train commuting when pregnant....its really not much fun.

[madeindevon2]

Last time i was pregnant the train company offered a free upgrade to 1st class which meant i always got a seat.
Now they dont offer this...but offer you a "priority pass" which means you should get one of the "priority seats".....the ones for elderly, disabled, pregnant people.
Now im 26 weeks pregnant now and very obviously pregnant. I wear a wrap coat so its very bump hugging leaving no doubt of my condition.
Im quite amazed that when i stand by these seats noone offers me one. The women im even more surprised about....they stare are you...look slightly embarassed and look away....
Three times this week i have stood all the way. This morning i was just so shattered and achy i asked someone if they would mind if i sat down. The two women in the "priority seats" stared blankly while a man in a different seat hopped up and gave me his seat.
Im genuinely quite surprised about the reaction i get. Also getting on the train in the evening. its the women who literally push past me to try grab the last remaining seats. then sit there blankly as the men give up their seats for me....if i ask that is.
Do others find similar....or is it just me!?

It is a nightmare. Some people are just oblivious/in their own world and some people are just selfish. I either go for rubbing stomach and glowering right at people or smiling sweetly and looking tired (not hard to do the last part!). Really passive aggressive I know

Since you've got that pass definitely ask for priority seats! Ask nicely but if they don't budge go all officious on them - "I have a pass which gives me priority for these seats" - otherwise they just think priority seat is just a nice label they don't have to obey. Even if they don't give up there seat there's going to be someone in the carriage who will.

I have the same thing! I find that sometimes it is the strangest people who stand up - teenage boys on the Tube, the kind people would shy away from, are always lovely and jump up as soon as I get on the train. They're about the only bloody ones though!

I don't have a priority pass on my train line, but if I had one I'd start being a bit more blunt. Just stand in front of the seats, hold up your pass, and say "I'm sorry, but these are priority seats and I've got a priority pass."

One of the reasons why I started my maternity leave early, I couldn't bear it. My bump was absolutely huge, pregnant with twins, it probably entered the carriage a minute or so before me, and still people would look over their papers and stay seated . Love the idea of a priority pass, never heard of that.

"I'm sorry, but these are priority seats and I've got a priority pass."

This is very and unnecessarily aggressive. My dh is 6'4" and is disabled, but one can tell he is only when he walks. He has very poor coordination and is on lifetime warfarine, which not only makes it nuisance, but he can die from a fall. We had the past 10 years in and out of wheelchairs after numerous injuries.

What I found when pg and what dh finds all the time is that when we ask nicely but firmly "I am not feeling well..." or "I find it very hard to stand, can please someone offer me their seat" people are always helpful. And this is in the peak of rush hour from/to Surrey via Waterloo and Canary Wharf, so not your most friendly of commuter crowd...

The phrase I find works the best is "excuse me, but do you need that seat?" Seems to always work for me!

I totally agree madeindevon2! It is not fun - I know everyone says to ask for seat but some people are not as outgoing as others as it can be embarassing when you know people have seen you, decided not to get up to then ask for their seat!
I am also SO hot all the time which tends to make the commute even worse!
Can you negociate a different start time with your boss? I am lucky that my boss is quite understanding and so I have just started coming in a bit later which means it is less busy and I can get a seat.
Only six more weeks of commuting!!

I nearly fainted, nearly threw up etc so many times on my morning commute (rush hour into London) and almost never got offered a seat. But to be fair, I only ever asked for one when absolutely desperate and then everyone was very kind.

I do think that if we were just a bit braver and asked politely, we would be able to sit. Other people are probably tired too and may not be feeling well hence lack of offers (ok, I'm probably being overly generous here) but I really do think it's as simple as just asking and someone will always give up their seat.

Not possible to start later. in fact later it would be worse to come in later as its busier. i get a train at 7am.
its not like im a shrinking violet. i dont mind asking. i guess im also a bit "im only pregnant not ill.... ill be ok standing" but some days im just so tired and heavy and achy that i do ask.
i actually stood up for anopther pregnant lady when i was about 4 months....i said to her. im pregnant too but you look like you need seat more than me!
she refused and said no. this gentleman will let me sit down im sure...
sweet smile....and he did! :-)

I'm wondering whether it's specifically on the trains and tubes, as I get the bus to work (into central London) and I always get offered a seat without even having to ask (I'm 31 weeks). The other night an old lady with a walking stick even tried to give up her seat for me!

bemybebe - I don't think that has to necessarily be aggressive. If you are obviously pregnant and you stand by priority seats and no one moves, then I think you're well within your rights to point out that that seat should be yours. That's why you've been given the priority pass after all. I'm not saying that you have to bark it, you can smile while you ask! And if someone sitting down in that seat, like your husband, said that they have a priority pass too then you could ask someone else to move instead.

I know what the OP means by saying ""im only pregnant not ill.... ill be ok standing" but I have started thinking - sod it, this is hard work, for these few months I do really deserve to have a seat. I'm 31w and my back absolutely kills if I stand up for more than 10 mins or so, and also I get very wound up about the potential for people bashing into your bump when standing on a crowded tube. If people are going to be rude enough to ignore you when you are heavily pregnant, then I think you have a right to ask for their seat.

I've noticed the exact same thing! When i first moved to London it was so common to see people give up a seat for elderly or pregnant women- now it's a rarity! Since being very visibly pregnant have only been offered a seat twice and both times by people from abroad!

