train commuting when pregnant....its really not much fun.

[madeindevon2]

Last time i was pregnant the train company offered a free upgrade to 1st class which meant i always got a seat.
Now they dont offer this...but offer you a "priority pass" which means you should get one of the "priority seats".....the ones for elderly, disabled, pregnant people.
Now im 26 weeks pregnant now and very obviously pregnant. I wear a wrap coat so its very bump hugging leaving no doubt of my condition.
Im quite amazed that when i stand by these seats noone offers me one. The women im even more surprised about....they stare are you...look slightly embarassed and look away....
Three times this week i have stood all the way. This morning i was just so shattered and achy i asked someone if they would mind if i sat down. The two women in the "priority seats" stared blankly while a man in a different seat hopped up and gave me his seat.
Im genuinely quite surprised about the reaction i get. Also getting on the train in the evening. its the women who literally push past me to try grab the last remaining seats. then sit there blankly as the men give up their seats for me....if i ask that is.
Do others find similar....or is it just me!?

I bet this is First Capital Cunts Connect where pregnant women used to have to apply for a letter from head office which gave you permission to sit in empty first class seats if all standard class ones are taken. Have they banned that now? I watched a ticket inspector demand to see a woman's permission letter. She was the size and shape of a small planet.

What's more, I'll bet a tenner it's on the Cambridge-London route.

Tethersend I bet first crapital connect too. I'm going with it being the Bedford to London line. I think they've got rid of that system for the stupid passive agressive priority pass.

OP do you have a semi-fast alternative train you can take? I used to do this, it added 10 mins to my journey but meant I always got a seat

I'm in London and I agree commuting is particularly rubbish when pregnant. It isn't an option to reserve a seat on my commute and although the train company does do a pass to enable pregnant women to sit in first class if there are no seats my train does not have a first class carriage!

Like we have all said we could just ask politely for a seat but I feel very awkward doing so. Yesterday there was another pregnant lady on the train and she asked a man very nicely if he would mind giving up his seat. He sneered at her that no he couldn't as it looked like she needed the exercise - she was very obviously pregnant. If I had had a seat I would have given it up for her to make her feel better as I would be in tears if someone was that horrible to me. Even worse is when people elbow my bump but then I do say something. When this happens baby often has a good kick which always makes me smile!

This is my first baby and am very excited!

Happy to see this post. I'm in the same boat, 31 weeks and have stood up on train 3 times this week in a carriage packed like sardines, also wear a wrap coat and always open it and stroke my bump and huff and puff a bit, can visibly see the little one squirming around in there sometimes but it makes not a jot of difference! Luckily my journey is only 20 minutes, Oxford to Banbury, but I was also shocked at the stares and sneers and not a single man or woman has ever offered their seat. On Thursday I was sat in a reserved seat without knowing because of faulty display. The short-ish, fit-looking woman waved her ticket in my face and ushered me out, I'm 6ft 2 so seats are cramped enough as it is, I staggered out with my big belly and stood for the rest of the journey while folks turned a blind eye. A friend with 2 kids warned me it would be like this, I didn't believe her as I've always offered my seat to pregnant women and others less able to stand in the past, but she's proved me wrong.

I will start asking later when it gets too uncomfortable, and if someone tells me it looks like I've eaten too many pies they'll get a few choice words back, for now I just think it's very sad and selfish!

Wow can't believe some of the responses that you guys have been on the receiving end of. It might be worth pointing out that unless you sit down you might faint and then the whole train will be delayed... See if that shifts that or threaten to vomit on them?

I worked up to 36 weeks with a train commute of 45 mins and a tube commute of 45 minutes followed by a bloody bus for 10 minutes.... What was I thinking?

On the whole I was offered seats on tubes, sometimes on the train and never on the bus (where it's needed most due to the crazy bus drivers). One rather embarrassing incident (but it was brilliant at the saw time) was when I was stood up on a train next to a young man (late teens I'm guessing) and he said to me in a very loud voice 'would you like me to ask some of these people who are obviously oblivious to your very pregnant condition to give up their seat for you?'. I kid you not half the train stood up to offer me their seat.

