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Pregnancy

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Original poster

No confidence in MW after booking in appointment, what do i do?

27 replies

onlinefriend · 11/11/2011 17:06

I had my booking in appointment this week. I was really looking foward to it, but i'm now dreading the next one.
I had 3 questions to ask the MW, 1 she didn't know the answer to, advised me to ask my GP, fair enough.
The other two, she gave me the wrong answer, one of which really worried me as it took me till the next day to realise she was wrong.

It makes me feel i can't trust what she says about anything.....

She also told me off because i had been asked by the receptionist to fill in the family history bit in the form and under mental illness in the family i wrote "my sister suffers from depression". When we got to it she said "depression is NOT a mental illness" in quite a stern voice and then said "I can't believe you wrote that" and then "I think it will be better for everyone if we just cross that out" .

I'm not a doctor and assumed that depression was a mental illness, i didn't mean anything bad by it, but she seemed really offended somehow.

It is a team of MW, so i'm not sure i'll see her next time. I don't want to cause a fuss as i have to see them a lot, but at the same time i'm dreading the next appointment in case it is her. I would appreciate any advice or experience, thanks

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Original poster

onlinefriend · 11/11/2011 17:07

Also meant to say, it is my first PG so it might be i'm very oversensitive about this and am taking it all too seriously

OP posts:

melliebobs · 11/11/2011 17:12

I'd try not to worry about it. Chances are u may never see her again. I'm at 25 weeks now an seen a different midwife at every appointment! That's 4 different ones now!

spannermary · 11/11/2011 17:27

Just FYI - this is from the Mental Health Foundation website:

1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in the course of a year

Mixed anxiety and depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain

Women are more likely to have been treated for a mental health problem than men

About 10% of children have a mental health problem at any one time

Depression affects 1 in 5 older people

...sounds like a mental illness to me. There's no reason to be ashamed of it, and no stigma attached to it. There's nothing wrong with calling it a mental illness.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/11/2011 17:41

What questions did you ask her and what did she get wrong?

Tianc · 11/11/2011 17:45

Depression is a mental illness often treated with drugs and for some people leading to hospitalisation.

There's a lay use of the word: "I'm feeling depressed," like "I'm feeling cold." But there are also medical conditions described as depression, and indeed having a cold.

MW needs taken away and reprogrammed. Sorry, that's not much help to you tho.

Lifeissweet · 11/11/2011 17:54

Well my psychiatrist thinks I'm ill, but I 'only' have depression. Stupid woman. How can she be in a position to recognise and support women with PND if she doesn't recognise it as a mental illness?

Northernlurker · 11/11/2011 18:00

Eh? Of course depression is a mental health issue. What were the things she got wrong?

My community midwife was very pleasant. I didn't want her anywhere near my delivery though as at 36 weeks I needed a vaginal swab due to discharge. She had a student in and was being quite casual and flash about the swabbing right up to the point I started yelling. Then she realised she wasn't looking what she was doing and she was trying to swab the wrong orifice! Can't say how much that hurts and certainly did not isnpire confidence. One would have hoped a midwife could locate the vagina!

catsareevil · 11/11/2011 18:04

What was the question she got wrong?

Of course depression is a mental illness. She shouldnt have crossed it out either - its almost like she thinks that depression is something to be ashamed of or to be kept quiet about.

mischiefmummy · 11/11/2011 18:04

It's really vital to have a MW you have confidence in, not just for the birth but also the antenatal care. Do call the Head of midwifery services and ask for a different MW. It is your right and they will be obliged to allocate you another MW. I did this with DD4 and ended up with a super MW who came to my home which made life even better!
Even in labour you can request a different MW if the one you have isn't accommodating your wishes or needs. Look at the AIMS website for more info.
Congratulations by the way! Enjoy your pregnancy.

thisisyesterday · 11/11/2011 18:11

i wouldn't worry too much about it onlinefriend.

like you say, you may not even have to see this particular midwife again.

