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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Will I regret finding out the sex????HELP

94 replies

dewberry1 · 15/12/2005 13:17

I cant decide whether to ask the sex at my 20 week scan in January...I didnt find out with ds but this time i keep thinking it would be easier to prepare if I knew..(nursery, clothes etc) and also I could prepare my ds who desperately wants a brother...But I was watching Portland babies (im hooked)yesterday and their was a lady on their who said she regretted finding out..
Has anyone regretted it..Help!! I would like your advise.xx

OP posts:

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Enideepmidwinter · 15/12/2005 14:49

I didnt really want to know but had a lot of pressure on me to find out (we have 2 girls already)

luckily babe had its legs firmly crossed so the sonographer couldnt tell

am so pleased and excited that I don't know am looking forward to the surprise

DinosaurInAManger · 15/12/2005 14:58

I found out with one of mine - the middle one. Didn't regret it, but didn't want to find out the sex third time around.

SnowmAngeliz · 15/12/2005 15:01

No i didn't regret finding out.
I agree with the others who said 'it' felt more real when i knew there was little girl in there.

Either way is fantastic, with dd1 i didn't find out and that was eciting too!

Bet my post didn't help!!![grrin]

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 15:02

it didn't happen when I had the dcs but I wouldn't want to know anyway. Being told the sex at delivery is the best bit!

daisiesinaline · 15/12/2005 15:02

Had surprise with DS1 and surprise with DD2. Loved having the surprise. When fell pregnant with third child (unexpectedly) we did decide to find out. As we had one of each it didn't really matter but we both would have preferred a girl. I wanted to know to help me get used to the idea of having another child and for practical reasons. We did find out and I was expecting a boy. We were a little disappointed, I have to admit but by the time he was born we were used to the idea and couldn't imagine having anything different! In fact, while I was in labour I remember thinking 'OMG what if they have it wrong and its a girl? That will really throw me!'

Did not regret finding out at all. Def helped me get my head round the whole thing. But did miss having the surprise. We kept it a secret so everyone else had the surprise.

If I had another (AM NOT BY THE WAY!!!), I think I would do the surprise thing though.

hunkermunker · 15/12/2005 15:03

Enid, had been wondering what you'd decided (we had scans on the same day, iirc) - we went with having a surprise in the end too (no real shock there though!)

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 15:04

Enid - fab news!

merrymarchhare · 15/12/2005 15:05

I really dont see how you can truly regret it.

frogs · 15/12/2005 15:06

I had a superduper fancy 20 week scan in fetal medicine department during my second pregnancy, in the course of which they not only told me the baby was a girl, but gave a blow by blow commentary along the lines of '...and here are the labia, and here are the ovaries...'

So it was a bit of a surprise when ds popped out, 20 weeks later.

Moral: even consultant radiographers are not infallible. Luckily they were right about the important bit, which was that the baby didn't have a heart defect.

MIstletAOU · 15/12/2005 15:14

wow, that's fairly spectacularly wrong, frogs! How did you feel when you found out, did it affect the bonding process?

BOOZEandBAUBLES · 15/12/2005 15:15

I think that if it is your 1st baby then "yes".
I found out what my first one was by accident and it was a secret I kept even from my husband as I was dissapointed to know. I wanted a girl and was having a boy, yet I knew that whatever it was when it was born I would instantly love him/her.
When I got pregnant with the second one I wanted a surprise as I felt that I had been deprived the first time round! I made them promise not to tell me and when they scanned the genitalia to tell me so that I could look away as I really did want a surprise.
I guess though that it is a personal thing, but I just know that in finding out that I felt cheated. I hope this makes some sense!

DissLocated · 15/12/2005 15:16

I found out, like others have said, it's as much a surprise at 20 weeks as 40 weeks and it helped with bonding. I still hedged my bets though and decorated the nursery in neutral colours and only bought white and yellow clothes just incase they were wrong.

