'Ooh it's going to be so hard, you have no idea!'

[spatchcock]

Any new parents-to-be fed up to the back teeth of hearing this?

My in laws came to stay over the weekend and all I heard was 'been out with friends? oooh, make the most of it, your freedom is going to disappear!' 'Slept in? ooh, you'll be in for a shock soon!' 'long day? oooh, you don't know what long days are!' Accompanied by lots of smug 'you'll see' looks.

Also getting this from a few friends/colleagues who don't even have children!

Yes thanks, it's going to be difficult but there's no point crying and wringing my hands about it now!

Am tempted to come up with a witty (bitter) reply.

for in laws - "Oooh, you're getting on a bit now - you're going to struggle getting up the stairs soon! And death is just around the corner!"

friends - "Oooh, you'd better think about procreating yourself otherwise it'll be too late!"

(Don't worry, will keep the bitter comments to myself...)

Thanks clive. I do either tune out, or say mmm hmm. Or if I'm feeling devilish antagonise them by saying I'm going to have my child potty trained by four months old and sleeping through at eight weeks.

Nice to hear it doesn't stop . I think I will just have to lie so I don't get the 'I told you so's.

Yes, thanks Binky. As has already been mentioned, no one is denying it will be difficult, I have not thought 'how hard can it be'. I am just fed up with being told again and again how shit my life is going to become.

Binky - if they are trying to 'prepare me' why don't they give me some constructive advice instead of the vague predictions of difficulty and sleep deprivation??!

I think it's less about giving candid advice and trying to prepare you for things and more that some people just like to complain about things and gleefully strike fear into your heart by regaling you, the naievely excited pregnant woman, with their vast experience in matters you, obviously, know nothing about. How dare you look forward to the birth of your child?! Don't you know how hard it will be?

I've not really had much of this as the majority of my friends haven't got kids yet and most of the ones who do have been positive. So I'm worrying that my non-parent friends really don't know how hard it'll be and are going to expect me to be back to normal a week after the birth

I think it's pointless to give "warnings" of that type, and a lot of people do it in order to sound all experienced and knowledgable. A bit like recounting horror stories to pregnant women about births from hell, and the terrible twos that are just round the corner and how, really, all teenagers are bound to become promiscuous drug dealers with a taste for violence, just you wait!

I don't get the "enjoy your freedom" bit either. It's not even like you can go out and get pissed/ go bungy jumping / overdose on stilton / have an affair with Jason Isaacs. You're big, you're out of breath, you want your baby in your arms rather than kicking your bladder.

The next time your inlaws tell you that crap, just ignore them and simply change the subject. Though the idea of mentioning how they are getting ready for the afterlife sounds very tempting...

bungee jumping, not bungy...

'I don't get the "enjoy your freedom" bit either. It's not even like you can go out and get pissed/ go bungy jumping / overdose on stilton / have an affair with Jason Isaacs. You're big, you're out of breath, you want your baby in your arms rather than kicking your bladder.'

Haha. Yes, my crazy nights of freedom at 38 weeks pregnant. Instead of booze I drink herbal tea. Instead of drugs it's iron pills. And as for sex, the closest I get is anointing my cervix with evening primrose oil.

:)

Aw bless. You just enjoying ranting about this kind of thing now loves, because when the baby comes you'll be so tired you won't be able to care about it, even if you did have the time.

Seriously though, it is a bit irritating but it is a genuinely useful skill to learn now - smile and nod whilst thinking you-are-a-twat - because you'll be using it a lot once the baby's here.

Every single life change I've gone through there have been doom-mongers standing on the sidelines going "this is going to be awful/horrible/a disaster." I'd say "thanks for your helpful advice, I'll do what I think is best thanks" and would get the gleeful "oh you don't believe me now, but yoooooooooou'll seee!!!"

When I got together with DH when we were both straight out of long term relationships - "it's just a rebound, you're not ready to be in a relationship, you need to be single for at least a month for every year you were in your previous relationship, he's damaged goods." YOU'LL SEE.

When we moved in together after a few months of dating (because we couldn't afford not to) - "this is a disaster, it's way too soon, he'll think you're his mum, you'll be waiting on him hand and foot, you'll gain a stone because that's what women do when their men move in." YOU'LL SEE.

When we got married after a 20 month engagement and living together for 2 years before that - "isn't this too quick, shouldn't you be saving money instead of throwing a party, why bother celebrating when you're basically married anyway, half of all marriages end in divorce, you'll never see your friends again, your sex life will die." YOU'LL SEE.

And now, expecting our first baby a year and a half later - "you have no idea what it will be like - pregnancy is horrific, labour is the worst thing in the universe, recovering from birth is disastrous, breastfeeding is a nightmare, and then your life as you know it will end, you'll get PND and you will be miserable." YOU'LL SEE.

So in each case, I have quietly informed myself as to the pros and cons of each course of action from as neutral and unbiased sources I can find, thanked the people concerned for their "advice", and then ignored them completely. And amazingly, so far it has pretty much turned out to be the right thing to do every time - I am having my first child just shy of 30 with a DH I am crazy about!!

And PS - when I say "the people concerned", you can safely substitute "my batshit crazy mother" for most of the above...

I think fathercandle hit the nail on the head a few posts back.

This annoyed me when I was pregnant too. Now I try not to do the same to pregnant women / parents of younger children by not making predictions, just saying "I found x hard / easy." Because (shock!) not everyone is the same.

It is lovely to see a few comments from people telling us the good points on parenthood. Anyone with half a brain cell knows that it is going to be really bloody tough (which is why most of us wait until our 30's before starting a family) but just occasionally it is nice to get a 'congratulations on entering this next phase of your life' or 'you're going to have some amazing experiences' to balance out the 'oh sleep now while you can' ridiculousness.

