Any London commuters about?

[GingerDoodle]

Hi ladies

Just wondering if there way anyone else here who commutes into London and how you were finding it?

GD

I was on a v crowded bus the other day and really felt like I needed to sit down. Everyone kept their heads down, nobody offered their seat, so I approached the nearest woman sitting in the priority seat and said 'I'm very sorry, but would you mind if I sat down?' She said 'well I' don't really want to stand up because I've got lots if bags'. I replied 'well, I don't really want to stand up because I'm pregnant and if hurts'. Grudgingly she stood up. I should point out I don't need to explain I'm pregnant. My bump is enormous. Apart from that people have been very nice!

Sorry for typos. Sitting on bus as I write!

I commuted throughout my last pregnancy (5 years ago) and am still commuting with DC2 on the way (19 weeks). When expecting DD, I did get a few instances of older men staring at my huge boobs and bump and then gong back to their newspaper (I'm very shy and blush easily so wasn't comfortable asking for a seat but nor did I give anyone evils). There were a few instances where I felt faint when standing on my 30 minute train commute and had to sit on the floor due to fear of fainting.

Conversely during that pregnancy, I was struggling to get on the Waterloo & City line and a real gent put his hand around my lower back (not in a creepy way) and extended his arm to his side so as to stop people getting on the train whilst I got on. I was so grateful for his humanity.

I've just ordered my Baby On Board badge from TFL and will wear it only on very busy trains/tubes when I'm feeling faint, sick or sore. I've been commuting for 12 years (I'm 36) and have always given up my seat to someone else who has needed it more. Hopefully, I'll get some karmic payback over time!

I really think we should encourage woman to ask for a seat. I've done this thousands of times and never was refused.

I still do it a lot when I go out with 2yo DS without a buggy, so it's about 2 and a half years asking for seats in central London with no problems whatsoever (worst reaction was from a healthy man in his forties who looked around for free seats. As if I was going to demand a seat from anyone if there was any! He immediately stood up, though).

So women, practice your lines (with a very nice and non-threatening smile), and when commuting, simply ask nicely for the damn seat!

I am heavily pregnant and I spend two hours a day on the tube. I have been offered very few seats and I don't feel comfortable asking for one because I'm still pretty fit and well. I think a lot of people just don't notice, many are plain selfish though. Last week I was standing opposite an equally pregnant woman on the Jubilee Line when a very handsome Australian loudly pointed us out to all those in seats. Only one person stood up. Two days ago I did get a seat but the woman next to me kept elbowing me in the ribs. When I wouldn't squeeze myself into one side of my seat she started ranting at me about pregnancy not being an illness!!

You need to ask people to be considerate. I had a similar experience at the swimming pool, myself and two babies under two. We were dripping wet and a women with two age 6 plus children was going into the only changing with baby table.
She got out after a got very loud! I hope to god i'm always considerate if pregnant/ new mums its a hard time.

I do always try to ask nicely.

nenehoo - I'm glad to hear it! I think people with good manners do exist but are being fast crowded out by those who feel that commuting on the tube has somehow become a "me first" zone. I remember when I was pregnant and commuting I never got offered a seat - but I simply waited till I found an emptier train and sat down. For the last few months I hardly took the tube at all, or if I had to tried to make appointments outside rush hour. I didn't feel like having to beg people to show what should be a common courtesy.

A friend of mine once heard this lovely story from an older male colleague - he said he always gave up a seat for any woman because he said "you can't tell" if she was pregnant or not; and he knew (how wise!) that sometimes she needs it most in the first trimester (feeling faint, nauseous, etc) when she might not show at all. He said if you offered as though you were just being chivalrous, a woman who was not pregnant would not take offence, and no-one ever had.

What I tend to do to avoid offending someone not pregnant is to make sure she's seen me start getting up but wait for her to start moving over before vacating the seat - if she doesn't look like she is keen to walk over to the seat, I pretend I've got the wrong stop, and sit down again. Although my experience nowadays is that nobody ever refuses a seat on the tube if it's crowded - esp the men! Young men especially!

A tip for expecting mums - often worth asking the tube drivers at the front of the train or the station staff on the platform (who are often around to check the doors and signal for the train to leave) to help you find a seat, if you're travelling at rush hour and ALL the trains are packed.

