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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Due in October 2012 Part 2

999 replies

YompingJo · 17/02/2012 16:30

Kicking off the second thread as we outgrew the first one.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
AliceHurled · 28/02/2012 09:47

I had a scan at 5/6 weeks due to light spotting and the saw a heartbeat. Guess it does depend where you are. I feel very fortunate. My GP referred me but I think I could have also self referred looking at the website. I only had to wait a couple of days got the appointment.

bettybat · 28/02/2012 12:42

Hi all

6 weeks this week and feeling very depressed. All those lovely broody hormones and thoughts have been replaced with anxiety about the future, worries about all the changes happening and just feeling very misplaced, unsettled, unnerved.

Every day I conjure up a new worry. Currently it is our financial situation - DP is newly self employed, barely earns enough to cover his debt repayments each month. I am the breadwinner - my salary supports everything. It's like it's suddenly dawned on me we might be destitute come my maternity leave. I went on the benefits calculator and it seemed to think we're only entitled to working tax credit, SMP and child benefit - it doesn't seem to take into account that DP barely earns 9K annually and that's all we'll have come maternity leave. I don't know how we're going to survive, except me going back to work after three months. I don't understand any of what help there is - or anything at all. I feel like this is very bad.

Bear1984 · 28/02/2012 12:44

Hi all, I've been a bit MIA lately. Been suffering really badly and have been majorly stressed out as well despite trying to be calm and stressfree for baby!

RunningOutOfIdeas · 28/02/2012 12:46

Angelico sorry you are still ill. I am not coughing too much and my throat isn't sore but my nose is like a tap on full flow! I have resorted to Vicks nasal spray. I also have a temperature so am taking paracetamol occasionally.

I have made an unexpected discovery about dealing with nausea. I am lucky that I am not really having any sickness but I feel nauseous at random times throughout the day and night. Last time I bought a pair of Sea Bands. Last week when I started to feel grim I could only find one band. So I have been wearing just one band. After a few hours I find the effect wears off and I start feeling queasy again. I have discovered that swapping the band to the other wrist helps me to feel better again. I had not expected one band to work better than two.

RunningOutOfIdeas · 28/02/2012 12:52

Bettybat I think the amount of working tax credit you can get will increase. Please try not to worry about it yet, but nearer your due date you might be able to contact the relevant benefits office to discuss how your income is going to change. I think you can then get your benefits altered to take into account your actual income rather than it being based on your previous year's income.

bettybat · 28/02/2012 13:19

Runningoutofideas thank you, I think so to. I just feel so worried.

FjordMor · 28/02/2012 13:55

Just read this tweet: "According to the FDA, #pregnant women should eat no more than 12 oz. of fish or shellfish per week." Help! Fish main craving! Shock I'm avoiding shellfish (well mostly, having some cooked prawns sometimes) and oily fish other than once a week, but I'm craving white fish cakes and eating about 4 a day (so at least 4oz a day white fish).

What are you all doing? Erring on the safe side & not eating/drinking anything that might be dodgy, or winging it and being more relaxed about slightly risky foods? I've given up alcohol altogether but not caffeine - must have my one cup of instant a day to feel alive! Interested to hear how neurotic/no neurotic everyone else is being about food/drink.

FjordMor · 28/02/2012 14:21

By the way, afternoon all! :)

Runningoutofideas - I tried the sea bands during my one, really bad, MS day. They helped a bit but not that much. Might try your wrist swapping idea if it happens again.

bettybat - it's understandable to feel worried about that. I've also been going through panics about money having no income at all currently and looking unlikely to maintain much of one before the baby's born, will not be entitled to any benefits/mat leave payments and DP is on a fairly low paid job that barely supports the 2 of us frugally & his child support payments. Our compromise is that he will bite the bullet and try to find something with a more stable salary/better paid & I will try to work self-employed from home as much as I can pre/post/during baby. It's not our choice of career/lifestyle, either of us. But we've had to think 'shit just happens' & do what we can (& as soon as we can change things, we will). I'm resigned to getting most of our baby stuff 'lightly used' or as presents from family. It's not a great situation but we will have a home & enough for bills & basics & that's the main thing. I hate the 'back to work after 3 months' thing in the UK. It sucks. Norway has a generous parental leave system (up to just over a year between parents) but my DP may not be entitled to full or even 80% salary if he takes it. Lots of research to do & decisions to make. Hope you & your DP can think of a way to make it work. I'm sure you won't be destitute - will have to live without luxuries though. DP keeps reminding me about 3rd world mums (yeah, yeah, yeah Wink). I'm sure none of that was any comfort or help but the main thing is to find a way to reduce your stress about it. Big hugs. :)

(and during that 'essay', baby brain'o'mine has forgotten to pick up DP from work. Oops! Shock -runs out the door- ...)

squidkid · 28/02/2012 14:46

Hey all

Just been to my booking in appointment, it was nice, I almost feel like I'm "really" pregnant now! I took a day's annual leave for it in the end because I simply couldn't get out of work otherwise. Bit annoyed about this, and I know I am "entitled" to all my antenatal care paid for, but this isn't much use when it's too early to tell anyone.

