He is in shock......!

[friedfrog]

I only found out on Friday that I am pregnant (I am very happy about this). I told my other half on Saturday and he is in mega shock. We haven't really discussed it and he has said he doesn't know how he feels. I have decided to leave it and just let him come to terms with it. We weren't actively trying but we decided I would come off the pill and he was in charge of prevention (needless to say he didn;t prevent it!) and would just see what would happen.

But I just want to know if anybody elses partner has reacted the same way? I want to share my happiness and excitment but feel like I really can't!

Any advice greatfullly received!

Frog

I think you're right to just give him some time.

We'd talked about it, and had actually been trying for about 14 months b4 I actually got pregnant and we both still freaked out [hgrin]

Congratulations!!

Yes don't worry, they just need a bit of time. I am trying to involve my partner as we go along - baby is now the size of a peach, has eyebrows blah blah and we have now got to a stage of distant interest :) It can be really frustrating and a few times I have snapped and said 'you just don't care about this' but sometimes he has suprised me by telling me to rest. I have been jealous of friends whose partners have been really emotionally moved at the scan but lack of emotion is part of my partners make up. I suppose even happy stuff can be stressful. thats why you get 9 months to get your head round the idea :)

When i found out we thought we couldn't have kids or at least might struggle so when i found out he was in total shock. He stormed in and grabbed the test to check i'd read it right and even questioned if we should keep buba but after a few weeks he started to calm down and get used to it.

I think the time he really got over the shock was when we went for our scan at 14 weeks and then when i started to get a big bump he got excited and finally when he felt buba kick i think he fell in love a bit. Now he's always stroking bump and asks how his boys been when he gets home from work. He told me last week if he could turn the clock back and not get pg he wouldn't he's so looking forward to it now.

I'd just try to remember that for him it's all just an idea not reality until he's actually got something to see or feel.

Hi Frog, I am in a very similar situation to you! DP was in charge of the contraception technique and didn't bother! I have known for over a week but only told him on Thursday as I hadn't seen him. He is very quiet about it, I haven't said much I'm just letting it settle in for him. I think he will be ok I think it's just the shock! I am hoping when he has had more time and I am visibly pregnant he will feel differently! I think they find it difficult to connect to the baby as they don't feel any different and it doesn't effect them initially. Once you have a scan and they can see there is a little being in there I think it changes for them! Or I hope it does!! Congratulations!!

I told my DH over the phone as was in the US when I found out and couldn't wait until I got back. He said exactly the same "I don't know how I feel about it!" He was fine by the time I got home. They get used to it!

Oh what a shame :(

Do you have any RL friends you could tell and get excited with until he pulls himself together?? I hope so! It's pretty crap not to be able to get all excited about it.

I'm excited for you if that helps

Hi Frog

I was in a really similar situation - and wrote a thread about it on here (not sure how to do links). He just came across as totally uninterested and I was sick with jealousy hearing about friends' supportive partners and reading about people on here with brilliant partners etc. It caused massive problems and I offered to leave and raise the baby on my own (we'd been trying for 6 months in a 'see what happens' kind of way and he's always wanted kids)

Things are much better now (although not perfect) but I'll never forgive him for spoiling those first couple of weeks, I really was devastated by his reaction.

I do however think it's probably difficult for men to completely understand - we feel differently almost immediately and have to consciously think about being pregnant as many of our usual day to day actions can affect pregnancy (not to mention the crippling tiredness / sickness etc). Because their body / hormones etc aren't affected then they can sometimes forget etc.

I think a lot of my reaction to his feelings were based on the fact that I'd already decided how I wanted him to react (if that makes sense??). I took a test one morning (then went and bought a couple more as the line was so faint) and waited for him to come in from work - I had this image of telling him and him bursting into tears / hugging me etc - that didn't happen and I was gutted but then again he was never going to follow my dream reaction exactly so he was onto a loser from the start!!

I hope things get better once he's had chance to process the info :) xx

As others have said I really do think it is different for men in the early stages. For the pregnant woman you generally feel differant. You have sickness and bloating, or even if you don't really have symptoms you suddenly have to think about taking vitamins and not eating certain foods. For us the baby is there, inside us and is having an impact on how we feel and act. For the man it is just something he has been told about. It is all hypothetical at such as early stage and there is nothing really to connect him to the baby as a living thing.

However, once we had our first scan and he saw the baby there, beating heart and all I noticed a huge difference in my dp. Pretty much as soon as we left the hospital he was asking me how I was feeling and worrying about me not eating enough fruit, whereas before he had been very nice but hardly a prime example of excited father to be. I think at that point the baby became a real thing for him rather then just something I had told him about.

I also think in your case that you have to allow for the diffence between him saying 'if it happens it happens' and then having to suddenly deal with the reality of becoming a father. It is a big thing. We had been trying very hard for 18 months and I still have moments of suspecting I might be mad to have a baby!

Hi Ladies

Thank you all so much for you kind kind words of wisdom, I am feeling much better today. Ther has been lots of cuddling, bath running and choc providing!

And NorthernGirlie you are so right! I wasn't expecting flowers but I had decided the reaction I wanted!!

Thank you all again

Frog xx