I've done the pregnant commute, was almost always offered a seat when I asked for it.

If you aren't willing to ask for a seat, you have no right to moan about not getting one. You have no one to blame but yourself if you won't pipe up and ask (not directed at the OP, btw, just in general).

I will always offer my seat on a train to anyone who looks like they need it more than me, I just think people need to be prepared to ask.

I'm sorry tidy but I disagree we wear a badge so we don't have to ask. I would feel really awkward going up to a stranger and asking them to give me their seat in front of everyone. We a given those badges by TFL so people know and here are signs that tell people they can sit in the seat, but only if there's no one no needs it more!!

Wore mine for the first time today... No one gave up their seat

TidyDancer some people might be afraid of getting a hostile or aggressive reaction. I read a letter from a man in the Metro saying (as far as I can remember) 'Why should I give up my seat for a pregnant woman? I've paid my fare and I don't see why I shouldn't have a seat. She has probably nagged her husband to make her pregnant and now needs something else to moan about.'
That is why I would prefer to wear a badge and receive a seat from someone who is willing to offer it. Not all people want to although those people are dickheads

KatieMiddleton on what grounds did that man want your seat?

And sorry nene but you did mean rush hour rather than push hour? Although with a pregnant woman, you never know!

I haven't read the whole thread (cardinal sin, I know) but wanted to add my voice to those who are saying just ask. In my first pregnancy I used to nearly faint on the tube after two stops. I had to get off and lie down, and often then go home. After a week or more of this with feeling ill, and missing work, and etc. my Mum said to me sternly on the phone, "Gus, you MUST ask for a seat. You just need to do it!" And she was right.
From that moment on, I asked for a seat every time I got on the train. Admittedly, if I'd been better at standing I wouldn't have done it so consistently, but literally whenever I stood I would watch the tube map, and just watch it start to go fuzzy and close in, it was awful.
Once I'd got into the rhythm of asking it was fine. I'd pick someone either in a priority seat, or someone who looked friendly, or someone who looked fit and healthy. No one ever refused. I had one sceptical look, once. The rest of the time people fell over themselves to get up, often apologising to me as they did so for not offering.
Was lovely, actually. Really restored my faith in humanity!

Just adding my twopennethsworth as a pregnant Londoner - I'm 19 weeks now and showing quite a bit and have noticed the following:

• the badges are a godsend. Since wearing mine people have offered their seats immediately upon noticing me
• at rush hour nobody is looking up - they are either reading or asleep - so chances are nobody will see you/your bump. This is when you have to politely ask. Having the badge on is a nice affirmation for the person being asked.
• the badge helps identify you as being someone pregnant so if heaven forbid you faint/fall over people will know the likely cause

I've got two badges - one in each bag - and put them on whilst on the escalator down then take them off on the escalator back up!

I've had no bad experiences thus far.

That said I'm due on August 30th and my final day of work is August 17th which means I'll be commuting from East London to Central London during the Olympics. OY!

Ha ha! I commuted to London when I was pregnant, and every time I went to the loo, I'd get back to find that someone had knicked my seat! Even when I left my coat on it! And even worse, half the time they wouldn't give it back!

So I got a laminated sign made to leave on the seat saying "I'M PREGNANT AND I'VE JUST GONE TO THE LOO - PLEASE DO NOT TAKE MY SEAT"

Everyone thought I was bonkers but it worked!

zebedee that's brilliant!!

Had the most horrible journey this morning. Managed to get a seat but someone had obviously thrown up the night before, and although it had been cleaned the sicky odour was still there. Not fun with that most useless of pregnancy super-powers, the rediculously sensitive sense of smell - bleurgh:)

Panpipe thanks for the tip. I thought it sounded too good for SW trains to be true. I feel awful now at 10 weeks. It's the time I could really do with emergency seating. I'm sure it'll be useful at 20 weeks. But seriously, how much would it have cost them to allow you to apply earlier!!

Last time round I didn't need a seat until quite late on when the huge bump made me a bit too unsteady to stand. Some people offered me seats, some didn't and one man actually shoved me hard in the stomach with his shoulder (he was sitting while I stood) when I accidentally wobbled into him at 8 months.

