train commuting when pregnant....its really not much fun.

[madeindevon2]

Last time i was pregnant the train company offered a free upgrade to 1st class which meant i always got a seat.
Now they dont offer this...but offer you a "priority pass" which means you should get one of the "priority seats".....the ones for elderly, disabled, pregnant people.
Now im 26 weeks pregnant now and very obviously pregnant. I wear a wrap coat so its very bump hugging leaving no doubt of my condition.
Im quite amazed that when i stand by these seats noone offers me one. The women im even more surprised about....they stare are you...look slightly embarassed and look away....
Three times this week i have stood all the way. This morning i was just so shattered and achy i asked someone if they would mind if i sat down. The two women in the "priority seats" stared blankly while a man in a different seat hopped up and gave me his seat.
Im genuinely quite surprised about the reaction i get. Also getting on the train in the evening. its the women who literally push past me to try grab the last remaining seats. then sit there blankly as the men give up their seats for me....if i ask that is.
Do others find similar....or is it just me!?

Also, let me add to what PastGrace said. I doubt that most people run 20 miles a week at 7 months. Pregnancy is for most people a choice (I'm not one of them, but hands up who got pregnant by accident), but there are a few that get a bit more battered by it than others. You can't measure everyone else by your standards, as it becomes unfair.

Pop I know where you are coming from. I also do not think that pregnancy as such "entitles" to be given seats just for the hell of it, although I always offer as I felt really bad in my 2nd tri and some women are shy asking.

I do however think that anyone pg or not, should be able to ask for a seat without feeling embarrassed if they do not feel well. And for sure, train companies should be penalised for transporting people like cattle, something they do without impunity...

"with"

Pop, only three times a week? Pregnancy isn't a disease you know.

Well, if popbiscuit can do that then obviously all pregnant women can (or was that just an excuse to boast about her "super active" pregnancies ? Would you like to let us all know how little weight you put on and how quickly you got back to your pre-pregnancy weight whilst you're at it?)

I have low blood pressure which is worsened by pregnancy. Having fainted 3 times on the tube in my lifetime (once which caused a nasty head injury) - thankfully none whilst pg - I can safely say that the time from feeling fine and braving the stand up to knowing it's all going wrong is so quick, or so debilitating (or both) that there's no time to ask for a seat.

If people like popbiscuit don't need a seat, that's great for them, they can simply decline when offered. I really do despair of this world when people are so hardened that they think offering pregnant women a seat on public transport is the wrong thing to do.

i am on South West Trains into Waterloo. 35 minutes each way. am currently 12 weeks pregnant with DC2. With DD1 people would rarely offer me a seat but thankfully my midwife told me about the first class upgrade and was able to take advantage of that. As i suffer from low blood pressure and fainted about 3 times when pregnant with DD1 it made the commute much more manageable. I couldn't get the MATB1 form until 25 weeks though i found the ticket inspectors were more than happy to accept the maternity exemptions certificate in its place. I doubt they knew the difference to tell you the truth. All they saw was "maternity" and they moved on.

I remember one night though. I was about 35 weeks pregnant and DH and i had decided to enjoy dinner up in London as a bit of a last hurrah before the baby arrived. We caught the train home about 10pm. The train was fairly busy and by the time it was ready to leave all the seats were taken. An elderly couple got on just before the doors closed. Both of them looked quite frail. Neither of them were a day under 80. DH stood up and offered the couple his seat next to me (and forbade me to stand up). He had foolishly expected one of the other passengers to offer their seat as well. No one moved. The old man sat down next to me as he was the most unsteady on his feet while his wife clutched onto the back of the seat in the passageway.

DH let this continue for about 90 seconds before he loudly stated that it seemed to him that alot of people had been raised by animals and did anyone really think it was acceptable that this lady was left to stand when she clearly needed a seat. Even that didn't illicit a reaction other than people shrinking down into their seats so he ended up directly asking a middle aged man deeply buried in his Metro if he would please stand up and let the old lady sit down. He stood but not without casting some seriously poisonous looks at my DH and stomped off to another carriage.

I have never been so embarrassed and so proud of my DH.

Pop, it's wonderful that you've felt healthy and happy throughout your pregnancy, and haven't had a problem!

Personally, I have a bulging disk in my spine, and have been suffering bad MS for the last few weeks. When I'm feeling well and happy, I'm perfectly happy to stand on the train - and do so on a regular basis considering I commute into London every day! But when I'm feeling particularly awful and faint and can't stand, I feel it particularly unfair that fit business men barge onto the train to take the priority seats, when they should be prioritised for those who need them.

I have always given my seat up for those who needed it more - pregnant women, older people, young kids, those who clearly need a seat (crutches or whatever). It's just basic common decency. All I'm asking is that now, in my days of need, I can get the favour returned! The idea of wearing a badge is so that people realise I am actually pregnant, not just fat (although it's quite obvious now). Oddly, most people I talk to think they're a good idea, meaning that they don't offend people by offering them a seat, which some people claim to be afraid of.