So we saw a friendly mumsy older midwife who was worried she was telling me things I knew already, even though I haven't done O&G since I was a medical student. I've got no health problems, on no medication, exercising regularly, doing all the right things, healthy BMI, awesome blood pressure of 106/62, so I'm feeling really positive today that I'm giving myself and baby the best possible chance. I have heard before that the maternity care in my city is absolutely excellent, feel very lucky. We spoke a little bit about home births and maternity led units but it feels too early to think about, really.

I must admit I've been a bit anxious after reading the amount of poor women on this forum who have had a missed miscarriage with no worrying symptoms... seems like if it's happened to so many people here it must be reasonably common... but apparently the chance of it happening is very very low? I wonder if people who have had a really tough time gravitate more naturally to things like internet forums than women who've had trouble free pregnancies. Anyway my heart goes out to all of you and I'm trying not to fret myself after realising the chance is very small.

I am 9+2 today and was also worried that I wouldn't get a scan in good time after some stories on here, but my midwife said it would be no problem at all and even said she'd get it in before my annual leave in a couple of weeks. So that's cheered me up. It seems like most people on here have had scans already! I feel very lucky to have not had the need to get scanned early, but I'm itching to see the little one and have a bit more reassurance that things are happening.

Oh, in case any of the other exercise-addicts are reading, my midwife said it was absolutely fine to go on a 4 day hiking holiday as long as I was feeling up to it. She said contact sports and horse riding are the only things she'd recommend avoiding, and even then she said experienced horse riders are usually fine.

Finally (and then I'll shut up) my boyfriend told his boss so he could get out of work to come with me - his boss is also one of our best friends - apparently he punched the air and said "yes!" and hugged him and said he could have off any time he needed, it was the best news ever and our kids could grow up together (he has a 1 yr old and is trying for a second). I somehow doubt the hospital are going to be that happy when I tell them :) It's so lovely telling people face to face, I've known friends who've announced it on facebook or something, they are really missing out! I've told about 6 people now and all their reactions have been so lovely. Going to tell my brothers at the weekend, I think that will get the biggest reaction :)

squidkid · 28/02/2012 14:50

Fjordmor I've given up alcohol FOR NOW, but after the first trimester I'm going to have the occasional small glass of wine. I am unconvinced by the evidence against it.
I stick to maximum 2 caffeinated drinks a day, but to be honest I reckon that guideline is aimed more at people who drink the ridiculously sized coffees in places like starbucks, those cups are like buckets! Some days I have three cups of tea and then none the next. I'm not worried about it.
I ate parma ham the other day. oh well.
The rest of it I'm mostly sticking to but not so much out of being good as I've gone off everything that's not fruit, veg, eggs or bread. Normally I am a massive fish addict and would be eating quite a lot of fish a week. I think the guidelines are overly draconian and so does every doctor and midwife I know personally, though we are obliged to say other things professionally. One of my midwife friends was telling me the other day a woman rang her up in tears because she'd accidentally eaten a prawn. She also have heroin addicts who have children. So.

squidkid · 28/02/2012 14:54

bettybat hugs to you - it's so hard not to stress. One of my friends thought she was eligible for maternity pay but isn't - just SMP - she is devastated and worried too and I don't know what to say to her. I rang my union the other day for advice and it seems I'm going to be pretty lucky (it's a total lottery with the NHS, if I'd got pregnant 2 months previously I'd have been screwed) - is there anyone you can speak to for advice? Citizens advice maybe?

Angelico · 28/02/2012 15:48

Fjordmor what do women in Norway do fish wise? Do they keep scoffing it every day? If so, I think you will probably be okay :)

This is my mum's favourite topic at the minute - "Back in the day we had none of these guidelines, dranks a few glasses of wine, prawn cocktail was trendy (70's baby :o), never did us any harm." And the thing is - she's probably right. Back on last thread I posted a link to excellent Guardian article about how little evidence there is for most of these guidelines - you would have to be bloody unbelievably unlucky. Interestingly read something yesterday about why caffeine might make it hard to conceive in the first place - something to do with the effect it has on the little hairs in your fallopian tubes. But I think we're past that stage so far... Hmm

Nenehooo do check in if you are reading this. Haven't heard from you in a good few days.

