Dear Baby,
thank you so much for kicking me and waking me up at 2am. I thought you'd be asleep now as you were so active during the day. I feel I must warn you that although it was amusing watching the midwife jump out of her skin when you threw a little fist out at her earlier, the news has reported that an unborn baby has been served with an ASBO, so you are not above the law.
Nor was it acceptable for you to roll over and moon mummy and daddy at the scan. If this behaviour continues I shall have to ground you for the remainder of the pregnancy. No more of those family size cakes you want for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No more meatballs at 3am. No more cheese. Ok, maybe cheese...
Please know that we love you very much, despite your anger issues and limited dietary requirements.
Lots of love, Mummy xxx