It's not even standing for a 40 minute journey that annoys me - as PastGrace says, it's the being elbowed and shoved around. I find it even more annoying when you're shoved into the middle of a train with nothing to hold onto (I'm particularly small and can't grab the overhead hand holds!). I forgot - about a week ago I was on a really crammed train, and naturally nobody offered me a seat, but a lovely tall man did help me shuffle to the edge of the train so I could at least rest on a door, without just tumbling around in the middle with nothing to hold on to! He made my day.

I think I may start asking on those days when I really need a seat. It isn't that often, after all (normally on my early starts, which are three days a week, and not every day), and some people really just don't pay attention.

I also think its the older people who are much more observant and helpful on this front. My DH was very ill on a tube train a month or so ago; after politely declining a seat an old lady offered him (nobody else bothered!) she said "You look green, please take my seat". He was very grateful; she tottered down the carriage with her walking seat and bugged someone at the other end until they gave her a seat! Wonderful woman :D

popbiscuit this man ran a marathon aged 100-should I not give up my seat for the elderly then??

Bella I don't think it is fair to accuse popbiscuit of being a troll. She merely pointed out the "sense of entitlement" and I agree with her. Just read a few first posts: "Im quite amazed that when i stand by these seats noone offers me one", "Just stand in front of the seats, hold up your pass, and say "I'm sorry, but these are priority seats and I've got a priority pass."

Not everyone is sick when pregnant, there are also plenty of people who do not look pg or those who look pg but are not. Isn't it much nicer to just ask politely? I have never been refused a seat when needed and I have asked at least once when I was not pg, just did not feel well... I didn't feel well when pg after 20 weeks also (in fact I was developing strepB infection I was not aware of and was running fever, had v mild contractions etc, gave birth at 24 weeks but this is a different story), so I appreciate when other pg women find it hard, but there is no need to act aggressive.

Simple answer to this. Develop a thick skin, and just ask loudly, "Anyone able to give up their seat for a very pregnant lady?" and smile. Repeat if necessary. Works unfailingly in the end.

I found that the majority of people who stood up for me were teenage boys and young men. They would glance up, note the bump and get up.

I'm sorry you're having a miserable time OP.

OP - the 'baby on board' badge I was given by Transport for London seems to have had some kind of magical effect for me, do you have one? Since wearing it I have been genuinely taken aback at the speed with which both men and women guiltily shoot out of their seats on the tube to offer me one (about half the time I decline if I'm feeling fine and don't have back pain). I sometimes think I get the 'you're pregnant, not ill' look from women who do see the badge and then don't get up (or maybe I'm just paranoid), but frankly I don't care!

The reason I wear it - even though I don't take up the offer all the time - is that I feel it makes people a little bit more careful around you, I hate the bump being pushed and shoved. So far on the overground train I've been lucky to always find a seat, so will be interested to see what happens when I don't get one and put myself near the priority seats, bump and badge on show!

It's true that not every pg woman needs to sit down; there are plenty who can manage just fine without a seat.

But those of you who just stand there, silently stroking your bump, feeling martyred, and hoping someone will notice you and offer a seat are not doing yourselves any favours. People really are in a bubble on a train, and often don't notice, and a lot of people are nervous about offering a seat to a large lady in case she isn't pg at all! A polite request is all that is needed.

I commuted while pg, and 80% of the time was fine to stand, but every now and then I just had to sit down. ironically, the time when I felt the most sick/faint was in early pg, when no-one would have noticed any sort of bump, no matter how long I stood there.

There is a strong possibility that some people don't notice...

Last year I (not pregnant) heaved onto a crowded London bus, iPod in ears, book in hand, several bags of shopping, launched myself at the last remaining seat, sat down with an audible sigh of triumph, and settled into my Jilly Cooper Dostoyevsky.

After about 10 minutes a hand appeared, gently waving between my eyes and the book. I looked up. A woman who looked about 35 weeks' pregnant was standing DIRECTLY in front of me. I mean honestly, inches from my nose. It was summer and she was wearing a straining top over her very visible bump, her poor ankles were swollen, she looked ready to pass out and she had lots of shopping. She had clearly been asking for the seat for AGES and had decided to wave at me until I took notice (there was no other seat she could possibly have reached without half the bus getting off first).

The ENTIRE bus was looking at me aghast.

I honestly had no idea she was there. I practically grovelled in the dust trying to give her my seat and saying things like "honestly honestly honestly I had no idea, what must you think" etc. etc.

Oh and er popbiscuit - how marvelous for you, and by the way you sound delightful. You're probably one of those giving my badge the death stare

Wow, deleted post! I didn't mean to insult popbiscuit but it was such a strange post... Of course not every woman needs a seat when pregnant, and it shouldn't be an absolute sense of entitlement (even though a lot of priority seats, for example those on the tube, have a picture of a pregnant woman next to them) but the tone of the message, to me personally, was incredibly harsh and suggesting that any pregnant woman who isn't running miles and miles throughout their pregnancy is a complete wimp. Maybe that's just me viewing this in the light of other message boards, where comments like that nearly always are from 'trolls' who are just trying to stir up the conversation. But if anyone was offended, I apologise.

