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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DH going away at 37 weeks

30 replies

blushingmare · 31/01/2012 21:53

So DH has been offered a really good work opportunity which involves a long haul trip away for 4-5 days when I am 37 weeks..... Is this a good idea or not?!

I think I reacted really badly as am feeling tired and hormonal so played the "well if you're happy to miss the birth of your first child" card. But I don't want to be neurotic about it.

Anyone know the actual percentage chances of going into labour at 37 weeks with your first pregnancy?

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jaffacakehips · 31/01/2012 21:56

Don't want to read and run..

Since it's your first, you are likely to be late {sorry, not want you want to hear} However i'd say NO WAY. I think it's only fair that your DH stays at home. Really can't the 'work opportunity' wait. Surely his job knows your about to have a baby!!

jaffacakehips · 31/01/2012 21:57

How long haul is long haul?

mumtobe123 · 31/01/2012 21:57

it is up to you, i know i would feel the same.

Depends on your money and if it is a once in a life time thing, can they let him put it off or anything?

I don't know what to say, other than you two to work it out and work out pros and cons, alot of mums are over due with first baby anyway if that helps, but who knows you could go there and then.

Best advice is to weigh pro's and cons, talk it out, go with gut instinct.

I hope it all works out, I would feel the same tho, sorry I'm not much help, couldn't read and run x

Ktay · 31/01/2012 21:59

No idea of the stats for going into labour at 37w - but I think it's unlikely things would kick off before you felt ready ie without him home. That said, I can completely understand your reservations as my dh travels lots with work too (short-haul only but still not within easy reach of the labour ward).

Flisspaps · 31/01/2012 22:02

Whilst most women go longer in their first pregnancy not all and term is 37 weeks. You've no way of knowing if you will give birth at 37 weeks or 42 weeks. It'd be a no from me - and DH wouldn't consider it.

Flisspaps · 31/01/2012 22:03

That should read 'not all do and term is 37 weeks'

minitoot · 31/01/2012 22:04

If this were me, I would want him to go, but then my DH works in a very competitive and very badly paid field (think artist...) so I absolutely take the view that anything he can do to get himself ahead professionally - which often means trips of a week abroad - is essential and done for us and the family. That said, it's not ideal, of course.

AThingInYourLife · 31/01/2012 22:05

If it's a really good opportunity I'd tell him to go.

I went 2 weeks over with both of mine though.

lagrandissima · 31/01/2012 22:06

If you can get your mum, sister or a very close friend (assuming your female rellies are also close friends!) to stand in, it might be worth taking a punt on you not starting early. Only a small number of pregnancies are going to kick off that early, here's the stats: spacefem.com/pregnant/charts/duedate1.php?minweek=37

Hope this is helpful

mistressploppy · 31/01/2012 22:08

I had my first at 36+2. And it took about 2hrs from very first twinge until 'hello baby'

So, with hindsight - I'd say no. But you know, you'd survive. You'd need a good plan in place ie your mum on standby as a birth partner, etc

tomkittensmittens · 31/01/2012 22:12

I'm 37+1, DP won't be home until 38+4 so I can sympathise! For us it just can't be helped and there's no point in me getting too upset about it. I am just working on the assumption that I'll not be early (it's our first) and trying not to focus on something that might not happen. If your OH does go, it might be a good idea to have some contingency plan though. You'll probably be fine. In terms of stats, I believe only 20% of women give birth before 38 weeks. I think that's all pregnancies, regardless of first or subsequent. Good luck!

JeanBillie · 31/01/2012 22:12

I gave birth to our (beautiful, healthy) DD at exactly 36 weeks - and she was our first child. The other seven in my NCT group were all overdue with their first babies, if that helps. I wouldn't recommend having DH further than a short drive away at any point approaching full term, based on my own experience...

COCKadoodledooo · 31/01/2012 22:12

Dh was living away (home at weekends only) until ds2 was born (and beyond, he wasn't just trying to avoid pregnancy hormones!). Even then he was only able to be with us 5 days before getting back to it.

We had a back up plan though, a stand in birth partner in the shape of a very dear friend. I was happy with that and I know dh would have broken the sound barrier to get back in time anyway. As it turned out, I had an elective section so dh could arrange to be there with us (that was not the reason for the section btw!), so our plans were redundant.

You're not unreasonable to say you don't want him to go I think, but the way you went about it (even though I totally see your point of view) was imo.

How far away will he be, how regular are the flights, can he get out of the trip right up to the last minute, does he want/need to go? Those are all the questions I'd be asking I think.

Good luck.

surfmama · 31/01/2012 22:14

god i know this one, we run a business together and have two really big jobs on 2o/21st june and i am due on 17th, he is saying he will have to go and I am saying are you crazy?!! Where does he have to go, how far from you? Mine is London so not a million miles away but I am thinking we will get cover for those bookings and he can stay with me... so i think maybe I would want him to stay behind...

