would you ask for money?

[lightsandshapes]

am 24 weeks with dc 1. very exciting. Been generously given more than enough clothes by a friend of DP. So kind of her. have been washing and drying, folding and stacking for days! Have filled the wardrobe and there's still a mountain on the floor of cute things. My question is... when i do the birth announcement (by email) do you think I can get away with saying something like - 'have more than enough baby clothes, so don't need any more, but cash for the baby's trust fund account would be most appreciated if you want to contribute something'. Could I get away with this - is there a better way to say it - or is asking for cash an issue?? Just don't know where I could put clothing and really don't need any more!!

There really is no such thing as too many clothes for a small baby, only too little space to store them

I am in a similar position, in that my SIL passed on 6 vac-pack bags of baby clothes from her and her SIL along with all the baby gumpf, then my friend loaded up DPs car when we were there at the weekend with all her old baby stuff so between them we have everything we could ever need, twice over in most cases (how many types of bouncy thing does one baby really need?) so when people have asked if there is anything we need, I have had to say thank you for the offer, but we are already inundated with stuff but if they would like to send a welcome to the world card, it would be greatly appreciated as we can put it into DS3s memory box.

Some people will doubtless still buy things, I know I have in the past even when friends have said they are all set, because buying clothes for babies is just too damn cute to pass up. Most of our friends will get alternative funky stuff or cult collectibles, because that is the sort of people they/we are but we have made it clear to everyone that we don't expect anything at all and will be chuffed just to have them pop over at some point to say hi to the wee fella.

It is a bit different with both the Grandmas as they both want to get a significant something (ie the cot or travel system) as they feel that is what grandparents do (sadly both our fathers are dead so there are only Grandmas left) but again, we have stressed to them that we are covered for things we need but if they really want to get something, then either a keepsake or something utterly frivolous would be fabulous. For friends and more distant relatives though, hell no I wouldn't ask for anything at all, let alone demand cash. How grabby does that sound?

We had so many lovely, knitted garments for our firstborn. Some of my mother's friends also crocheted and sewed beautiful baby blankets and quilts.

We also had a wonderful IKEA plastic bucket (which is still here years on and has been used so often) full of IKEA pack of face flannels, muslin cloths, bibs, and IKEA's legendary plastic cutlery and plates/bowls/cups for children that have been so useful and are now on their third child.

Asking for cash is really beyond crass and shows people you don't appreciate their thoughtfulness, creativeness and kindness.

I think it may just be a very untactful way of tackling the problem.
If you can find a phrasing that makes it clear that you don't expect anything, but for those who wish to give something would they please make contact to find out what is needed...
Make sure it comes across as a minor point.

Come back OP! You've had a bit of a drubbing and I feel bad now, hope you're not upset at the responses

There's no way you can tactfully put this. Asking people to contact you for what is needed if they feel inclined to give a gift is just as tacky, IMO.

Wow - people feel strongly!!
In my defense - I got this idea from a book called 'how to afford time off with your kids' - which is really a very good book. But perhaps the birth announcement is not he way to do it. If people ask specifically if there's anything I need I could have a handy list ready or say something - like 'well I'm saving up for a nursing chair, if you want to contribute to that that would be fab'. I know pwoplw say I shouldn't expect things - but have bought stuff for all my friends when they have hadbabies, so wouldn't be surprised to get stuff back.

And by birth announcement - I just mean a simple 'xxx born today, name, weighing, mum and baby are x' All me friends do these! I am only going to do it by email so I don't have to faf around with text messages. and can perhaps attach a little picture.

Noooo! You musn't ask for financial contributions to anything, it's really rude!

We're pretty skint but when people asked us I just said 'oh that's really kind of you but you dont need to get anything. Thank you very much for offering'. People just went ahead and bought cute little baby outfits anyway, because people like buying cute little baby outfits. But there was no expectation from us at all.

Who are all these people who specifically ask? I can't recall ever having known people who actually do that.

You sound very grabby and still trying to find a way to get money out of folks for your having a baby. 'If you want to contribute'. C'mon. Quit fooling yourself. You just want the money, not gifts.

If you want to afford time off with your kids, fund it yourself.

p**s off lachesis, it's people like you that make me hate these bloody forums, I won't be back..... nasty

Bye then. I find it nasty and grabby to even consider friends and relatives as financial vehicles there for my own gain.

