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Original poster

I had an amnio today and am now preparing myself for possibly having to make a terrible decision

130 replies

emkana · 06/02/2006 21:47

I had a repeat scan today. There were three soft markers for potential chromosomal abnormalities.

A month ago I would have been convinced that I would never have an amnio because I would never have a termination.
But when the results of the scan were presented to us today dh and I both knew instantly that we needed certainty, so the amnio was done there and then.
We also both feel that we would want to terminate if there is a chromosomal abnormality.
Am now reading past MN threads on termination of pregnancies with Down's, and am feeling that I will be condemned for wanting to terminate. Majority MN view seems to be that Downs' is no reason to terminate.
But my "gut feeling" is that this is what I would have to do.
Please someone talk to me, this is the hardest time

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 07/02/2006 13:21

Good - well just - have been poorly and have had a break in and shitty x to deal with still making life just about bearable but other than that COOL.

Simplyred · 07/02/2006 14:06

Best wishes - wish I could say something that might help xxx Your decisions and your familys feelings are all that matter.

InternationalGirl · 07/02/2006 17:24

Like everyone says it is you and your dh's personal decision.

Just wanted to say seriously weigh everything up. My SIL came up with abnormalities indicating Down's Syndrome with her last child, she decided not to terminate and when babe arrived he was fine - no Down's Syndrome. So be as sure as you can and really consider all your options.

I know this will be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make - I hope everything works out okay for you.

blueteddy · 07/02/2006 17:34

Message withdrawn

HumphreysCorner · 07/02/2006 18:47

emkana-thinking of you hun. I was crying down the phone to my friend over my triple test results just last Tuesday so had an amnio on Wednesday. Had the FISH test results on Friday at 4-50pm which were thankfully fine. But I really understand how you are feeling and the time passes so slowly waiting for the dreaded phone call with the results. I told the midwife all along that I would terminate due to abnormalities and got a cold reaction from her but that was the decision DH & I had made and would stick to our decision so you know yourself in your heart what you would do so stick with that hun.

Will check on here tomorrow to see if you have heard anything.

Lots of love

xxx

juelgaz · 07/02/2006 19:21

Hi emkana.
I had a termination 3 years ago after my baby was found to have downs. It was the hardest thing that I have had to do, but it was the right thing for me and my family. Like you I thought of the effect that it would have on my other children if DH and I were not around. it is a very personal decision that no one should judge you on! I then had a lovely baby boy, and I am now 32 weeks pregnant. this time I too had to have an amnio as my blood test came back as increased risk and there was also a soft marker, (short femur). I felt that I would have to terminate this pregnancy too, and felt devastated. Thankfully despite convincing myself of the worst, the amnio came back fine. So please stay positive. I am 40 next month, so my age was also against me. I was lucky in as much as my results came back less that 24 hours later, the waiting for you must be pure agony. My thoughts are with you, be strong , and I will watch this posting to see how you get on. Take care, juelgaz

mszebra · 07/02/2006 19:39

In my first 2 pregnancies I was sure that there was NO WAY I would terminate for Downs Syndrome.
By the time I got to third pregnancy I felt completely differently. Big part of my change in feelings came from seeing how my cousin's life has been and still is affected by her (now adult) son who has Downs Syndrome. Not just my cousin's life, but her other 2 children, too.

I don't think there is a "right" decision on this one, more like the decision that you find most bearable to live with.

Good luck -- whatever happens.

JiminyCricket · 07/02/2006 19:41

I think very few people will ever say that they regret having their children, for obvious reasons of bonding etc,,but I just wanted to add that I have a colleague who has a daughter quite severely disabled with DS and she does say she wishes she had never had her (not in a really horrible way, just I think that she is sad for the things her daughter will miss out on, finds it very hard to manage the caring role and knows that role will continue long beyond her daughter's childhood. I don't make any kind of value judgement either way on her saying this, i just found it really poignant, and perhaps a feeling that is around for other parents that they find difficult to share. Hope you are getting lots of support, and I hope you can come to some conclusions, with good information, of trusting yourselves to make this difficult shared decision x

HappyMumof2 · 07/02/2006 19:51

Message withdrawn

mindy · 07/02/2006 21:29

hello emkana
I have been in a similar situation, I had a termination for downs, I do find it difficult to talk about on here sometimes as there are so many positive stories of babies with Downs.

