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Pregnancy

I'm so angry!!!!!

99 replies

sarahmia · 02/07/2011 23:25

My mother has just announced that she wants to go to Scotland 10 days after I'm due, 3 days after she breaks up from school. For a week. Then 2 weeks later go on holiday for 10 days to Israel. When I said I was kinda relying on her help a bit especially since dd1 is on school holidays, my sister agreed with me and then my mum went off on one about how she has a life too and she needs a break etc etc. I'm so angry I basically just told her that I don't want her here and she should go. Oh how I do love to cut my nose off to spite my face.
Am I being hormonally unfair???

OP posts:

Report

grubbalo · 04/07/2011 09:22

Errm while it's fine to say people shouldn't be mean to the OP, perhaps she should have realised that with such an angry post asking if she was being unfair, she might expect a few "direct" responses back? i.e. if she'd come on and said "I'm so, so upset" and then said she'd been really hoping to have her mum around and now she wasn't going to be, then it might have gone down a bit better?

KaraJS · 04/07/2011 09:30

Don't understand why people think it's wrong for her to have a go and be rude to her mum but it's perfectly acceptable for them to be rude and have a go at her, double standards I think

nunnie · 04/07/2011 09:42

I have the opposite problem, my mum and dad have decided not to go away from August to November and my mum is taking every opportunity to remind me that they aren't going away because of ME! I should say here I have never asked them to look after DD and DS they have just decided that I would need them which is lovely don't get me wrong and I do appreciate it but I never expected it.

I think you are being a little unfair personally, but maybe it stems more from worrying what will happen and not havign your mum there for motherly support rather than help if that makes sense.

georgethecat · 04/07/2011 17:35

Wow different side of mumsnet on this thread......thought we were all adults supporting each other, even if we don't agree with what the poster has done/said. Advice should be imparted respectfully surely, be nice people xxx

ScarlettIsWalking · 04/07/2011 17:43

I don't get on with my other at all but would have never dreamed of treating her like you did. I think you need to apologise and get a grip.

Crosshair · 04/07/2011 17:52

I know its not right, but most of the harsher replies seem to come from the way the first post was written. It happens alot on all forums, if people post with a perceived attitude they get alot of stick rather than sympathy.

Northernlurker · 04/07/2011 18:18

I think the OP was being unfair. As parents, quite honestly, it's our job to keep the wheels on the waggon. Yes take help from grandparents - goodness knows we nearly all do - but that's as a gift not a right. Same goes for the opposite situation when parents want help from adult children.
Yes she got a rough ride on this thread. That's what happens when you announce you've shouted at your mother because you haven't got your own way. Doesn't tend to endear you either when you decline to listen to others views (although you asked for them!) and flounce off.

PamBeesly · 04/07/2011 18:49

I would be a bit upset too OP, I would possibly be more upset about what some of these posters have said. I also understand that you'll be exahausted, sore and in need of some help, just because others haven't had it doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice of you mum postponed for a week or two to help with her new GD, I personally would be upset. Hope you aren't too upset about what some harsher posters have said.

Crosshair · 04/07/2011 18:52

I thought she left a few posts into page one?

alliwant · 04/07/2011 19:19

I think this is more about OP being hurt. I lost my mum before I had chidlren, but my dad has not been around at the time of the birth of any of mine. My 3rd and final is due in 5 weeks and he has again organised a weeks holiday right at the time I am due. He asked if I minded and I said no, but a part of me is sad he doesn't want to share it, as I know my mother wouldn't have missed it for the world

OP atleast she'll be back to help later, its lovely that just you and your little family can have some time on your own, try and look at it that way.

Goodluck

GoblinMarket · 04/07/2011 20:47

It's as if some of you think that the Grandma has some sort of 'expectation' that she will help....

Whilst I would love to help when I have Grandchildren I do think the 'expectation' is wrong. Why should she? I think the ops attitude towards the Grandma is harsher thatn the critical posts on here

grubbalo · 04/07/2011 21:00

And one more thing OP (if you're still reading) - if you have found this thread tough then I'd advise never posting in AIBU! Now that really does get you to see "the other side" of mumsnet.... At least here, quite a few people have been understanding and kind... it can get pretty vicious over there!

I really do hope you're feeling a bit better about things though now you've had a chance to calm down a bit. Don't cut your mum out, you would regret it later.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/07/2011 21:01

I never had an expectation that 'Grandma' would help, but I did have an expectation that my Mum might be there for support for me. Fucking shoot me if that's an unreasonable expectation, yes I'm a grown up etc etc yawn.. and I'm perfectly capable of functioning in life without my Mother helping me, obviously. Thing is, it's NICE that she was there to help, it's a GOOD THING that she wanted to me, and it certainly made me feel better when I had DS and was totally fucking shell-shocked and in the new baby zone.

All the nasty comments are really uncalled for, there just is no need to be so rude. I'm sure none of you would say such things face to face.

As for expectations from GPs, I have no expectation of automatic babysitter, or anything like that. DS is mine and DPs responsibility, not my Mum's. The difference is that the OP was not asking for help with a gradchild, she was asking for support from her Mum.. Yes, shouting at her Mum was of course unreasonable, but who hasn't had a mad shouting match with someone in their family when pregnant?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 04/07/2011 21:02

it's a GOOD THING that she wanted to support* me,

Crosshair · 04/07/2011 21:03

When you're used to having someone forever you do tend to take them for granted and expect them to be around at a time you consider important.

Im dreading my mum being around everyday, but if she booked a holiday instead I'd be all wtf woman!

nomorehotbaths · 04/07/2011 21:33

OP, I understand why you are upset, of course you want your mum around.

What a bunch of truly vicious nasty bitches some of you are on here, quite frankly.

Don't let them upset you. I'd be pissed off too if my mum went swanning off a few days after my due date.xx

GoblinMarket · 04/07/2011 21:35

i didn't even think this was bad for mumsnet!!!

whooooaaaa I have suffered a zillion times worse and am still here

KaraJS · 04/07/2011 21:39

What's AIBU???

grubbalo · 04/07/2011 21:56

The Am I Being Unreasonable section (in the "Other" section of talk).

Before you post, develop a thick skin and be prepared for all your faults to be pointed out to you! Not a place for the faint hearted! (But can be very funny too)

doozle · 04/07/2011 21:58

You just can't mention grandparents and helping out on here without causing a ruck.

yummystepford · 04/07/2011 21:58

what childcare do you have arranged for when your in hospital? does your mum know what your plans were? I cant understand why your mum would want to go on holiday when your about to give birth to her grandchild (though sounds like my mum tbh!) I know your not saying she cant have a break but i think she is being selfish and inconsiderate to WANT to go on holiday not once but twice just after the baby is born! sometimes its just nice to have her close by to pop in for a cuppa so you dont feel so alone in the early days when you wont feel as up to going out.

doozle · 04/07/2011 22:05

In all seriousness though, I think your mum is a bit bonkers. Why on earth wouldn't she want to be around for the birth of a grandchild?

Sure, my mum passed away when I was young and I had to manage without help.

But I'm sure if she was around, she'd want to be there for me.

So I'd never begrudge anyone else for wanting their mum around at one of the most important times of their life.

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KaraJS · 04/07/2011 22:19

Just had a look over there, don't know why people post they must no the response their going to get, ouch!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 05/07/2011 02:06

particularly at the 'Diddums' post.

Honestly.

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