I tend to respond to these 'helpful' comments with something along the lines of 'yes, I have had it drummed into me since I was 15 and my parents were giving me the 'don't you dare get pregnant' speech. But there are obviously lots of positive elements about being a parent otherwise I'm sure you wouldn't have 3 kids'.

Oh, and on a side note, these 'you don't know what you've let yourself in for' comments always particularly grate when coming from people who 6 months ago were full of 'oh hurry up and start a family'.

Spatchcock, the enjoy your freedom thing was something I didn't fully understand until I had kids. I hadn't realised how relentless it is and how you can't just nip out to the shops or nip upstairs to get something. Things like reading a book and going to the loo alone are freedoms and luxuries I utterly took for granted.

It was these little things that I found I missed the most and found the most shocking, not going out and getting trollied as I had grown out of that years ago.

On a more positive note, although it is bloody hard work, having kids is definitely the best thing I have ever done.

Being told your life is going to be terrible is absolutely dementing. It's the rudest horridest thing that anyone can do to an expectant parent, it's not like they don't know it's going to be hard and in what ways.

I've got a 5 month old and it's all anyone ever said to me when I was pregnant. There's kind of no answer to it, either, you just have to go "Thanks" and give them a big sarcastic smile and then excuse yourself to the loo.

Its just the beginning of the general brainless waffle you get when you hit different stages of your life, on a par with "have you met anyone nice" when you are single. However in this case "they" are right btw.

Though the one that annoyed me after dd was born the "is she a good baby" comments. Wtf is that supposed to mean how can a tiny newborn possibly be "bad". Grr. Agree with everything octinaye (sp) posted though.

I have to say I am guilty of this (making those comments to friends who are parents-to-be)!!! Woops! It's always as soon as I say it I feel like kicking myself because, yes, although it is all true, it is admittedly pathetic and doesn't help anyone. I think it's parents trying to act like they know it all... Sorry, and thanks for the reminder :)

Ooh I absolutely HATED those smug comments..

Also 'Just you wait..' and my all time favourite, 'You've got all this to come..' Aargh! My bil had me in tears (ok I was a tad hormonal at the time) after one family get together. He just went on and on and ON about it

I shut them all up by ending up with more dc than most of the people wittering on. It's a drastic solution, but it worked No-one gives me advice now.

I got really, really upset by these comments when I was pregnant! But my DD is 5 months now and I'm having a great time so far, she's so much fun and I love seeing her learn and develop more each day. Those early weeks are physically demanding of course, though (for me personally) it was sort of in a good way like say a trek is tough - if that makes sense. There's a really good thread on here somewhere with lots of advice on how to get prepared for the early weeks.

Everyone's different and if you do find it awful at first, well lots of people do, there is help available and you will get through it. But you might just be fine.

Good luck all you pregnant ladies!!

I'm a mother of two (with another on the way) OK I admit my older two are 7 and 4.

I get lies ins with my DH. I am blissfully happy. I get to do lots of things I adore and have discovered things I adore that I wouldn't know about if I wasn't a Mum. I'm actually looking forward to wandering around my neighbourhood with a buggy at an unreasonable hour of the morning.(It's so peaceful!)

I realise I'm going to be sleep deprived. (But I was sleep deprived when I was partying!) I also know what it's like on the "other side" of babyness. Before I know it, I'll be waving my little bump off to school or uni or whatever!!

My life hasn't ended because I need to book a babysitter to go out, or that for months/years I had occassional days when I carried a little one around.

Having a child is loads of FUN. Differant fun to past fun sometimes but def the best thing I have ever done! Don't let the mindless comments get to you OP.

I heard that the whole way through my pregnancy too- and when I had pfb it was a complete shock to discover that it wasn't a nightmare at all... He woke once in the night for the first six weeks, occassionally over the next two and then now only rarely if he's unwell. Ok not all are that lucky but fingers crossed you will be too! Good luck!

I hate, hate, hated it too. It was normally from people who'd rushed in to having kids far too young and now felt caged in and bitter. Now DS didn't sleep well for the first 16 months, he really hated being a baby and had horrid colic for the first month. So he was hard work. Oh and I ended up in a HDU after his birth - so our start was much much rougher than alot of those hideous people who'd been trying to upset me while pregnant, but you know what I never do the evil cackle to friends announcing something as lovely as a new baby. Because it's by no means a given and sometimes it's just not true at all. And even if it was - what can they do to change the situation now FGS at least let them have some blissful ignorance for a wee while longer.

Ok I cba to read the whole thread, I read the first half and most people were saying the same thing so can I just say that I had lie ins until dd started school in September! She slept until 10am as standard and was the easiest baby ever! It was NOT difficult she smiled her way through life and never woke at night after the first 3 months except maybe for a bottle (I forget) but always went straight back to sleep.

You never know what you're going to get and it really annoys me when people are adamant that you'll have a hard time because they did.
My mum is visibly disappointed that I had an easy baby because I was a nightmare that never slept

Good luck and i love your bitter replies!

Oh and dd never came to the loo with me.... I really don't understand why people feel they can't go to the loo?

My life changed a bit but definitely for the better

Also - maternity leave is great! I had a ball - walking into town every day, meeting up with my NCT friends, mum and baby cinema, mum and baby swimming, round each others houses, lots of coffees and cakes!

I felt guilty when poor DH got home from work each day as by and large I had been out enjoying myself and socialising!

It certainly beat going to work five days a week! Bring on October when I can do it all again for another year (suspect it will be harder this time round though!)