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Original poster

Getting married before or after baby arrives?

18 replies

getagoldtoof · 30/05/2011 10:51

Hello all, my partner proposed unceremoniously last night and asked if we could get married before the baby arrives in September. He would like to do the legal side of it asap so that we all have the same name. We would then have a big party after baby is here, when we are a little more settled ( and I'm not pregnant!). I am really keen on this idea, as I love him and want to be with him, and I feel we would be a secure family unit this way, however it is rather unromantic. I hate being centre of attention, and don't enjoy a big fuss, but would I be missing out on something?

Has anyone had any experience of this at all, or been considering marriage during their pregnancy? Has anyone not bothered with the big party thing?

OP posts:
Moomin1000 · 30/05/2011 11:00

I'm getting married at 25 weeks pregnant and really looking forward to it... good luck xx

PrincessJenga · 30/05/2011 11:02

I'm waiting till after, but (as you can see from my nickname) I'm a bit of a princess and want the big party and long white frock!

YankNCock · 30/05/2011 11:08

It's not required to have a big party! If you don't fancy one, don't have one.

DH and I were engaged when I got pregnant, so we quickly planned a small wedding that would have been when I was around 5 months pregnant. I had a miscarriage, but we kept the date for other reasons, and I was 9 weeks pregnant again by the time the wedding rolled around.

You can have something really nice and small in a registry office (if you're in London I highly recommend the Kensington & Chelsea one, very pretty and the staff are lovely). My friends also used that one and just had a meal out afterwards to celebrate with a small number of guests.

Romance is for every day, not just your wedding day. The day itself is less important than the years of marriage to come.

BakingBunty · 30/05/2011 12:20

I recently got married at 26 weeks. It was an amazing day. I did get pretty tired but think that's inevitable, pregnant or not! We did consider waiting till after the baby arrives, but I was worried we'd never get around to it!

newartriotstar · 30/05/2011 12:23

We got engaged a few months before I found out I was pregnant and are putting off the wedding until I'm on maternity leave as a) We would like the baby there now and b) I can't face organising a wedding on top of being pregnant and working full time!

EdithWeston · 30/05/2011 12:29

If you do a no-fuss legal ceremony asap, then you can decide later whether to have a party at all.

You can make the day of your marriage special and romantic without it being a traditional wedding-type party. And you can make your later party special without the any bridal centre-of-attention stuff.

You've got a range of good options - go for it!

PrincessScrumpy · 30/05/2011 12:57

My friend got married after baby was born but says she wishes they did it before as her dd spent the whole day screaming if she wasn't in her mum's arms so she wasn't really able to enjoy the day properly. Her parents were going to have her dd in their hotel room so she and new dh could have a honeymoon night - didn't work so they ended up with dd in bed with them. dd was also covered in scratches from my friend's beautiful wedding dress as it had beading on it.

Obviously not all baby's are as clingy. Just do what feels right for you both.

Wottywot · 30/05/2011 16:03

Hia, I got married when I was about 3 months/12 weeks and we had a lovely wedding and I don't think anyone caught on! I was a bit worried about my bump showing but in fact the wedding dress hid it a treat (I had one that flaired out a lot from under my bust) I did get very tired towards the end though.
You don't need loads of guests, or a big do to have a lovely celebration. My mum and dad only had about 12 people to their reception and they are still together! :)

Georgimama · 30/05/2011 16:11

You only have to give (I think) 21 days notice for a registry office wedding so you could have the legal side sorted within a month with no fuss at all (you must at least take 2 witnesses though) and then either have a party/blessing/humanist ceremony/nothing at all later on depending on what you want to do.

Valiant1 · 30/05/2011 16:18

We got married when i was 6mths pg and had a really small wedding. I think that it was better as then when dd was born there was no hassel at the hospital with names been different and we have said that when we have been married 10 years we will renew our vows and have a big party xx we have been married 6 years this year xx good luck and congrats when in sept are you due i am due in sept 29th x

mousymouse · 30/05/2011 16:24

we did a small ceremony at the registrars office, cost about 100£.
we did it before the birth mainly for legal reasons. not very romantic, I know.

LCarbury · 30/05/2011 16:34

Congratulations! I think getting married before the baby arrives would be easier, when the baby comes you will be so taken up with new parenthood it will be a bit harder to organise and you may find it more stressful. It's not unromantic anyway, your DP obviously loves you and wants to look after you and your DC properly which involves getting the legal part sorted out.

lipslave · 30/05/2011 16:35

Valiant, speaking as an unmarried mother, I can tell you that having a different name to your baby/birthing partner causes zero hassle at the hospital. Not having a go btw, just not really sure that the OP should base her decision as to when to wed on that issue :). Although I do understand that some people want to be married before the baby arrives.

OP wedding now, party after sounds like a good idea to me. Not in the least bit unromantic.

MrsNoggin · 30/05/2011 16:45

I just got married on Friday, at 36w gone! We had a tiny wedding in our church and went out for lunch afterwards. I even wore jeans and flipflops, just to be extra comfy!

We originally started planning our wedding years ago, though, but then I fell pregnant with DD1. Started planning again last year and I fell pregnant again. I decided just before Easter that I wasn't having this baby without being married first, so it was a bit of a rush getting banns read, etc. But I'm so glad we did it.

We can have a blessing and a big reception later, when I'm thinner and richer and both my girls can be bridesmaids.

PrincessJenga · 30/05/2011 19:04

MrsNoggin that sounds lovely! I may add jeans and flipflops to my bridezilla fuelled ideas!

Original poster
getagoldtoof · 31/05/2011 12:42

We've booked for 30th July when I'll be 32 weeks! I'm so excited! Thank you so much for your stories, it has been helpful to know the experience of others to make the decision we're happy with.

We want the same name legally, I'm sure there is no need for this when registering baby etc,but it will just be nice for us to know.

Thanks again! I'm just so happy!

OP posts:
PrincessJenga · 31/05/2011 14:15

Congratulations! I hope you have a FABULOUS day x

Mmmmcheese · 31/05/2011 15:30

Congratulations! xxx

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