aged 44 and first child - opinions pls

[snoopy67]

Hi,
first of all, hello to you all and I hope you had a good day.
Now, I joined this forum as I would like to hear opinions of being a first time mother (I am currently 44 years old) hubby is 52. He has already 2 kids 19 and 18 years of age and would now like another one with me.
Has anybody experienced a first time pregnancy at that age?
Really sorry, but I just thought to ask. There are famous people (if you can call them that) who got pregnant in later stage in life.
I was on a coil for the last 5 years, but got my period back with no problems and a little bit of help from Dong Quai&Agnus \castus.

Can you please give me some insight, would be very much appreciated. Many Many thanks X

Have no experience, but was having a conversation about this with my dh over the weekend.

We came to the conclusion that if a baby is loved and wanted, and you are prepared for all eventualities, then go for it. I don't think I've ever heard anyone mentally well say they wish their parents hadn't had them. Most people are grateful for their lives.

Anyway, you two aren't that old!

If you want to, go for it.

Out of my mummy friends 2 are in their fourties and they are great parents. At the end of the day, as long as your healthy age is just a number and you'll just the same as a younger mum.

Are there more risks, yes, but there are for many other situations like obesity etc so if you want the baby then go for it!

Hi, Was 42 at the birth of my DS,nw 10,have a DH nearing 60.- so fairly similar. Find myself frequently tired, often stressed, but always joyful child, is a blessing at any age. I worked up to 3 weeks before the birth, had pre-eclampsia and elective ceasarian, working FT after 6 months, mixed breast feeding till 9 months.

So advice - assume you can do it, most likely you can. Accept a lack of perfection in all things but no need to accept a raw deal either. A good network helped me (like this one) as did NCT.

My OH's uncle and his partner had twins when he was 47 and she was 52. They'd been together 4 years and felt that they had finally met the person they wanted a family with.

So far as I know all is well (the twins are two now) and they are blissfully happy.

Go for it!

You are all so nice and supportive. Thanks

Just to say quite often older celebs have had egg donation. And it's worth checking out the miscarriage stats and also the trisomy risk.

Sorry to sound so negative but if you do start ttc you need to go in with your eyes open.

Good luck!

My friend had her 1st child at 44. She had no difficulty conceiving and an fairly easy pregnancy, and the baby is a beautiful 5 year old now... I think it is all very individual... Some people have difficulties conceiving and have chromosomal abnormalities in early 20s, and some people have no problems in their 40s... My DH's parents were 40 and 56 when he was born, and there were no tests or scans back then... I think you should get a good doctor to guide you and support you through the process. Wishing you the best of luck!

I am 43 and PG with my first and my DH is 50. Waiting this long was right for us financially but also emotionally...somehow we just werent ready before. I have been very careful to keep myself in good condition knowing this was likely to happen and I have to say that that seems to have been particularly important to the success (so far) of the pg as there is no doubt that age does make it harder to conceive and cope with the physical demands.
That said, we did have a tough start, with 4 mcs and we had to be prepared to chuck serious money at getting tested quickly and getting the problems sorted quickly as obviously we didnt have time on our side. I have 2 friends of the same age who have not been as lucky - one is now going through IVF due to having few eggs in good enough condition. The other is going through mc testing via the NHS which is tough as this take a while and isnt as extensive as private testing...and of course there is never a guarantee she will find what the problem is. I feel for these friends as both would be heartbroken if they couldnt get the LOs they want so much.
The prospect of actually having and bringing up the LO doesnt really worry me. It will be loved and cherished and if I get tired...well, so what...thats part of the journey.

I would always support anyone who is considering waiting to ttc - there is no set cut off age at which you can defintiively say it isnt a good idea. The one thing I would say is to be prepared to throw money around if it doesnt happen quickly or if there are problems, because the NHS, wonderful as it is just doesnt move fast enough...you will have to go private and throw yourselves completely into getting the issues sorted asap. Oh and also be prepared to have every bloomin consultant, MW and GP throw into the conversation...'given your age..' - drives me a bit mad!

