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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

is it odd that DP hasn't been to any midwife appointments?

90 replies

kiki22 · 29/09/2011 12:04

I have a friend that is due about a month after me and is insisting that her DH comes to every single scan docs or midwife appointment with her and she can't believe DP hasn't been to these with me basically said in not so many words so he can't be bothered going, was totally godsmacked when i said he wouldn't be coming to our 20 week scan.

I don't really see what the big deal is tbh the midwife appointments have all been at 10am meaning he would have to take a half day off work everytime which he wouldn't be paid for and our 20 week scan was our 4th and we'd had a private one a couple of weeks before so when he was offered a homer worth 300 quid we decided he would work and miss the scan (we're going for another private at 30 weeks ish).

we are buying our first house and having a baby so we need the money at the moment and i just don't think it's worth losing the money so he can come watch a midwife test my urine n take my blood pressure, scan wise £300 goes along way and he's already seen 3 scans and we knew the sex.

i personally don't think it's a big deal is it just me?

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Sandra2011 · 29/09/2011 18:13

My husband only comes to my scans.

I don't seen any point to drag him to see my blood pressure taken.

I have a doppler at home so if he wants to listen to fetus he can do that anytime.

Kayzr · 29/09/2011 18:17

I have 2 boys with XH and he came to the MW appointments when I had to have blood taken and to all the scans.

I never asked him to come or told him to stay away. It was up to him and if he was off work.

I'm ttc with my new DP and he works away for 5 weeks so I think he will want to come to them as he might not be at home for scans etc

TeacupTempest · 29/09/2011 18:20

DH has been to all but one MW appointment and both routine scans.

I don't see how that's precious. We just have different circumstances. DH and I work together and are self employed so it was not a problem.

When I had an emergency scan form A and E at 7 weeks he couldn't come because he was in a meeting. When I had a bleed and emergency scan at 12 weeks he came with and supported me.

Each to their own as long as the couple are both happy surely?

starfishmummy · 29/09/2011 18:27

DH came to a my 20 week scan, and then a couple of weeks later when they repeated it because DS wouldn't turn over and they couldn't see one of his arms....

scarletfingernail · 29/09/2011 20:26

DH came to all scans but no midwife appointments and will probably do the same this time.

Your friend is rude to imply your your DH can't be bothered. It doesn't matter who's DH attends what as long as you're both happy with your own situation.

Flisspaps · 29/09/2011 20:36

DH came to all of my antenatal appointments and scans with DD, and intends to now we're having DC2.

It isn't just blood pressure and urine tests, is it? They also listen to the baby's heartbeat and check growth - I can't imagine being on my own and having to then call him at work if there was an issue with either of these.

Northernlurker · 29/09/2011 20:47

Dh came to scans and the hospital appointment at 16 weeks which was about additional 'stuff' for dd3 as dd2 has a heart defect. He didn't come to my post term appointment with the younger two but he did come to the one with dd1. He didn't come to any midwife appointments nor would I have wanted him there - what's he going to do? Each to their own in this respect.

I would have thought btw that your friend's midwife should be making an effort to see her alone at least once. Domestic violence often starts in pregnancy and it's one of the things midwives should be looking out for and giving mums an opportunity to disclose if necessary.

Tigresswoods · 29/09/2011 20:51

DH never came to midwife appointments but he came to most of the scans. We had to have a few extra for a variety of reasons and it wasn't really necessary for him to come to all.

I always thought those girls waiting in the Dr'/Midwife's reception with their other halves were just overly precious or they just didn't have jobs to go to. Thinking on it now they may have had problems before and they needed support but I don't think so in all cases.

Live and let live and all that.

Crosshair · 29/09/2011 20:56

I must be very precious as me and dp do pretty much everything together. :o

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 29/09/2011 20:58

Its not odd, but I would assume most men would want to go to all scans if they could as that's when the baby is seeing the doctor (so to speak) where as all the all other appts are more for your health and as an adult its up to you if you want dh there. I always found it annoying and he's only invited to scans

GwendolineMaryLacey · 29/09/2011 21:01

I can't imagine what a bloke would do while you're having your bp taken etc. It's boring enough for the woman.

Crosshair · 29/09/2011 21:08

Usually he sits, listens, talks. Almost like a real person!

Meglet · 29/09/2011 21:10

My XP came to nearly all of them first time round. But he finished work at 1pm on Fridays and I made all the apts on friday afternoons.

Second time round he only came to the scans.

breatheslowly · 29/09/2011 21:11

Only for scans until 40+11 MW appointment on a Saturday.

TastyMuffins · 29/09/2011 21:19

Your DP not going to scans and appointments isn't odd but your MIL paying for private scans to 'see' the baby is totally odd IMHO. Is she terminally ill and unlike to be around when the baby's born?

My DH came to two scans, not the first one though, most MW appointments - because they were mostly evenings. Not a sign of a supportive involved father though, we're separated now and he hasn't bothered to see DS for months! Never very involved before he left either.

notlettingthefearshow · 29/09/2011 21:36

My DH is coming to all the scans (none of the mw appointments). He loves the scans and these are when they can see if the baby is OK, so the support was important to me. We're lucky that both workplaces are very good at allowing paid time off for such appointments - I guess not all employers do that.

However, don't worry what others are doing - it's obviously working for you. Enjoy your pregnancy!

whackamole · 30/09/2011 03:50

Totally unnecessary for him to go to all MW appointments. My appts tend to last less than 15 minutes - what's the point? They check your pee, BP, abdomen and heart rate of the baby.

OH came to 20 week scan, TBH I am more concerned he won't be there for the birth but that's another story!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/09/2011 03:54

Funny Crosshair

Shall I go with DH then next time he has his bp checked? I can sit there like a spare part while he has a medical examination that is absolutely nothing to do with me. What fun.

delphinedownunder · 30/09/2011 03:54

No, not odd. i had scans at 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks and 36 weeks (ivf, twins, difficult position) and he came to the 12 and 20 weeks scan, plus a meeting with the obstetrician at 30 weeks. But no midwife appointments. i was happy with this and you should go with whatever works for you.

NinkyNonker · 30/09/2011 09:12

DH comes to all scans (he wants to see the baby too!) but not mw appts.

NinkyNonker · 30/09/2011 09:14

My mw said she was suspicious when partners attended all appts for fear of domestic violence etc. A bit sad really.

CristinadellaPizza · 30/09/2011 09:32

NinkyNonker - my AN unit had packets of stickers on the backs of the toilet doors for women to stick to their urine sample if they were experiencing DV to alert the MW without the partner being aware :(

Broody1976 · 30/09/2011 10:07

He came to the Booking in Appt with me and then the 12 & 20 week scan. That was it. The MW appt lasts maybe 10 mins and he really doesn't need to be there for that!!

I don't think it's strange at all - I think your friend is just rude.

Egg · 30/09/2011 10:37

DH never once attended a midwife appt for any of the babies. He was at 12 week scan both times, but didn't even come to the 20 week scan with the twins I dont think, am pretty sure my parents came to that and my dad definitely came with me for a later twin one as I remember explaining to the poor sonographer that no, the 73 year old man was MY dad not THE dad.

Roseflower · 30/09/2011 10:58

DH has come to every single scan with me (I would say 90% of other women waiting for their scans at hopsital have a dp with them), nearly every hospital admission and every consultant appointment.

He also came to my second GTT as the first made me so unwell and I hated them.

However none of the midwife appoitments. Pointless really IMO.

Seems to be the norm.

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