I think on the whole people don't notice.

I actually worked up to 39 weeks because I managed to get hold of one of the letters from First Great Western allowing me to sit in First Class if second class was full. I decided to milk the luxury as long as I could!

Most rail staff were lovely, but there were a few notable exceptions. DH always travelled with me, so I could go straight to First Class and he would then text me to let me know if there were standard class seats available to save me a wasted walk down the train and back. One first class ticket inspector had a go at me for sitting down without checking first for myself.

My personal favourite though was the guard who asked how I managed to get the letter allowing me to sit in first class "because there's a really pregnant woman standing between carriages, and I want to let her know how she can get a seat next time she travels!"

I commute on London overground and think I must have been really lucky so far. I'm 21 weeks and have only once not been offered a seat when I needed it. I have a "baby on board" badge now but before that, as someone up thread said, I found looking as tired as possible (easy!), pushing out stomach as far as it will go and rubbing it in a passive aggressive way worked well. I have also been able to change my working hours so largely I can get a quieter train.

God you poor things.

I'm still rail commuting at 35 wks, but in truly stunning piece of timing, which makes up for the previous 15 years of hell of rail travel (don't get me started on the upgrade to the west coat mainline when my mother was in intensive care and some journeys took 12 hours ) the company has just doubled the size of my train! We could all hold a meeting in there.

London experiences have been relatively few, but have found to my surprise that people have offered me seats- BUT, it's not been rush hour.

Worst was in Belgium actually- travelling an hour to Bruges, all seats taken and about 30 of us having to stand. I was standing right in the middle of the carriage (air and space) whilst all others were in the vestibule area. I have never been so comprehensively ignored by an entire carriage of people for so long in my life!!

Ah Chinchilla, I live in the Netherlands and that's a common complaint. Apparently pregnancy is "not a disease" and doesn't get you any special treatment around this neck of the woods.

melli you cannot reserve seats on most London commuter routes. The seats are not even numbered.

I am able-bodied but often sit in the priority seats because my station is only the second one out and it is tough on me and everyone else if I have to fight my way from the middle of the carriage but I do it knowing the quid pro quo for this convenience is that if someone who needs the seat gets on I end up standing. I would always give up the seat if someone needed it.

I would recommend pg ladies to stand sideways on to people seated though. There have been a few occasions when I haven't offered a seat because I wasn't sure if someone was fat or pregnant! A man could get away with "just being chivalrous" giving up the seat to a woman who wasn't pregnant but there is no mistake that if a woman does it she thinks you are pg. As someone said to me once "better a pregnant woman stands than a fat woman goes home crying".

I do see a lot of pregnant and people on crutches, etc offered seats on commuter trains in London so I think a lot of you have had bad experiences!

Hi all,
I'm quite surprised by these posts.

In defence of Londoners, I too live in London and have a long communte and at 5 months pregnant I quite often get offered a seat - and its all types of people who do offer. I don't always accept the seat as I know the tube empties at a certain point after I get on but I always make sure I thank them!

In the free morning paper, metro, you quite often see messages debating this issue - whether or not to give your seat to a pregnant lady. I've seen some contributers comment that its your decision to get pregnant, so you should accept the consequences.....or....I've paid a lot for my season ticket and want to get my £ worth...etc

personally, for me its an issue of courtesy. I would have always given my seat to someone who visibly needs it more, and still would.

the commuting is difficult though and really making me consider going on maternity early!

LSG

That's interesting Graciescotland, thanks for letting me know. I was really quite 'huffy' at the end of it. Although, to be fair, there were a few other British people in the carriage too!

Tethesend yes FCC!! Dead right
London to Bedford route.