ZuleikaJambiere · 31/01/2012 22:33

I am 37+5 and DH is packing his case as I type for a 2 day trip. I am a little nervous as I've been told the baby's head is engaged now, but DH is incredibly stubborn and I have to let him makes what he believes is the right decision - putting my foot down would've made him all the more determined to go.

My wonderful MIL is on hand to take DD at a moments notice, FIL will take me to hospital if I need to go straight there and Mum will meet me there to be my birth partner (lives further away than the ILs), so I have a back up plan even though it's not my plan A.

DH came to his senses on Friday and changed his plans from a 4 day trip, taking a 15 hour ferry each way, to a 48 hour trip on an hour flight. I am more comfortable with this as at least he can hop back on a plane quickly, rather than sail across the North Sea all night. And I'm pinning my hopes on a 24 hour labour at 39 weeks as I had with DD.

All I can say is make a plan B and ask your DH to discuss it further with his colleagues. My DH is self employed and hates to not jump when his customers say so, in case he offends them and loses a contract - but what a surprise, they turned out to be human beings and as fathers themselves knew why he wanted to change his plans.

Sannebanana · 31/01/2012 22:57

I would be furious he was even considering it, surely he'd rather be at the birth of his child than at work? But that's just me :o

Original poster

blushingmare · 31/01/2012 23:16

Thanks for your responses.

We are in London and the trip is to the Caribbean (can't imagine why he's so keen to go hey...!). It is the kind of thing that he's been wanting to do for a long time and the first time the opportunity has been offered to him, but I would imagine that the opportunity or one that is similar would come round again at some point, but perhaps not for a few years. He is lucky enough to be in a steady, well paid job, so not a question of needing to do it to keep up with the competition. My mum could easily be my back up plan and would stay with me if I wanted. It just makes me really sad to think of him not being there and I really want his support in labour, as much as I love my mum, it's not the same. At the same time, I know it's pretty unlikely, so do feel a bit unreasonable about it

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stopthinkingsomuch · 31/01/2012 23:21

DH took a work trip at 37+3 got called back as I ended up with emergency c-section. It wasn't the worst thing in the world (not my first) but it wasn't ideal that he didn't arrive until 3 hours after birth (bloody good going from Europe!).

stopthinkingsomuch · 31/01/2012 23:27

p.s my friend was brilliant through it all as well. Would still have made the same decision for him to take trip because we were just very very unlucky (picked up nasty tummy bug) at that moment in time. The most important bit is that they are contactable. I called DH on way to hospital. He went straight to airport and got on next flight.

QED · 31/01/2012 23:30

DS was born at 38+3 and I'd been in and out of hospital for three weeks before that so DH being away at 37 weeks wouldn't have been great, although of course DS wasn't born until the next week.

boohome · 01/02/2012 00:18

DS (first baby) was born at 34 weeks while DH was away on an important work training course - about 4 hours away by train, but by the time I realised my backache was actually contractions, he'd missed the last train of the day.

There were 2 dates for training course, and DH booked the one for when I was at 34 weeks, instead of the one for when I was at 40 weeks, but DS had other ideas!

Luckily my parents live close by and were on hand to drive me to the hospital :)

But most other people I know went to full term with theirs.

RockChick1984 · 01/02/2012 00:33

Would he be able to back out last minute if necessary? Just thinking, I know a couple of people who due to conditions like pre eclampsia had to be induced early, if anything like this cropped up would his work be understanding or would it be 'she's not in labour yet, you've got to go'? I think this would have a bearing on it for me.

My DS was born on his due date and was the first of my antenatal group to arrive, however I was so huge and uncomfortable towards the end that I would have hated being on my own!

Original poster

blushingmare · 01/02/2012 06:57

Yes he could back out at the last minute. His work are pretty good with family stuff and I don't they're putting any pressure on him.

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RockChick1984 · 01/02/2012 07:18

In that case it's only the 2 of you who can decide, it's very unlikely you will go into labour that early with your first, and if you could both cope with the (slight) possibility of him missing the birth, then go for it. For me it wouldn't have been the right thing and dh would always have felt disappointed if he'd missed it, and I'm a big clingy wuss the sort of person who didn't want anyone else when I was in labour, my dh was worried enough about the hour's commute for him to get home from work

Original poster

blushingmare · 01/02/2012 08:27

Yes you're right. The thing is, I would be much happier if he didn't go - for the same reasons as you really. It would be really really horrible if he wasn't there, not only because I want us to share the "special moment" together, but also because I really want him with me in labour - can't imagine going through it with anyone else. But he just thinks it's a really small risk, so one that's worth taking. I feel now if he didn't go, it would be because I'd made a fuss about it, rather than because he's come to that conclusion myself and I'll feel really bad, when obviously the baby id born at 42 weeks and he'd have been able to go easily....

Sorry am going on - I know none of you can do anythign about this, but need to waffle on a bit...!

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