I hope you find out one way or another very soon, my results came back v quickly, much sooner than we were expecting tho deep down I knew what it was going to be, I felt numb for the days waiting for them, I really feel for you in this situation,

At the time I was actually pregnant with twins, the longer the pregnancy continued I had a much higher risk of miscarriage and therefore chance of losing both babies, it is such a terrible decision to make but for us, the termination was the decision that was right for me and my family, only a few close friends know about it even now, it is an emotive topic.

When you are faced with the reality of a situation like this it is very different to thinking in advance how you would react

please let us know how you get on, and feel free to cat me if you want to talk offline

mindy x

ssd · 08/02/2006 07:28

hi emkana, good luck for your results today.

ssd x x x x

throckenholt · 08/02/2006 07:57

emkana - just to let you know all 3 of my boys had short femurs on the scan - they are all fine - they just have long bodies and short legs - just like their parents and their grandparents before them.

I also would seriously consider termination for Downs - especially if I already had other children. I know myself and I know I would not cope well. That is no comment on those that do chose to go ahead, just that it is a very personal thing - it is your life and you are the best judge.

Hope things work out for you.

diddle · 08/02/2006 08:26

I'm really sorry i have to post this, I am not condemning you in any way. I know what i would do, but i have never been in your position.

I do know two families who had the same tests for downs as you, they both had amnio's one showed there were no abnormalities and the other showed that the child probably would have downs. The poeple who "knew" their child would have downs had it terminated, and later found out that if it had gone to term it wouldn't have had DS at all, and there was just a chance that it would. The people who got the all clear, had a child with DS. Please bear this in mind, no test is 100% conclusive and you need to be aware of this.

getbakainyourjimjams · 08/02/2006 08:59

HOw traumatic diddle. Presumably in the case of the parents getting the all clear there was a mix up with results (or samples). For the family who were told their child had DS it sounds as if it might have been a case of a mosaic (where some cells are normal and some have the extra chromosome). This is similar to what happened to my friend, she was told that the mosaic chromosomes may have just been in the placenta (which I find kind of weird, as why would that affect a nuchal measurement- anyway that's what she was told) and not affecting the baby at all, or they may have been in the baby but at such a low number as to not have much effect. It is very difficult to predict the outcome of a mosaic condition.

getbakainyourjimjams · 08/02/2006 09:00

sorry didn't finish- or they may have been in the baby and affecting it, she was given further scans but she couldn;t be told anything conclusive.

pacinofan · 08/02/2006 10:23

Whilst no test is ever 100% conclusive, amnio remains the most reliable test in detecting chromosomal abnormalities. I asked my midwife who was present at mine how reliable the test was, she told me it was 99.99%.

Sad though the experiences Diddle describes are for the families concerned, it should be remembered that cases like this are, thankfully, rare and amnio will in the vast majority of cases provide reliable answers.

Best of luck today Emkana, am thinking of you and your family x.

foundintranslation · 08/02/2006 11:01

Thinking of you today emkana.

CarlyP · 08/02/2006 16:24

thinking of you and your family today

cx

ssd · 08/02/2006 16:32

emkana, how are you?

i really really hope you're okay.

SorenLorensen · 08/02/2006 16:38

emkana, I have only just seen this - I am so sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens this is about you, your dh and your family - the decision is yours to make and I know you will find support here whatever the outcome. You are in my thoughts and I really hope you have had some better news today.

marthamoo x

majormoo · 08/02/2006 17:01

emkana, I hope you are OK. I know someone mentioned it earlier, but the charity ARC are really helpful in these situations so will be there for you if you need to talk through your options. They support people through the testing process, and, if the news is not good, after diagnosis, whatever decision you make. I know this because I had a termination last year as our baby had Patau's syndrome.

As many people have said, you do not need to worry about other people's opinions. Just do what is right for your family.

Fingers crossed for you that all is OK. I am hoping it is. 35,000 women every year in the UK get 'high risk' screening results and for most of these women, everything is fine.

micromum · 08/02/2006 17:16

Im with diddle on this one. The doctors and midwives do get it wrong. They told me my dd2 had excess fluid on the brain and said it might effect her, no problems thank god, but caused alot of stress. Also my friend was given the option of terminating her baby as kidney problems, but like you has strong beliefs, a course of antibiotics did the job when born, hes fit and healthy.

Good Luck.

HappyMumof2 · 08/02/2006 17:20

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 08/02/2006 17:43

Thinking of you today emkana xx

Dinosaur · 08/02/2006 17:46

Have also been thinking of you, emkana.