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Original poster

Terrible 12 week scan results - cant stop crying.

97 replies

misty0 · 06/04/2011 08:02

I think i'm facing a termination. I'm 12+6. '12' week scan yesterday evening gave me a 1:3 risk of downs or another abnormality. Hospital is sposed to ring today to give me a CVS appt. asap.

I CANNOT pull myself together for more than 5 mins at a time - crying and crying. Got a family to sort out. Daughters birthday today. Meal out later ect. My partner is being lovely - hes gone to work this morning tho'. He needed to go, it's Ok.

I cant cope......never fallen apart like this b4. Usually very strong.

Any words of advice?

OP posts:
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ttalloo · 07/04/2011 11:33

Keeping fingers crossed for you misty.

KnitterNotTwitter · 07/04/2011 13:32

misty I've been pointed in your direction as I'm going through exactly the same as you - I think I'm the poster referenced further up your thread BTW! I had my scan on Tuesday when I was 12+2. I was lucky and had my CVS yesterday morning so now it's just the big wait for the results. I'm guessing they'll be tomorrow with a slight chance of late today...

I feel very like you do - keep crying and playing over in my head the various scenarios. I've posted more on my thread if you're interested.

I've got my fingers crossed that everything was ok for you this morning. I found the CVS ok - although would obviously rather not have needed to have it.

My work have been great and I'm now at home until the results come through.

TejasGal · 07/04/2011 16:13

Hi Misty and Knitter

Just wanted to share a positive story with you if it helps get you through the next few days. My nuchal measurement was 7.3mm which gave me a 1:4 chance of Downs and 1:3 of Edwards or Patau. I had a CVS, and after the longest weekend of our lives, my DH and I got the happy news that our son (!) was fine. He's 11 weeks old tomorrow and taking a nap next to me on the bed right now.

My lovely consultant told me something that made a lot of sense to me, so I'll share it with you in hopes that it also helps you. They use a bell curve to determine what normal nuchal measurements are and develop the risk factor from there. He pointed out that most people will be in the fat part of the bell curve, but that there always have to be people at the skinny tail ends. They are still healthy pregnancies, just at the tail end rather than the fat middle. And someone always has to be in the tail... We had a bad nuchal test, but it turned out we were in the tail, not off the bell curve of healthy pregnancies.

And remember, it may feel like forever until you get the results, but time ticks on and before you know it it's the next day. I will be thinking of you both.

KnitterNotTwitter · 07/04/2011 16:43

Thanks Tejas that is definitely a good story to keep me cheerful.

KnitterNotTwitter · 07/04/2011 21:08

Misty just wondering how today went? hope you're ok...

FloraPost · 08/04/2011 09:36

I just wanted to add my positive story too, but a slightly different one to the others.

The nuchal fold at our 12 week scan was big, the PAPP-A low and the HCG high. We didn't have an amnio or CVS because the risk of mc was higher than the risk of trisomy, but I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room saying over and over that I didn't want a disabled baby. I was sure we wouldn't cope. If we had had further tests which showed a problem, I would have terminated.

Fast forward and DS is now 3 months old. He has Down's which was diagnosed when he was 5 days old. He is gorgeous and lively and I wouldn't be without him. I knew very little about the condition before he arrived but have since learned that with the right support, many people with Down's can work, live semi-independently, go to mainstream school and get married. They can achieve much of what a chromosomally unenhanced person would achieve, it just takes longer to get there. This organisation has been very helpful to us and their website has lots of info which shows the future can be good, along with resources to help you get there.

I would certainly not presume to suggest what you should do if this is a trisomy pregnancy, and Edward's and Patau's are obviously a very different kettle of fish. You have a lot to cope with at the moment, but Down's may not be the tragedy it first appears. Good luck xxx.

Original poster
misty0 · 09/04/2011 15:05

Ladies -

I am overwelmed with all your lovely messages and good wishes. Thank you, thank you, thank you xxxxxxxxxx

Sorry i havn't posted here sooner but i'm afraid we got the bad news yesterday pm that the CVS shows my baby has Downs. SadSad SadIt already feels like days ago. I only slept about an hour last night.

My CVS has left me leaking (!) and bleeding a bit. But the proceedure itself wasnt too bad.