Good luck - if you want to PM me, then would be happy to talk
x

My mum had me when she was in her late 20's then had my little brother when she was nearly 40!
she says the only difference is that she had more energy and patience with me, she feels that she was stricter with me also but she's mellowed with age (like a good wine apparently!) and she feels she's much wiser and layed back with my little brother.
We all love him very much. He's 8 and is very sweet! I'm currently pregnant and when he was told that he was going to be an uncle he asked whether that meant he'd change into a man!!

Well done you ! My dd was born when I was 42, she is nearly 2 . My pregnancy was fine, she was born a month early [ decided to come early and is constantly on the go!] Dont worry what anyone thinks, best thing we have every done[ took yrs to conceive and then my lovely surprise came along!] Good luck

Snoopy, try having a look at fertility forums like fertilityfriends.co.uk They have whole boards dedicated to older mothers TTC.

The other website I often recommend is a US website called BellaOnline - www.bellaonline.com/site/Infertility - which has a lot of hard facts and references to recent research papers.

Like the others on this thread, I don't want to get your hopes up - as I discovered myself, our fertility falls off a cliff after 40! Statistically the chance of pregnancy with your own eggs at 44 is extremely low. On the other hand, it happens for some people...

You won't be eligible for NHS fertility treatment at over 40, so you should see a private fertility clinic straight away to have blood tests such as AMH and FSH to tell you how many eggs you still have. To maximise your chances of conceiving you'll need to have IVF, which is very expensive, and statistically at your age you'll probably need many rounds of IVF to get pregnant - look at Celine Dion! You'll also need to take special supplements, eg DHEA, inositol, ubiquinol, melatonin, to maximise the number and quality of the eggs. There's lots of info about these on the fertility boards, BellaOnline and if you do searches on Google.

Best of luck, and feel free to message me if you want more info!

Snoopy many congratulations. I gave birth to my DD last August at the age of 43, after thinking it would never happen.

She is the best thing ever to happen to DH and I. I never thought it was possible to feel so much love and joy. She is the apple of our very rose tinted eyes, and we are hoping to be able to have another.

My pregnancy was dreadful but DD arrived a week early and very quickly.

You're never too old. I also believe that being older parents and having more "life experiences" can make you a more chilled parent (this is based on experience as my 20 year old niece has a DS of about the same age).

Good luck with your pregnancy and you will soon be holding a bundle of joy of your own.

Go for it!

There's a topic here for over 40s who are TTC.

Snoopy congratulations!

I had DS1 when I was 41 and am expecting DS2 in 4 weeks time and am now 42. MY DH is now 49 and my step daughter is 22 but adores her little brother.

I booked antenatal classes with the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) and we had an exceptional 'teacher' who ensured we had information about all the options/possibilities, which made a hugh difference psychologically during labour.

Also had a birth debrief last month with a consultant midwife - just because I thought it would be helpful to know what happened and why. (Nothing traumatic but had help with forceps at end). Were able to ask any questions - so asked if being in forties for first baby made a difference. The reply was age doesn't matter or make pregancy/labour harder but it's the medical history that can ie a particular medical condition, which of course younger mums can also have. In my case I was fit and healthy and 2nd time round probably more tired due to looking after an energetic walking 13 month old!

My only bit of advice would be to stay active and fit just by walking and doing housework or whatever usual physical activity you enjoy. Also don't listen to or read any horror stories of pregnancy - as in my experience, this is usually due to a woman not understanding the different stages of labour and not researching enough pain relief options. I was lucky a TENS machine helped me through half my labour.

In a nutshell the most important thing is that both of you want to have a baby and that in itself will keep you feeling young at heart.

Hi there,

Go for it - life is for living, not for regrets.