i don't know how it works in your area, but in mine you have your booking appointment at the hospital with one of the midwives that work there in the ante-natal department.
your regular midwife appointments are with your community midwife.

when you give birth you'll have one of the hospital midwives from the delivery suite, or if you have baby at home you'd get a community midwife (not necesarily your own tho)

so chances are, if your area runs in a similar way, you won't see this one again.

that said, if you feel quite strongly about it you could mention it to your GP and point out that this midwife is giving out incorrect information and that you would rather not see her again if that is possible

DizzyKipper · 11/11/2011 18:16

Depression is a mental illness, that she could have got something as basic and well known as this wrong certainly doesn't inspire confidence. More to the point though, her whole approach to dealing with you over whether depression is an illness or not seems quite shocking. I would not expect or be happy with my midwife pretty much telling me off over something like this, and especially saying "I can't believe you wrote that" - was she trying to make you feel guilty?

Ask for another MW - tell them you don't have faith in her competence and detail why.

Original poster

onlinefriend · 11/11/2011 18:27

The two she got wrong were (1) about fish oil- my sister bought all singing all dancing pregnancare tablets that had a fish oil capsule as well as the vitamin and mineral. I'd bought the cheap sainsbury's ones which didn't have the fish oil extras, so i asked if i should be taking fish oil- she said i must be wrong they would not have it, no one in their right mind would take such a thing when pregnant as it has too much vitamin A and a risk to the baby. i asked the chemist and he said they do but it is not from the liver of the fish (which would be dangerous) but fish oil itself is good for the growing baby and the more expensive brands include it for this reason. this didn't much worry me at the time as i'd not been taking any fish oil.

(2) about eating peanuts - i had been eating peanut butter because the nhs website said that they no longer recommended avoiding peanuts as the evidence now suggests this is of no benefit- as i can keep toast with peanut butter down (not many things at the moment like that) i'd been eating it every third day for breakfast. then got a bit worried because of the kate middleton must be pg as she won't eat peanuts thing, so i asked just in case.
she told me this was wrong and to not eat any more peanuts, saying it is one of the most important thing to avoid.I said that wasn't what it said on nhs direct and she got out this booklet she was going to give me, circled the peanut bit and folded down the page so i could read it for myself.
I then completely panicked afterwards about the effects of the peanuts on the baby (a bit OTT i know, it is my first baby)
The next day i read the bit she'd circled in the book and it said we used to tell people to avoid peanuts but since then we have realised there is no risk in eating them and it is perfectly fine to eat them in pregnancy.

I know neither of these things are particulary massive, its really just the way she spoke to me about them as if i was an idiot when i wasn't.

OP posts:

Crosshair · 11/11/2011 18:45

She sounds crap. I've never seen the same midwife twice and im in week 32.

dustbunniesmakegreatpets · 11/11/2011 18:51

Neither of those things are massive in themselves, no, but I'd have a massive problem with a mw who was ignorant of current dietary advice, especially if she also thinks depression isn't a mental illness.

I'd put it in writing, as it sounds like she needs some updating/retraining - I think it's important for you to let the service know why you will want to see a different midwife in future. You could go through your local NHS Patient Advice and Liaison Service: www.pals.nhs.uk/cmsContentView.aspx?Itemid=944

nailak · 11/11/2011 18:56

you probably wont see her again

Tianc · 11/11/2011 18:58

None of them are massive in themselves, but I think ignorance of her specialist area combined with inventing stuff (re depression) combined with bullying and altering notes to assert her wrong ideas, adds up to a massive problem.

This time the actual issues were small, but if her behaviour is the same for the big stuff... Her employer needs to know.

Pozzled · 11/11/2011 18:58

I would probably complain. She's made three mistakes, all of which are fairly basic IMO. I'd really love to know how she would have responded if you'd said that YOU had suffered from depression previously, because that could put you at higher risk of PND. If she'd been as dismissive (and continued like that through pregnancy and afterwards) that could have a real impact on someone's well-being.