I'm also intrigued that my comment 'I'm sorry, I have a priority pass...' was taken as being rude. I'm sure it says quite a lot about modern Britain where using the phrase 'I'm sorry' is actually taken as being aggressive - I meant it in an apologetic manner, and the few times I have had to ask for a priority seat I have always prefaced my asking with an apology because, as other posters have pointed out, you don't know the situation of the person already sitting in the seat, and they may very well need the seat just as much as you do.

Having lost the rest of my point in that deleted post, I'll say it again - for me, much of the time, the problem is far less that I don't feel physically able to stand for twenty, thirty minutes but that the commute I am doing at the moment (Northern line) is one of those journeys where people are shoe-horning themselves in to a dangerous capacity. In that situation I am personally very concerned about the high possibility of being elbowed or smacked in the bump, and I would prefer to sit whenever I can because it feels safer. I'm 5'1 and it feels difficult for people to see that I'm pregnant and I get jostled a lot. So it's not always the physical act of standing for a journey that's the issue.

Bella I reported your post because troll-hunting is not on. Although nothing to do with "modern Britain" you are right, written word does not have nuances of intonation and that makes a phrase sound aggressive to some, whilst maybe intended apologetic. I am sorry if I misunderstood you I guess the same made you read pop's message as aggressive, whilst I thought "well done girl!" and sigh that I not pro-active enough...

I do find it incredibly entitled when people do not consider the full circs, whatever those would be. I personally would not dream of sitting, pg or not, when there is someone obviously in more need. This person may not be elderly, disabled or pg, or have a "priority pass" or whatever else but just very poorly and more in need at that particular point in time.

Funny to see complaints about First Capital Connect! When I was pregnant with DS I commuted on trains going to/from London (worked in Cambridge) up until I was 37 weeks and found people to be very rude. More times than I can count I was elbowed or pushed out of the way in the scrum to get on. Once had a 20-something cyclist (well, he was dressed in lycra and had a foldup bike) turf me out of a seat. Only twice did anyone offer me a seat even if I/someone else asked; one was an American guy and the other was a middle-aged woman on a hot summer's day when I felt faint.
Quite often I found it difficult to stand, as I suffered terrible sciatica (even just walking down the hallway at work my hip/leg could give out and I would almost fall) and also had a walk to my office after the train journey, which was a lot harder when my poor legs had been supporting all that weight for half an hour!

I was certainly not entitled to a seat and I don't think anyone can presume another's situation but I do find it difficult to believe there was no one on any train who had less need of a seat than I or another pregnant woman did. It's not about equal rights (men have argued that by wanting equal status in society I gave up my 'right' to a seat, and some bloke said to his friend in my friend's hearing, "why should I? I didn't knock her up") but about consideration for fellow human beings.

I stopped getting the train into work at 20 weeks with dd and drove instead. Driving is so lovely that I continued to do it for the next 4 years and up to going on maternity leave least week. Nothing would induce me to get on a train with some of the people mentioned here. I'd pay any amount of congestion charge.

I can barely walk at 33 weeks, I certainly can't stand for more than a minute or two. But fuck me, I should be out running a marathon. All these entitled pregnant women should obviously be jogging to work, not poncing about on trains...

Just curious, how much does it cost you to park GML?

I have to say I now almost always drive to London (I don't work any more) but dread the evening parking changes that Westminster is going to introduce soonish. That would probably spell the end to all our theatre outings (at 4.5GBP/hr for 4-5 hrs)...

For anyone that travels on First Great Western, I've just seen that after 25 weeks pregnant women with a season ticket can get a free upgrade to first class to help ensure they can travel more comfortably:

www.firstgreatwestern.co.uk/Content.aspx?id=2146

Apols if this has been said elsewhere on the thread but I'd never have even thought of it and it sounds heavenly - shame I'm not a season ticket holder!

I am extremely lucky in that there is parking at my work so free so far. That really would have priced me out otherwise.

*madeindevon2" on a recent visit to London I picked up a Baby on Board badge and the kind man at the ticket gate gave me two "In case I lost one". IM me if you would like the spare and I'll post it to you.

I wear mine on the bus in Leeds! Every little helps.

Someone mentioned this upthread but I wanted to repeat it:

In Metro, Evening Standard and other papers read by commuters, people are always debating this issue on the letters page. It's almost seen as a 'it's my right to have a seat, stuff anyone else' and 'pregnancy isn't an illness' type thing. It pisses me off, because now that I am pregnant and look outwardly quite healthy and glowing, my legs ache sooo much if I need to stand and I become dizzy really quickly. Once I give birth I will always offer a pregnant woman a seat. Surely anyone who's been pregnant would do the same.