I do birth announcements too - I don't think it's outdated. I make little cards with a photo of the baby, and send them out to relatives or friends I don't see all the time, so they can see the baby - not everyone has e-mail, and a card is a bit more special. Local friends saw both DCs within a week anyway, so they just got a text. I did the announcements because I was proud of my baby and wanted to share the good news of her arrival. I certainly don't expect that I'll get a present in return, and I don't think you are necessarily expecting that either, just trying to make your preferences known if people do want to buy a gift. I can see both sides, that you have enough stuff and don't want more, but also that people love to choose things for the baby and might find a direct request for money rude (though a bit surprised how some people on here have reacted!).

Is there another way you can make preferences known to people who might want to get you something? E.g., do you have siblings / parents / friends who might casually mention to other people (if it comes up) that you have been really lucky to be given lots of stuff and they are going to give you money for the baby instead - depends how subtle they could be though!!!

All the people who've said about swapping clothes for bigger sizes are right - this does work well, an we have always been able to take things back for exchange to the big stores (Next, Mothercare etc, etc) even without a receipt. If you get things you can't swap, you could always eBay them when you have time (might be a while with a new baby!!) or donate them to a charity so they won't be wasted.

Good luck!

I've never thought that about friends and relatives for a second. Amazing how you've managed to misinterpret eveything I've said. It's to avoid WASTE not to be grabby. But your IQ doesn't permit you to understand the subtlety of that. Really, I don't want to engage with you anymore - pregnancy should be a hapy time and you're making me feel like shit. I hope you're happy with yourself.

p.s. thank you to evryone else for the much more helpful comments - my last one was directived to the verbally abusive lachesis who needs to rtake a homeopathic dose of herself

Hi lightsandshapes. Sorry you got a hard time - I missed the last bit typing my post (above). I do get where you're coming from, and am surprised at the drubbing you've had. Please don't let it upset you. x

You came on here, asked if it's okay to ask for money, got a resounding NO from everyone, then came back and still tried to find a way to get money out of people as a gift. Then threw the teddy out the pram when given an opinion that it's rude, tacky and grabby.

It's an open net forum. It's akin to painting your OP on a sandwich board, strapping it on, walking round Trafalgar Square at lunchtime on a warm summer day, and asking people what they think.

You're not going to hear all yays.

a homeopathic dose?

Get over yourself, OP.

You get upset over a net forum but have the cheek to find it acceptable to ask for cash as a gift.

Please don't abandon MN over this, OP!

I think the problem with asking for money or contributions to things (be they nursing chairs or honeymoons) is that people feel awkward handing over cash unless to children or close family. When friends ask for honeymoon contributions as a wedding gift I always feel very weird about how much to give in a way that I don't about how much to spend on a present - even if it's from their list and they will know exactly how much it cost! Also, asking for money risks embarrassing people who don't have much spare cash - it's easy to find a lovely baby hat or toy for a fiver but somehow embarrassing to hand over a fiver as a cash present! I think this is a lot of the problem.

thanks catsycat

Sorry lachesis I really don't want to engage with you anymore. There are ways of saying things without coming across as nasty as everyone else on here has - while making their point known. You clearly don't have that talent. How DARE you tell me what I think of my family and friends.

For not engaging with me anymore (no need to apologise!), you still keep carrying on.

Getting insulted and sulking about an internet sprite.

Honestly, get a grip. Ignore me then!

Thanks pale hands nice to know there are nice, positive people on here too

I think you might actually be surprised by what people give you, IME although people love buying little outfits, few actually do these days. My sister in law was given nappy cakes, Johnson's gift packs, mobiles (the musical ones), slings, changing bags etc, and then LOTS of champagne, chocolates, frozen dinners and various gifts for her and daddy rather than for babe. Maybe 4 items of clothing in total, but none of them in newborn.

Wait and see

Oh and I plan to let everyone know about baba's arrival via mass text message, with photo attached, but that's just how everyone I know would do it. I don't know anyone who uses email but it's the same difference.

Thanks bbb

WTH are nappy cakes??

katieWatie Its piles of nappies shaped like a wedding cake.