Angelico · 28/02/2012 15:49

Bettybat sorry meant to send you a hug in the last post x Try not to worry - these things always seem to work themselves out.

Beans1977 · 28/02/2012 15:53

I agree with your Mum Angelico - I think the food advice is all a bit on the cautious side - although I am following the guidelines like a trooper because I'm a paranoid lemming... I've had friends who've eaten shellfish, rare steak, fish, all kinds of cheese all through their pregnancies and had no problems at all. I think you'd have to be very unlucky, or eat a rather large amount of said 'bad' food to have an effects!

Zoeplankton · 28/02/2012 16:31

bettybat that sounds tough. It's one thing fighting back irrational fears, but yours sound like they have some ground to them.

I find that the scariest things are the things I can't control. Sometimes it helps to find the bit you can control, and control that - e.g. make a budget, follow it, collect info from citizens advice, rearrange your shoes if that helps!

If it helps, here is my story...

My Mum was going into labour while people were coming by to look at/buy her and Dad's house. They had no money when I was born - actually they moved eight times between three cities before I turned two, just looking for work! Dad drove taxis, worked at a ski lodge, had a hobby shop, all sorts.

And you know what? It all turned out OK. By the time they retired last year, they both had pretty respectable well-paid professional jobs. They're happy.

Funny as it sounds, I never had the slightest idea that I was born poor. Not till I was practically an adult, believe it or not! I can't remember being deprived of anything, just a happy, sunny childhood.

Cash money you may not have for the next little bit. But it sounds like you've got education, skills, industry knowledge. That social capital really does pay off (and I mean, in money) over time.

Even if there are (and there might not be!) a few lean years, you've got your little family and your brain and your skills and cheap fresh vegetables at Aldi, and your pretty little baby will be completely oblivious to the whole damn thing.

marvellousmarie · 28/02/2012 16:53

Ah Zoe that was a lovely reply to bettybat and actually made me feel better too!

I'm having my second baby and I'm worried about what money we will have inthe future. Like you bettybat my dp is a self employed carpenter but has been so for many years but times are hard and we live off my regular salary as a nurse. I obviously get great maternity pay but I still rely in dp to pay for anything else is the month. We also have a few debts (which we have dine very well getting rid our self) and it's been a hard few years trying to clear them. I also have a 2 bedroom house and house prices are so high I'm worried we won't be able to move inthe near future. BUT after reading Zoe's comments I feel reassured that life cannot be ruled by money, and actually I'm not poor, I just want more... So I will just have to wait and the new baby will have to share with us for a little while in the house!

Today I went to booking in app this morning which was good. Need to book the nuchal scn next week. Then this afternoon I had my renal USS, which was lovely and normal, AND I got a sneaky peak at the baby! GrinGrinGrin I was so happy to see the heart beat, it was like magic.

The only issue is I've come home all happy and (as usual with my constipation) I strained a bit hard and there fresh blood on the tissue! Sad I hope I havnt jinxed anything... I'm so much more excited and emotional after seeing the baby I don't want the bleeding to escalate! Sad

All in all though I'm a happy tired mom to be today Smile

missbone · 28/02/2012 17:39

Hello everyone. I've been lurking and read all your posts so have been drinking in your news/feelings and been sympathising with you. Betty, wonderful, wonderful advice from Zoe. Take heart...things really do have a way of figuring themselves out.

I've not been on here for a couple of days under instruction from Michael (DP). Two nights ago I had the most hysterical crying episode over a debate on my old thread concerning women who were complaining that their partners/husbands weren't willing - or were 'too exhausted' - to make love at the crucial times around ovulation (these are women on a 'trying to conceive' thread who have spent hundreds, if not thousands of pounds having exploratory tests and alternative therapy). Anyway, I was very frank (as usual) and didn't beat about the bush regarding my opinion of such 'DPs'. The cacophony of (cyber) shrieks and protestations was deafening. I was told I was 'trying to teach Grandmother to suck eggs'; I had 'no right' to offer advice or opinion when I 'quite cleary have fallen pregnant easily' myself, etc, etc.

Stupidly, maybe, I tried to defend myself and basically told the harridans who my post was not even concerning to shut their traps. I won't give you the full details, but...it got pretty ugly...and personal (I was told that my being slim, fit, a non-smoker and teetotaller who got pregnant easily basically qualified me as condescending twat, full-stop). Michael had to sit me down and rationailse the whole debacle and my feelings surrounding it all. I hate upsetting people and genuinely wanted to give a frank opinion about some DPs needing to get a bloody grip (I mean, it's not called 'Sex With Intention' for nothing, is it?!) Oh dear. It's just all a horrid mess and I'm devastated to have upset or annoyed anyone. Happily there were only three ladies who found my post contentious and the others are wishing me well in my pregnancy.

