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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why do people tell u heartbreaking pregnancy stories?

21 replies

FirstTimeMummyToBe · 29/06/2011 22:01

I am 19 weeks pregnant at the moment and feel that whenever i am with a group of friends/colleages or family they seem to have another story about pregnancy ending badly. They only tell me these since i have fell pregnant and they make me worry for hours afterwards.

Is this just me or is everybody getting the same?

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Xmasevie · 29/06/2011 22:04

I get this too. Stopped listening really.

Original poster

FirstTimeMummyToBe · 29/06/2011 22:11

Thank god its not just me.

I cant help worying about the poor people its happened to and then if this will happen to me :(

wish they would stop!

OP posts:

kickingking · 29/06/2011 22:17

On Christmas Day, when I was 32 weeks pregnant with a 'high risk' pregnancy, my FIL told me a story about a stillbirth. With a big grin all over his fat, ugly face.

I have no idea why he did it. No idea.

We left their house and I cried for the rest of the day. My husband then blamed me for ruining Christmas by crying.

PrincessScrumpy · 29/06/2011 22:19

a work colleague I hardly knew had a baby who was born at 22w and lived for 1 hour, 10 months before I had dd1. She thought it was appropriate and helpful to show me the photos of her baby (who although was technically alive, sadly looked very much dead) when I was 22w pg so I could see what my baby looked like inside me!

I think it was something she needed to do and somehow I held it together and managed an "awwww bless". I was very hormonal but I think the situation stunned me so much I think I got through it. My team were sitting nearby in the office and were so shocked.

btw, she'd had problems throughout her pg so don't let it worry you!

Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

Scaredycat3000 · 29/06/2011 22:26

Yes everybody tells you all the awful stuff. People like to moan. So just to even the balance, I had a positive experience. I had a good pregnancy, no problems, minor aches and pains, but nothing unexpected. I went into labour 6 days early, started at 5:30 am, arrived at hospital 11am, in birthing pool, gave birth on gas & air 5:30pm to a healthy 8lb 8oz boy. I grazed, so no stitches. I described it as the hardest work you've ever done, but you can't stop for a break . I had no problems breast feeding, he, in fact, never even lost any of his birth weight. Wasn't that a dull and smug story? I was very, very lucky.

meditrina · 29/06/2011 22:27

Have you seen the 'count the kicks' thread? The title showed that people did not know the stillbirth rate in UK.

So whilst I am of course sorry for anyone who is upset, the general lack of awareness shows that it isn't that much spoken about.

PrincessScrumpy: it's heartbreaking to hear about your colleague. That picture is all she's got. It probably took all her bravery to talk about a pregnancy at all, especially when she was so newly bereaved.

allthefires · 29/06/2011 22:28

Kicking your FIL is something rhyming with Punt.

Why would he do that??

I have been unfortunate to have experienced stillbirth through friends and family so am probably very cautious anyway. We do discuss it occassionally because it would be unnatural not to.

However your OP is not the same as this and its really hard to offer advise except unless it is their personal experience/ or v close eg daughter ask them not to continue by saying something along the lines of "i would rather not discuss this as Im already aware of the risks and dont want to worry myself further"

Serenenfys · 29/06/2011 23:20

It's all I've been hearing too. Of three close friends who have had babies in the last 6 months, all I have heard form them is disaster stories. I won't bother repeating them here, because the point of your post (I think) is that you've been hearing too much of this sort of thing. In addition to this, I am now being lectured by two in particular about all of the things I should be doing, what I shouldn't eating, when I should be finishing work and what my partner should be doing. It has got to the point that I have begun to avoid them, especially as one practically tutted at me because I was drinking a can of coca cola! I think it was insensitive of both your FIL and lady who showed you her photos because neither thought about how you might have reacted and the effect what they were telling you might have on your feelings. Try to politely take no notice, and put your energy into looking forwards to your baby.

KatyN · 30/06/2011 13:30

My mum annouced that she was to be a grandma at work and someone else decided it was the time to say that her daughter was currently miscarrying her baby at 8 weeks. It's very strange esp as she keep getting updates on the state of play of the daughter and MC as people ask her about me.

It must be so hard to be the person with the horrid experience and wanting to share it but I do feel there might be a more appropriate person to tell.

hokeycakey · 30/06/2011 19:46

The thing is though that for some people the joy of pregnancy has been taken away, the excitement of scans or bringing the baby home has been forever tainted. I see that you might feel that people are only saying these things because you are pregnant but maybe they just mean more to you now

I have a very good friend who's baby was stillborn at 34 weeks, she actually lost friends who were pregnant at the same time because apparently she brought them down and they didn't want to think about it

Also totally agree meditrina awareness about stillbirth is needed and that is especially true for pregnant women.