DizzyKipper · 11/11/2011 19:07

I'd also have an issue with some one who spoke to me in a condescending and unpleasant way. It's just completely unprofessional and unnecessary. Are you going to ask for another MW?

DoulaKate · 11/11/2011 21:36

You do not need to accept "assistance" of this kind and strictly speaking, a midwife who has dealt with you in this manner should be reported to the local Head of Midwifery. This is a vital time for you to feel relaxed, well-informed, confident and looking forward to your visits to the midwife to observe your progress. I wonder how experienced she was? Her dismissive behaviour should be reported. It's really unfortunate that some midwives (99.9% of them are wonderful) let the side down.

IssyStark · 11/11/2011 22:00

I would definitely report her. Put what you've written here in a letter, including the stress it caused you, and stick it in the post to your local Head of Midwifery. Not every mum she deals with be as well informed as you are and her knowledge and attitudes are seriously outdated.

Original poster

onlinefriend · 12/11/2011 21:12

thanks for the replies everyone. Sorry not to have responded sooner but i've had a particularly vomitorious 24 hours.

I'm really comforted by the fact that no-one seems to get the same person twice, so chances are i won't have her again, and also that people didnt say that i was being daft for finding her odd

catsareevil- i don't think it was that she thought depression was something to be ashamed of, it was more like she thought i had insulted my sister by saying she was mentally ill when she thought depression was not in that category, still don't really know what that was about.

I've been reading another thread about mw's changing peoples notes and i've decided to type up a record of the event and staple it into my notes- seems less full on than complaining which i haven't really got the heart for at this point, but at least i'll have an accurate record and I could use it in the event of a similar thing.

My DH thinks i should just put 'first MW was a bit mental' under her signature but i've concluded this might not be the way to make friends :-)

thanks again for all the feedback

OP posts:

Moobee · 12/11/2011 21:29

online when I ring up for appointments, I'm asked who I normally see. I would ensure that you say you're happy with any midwife except her. That will make sure you don't have to have her again. Sorry it was such a poor experience.

morethemerrier · 12/11/2011 21:45

It is very worrying when you are putting yourself in the hands of a so called professional, I would suggest that if your paths do cross again to politley decline to be seen by her.

I am exp DC4 and have just come across the rudest, and most unprofessional midwife ever! She came into the waiting room called someone elses name, who was not there, then as I was the only other pregnant lady waiting pointed at me and said- "whoever you are come on!"

She then proceeded to say,"oh its you isnt it", I didnt recognise her but apparently I had veiwed a house she was selling!

I was then subjected to the full run down on her house, she forgot that she had tested my urine,asked twice for it. She took my BP twice on two different machines then completely forgot the reading, then put the wrong numbers in and said,"oh well,it was fine anyway"!

I asked her about the Flu jab, and if it was ok to have if I had a sore throat, she said, "not a clue,ask at reception"?!?

She was about to dismiss me when I asked her when I should make another appointment, she simply said,"get your next scan out the way then ring at about 25 weeks"!

If she turns up to my next homebirth Ill be crossing my legs and sending her away!

You have a right to decide who has an input into your care, even if you dont feel able to refuse to see her point blank you could always suggest she takes the next lady in as you need to make an important phone call (wave your mobile at her)! My surgery operates two midwives who alternate patients not sure if that would work for you but thats what Ill be doing if I get summoned by her again!

Congrats and good luck btw!

Enfyshedd · 12/11/2011 21:53

Hi onlinefriend. Where I live (in Wales), I've been assigned a "primary midwife", but there's a team that I can get hold of if she's unavailable. I've only had 2 appointments so far, but I've seen the same woman both times - at home & at hospital - and she's checked her diary to see that she's available before booking my appointments, so I'm expecting to be seeing her at appointments unless she's taking care of someone else unexpectedly.

I would contact the local Head of Midwifery as others have suggested. Depression is a serious condition, and all medical professionals should treat/consider it as such.

rocksandhardplaces · 12/11/2011 22:54

I had the same m/w throughout pregnancy. It depends on where you live. Mine was crap too.

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