It's crap isn't it. I'm only in the very early days of pregnancy so not showing at all but I have very recently spent six weeks on crutches with one foot in an air cast and was literally never offered a seat. Fortunately my train usually has room but on the rare occasions it didn't I stood up! I honestly think people can be quite selfish. Only once did I get up the courage to say to someone 'sorry but I really need to sit down ' and she was quite ungracious about moving her bag. I think on the commute it's a bit 'everyone for themself' unfotunately. I reckon if you ask politely it would be a rare person who would say no though!

Unfortunately when commuting into London, you have to be bold and ask for a seat. I don't think people are deliberately rude - most are just knackered and in their own little bubble so don't notice.

It doesn't help that many people are paying a HUGE chunk of their income for a season ticket and they rarely get a seat, do when they do they are very unlikely to relinquish it. I honestly believe that if commuting wasn't so extortionate, my fellow passengers would be so much more pleasant.

"And if someone sitting down in that seat, like your husband, said that they have a priority pass too then you could ask someone else to move instead."

Bella my dh does not have a priory pass, he is just a disable person with paraplegia who physically cannot stand in the moving train.
What I am saying is that you do not need to wave your passes around to be given a seat. Normally a polite request is more than enough. That is my experience.

Agree with the OP - commuting is generally crap and commuters often are rude, especially, I'm embarrassed to say, the women folk.

I have been offered a seat a few times & have gone out of my way to thank them and say 'that's really kind of you'. I think it makes a difference - the other day on the tube I saw a man ask if another pregnant lady would like his seat, she just said 'yeah' and sat down - no thank you at all!

Btw: London underground give out free 'baby on board' at the ticket gates, which are particularly useful for the early sick/feint/tired feeling when you're not yet showing.

I get the overground to and from work every day and hardly ever get offered a seat. Last week I fainted on the train and everyone looked very guilty afterwards!

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a busy bus, and I was sitting. An elderly woman got on, walked straight over to me and asked me to give her my seat (I look a fair bit younger than I am, baby faced). I turned to the woman next to me and asked if she would be so kind as to give up her seat. They both gave me absolutely disgusting glares until I said "I'm 6 months pregnant and have very low blood pressure" which was irritating as I was wearing my "baby on board" badge, and have a very distinct bump! She did give up her seat but wow they didn't half make me feel bad . Maybe I'm being hormonal!

Anyway, I think when you pluck up the courage to ask, people usually do. Although its a shame really because I find most people don't give to their seats for the elderly either!

I commute to work with DH (as we work at the same studio), and yesterday evening he resorted to yelling out loud "Would anyone give a seat to a pregnant lady?" in the part of the train with all of the priority seats, only one man budged. Am considering getting him a town crier bell, what do you think?

I commuted to work every day by train when I was pg with dc1, until I was 37wks and v obviously pg. I was never ever offered a seat by anyone.

Bizarrely, when dc1 was a few weeks old I travelled on the same trainline with her in a front carrier and 3 separate people offered me a their seat.

People are odd.

i totally agree with bella about the people in London who give up seats. in my experience its always the young 'hoodies' who straight away jump up and give me a seat, not the fat businessmen in suits who always suddenly have something urgent to do on their blackberry!! arrghhh

i totally agree with bella about the people in London who give up seats. in my experience its always the young 'hoodies' who straight away jump up and give me a seat, not the fat businessmen in suits who always suddenly have something urgent to do on their blackberry!! arrghhh

If u regularly travel to work by train and the journey is too far to stand all the way. Why don't you reserve your seat?

Not pregnant but I suffer from a couple of chronic conditions - all invisible. Commuters really are in their own little bubbles and will look anywhere else but at the person who requires a seat

I got on a packed bus one day and was literally wedged in by commuters. I suffered a really bad asthma attack and no one would move to give me a seat for a minute. I couldnt catch my breath. Fortunately the driver noticed and stopped his bus. Cue lots of tuts when he called for an ambulance and they had to wait for me to be carted off.

melliebobs I travel Reading-London Paddington and there are trains every 5 mins at peak times, the one I end up getting depends on how late my bus is. Same for the return journey except with added variable of when I leave work. Still an idea I suppose if I go for one a bit later than usual and don't just hop on the first train.

But thanks to your post I did google and find you can reserve a seat when you have a season ticket on FGW which I never knew before :o (and apparently without incurring the £5 charge for reserving at a different time to buying the ticket though no official confirmation on their website)

Are you in London OP? It's fine where I am oop north, but I've just been to London for a weekend at 33 weeks and was disappointed to only once be offered a seat on numerous tube journeys. I was so tired after all the standing and shoving. It's sad people are so selfish. It's quite obvious I'm heavily pregnant and usually look exhausted! I won't be going back to London for a long time.

I was once on the London to Edinburgh train, 34 weeks pregnant in the sweltering heat. Four priority seats and I sat in one of them. This chap got on with crutches clearly in need of a seat, he asked the conductor if he'd seen any free seats, conductor suggested that passenger could ask for one of the priority seats. Chap said he didn't like to ask as if we were sitting in priority seats we probably need them.

I assumed someone would offer up their seat but no I offered him mine but he wouldn't take it. I've never seen three people try so hard to pretend they weren't aware of a conversation in my life. Perhaps they all had hidden disabilities but I imagine at least one of them was a selfish git.