This time round I have SPD and can't stand due to the pain so I do ask for a seat. People have been more generous this time - don't know if it being on a bus not a train, or if I just look a lot rougher. I also think some people are nervous to offer a seat as a person in a winter coat doesn't always look very preggars and they don't want to cause offence. Basically if you need a seat I do think it is up to you to ask.

Oh I don't mind if people disagree with me, not at all. Life would be boring if we all agreed! But I certainly won't change my mind. If you don't want to ask for a seat, that's absolutely fine, you shouldn't have to. I just find it completely disingenuous to then moan and whine about it. If you want a seat, it should be down to you to take the initiative to get it, not for someone to read your mind.

Haha chip I did mean rush hour - predictive text! I did also see my typo and thought push hour is quite appropriate for peak travel times in london and for all of us discussing, so didn't correct myself!
I do agree with tidy. It's like when you're trying to squeeze onto a packed tube and you can see that people aren't 'moving down inside the carriages'. Also when people don't 'let people off the train before boarding'. I will always ask people to move down, stop pushing me or whatever it takes to make my journey more comfortable. We've all said the extortionate fares, so why shouldn't I?! Obviously with a please attached and a smile sometimes.

I saw a frail 90-year-old lady standing up on the tube yesterday. She was stumbling and struggling but I stayed right there in my seat.
'It's all your own fault,' I said. 'If you want a seat you should take the initiative and ask for it rather than just standing there passive-aggressively and hoping I'll notice you being elderly. I'm not a mind reader you know. Besides, it was your choice to get old. Bet you'll go home and moan and whine about it behind my back now, you disingenuous old bag.'

I would of course offer my seat if someone was obviously struggling to stand. But that doesn't mean it isn't sensible to ask if you need to sit down and no one has spontaneously offered, or that it isn't silly to stubbornly refuse to ask on the grounds that 'they should just know' and then moan about it afterwards. There's no point being a martyr.

There might be the occasional person who would refuse to get up when asked, but in my experience most are happy to once they realise you have a need. If someone refuses, chances are the person next to them will get up!

Morning all. Been a manic couple of days for me.

To be honest, we've all paid a small fortune to commute (mine goes up to 4k when i renew so I can appreciate people not giving up their seat (especially on the mainline) if they don't have to. That said displays of good manners; like getting offered a seat, pregnant or not, always really really impress me.

I agree with those who say if in real need ask if no one bothers - but that said I have never rarely turf women out of seats as I always think they could be pregnant but not showing.

Thoes who have pointed our pregnancy is not an illness are obviously correct HOWEVER, if you are ill - generally you stay at home. If you are unlucky enough to feel god awful for your first 3 months you can't really hibernate!! I only have this bit to go on so far but in my experience - I haven't looked remotely pregnant but have never been so grateful of sitting down!

My current grump is women with handbags - especially mahoosive ones that they tuck under their arm - usually I get whacked by them - ffs do we need to carry THAT much around??

Ephiny but that's why you have the badge! If you are too shy or timid to ask you can let people know without having to physically ask. I do agree that people should feel able to ask, absolutely, but as I said upthread, some people do genuinely begrudge you that seat and when you're tired and hormonal you may not want to risk a nasty confrontation. The point I'm trying to make is that we would never tell the elderly or disabled that it's all their own fault if people show them courtesy.

No, I agree, of course people should offer if someone looks like they need the seat more than they do, or they have a badge, and of course it isn't the elderly/disabled/pregnant person's fault if someone is rude or nasty towards them.

But we don't live in an ideal world, and sometimes people have just not noticed (or are studiously pretending they haven't noticed!), in which case I think it's worth trying to get over your shyness and ask.

I have lived in London for the last 10 years and commute daily - am now 16 weeks pregnant with DC#1 and I've found it really interesting reading people's experiences of commuting while pregnant.

I have the baby on board badge, and I wear it - like many of the other posters - less for getting a seat and more to deter people from pushing into me on the tube / escalators / ticket barriers. I get on the tube at Kennington where the train often comes in empty, meaning everyone on the platform will get a seat. This obvious fact doesn't stop people pushing and shoving - one man actually knocked me sideways on Tuesday morning. I don't understand what possesses people to push anyone, let alone pregnant women. With my badge on, I felt confident to raise this point politely but firmly with said man, and hopefully he'll be a little less enthusiastic in his pursuit of a seat next time...