PantomimEDAMe · 15/12/2005 15:18

Ditto blackduck. Glad I asked as gave me time to get used to the idea of a ds.

moondog · 15/12/2005 15:21

I found out the first time-was happy with that decision.
Second time,I didn't want to,but went for a scan in Turkey with an interpreter and understood enough Turkish to realise the obstetrician wastalking about a 'he'.Realised i couldn't live with that knowledge (ie not let dh in on it) soasked him to tell us both the sex and then acted surprised!

Dh was pleased,as he had wanted to know both times.

Have a dd and a ds and think that we should all be focussing on our luck in being pregnant at all,not mentally picking and choosing as if we are strolling the aisles of a supermarket!

BluStocking · 15/12/2005 15:21

I really didn't want to know. I wanted there to be a clear difference between being pregnant, and having a baby. I didn't want to start projecting things onto an idea of a girl, or a boy, or know anyhting about him or her until they were born.

(I was v pleased that I knew about his dodgy leg before he was born, but that's a different story).

It's a v personal decision - wait until the day, dewberry, and see whether curiosity or mystery wins the day?

rockinrobinkie · 15/12/2005 15:23

I did find out with ds, but nobody knows I did! I wanted to know because I had all the old wivey "boy" signs (carrying high in front only, lower leg hair growth completely disappeared, and so on) and wanted to confirm. Also I think I rather wanted a boy (in the way you "want" when it's your first and you don't know actually what you're on about), and felt if it was a girl I would need to get used to the idea. So I am not at all sure what I would have done with your experience, frogs!

Didn't find out with dd, as by then I realised that for me having babies wasn't about "a boy" or "a girl" but about a person. And I knew I was having a person.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 15/12/2005 15:23

I don't think you'd ever regret not finding out.

moondog · 15/12/2005 15:27

Oh and if you do know but don't want to divulge,please don't respond smugly (when someone asks if you know what you're having) with

'Yes we do,but we're not telling.'

Aaargghhh!!! I fecking hate that!! Just remember that 90% of people asking couldn't really give a toss,they're just making small talk.
Far better to say 'No we don't' and leave it at that.

Note to self: add this particular bugbear to my 'You know what really gets on my tits???' thread.

MulledWineFlanders · 15/12/2005 15:36

I found out at 20 week scan and didn't regret it. Secretly wanted a boy so was chuffed to bits. It was still a surprise at birth to his his lovely little face when the midwife handed him over.

Blackduck · 15/12/2005 15:42

Absolutely no likelihood of a mistake with ds - he opened his legs and I have a great scan shot of his 'bits'

GemgleBells · 15/12/2005 15:46

I didn't find out and didn't regret it. When I help the midwife lift our baby onto my tummy I was the one who looked and got to annouce "It's a girl!" It was fabulous.

The only thing that was annoying trying to prepare for Dd's birth was that because so many people know what they're having now trying to find unisex clothes is actually quite difficult sometimes. Bought some boy clothes just because I thought both a girl and boy can wear blue, but you can't put a boy in pink.

zippimistletoes · 15/12/2005 15:48

i keep reading the thread title as

will I regret finding out about sex?

melrose · 15/12/2005 15:54

I didn't and am glad I didn't. My Mum knows someone who was told that she was having a girl and went pink mad, then gave birth to a boy. She foubd it all very upsetting as she had so built up to having a girl. So worth remembering they can get it wrong (especially if they think it is a girl as boys can hide their bits!!)

allycotownofbethlehem · 15/12/2005 16:18

I found out (quite recently) that after four DDs this babe is a DS!!!!

Not that I would have minded another DD but we were pleased to find out. In a way I am glad I found out because we were both sooo shocked, having thought it would be DDs all the way for us! I think if I hadn't found out until he was born that I would have spent a fair few hours gazing at the relevant bits to make it all sink in!! (I remember doing that with DD no. 2 - the midwives must have thought I was mad)

Anyway he's a baby first and a boy second and he's healthy, and that's all that matters IYSWIM

EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 15/12/2005 16:22

No didn't regret it at all. I asked every time I was scanned (I had lots, long story) and as soon as I knew then it gave my baby an identity. I named him and talked to him from then on, and could buy things 'for C' rather than just 'for the baby'.

But you have had one before, so you know how you felt then.

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