Yes London
And no impossible to reserve seat

OP are you using it southbound to get to London? I really reconnect d the semi fast if it's an option for you, it was a real relief to get away from the crowds

It's not just London, I'm on Manchester and to be fair it is only a 20 min tram journey, but I have a 30 min yomp (pre-pregnancy so not sure how long it would take now at 34 weeks!!) to get to the tram stop so am now trapped into getting a lift to tram stop from DH and travelling at rush hour.

Someone did actually get stroppy with me for not moving far enough down the aisle one night last week, until I turned around and pointed at my huge gorgeous stomach and glared hard. Didn't get offered a seat though....

On a seperate note, got off the tram one morning feeling really faint and sat on the bench on the platform to catch my breath. About 40 people walked past me, only one guy actually stopped and asked if I was ok. People just live in their own bubbles I think...

I got london underground until day before i gave birth to DS2 (DC3). You just go up to someone sitting in priority seat and ask them to stand. Just have to get used to asking. On the occasion a person said no, someone else nearby stood.

Yesterday someone stood for a pregnant lady and before she'd even had a chance to sit someone else already was in the seat (of course he was told to stand!).

I have always offered a seat to the pregnant/elderly/disabled/ladies with children. The only time I didn't was a month ago (I was five months then), when a pregnant lady asked for a seat, had she looked much further along than me I would have given her mine, but I thought that I would be unfair to me. Also, I would have to spend the rest of the journey giving the stink eye to all the other passengers, especially the ones in priority seats (I sitting in a normal seat).

another first crapital connect story

So glad it's not just me in this boat :(

I have to commute every day, sometimes using up to three trains. In the mornings especially, I find I never get a seat. Granted, I'm only three months pregnant, but already looking huge (I was tiny beforehand!). During the last couple of weeks I've felt so ill on the train that I've actually sat on the floor in the gang way or by the doors - gets me lots of strange looks, but I couldn't care less.

I have some "Baby on board" badges from TFL that I'm going to affix to my bag and coat from this week, I think, and see if it helps at all.

It's also impossible to reserve a seat on my service, and no first class. I don't mind standing when I'm physically feeling fine, but sadly that's not always the case at the moment - and I'm sure I won't relish the thought later on during the pregnancy!

I've been turfing able-bodied young men out of the priority seats since I was 12 weeks. I just assume most people are too lost in their own little bubbles to notice a pregnant woman get on the carriage. 'Excuse me, do you mind if I sit down?' No-one has ever refused and most people happily jump up and say of course. To which I respond with lots of thanks and gratitude. I do this twice a day. No point getting annoyed about it if you haven't actually asked. I think even if you're standing there looking obviously pregnant some people get embrassed to offer. The only time I ever stand is if the priority seats are taken with elderly or women.

I cannot believe the sense of entitlement on this thread.
Baby-on-board badges? Really?
I was running 20 miles a week at 7 months pregnant with all three of my children so a bit surprised that so many people are unable to stand for half an hour. Yikes; pregnancy is a choice, unlike a disability.

Pop I'm not sure you're being fair. It's not just standing - it's being elbowed/bashed, and being on wobbly trains/buses. I was on a bus in London (when I wasn't pregnant - I was a student) and the bus stopped really suddenly because a car was driving erratically and I was standing - I got flung forwards into the bars that form part of the handrail by the doors. I had a bruise across my tummy for a week - I dread to think what would have happened if I'd been pregnant.

My friend and I were in a restaurant the other day waiting for the loos and a pregnant lady joined the queue - we let her go in front of us and she looked genuinely shocked.

I'm not fully disabled, but I have mobility problems and do need to sit down really, but I would always offer it to a pregnant person - it may be a choice, but that doesn't make it much less unpleasant for them.

Pop biscuit- what a ridiculous statement, everyone's pregnancy is different. It's great for you that you felt well and fit enough to run 20 miles throughout your pregnancy. However this is not the reality for some, if not most, women who suffer with morning sickness all the way through, low blood pressure which causes them to faint or SPD (for example). Let people have a moan for gods sake with getting all judgemental and rude.