LO due at Christmas and freaking out - will they induce me early????

[Jennlx]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone has any advise for me, puh-leeeze!! I am due with my second child on 26/12/2011 and already have a 16 month old. We have absolutely no family nor friends who could possibly look after my DS during the labour/birth if it occurs over Christmas. If the baby comes early or late, it should be ok as we could arrange emergency babysitters but am petrified about the baby being on time and being stuck at Christmas giving birth by myself while my DH looks after DS (incidentally, my DS arrived on time). If I begged the hospital, would they be inclined to induce me early....or something? I don't really want my DH to miss the birth of his second child, but really don't know what to do! Do hospitals have creches? Any ideas, please please please?!

No they won't induce you early for that reason. It is not worth the risks involved with induction. You have about 4 months to arrange some childcare ...why can't your family help at christmas?

I doubt they would induce you early for that reason. Do you not have a single friend/family member who if needed could have your ds during the labour/birth? It is highly unlikely the baby will come on your due date anyway but you have plenty of time to organise something between now and then. Even if it was christmas day I would help a friend if needed and have their dc over for christmas etc if in labour/birth.

I sympathise, I'm due on the 19th and we're in the same position, no family within many miles so all thoughts of Xmas out the window; however, we don't have your rather significant issue of another child to cope with.

Couple of thoughts- discuss it with your MW, they must have come across this before. Also, call the hospital, they may be able to assist with arrangements: either with somewhere for your DS, or be able to accommodate him in some fashion should you all need to rush in.

If it really is totally dire (and I know this will sound crazy, but hang in there) you could contact social services at the Council, who may be able to arrange either a day's care, or to give you advice on local, registered childminders/carers who specialise in emergency or one-off situations. My PILs were emergency foster carers for many years, and they've had stranger cases, believe me.

Hope you get something sorted

You should be able to advertise on Netmums or call around to your local nanny agencies and find someone who doesn't mind being on call. You could use them as a sitter a few times before your due date as well so your DS doesn't get stuck with a total stranger.

I'm not from here - I'm from Australia and none of my family can afford to come over and help at Christmas (flights at Xmas would be about £2,500 and my mother isn't alive and my brothers are in the their early 20s and would be not much help anyway). We have moved around a lot and I haven't really met anyone I feel I could ask in London (where we now live). I know it all sounds so stupid - how could you not know ANYONE who could help, but we really don't. In respect of the due date thing and the unliklihood that the LO would arrive on that date - that's what the hospital told me first time around and the midwives didn't believe I was even in labour as it was my due date...they were very shocked when my DS actually arrived! So I'm bracing myself for the worst case scenario! :o)

I was due on Xmas eve last year so I can understand your panic.

Have you thought about a home birth? At least you wouldn't have to disturb ds if you were to go into labour at night.

If not you may need to speak with local childminders or similar.

Tbh, the chances of you having lo on the edd is do small. I ended up having dd2 we days late.

I had our second baby in august ( um august 1997 ) and my husband was a hotel manager in Great Yarmouth at the time and all our family live in Wales ( we do now as well )
A lovely neighbour ( widowed lady , who ran a church mother and toddler group that we went to ) offered to drop everything and babysit should we need her.
My second baby popped out , I was only in hospital for 3 hours , son was in bed and didn't even miss us , called for me in the morning , my mum and dad had driven up ( 5 hours in the car ) and mum bought him in to see me and baby sister in bed , husband snoring away ,
We found living miles away from family , the most unlikely people will be happy to help out , our neighbours daughter and grandchildren lived in Florida and she really missed them ,

You really need to look into emergency childcarers or speak to midwife.

Induction Wont be offered in these circs.

Do you go to playgroups? Antenatal groups? Any local nannys who do ad hoc care?

how about hiring a doula? that way there is someone extra to help at the birth, and your husband or the doula could look after your child. A home birth might make an arrangement like that easier, if you're into the sort of thing.

I assume that either you go to some toddler groups or similar (if a SAHM)

OR if you work then your child will go to nursery OR a CM?

If you dont do any groups / classes, then perhaps September is a good time to start something.

Im sure you can chat to a local mum at a 'group' and find someone who could help out, OR if you work FT then speak to CM, or nursery staff.... given the circumstances im sure at least 1 person would be happy to be on call, just in case, especially as its highly likely you wont need them anyway.

The NHS will induce you for medical reasons, not because its inconvieniant to give birth on or before a certain date

I'm due on 22nd Dec, and although I have lots of family and friends around who would help out, I've decided on a homebirth purely so I can be in my own over the Christmas period. Dd will be 5.5 so Christmas is important to her. I have this fear of going into labour on Christmas Eve, dh and I going to hosp and her panicking about Father Christmas finding her with her pressies.......

I've chatted to my mw and asked if I'd even get a sweep early, but no! So I think it's pretty safe to rule an induction out completely.

Have you considered a home birth? Did you have a straight forward labour/birth last time?

I'm due on 11th December but no.1 was 16 days late so I could well be looking at a Christmas birth.

Like you we have no family nearby, but we are planning, if the worst comes to the worst, to ask the parents of my son's friends from nursery. Several of them are also from overseas and so can completely understand our predicament.

Do you really not have any people you know through nursery/play groups etc? Even if your son isn't used to going on playdates, now would be the time to start organising some so he gets used to the idea. And, after a few playdates, over a cup of tea with the other mum you could drop into the conversation that the big worry is what to do over Christmas for childcare if you go into labour. If you don't already go to some playgroups, then start!

You've got another 20 odd weeks to work something out. The suggestions re talking to midwife, emergancy nanny services (even if they charge through the nose) are all options. But also ask around ex-pat communities online and here on MM as there might be a local coffee group of mumnetters who'd be willing to have an extra one at Christmas. Heck, if were weren't in Southampton and likely to be in a similar position ourselves, I'd offer!

I agree, you do have quite a bit of time so don't panic. At least you know that if your little one arrives at Christmas, everyone will be off work and in a position to help out.

Personally I wouldn't feel great about meeting a stranger on the internet to entrust him to, but go to groups meet people and make friends and you'll find someone. My instinct would be to go to your local church, even if you're not Christian- people there are friendly good people and they will have people there who have been CRB checked (CRB=criminal records bureau) as almost every church has youth workers or children's workers. Make friends and even if there isn't anyone who would do it for free, you'll probably find someone you could pay something to look after him.

Thanks for all the suggestions - certainly food for thought! BTW, only asked by inducing and someone told me that they were successfully induced early purely as they didn't want to give birth at Xmas (which obviously sounds highly unlikely!). My DS attends nursery fulltime and the other parents are very....well, not unfriendly but certainly not receptive to my attempts to be friendly. Working fulltime doesn't allow me to attend any other toddler groups. To be perfectly honest, I would rather pay for someone to babysit at extortionate rates than deliberately try and make friends with someone so they can help out in my time of need, seems a bit manipulative? I think I'm going to ring the hospital, try for a doula and failing that - go it alone, if need be. My husband won't entertain the idea of a home birth...he's worried about being away from the hospital if there are complications (I also tend to agree). Hopefully, will all be ok - I'll be crossing my legs doubly hard on Xmas Day! As always, thanks for your responses - so very helpful with lots of ideas....

Jennix if your child is at nursery mention it to them.

It may well be that his keyworker or other staff member he knows well may be happy to help out, especially if they know the situation. Of course offer them some money, but i bet someone in the nursery who you and your son know would look after him, even if it just happened to be on christmas day!

Seconding what nannyl says. A lot of nursery staff have been known to do out of hours work when needed.

Good luck, and pop over to the due in December thread:)