is all this a BIG mistake??....

[mumt1]

I'm a bit in a muddle... I'm 21 and 8wks pregnant, I am having major troubles in the relationship and neither of us want to be together, but as we have a 2 year old together we are struggling to leave eachother, but now I am pregnant it seems impossible! He is trying to forget that I'm pregnant and me I'm not happy about being pregnant, I don't believe in termination but I have been considering it, due to the awful relationship and new career(just started paramedic course). I don't want to be a single mum. I am soo scared to admit I'm pregnant. I don't feel like I did with DS1.

Does sound like a mess - lots of sympathy for you mumt1. Always hard to offer advice in a situation like this, have you got any friends/family you can talk to?

It depends how strongly you don't believe in abortions. You're only 8 weeks so you have some time. If you don't want the baby, would you consider adoption?

Sorry to hear your situation - it must be hard to separate, but it would be far harder with another child.

How does your partner feel? It sounds like he is in denial, but it is important that you can discuss the situation and hopefully agree on an outcome.

I'm right there with you on not liking abortions (not that I'd take away anyone's opportunity to make that decision themselves) this must be really hard for you. Adoption would also be a traumatic option both for you and for the baby.. and your older child.

Obviously you'll make the decision you need to, but if I were you I would come to that decision sooner rather than later. Your baby will see as normal whatever situation it's born into- transition later on will be harder. If the relationship really is a no go then surely it's better to admit that than live with someone who is probably not going to be supportive and with whom it will be easy to argue. Sometimes space is what is necessary.

My mum and step-father argued and gave each other the silent treatment for the first two years of my sister's life, during which time she screamed the house down. They moved into separate houses and decided on a routine of who should look after her when, as well as how much maintenance money my mum would receive from him (£400/month if that helps... but then he is on a reasonable wage). They haven't really argued since and Miriam (my sister, now 9) has been a really happy child who gets plenty of quality time from both parents.

I know being a single mum sounds tough but I think that staying in a relationship that isn't working is often harder, and more stressful for everyone under that roof. Splitting would be the way I would choose. You need to talk to your partner though and decide on how things would work.

Good luck with everything.