I feel like a rotter: a nasty, intolerant, imperious, big-mouthed know-it-all who's lost the plot and lost her way. Michael even put me on a train to my Mum's to stay here for a few days (he knew I was desperate to see her anyway and that Mum needs me at the moment with her degenerative illness). He knew I needed to get away from those four walls and 'get back to reality' and 'remind yourself, in the company of those people who adore you, what really matters in your life'. Sigh. He was so right.

So, here I am, at Mum's, and things are no better. I feel exactly like a coiled spring ready to snap. I feel miserable, tense and boiling over with what I can only hope are pregnancy hormones. Just a short while ago I went to the Spar for Mum and I almost murdered a shop assistant there. She was leaning over the empty icecream and puddings freezer, small pick-axe in hand, defrosting it with loud incessant, methodical thuds. Suddenly I couldn't think. I couldn't see. Red mist was rising and I physically couldn't find the correct aisles for the goods I was looking for. I literally left the shop, empty-handed, weeping with silent rage, the noise of the pick-axe following me all the way home.

I am so miserable and uptight. My sister's marriage is crumbling aroundd her ears and Mum's illness is horrible to witness (although, as a committed Christian, her spirits remain high). I'm sorry to have offloaded all of this onto you ladies but I honestly feel like the most wound-up, horrid and shameful bitch. I am miserable.

8abyDust · 28/02/2012 17:45

Just checking in. Hugs for everyone that needs them. Hope everyone is okay. I am completely exhausted today so off to collapse in a heap in my pjs with chocolate!!

Bubblebell1 · 28/02/2012 17:47

miss hunni. Don't worry. It will be ok, the ppl on other thread don't know you so the attack wasn't personal. It's not nice and they should be reported to mn.
Also the rage thing is common in pregnancy. I did horrific things to dp when I was pregnant with ds2.

I have no advice re your poor mum but I will keep my fingers crossed that she remains in high spirits and your poor sister will just need your support.

Always here if u need a chat luv. X

Littlepurpleprincess · 28/02/2012 18:09

MissBone I really feel for you. I'm sure You didn't do or say anything wrong, in fact you were probably the one person being very honest and talking sense on that thread. The thing is, that can really hit a nerve and the anger comes back to the messenger (i.e. you!). Hopefully, one day, the ladies on that thread will have their problems resolved and look back, and appreciate that you were honest. I really believe that honesty is more helpful in the long run than trying to spare a person's feelings.

You don't have to battle with feeling low and angry. Would you be willing to talk to a GP if you feel that mood is out of proportion to your actual circumstances? If not just keep talking to someone. We're always here to rant at.

Sumsey · 28/02/2012 18:18

missbone stuff them...u rock xxxxxx

marvellousmarie · 28/02/2012 18:52

I agree! Kerry this thread wounldnt be so popular if you werent on it! I like re honesty and your 'frankness'! Go outside, and yell all the swear words you like to no-one, and a really good cry! That's what I do, well only when I'm in the middle of knowwhere!

Then what you need is a good dose of fun! Funny film, comic, book? We could all think of our most embarrassing moments!?? I love to laugh!

Smile
squidkid · 28/02/2012 18:55

missbone you're not a bitch. I'm glad you went to your mum's. I have found this past month unbelievably slow and stressful, and I've been working full time and I took a giant exam and had a horrible interview, not to mention god knows how many social events and stuff - I would be absolutely bouncing off the walls if I only had the internet for stimulation, even though after a long day's work I'm very jealous of anyone whose spent the day in bed. The internet can seem more personal than it really is, and none of those women know you, and I'm so sorry you took it to heart.

HAVING SAID THAT, and please don't take this as criticism, I can totally understand how women who have been trying to conceive for ages find it difficult to talk to someone who is pregnant - I am supersensitive about telling any of my friends who have been trying for a while and this is one of the reasons I never told anyone when I came off contraception. Whilst everything you're saying may be true, I think sometimes compassion goes a bit further than advice.

Personally I think it's madness that people bring out things like ovulation kits rather than just having sex every day or other day for a year and seeing where the chips fall, but that's speaking as someone who likes having sex every day :)

Big hugs, it will be ok. You will always have the Spar... and Wispas... xxx

squidkid · 28/02/2012 18:59

marvellousmarie I'm so glad to read your news!! How cool that you got a sneaky look at the little one. My sister had kidney problems during her pregnancy and the ultrasonagrapher kindly announced, "having a boy then?" during her kidney scan. She had no idea it was a boy at that point and a little miffed at being told without asking her!

JuliaKerensa · 28/02/2012 19:02

I'm due 13th October :) with my first child. So excited!!!