I fell pg naturaly 1 year and 1 month after i had my coil taken out. I'm 43 now, (42 when coil came out) 11 weeks pg today. We only 'tried' ie: timing sex, ect for the first 3/4 months, then just got on with our normal relationship and life. As if we weren't trying at all! Crash dieting, foreign holidays, stress with teenage kids, a fair few bouts heaving drinking ... (none of this now obviously)

This is not my first baby - 4th in fact - but i dont think that has a bearing on fertility. Anyway the point is - Good Luck! Relax, dont let it take over your life. Try to cultivate a 'what will be, will be' attitude (hard i know, but so worth it) xxx

I had my first at 40, fell pg very easily - and then spent the next 3 years trying very hard to get pg again. Have just managed it (yay!)
As far as the actual age while being pg is concerned, I think it's far more about your general health and fitness etc. than your chronological age - age seems to be most relevant in actually getting pg in the first place.

I will share this though, even though it's a touch on the negative side - I felt guilty. My mum died when I was 19w pg, and it was just before my 40th birthday - she was only 63 so died young(ish). For me to still be alive by my DS's 40th birthday I have to make it to at least 80 - I hope I do of course - because 40 felt too young to lose my mum, especially as my mum didn't lose hers until she was 58 and my dad was 61 when his mum died. So I felt guilty for giving my DS less time with me - and will probably feel more so with this one. But I do realise that's a bit silly really because no one knows what will happen ever and other people lose their mums much younger and still cope/survive.

Anyway - good luck - hope it goes well and you are successful. :)

You're definitely not too old to give it a go! My mother had my sister and I in her early 20s, and was initially quite sceptical when I had my first at 36 (about to have number 2 at 39).

She is generally fairly opinionated and critical, so I was astonished when, a few months after I had DS, she said that she actually could totally see the point of waiting until later to have children.

I think she felt like we (DP 10 years older than I am) could appreciate and enjoy DS in a different way at our ages than she had with us, and that maybe we had a bit more patience and empathy, being that much older.

Not saying that lots of very young parents are not excellent, but that from her perspective, she could see how the extra life experience and emotional maturity was really useful.

The older 'celeb' mums would most likely have had donor eggs as unfortunately your chances of getting pregnant naturally over 40 will be quite low. Although not impossible.

I'm 37 and feel 'too old' to try for No3 I don't think I have the energy for another one!!

oh, I'll agree with that tolalola - that to me was one huge benefit of being an older mother - much more patient and also I had pretty much done all my hectic socialising, was quite happy to stop work (had been working for 25y by then) and was very happy to be a mum. As a young 20something, I would have been majorly impatient and possibly resentful of things I might have had to miss out on.

some statistics here relating to 44yo women

Forgot to add I have borderline polycystic ovary syndrome and fell pregnant naturally both times within 2- 3 months . I think the more relaxed you are that everything will work out alright in the end and you can deal with whatever comes up makes for an easier time throughout.

Hoover those stats seem ridiclously negative. I dont agree that older women always have fertility problems and older celebs always use donor eggs at all. My mcs were not due to fertility, they were due to a blood disorder that I have had all my life and would have been an issue if I had ttc when I was in my 20s. My experiences in the miscarriage clinic also do not back up the idea that older mums will all have issues. The consultants there pretty well dismissed my age as a factor straight away. In fact after testing my egg age was put at 28 and they said that wasnt unusual. A lady I chatted to there was just 29 and had egg issues so go figure. My cousin who is having trouble ttc also has young eggs, but unfortunately has immune problems...again not age related

snoopy please dont be put off, if you are in good health then there is no reason at all to get scared by statistics, your state of mind and health are far more important.

Thumbwitch! Yay! Fabulous news!

Jas I know they are negative aren't they? Unfortunately as they are put of by fertility specialists I have to assume they are accurate. There is a chance of getting pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy albeit a slim one less than 2% going by their figures.

I remember reading that half of all women over 35 trying for their first baby will never get pregnant, that terrified me!

cheers ninedragons!