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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How to deal with comments at work from nosey people?

17 replies

zosie24 · 26/07/2011 08:05

Hello Everyone!

Long time reader but first time poster.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips for "dealing" with nosey people at work?

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and we decided not to find out the sex of the baby and not to discuss name options with anyone. (this includes my mum who is absolutely pulling her hair out!) I really like the idea of a suprise and an announcement.

Is this so unusual? Everyone seems to think I'm a massive dullard for not indulging them? x

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Wormshuffler · 26/07/2011 08:08

Nah don't tell them! they will only pour scorn on the names you like, but won't do that once born. It's this generation..........they can't wait for anything!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 08:10

Well, I'm a fan of finding out but it's your choice not to. If you don't know and tell them so, I'm not sure what else there is to say tbh. It's not like you can wander down to your gp to find out. It would involve another scan which presumably you're not having. So I'm not sure what they think you should do!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 08:11

Oh, just seen the name bit. No, tell them to bugger off. I discussed names with my mother because the one I wanted was a name that I knew she would have issues with but otherwise we told no one....well, DH told his entire huge family but he got a rocket up his arse for doing so!

Piffpaffpoff · 26/07/2011 08:14

Or, just come out with the most ludicrous names possible and I guarantee you they will stop asking.

Dlamis · 26/07/2011 08:14

Just tell them you don't know the sex and therefore won't decide on a name till baby is born.

or try the old mumsnet favourite to nosy people "why do you want to know that?" in a 'how is that any of your business" tone of voice

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 26/07/2011 08:27

I font discuss names either, just either tell them to shut up or just say what do you think and let them blabber on.

jenrendo · 26/07/2011 08:30

I was in the exact same situation as you at work and also with family. We didn't know what we were having and didn't tell anyone our nake choices. It drove everyone mad but we didn't care! And it made it all the more lovely when DS was born. Just tell them they'll find out when you do!

KingofHighVis · 26/07/2011 08:32

We did exactly the same. Everyone accepted it without any pressure at all.

Sewmuchtodo · 26/07/2011 08:47

I agree with Dlamis, you cant beat a good old 'Sorry, why do you ask?'

I have used this line on many an tricky situation.....MIL asking how much my wedding dress cost, Neighbour asking if my DD was particularly short for her age and the school mum who announced 'Im assuming DC3 will be your last'.

I would also say you simply haven't decided yet and want to keep it a surprise when you do!

Beesok · 26/07/2011 09:47

I have the same thing re names! We chose to find out the sex and have no probs sharing that info but I don't want anyone to know our names - well, my mum and sister as well as in-laws know but they have been sworn to secrecy :) I like the idea of a surprise but also I don't want to hear what everyone else thinks of the name and I hate it when people start giving you suggestions (unasked).
Just tell them you haven't decided yet - seems to work with me :)

coastgirl · 26/07/2011 09:53

We haven't found out the sex and all that happens is everyone has a guess, which is harmless, and when it comes to names I just go all vague and say "oh...a few ideas...nothing certain yet...we'll see when we meet him or her!" and then they tell you names they like (which can be helpful). What can they do - torture you until you say a name? We only decided names this week anyway so I couldn't have told people even if I wanted to!

PirateDinosaur · 26/07/2011 10:02

You don't need to discuss your actual name choices, but it can seem less abrupt if you have alternative responses like "We're still thinking about it. I really like [x] but can't use that because [it was the name of MIL's dog/it reminds DH of haemorrhoid cream/it sounds silly with the last name]" or "We haven't decided yet; we keep getting sidetracked down thinking of really unsuitable names like [mention a few that are hideously unfortunate with the last name]". I found that the latter in particular would generally divert people off down a path of trying to come up with even more unfortunate name combinations (but then DH does have a last name that it's very easy to find bad first names for). Either way they get to have the inconsequential baby-related chat that is what they really want (your colleagues don't actually care what you are naming your baby, after all, they just want the chat/interaction).

Xiaoxiong · 26/07/2011 10:06

I said we were keeping the gender a surprise "to get me through the horrendous pain" - I find it immediately makes people back away slowly for fear you are going to say something embarrassing about vaginas or tearing or stitches or placentas.

With names, I've told everyone that DH is a Cornish nationalist and enthusiastically get into the list of names we are supposedly considering and ask them to help me decide because I just LOOOOOVE them all: Jago, Mungo, Demelza, Karenza, Petroc, Tristram, Gweek, Mawgan, Pascoe, Trelawney, Treve, Pirran...

That tends to shut them up.

TheSecondComing · 26/07/2011 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YBR · 26/07/2011 13:29

I know that when my (twin) brother and I were born my parents didn't name us imediately but waited to see what we were like, thus discussions about names before the birth would have been fairly futile. The idea appeals to me.

ATM I'm not getting asked about names - so far it's do you know the sex and are we going to find out. I'm getting used to saying how I expect I'll find out at some point!

Vix286 · 26/07/2011 19:28

I do the same as PirateDinosaur by talking about what we can't use, the name I liked for a DS is my sister's DP's name for example and what doesn't go with DH surname and then finish with, "we've got a couple for each but will decide on the day"

Like others have said, its really that people want to have a chat.

We don't know the sex and people are quite surprised sometimes, but we just say we thought we'd keep it as a surprise to get me through the labour!

100years · 26/07/2011 21:42

Zosie, I had the same thing re the names. We know (or at least are fairly sure) we are having a girl, cue lots of 'have you decided on a name yet?' Yes we have, but we're not telling anyone. I've had a lot of raised eyebrows etc about it, but we would prefer it to be a here is our daughter X. If people question too much I tell them a ridiculous name, that usually stops them asking anymore!

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