So in some ways I agree people think they own you and can advise on anything when you are pregnant but if someone is sharing their experience be gracious and realise how very lucky you are to have a successful pregnancy

Original poster

FirstTimeMummyToBe · 30/06/2011 20:18

thanx for the replys

I have a friend who's baby was stillborn at 39 weeks was the most terrible experience for her and would never ever stop talking to her because i am pregnant i love the fact that she is strong enough to talk about her son alot i have nothing but respect for her and she has been great with me. I also have another friends whos daughter was 10months when she passed so i have seen first hand what the heartbreak and pain it causes.

maybe i am just noticing it as much as i am now pregnant.

Thanx for the positive story as well Scaredycat3000 nice to hear the good stories nobody tells you the good things very often :)

OP posts:

KaraJS · 30/06/2011 20:33

Even tho it's scary it can be a good thing to be aware of what can go wrong so you know what to do in case of emergancys, I don't know why people do it especially the fil with the still born story, he's obviously sick! We just have to try not to dwell on the negative stuff

ninipops · 30/06/2011 21:32

Recently at one of my ante-natal classes one of the other mums was being chummed by her sister who by the sound of it had had one child but had been there done that and knew more about childbirth than the midwife giving the class. At one point we were in groups discussing the onset of labour with a couple of second time mums sharing their experiences when this lady had to regale everyone with the story of her three week labour (is this even possible?) which started out with "I don't want to scare you but..."

I think the midwife must have said something to her though cause she never came back - her sister brought her mum instead!

RufousBartleby · 30/06/2011 21:40

I have to say to counter all this - I've noticed a tendency in quite a few pregnant friends to think that the world should revolve around them and suddenly their needs are more important than everyone elses...It may be that your pregnancy is bringing up issues for others that they then perhaps feel the need to talk about - it may not be entirely appropriate, but have a bit of compassion - being pregnant doesn't make your feelings more important than everyone elses!

PrincessScrumpy · 01/07/2011 19:05

I was actually really flattered that my colleague felt she could talk to me about her dd - the photo was a bit much especially as I was at the 22w pg that she had been when her dd was born.

My twin died of cot death so that's always there in my mind. More so now as I'm expecting id twins. Mum and dad do talk about my sister and more so since being pg - dad tells me all the things I must do to try to prevent it as he's very well read up on it. But I completely understand and he's only being protective - he'd hate us to have to go through what he and mum had to.

NorthLondonDoulas · 01/07/2011 19:52

When i was pregnant with my eldest i had previously suffered a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks, so was already very worried throughout my pregnancy... i then hit 41 weeks and still no sign of baby coming and in that week i was told two different stories of women that we knew that had still births due to the placenta giving up in late pregnancy so i was petrified! However on the plus side i can announce that i was 16 days over due when i was induced and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!

I find that some tell the stories to you as a way of relating (strange i know) and others tell you the stories as they DONT want the same thing to happen to you so they inform you to make you aware of things that could happen and signs to be aware of.

glitternanny · 01/07/2011 20:02

I don't know - its not like Im innocent.

libelulle · 01/07/2011 20:23

Princess- the photo was of her much-loved baby, not some awful horrific monster. Not an easy sight, sure, but how do you think she felt?! Surely that conversation was (or should have been) about her, and her loss, not your sensibilities? If you were flattered she could talk to you about it, then be flattered she chose to show you a picture of her baby!

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 01/07/2011 21:32

There are good stories out there too, 2 weeks ago today, my waters broke at 5.43am, contractions started coming straight away 2-3 mins apart, my daughter was born 12pm, the whole thing was over in 6.5 hours!

PrincessScrumpy · 01/07/2011 22:17

libelulle I did talk about her and did not mention that it wasn't something I wanted to see. I was happy with how I handled it and felt I supported her well, but it didn't stop it upsetting me. She said words to the affect of "Princess, you are 22w pg - this is what your baby looks like inside you right now." She linked it to my pg and at 22w with my firstborn I found it upsetting to see. Perhaps if I was out of the danger zone I wouldn't have felt like that but it made me very anxious about dd. Plus I was at my desk working and it was out of the blue so I simply was not expecting it - I'd only had a handful of conversations with the girl ever.

PinkFondantFancy · 02/07/2011 06:41

I agree with what hokeycakey said. Sadly it does go wrong for some people, but hearing about others won't make yours go wrong too IYSWIM. You being pregnant will stir up lots of emotions in other people, and i guess share their stories with you for a range of reasons but I would imagine they're just trying to help you so that you know what to look for/encourage you to be vigilant to reduce the risks of it happening to you? I would be very surprised if they are telling you their stories to try and upset you, so don't take it that way, and try and see it from their point of view.

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