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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Terrible 12 week scan results - cant stop crying.

97 replies

misty0 · 06/04/2011 08:02

I think i'm facing a termination. I'm 12+6. '12' week scan yesterday evening gave me a 1:3 risk of downs or another abnormality. Hospital is sposed to ring today to give me a CVS appt. asap.

I CANNOT pull myself together for more than 5 mins at a time - crying and crying. Got a family to sort out. Daughters birthday today. Meal out later ect. My partner is being lovely - hes gone to work this morning tho'. He needed to go, it's Ok.

I cant cope......never fallen apart like this b4. Usually very strong.

Any words of advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Millymolliemandy · 06/04/2011 08:58

Hi Misty, yes sorry that wasn't much help was it: ARC, is Antenatal Results and Choices; a charity which provides support throughout the screening process and who are absolutely wonderful and definitely worth speaking to, if at least to help you make sense of what is ahead.

www.arc-uk.org/

FeralGirlCambs · 06/04/2011 09:02

Poor poor Misty. Other people have said all the practical things so this is just to offer you a hug, not as good as a real one I suppose, but best of luck with everything. There is still hope. xx

Original poster

misty0 · 06/04/2011 09:03

Ok, thank you both,

I'm watching the clock and think i'll ring the hos. at 9.30. Should give them time to have had their first coffee and read last nights fax's .....

OP posts:

jasmine51 · 06/04/2011 09:05

Misty - is there any chance you can have a private scan? Generally they use higher resolution scanners and are able to look for other markers such as the nasal bone and heart defects. I had a high risk factor too and paid £170 for the private scan - best money I ever spent - all bits and pieces present and correct and was worth its weight in gold in reassurance.

At the same time before you make any drastic decisions, how would you feel about meeting some Downs kids? I went along to a local group and was moved to tears (in a good way) by what I learned. It took away my fear (not the sadness) but I felt alot more informed.

Hugs x

SanctiMoanyArse · 06/04/2011 09:10

Misty hugs

I had a similar result and went on to have a baby without DS. Ironically he does have autism though; nothing's a given with babies!

I wish youmluck with the CVS and hope you get the result you want. if you don't know where to go after that do consider speaking to somene with a child with DS. babies with DS do have high risks of loss and ehart issues but also can be very rewarding; it's a very personal decision but there's a strong argument that the thought is scarier than the reality (not that the reality is always easy; as a carer I don't believe in pretence, but easy can be over rated).

Good luck to you whichever way you go and be kind on yourself: shock is such a hard thing.

nunnie · 06/04/2011 09:12

Sorry Misty how awful, I can only imagine how you are feeling.

EPU - early pregnancy Unit
Can't help with ARC though sorry.

Didn't want to read a run.

Original poster

misty0 · 06/04/2011 09:16

jasmine - it was a private scan. Thats why i'm so convinced its correct i think. She was looking for 45 mins.....sigh

also my dp is absolutely against going ahead with the pg if theres a problem like downs. i think he's right - neither of us would cope well i dont think. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

I know full well a termination will afect me for the rest of my life - but i've got to be strong.

When will the strongness start please ???? (rhetorical question )

OP posts:

jasmine51 · 06/04/2011 09:37

Huge hug heading your way Misty. Whatever you find out, or decide to do you will find support here.
Dont do anything you feel obliged to do just because your DP wants it, without being absolutely sure yourself too. Maybe seek some counselling together to make sure there will not be residual blame or resentment on either side.
Hugs again xx

Original poster

misty0 · 06/04/2011 09:39

Thats good advice, jasmnie, thank you. news flash - hospital just rang and offered me an appt for cvs tmrow at 9am.

Something to work towards - feel a little better. might even have a wash in a minute!

OP posts:

ttalloo · 06/04/2011 09:43

Really pleased you have an appointment so soon, misty. Hope this helps you to get through today, since that's one uncertainty out of the way.

Good luck for tomorrow - come back and tell us what they say.

Joannezipan · 06/04/2011 09:48

Misty the strongness is already there, you just need a little bit of grief time first. I'm glad the hospital rang and gave you an appointment. I'm sure it will get easier now you can "do something". Now what are you going to do for the rest of the day? Bake cakes, go swimming, have a nice long walk, go and have a manicure or go out for a scrummy lunch? Do something you enjoy doing and try not to get too wrapped up in it all. I know that is hard, but now you have a plan of action at least for the next 24 hours. Good luck and let us know how you get on. ((Hugs))

Millymolliemandy · 06/04/2011 09:51

Misty, Joannezipan is right, do something to treat yourself; even after the CVS you will have 3 days of waiting for the initial results to get through, and I rested for this time. I went out and bought a selection of Jilly Cooper books to take my mind off things and just immersed myself in them.

supadupapupascupa · 06/04/2011 09:54

i haven't read everything, but you have a 2:3 chance everything is ok....... not much help i know but that's not bad odds.....

ghansell · 06/04/2011 09:55

Hi Misty,
So sorry you have that result. Not sure what your readings were for the nuchal fold but a glimeer of hope is that i had a nuchal fold of 6mm which is of the scale. The consultant basically said there is very little hope for this baby (my hospital don't check the nasal bone). When the scan came round for the cvs which was done the next day as like you i was 13 weeks she was saying that the nuchal fold had gone up to 6.3mm but there were no hydrops or hygroma (fluid around the baby). I was still very much this baby will not survive couldn't go more than 5 minutes without breaking down thinking about what we may have to do. We waited an agonising 10 then the phone call came and we got the all clear for chromosone problems. The consultant was baffled then said lets wait until the heart scan at 15 weeks before we get excited. Anyway the long and short of it is i am carrying a baby boy and am 23 weeks today with no problems and heart is absoultley fine.
Good luck with the cvs and hope that you get some good news soon.