The midwife who informed us of the news offered to check imediately with the consultant to find out if i had a choice of termination methods (asleep or a proper labour basicly) as she knew we had decided that was going to be our decision. As i am now only 13+2 i do have the choice ..... and have chosen to be asleep.

Deep breath - cant cry anymore! I feel strangely dried up! And weirdly numb. Anyway - my appt. is for Monday morning ...... i'm told i'll be home by evening. I cant describe the place my head is in at the mo. I've introduced myself on the termination thread. What would i have done without MN?

I wish i could thank and answer each of you, as you've all reached out when i needed help - long or short answers.

But knitternottwitter when i've written this i will go to your thread .... both you and trickysue have told me they too are waiting for results at this moment

justmee my fringers and everything are crossed for you xxx I'll try to work out how to message you! Smile

I've got a thread on tests/results forum. Good luck for all you lovely ladies, and i realy hope to be back on the pregnancy threads again one day soon xxxxxxx

OP posts:
pinkypig · 09/04/2011 15:26

Very sorry to hear what you are going through. Hope you come through the other side soon x

apples82 · 09/04/2011 15:41

Misty0 glad to hear that you have finally got the answers that you needed.

Best of luck for Monday, I know it is a horrible decision to have to make. Thinking of you xxx

IslaValargeone · 09/04/2011 16:03

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this Misty, my thoughts are with you.
knitter and tricky, thinking of you both too xxxxxxx

KnitterNotTwitter · 09/04/2011 20:38

So sorry to hear your news misty such a difficult time and so sad.

I'm still waiting for my results.... fingers still crossed they'll be coming on Monday.

My last pregnancy ended in Miscarriage and I chose to have an ERPC - the procedure itself was weirdly fine for me.... it's getting your head sorted afterwards that takes time. Be gentle on yourself. All the best for the future.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 09/04/2011 21:36

Misty, I'm glad you've got some answers even though they're not the one's we were all keeping our fingers crossed for.

It's good that you've been given choices and that things can now go ahead quickly.

Good luck on Monday, and be kind to yourself in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

xxxx

Ishtar2410 · 09/04/2011 23:59

Misty I'm so sorry that the news wasn't more positive for you. I've been where you are - three years ago, now - and I wanted to send you strength. You've made a brave decision and you will need to give yourself time to grieve and heal. I found out at 17+ weeks, so didn't have the option of being asleep...that would have made it a little easier to bear.

I found the SANDS forum very useful - they have a forum for women who've had a termination for medical reasons and the support there is fantastic.

It does get easier, it will take time for you both to come to terms with what has happened.

You will never forget, but it will stop hurting as much as time goes on.

Take care - I'll be thinking of you on Monday.

xx

BeltaneGirl · 10/04/2011 00:53

its doesn't have to mean termination- we had scan and they found that spine damamged. we have a little girl with spina bifida now- she is beautiful and I woouldn't have not had her for the world. Doesn't have to be the end.

FeralGirlCambs · 11/04/2011 09:06

Misty, am thinking of you today. There's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, and I know you've thought long and hard about the decision - the OP above prob hasn't read the whole thread closely - but be kind to yourself, and this is to wish you all hope for the future. xx

Renaissance227 · 11/04/2011 09:23

Thinking of you today Misty. I know how hard this decision was for you. So sorry this had to happen. xxx

ilovesprouts · 11/04/2011 10:33

.

tiokiko · 11/04/2011 11:07

Hi Misty - have been thinking of you over the weekend and especially today.

KnitterNotTwitter · 11/04/2011 12:19

misty hope today was ok. thinking of you.

hsmom · 11/04/2011 17:50

Misty, I am sending you my love and thoughts.
I too had a medical termination at 21+5 in 2008 and not a day goes by that I don't think about my baby boy, but 3 years on, I know it was the right decision for us as a family.
SANDS were wonderful and even more were the bereavement midwives at the hospital. I hope they have put you in touch with them or equivalent at your hospital.
I wish you strength for the coming days and weeks. xxxxxxxxxx

Millymolliemandy · 14/04/2011 09:07

Misty, so sorry to hear your sad news, thinking of you and sending you strength to get this what must be a horrible time. x

rightontime · 14/04/2011 16:00

Misty, I am so sorry that it had to be this way. Take care of yourself.

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