you decided I am inclined to think that most people, rightly or wrongly, would make the same decision. And I think it is hard to really know what your decision would be unless you actually have to deal with this situation.

Women in this situation should not be judged in my view - and the only real judgement should be upon those who judge.

doormat · 07/02/2006 13:14

emkana thinking of you xxxx

Twinkie1 · 07/02/2006 13:17

Sorry to but in not been on MN for ages and just read your post.

Have everything crossed for you as we had to go through a nuchal scan and CVS with both of our children - I was 25 when DD was born and 30 when DS was born and the first time it was the shock of being so young and healthy and this thing happening to me and the second it was a huger shock just because you would never think it would happen twice.

Both times I said I could not bare to terminate and just wanted to know so I would be prepared and now I don't know if I was kidding myself, maybe I would have and was just trying to be nice and diplomatic - although I read TC's article in Eve magazine when I was just about to go for my scan with DS and sat at London Bridge bawling at just how much my perception of a down syndrome child was completely wrong, her daughter is a child who just happens to have down's, not a down's syndrome child and her milestones are just further apart but are also so much more special - it may help you if you could get your hands on a copy.

I have though also been there during someone elses decision to terminate a pregnancy which would have ended in the child only living a very short time and I have to say that although some people may say that making the decison to terminate is cowardly or wrong it isn't it is harder I think than making the decsion not to.

Haven't really helped but you do what you have to do for you and your family and stuff what anyone else thinks - you'll have to live with any consequence after all not a lot of women dotted around cyberspace.

doormat · 07/02/2006 13:19

sorry to hijack but how are you twinkie

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