Take care

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/04/2011 09:58

I would never judge what decision you make. But my DD has a chromosome disorder and quite severe autism, and is a delight. I know there are no guarantees though and I don't want to make your decision any harder, just thought I'd tell you it's not all bleak.

mollymole · 06/04/2011 10:00

no useful advice but really wish you peace of mind and thinking of you

Darlingdamsel · 06/04/2011 10:08

((hug)) I just wanted to know that I am thinking of you.

delicatequestion · 06/04/2011 10:09

misty sorry for you going trhough this, its ok to fall apart this is very important/precious to you, but know what ever the outcome you must always tell yourself you will get through it.

Ring the hospital its vital given your are 13wks

Ring for appointment at GP see if you can get referred to the practice nurse/counseller - it may be a source of support you wish to use.

Passing time over the comming days and weeks whilst you wait will be slow, try and be proactive about keepinh occupied, reading works for me - I know this doesnt give you answers but may help you cope inbetween.

Best wishes for you and your baby.

apples82 · 06/04/2011 10:33

misty0 good news about the scan being tomorrow.

Crossing everything for you and your family.

Let us know how it goes, we're all holding your hand from this end.

Scholes34 · 06/04/2011 10:45

When I had my 20 week scan with dc3, it was bad and we were ushered to a side room to be told that soft markers for Down's had been found and very quickly we were told that we should have a amniocentesis - no mention of risks involved - and it was okay, because of the extra time we'd spent there, we didn't have to pay for our parking.

We decided against the amnio because of the risk of miscarriage and it was then that I realised we have these screening tests really for reassurance and we're not prepared for the news that things may not be as we would hope. I asked the hospital for some information about children with Down's and was given a booklet (information at the time was not readily available on the internet). On reading the booklet when I got home it really only mentioned termination as the logical next step.

Anyway, we carried on, had further screening and with the edge and excitement taken off this third pregnancy, I dissolved one day into tears with a very experienced midwife, about to retire. She managed to reassure me by feeling my tummy and stating that my baby wouldn't have chromosonal abnormalities because it was a big baby and babies with chromosonal abnormalities were small babies. DS2 when he arrived was perfectly fine.

The midwife was wonderful and offered so much more reassurance that any screenings had so far. And she was right.

Original poster

misty0 · 06/04/2011 10:46

Bless all of you -

Loads of realy good advice which i will take. (Still havn't had a wash - been doing laundry ) Havn't cried for over an hour now. deep breath. I phoned my Oh at work about appt. + he says he will take the next 2 days off work, so he can come with and so i can take it realy easy after the cvs. Love him.

I feel so incredably sad for him as he has no children of his own yet. This is/was (sorry to be pessamistic) to be his first. And he was ellated. Poor man. I've told him not to try to be strong all the time. A woman can be in floods of tears all the time but a guy feels he has to keep a brave face.....dont want him to force him to cry.....

apples you've found me! Thank you xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

misty0 · 06/04/2011 10:49

scholes thats significant that you've said that, because my baby is very slightly large for dates. And my dates are spot on as they were verifyed by scan 3 weeks ago....thank you xxx

OP posts:

Bubandbump · 06/04/2011 11:55

When we came back from the hospital after the scan, I burst into tears. My dh had to go to work but ended up coming home an hour later- it's only the second time I have ever seen him cry. It was really helpful to have him around for a couple of days as we just wanted to shut the rest of the world out.

You may feel differently but I felt that when we had the cvs it was a way of moving forward and proactively doing something to find out if there were any issues, it gave me a couple of days of peace just knowing that we were doing everything that we could but that the results weren't due. It is natural though to prepare for the worst - you are just protecting yourself emotionally.

Also ask them when they expect the results back and how they will contact you - it will make you stop jumping at every phone call. The cvs really didn't hurt and they monitor the baby throughout although I couldn't bear to watch it.

I hope everything goes ok - my heart goes out to you.

tiokiko · 06/04/2011 13:04

Really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Misty - no advice about the results/CVS but hope you can take it as easy as possible today.

So pleased you don't have to wait long for the CVS - I'm sure they will try to get results to you fast but maybe you could sweet-talk the doc and see if you can call for results sooner? I can imagine how anxious you will be until you have the info so hopefully it won't take too long.

Will be keeping everything crossed for you and looking out for updates - really hope everything works out.

RingEir · 06/04/2011 15:13

Hi Misty,

Just want to say I know how you feel - it is simply terrible to be told news like this. Good luck with the CVS tomorrow, and although I know you are convinced now that you will be 'the one', the chances are that you are not.

Until you get the results you can take a break from having to make a drastic decistion.

Fingers crossed and yes, have a look at the antenatal choices thread.

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