aged 44 and first child - opinions pls

[snoopy67]

Hi,
first of all, hello to you all and I hope you had a good day.
Now, I joined this forum as I would like to hear opinions of being a first time mother (I am currently 44 years old) hubby is 52. He has already 2 kids 19 and 18 years of age and would now like another one with me.
Has anybody experienced a first time pregnancy at that age?
Really sorry, but I just thought to ask. There are famous people (if you can call them that) who got pregnant in later stage in life.
I was on a coil for the last 5 years, but got my period back with no problems and a little bit of help from Dong Quai&Agnus \castus.

Can you please give me some insight, would be very much appreciated. Many Many thanks X

Thumbwitch! That's fantastic, is it really really early days?

(me too)

Uh, sorry, snoopy, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I have a good friend who fell unexpectedly pregnant at 42 after having had twins six years prior, and is very happy with her now one-year-old. That's about all I can contribute, though.

oh yay tortoise! it's a bit early but not that early - I think about 9w? not quite sure! having a scan on 6th April for dates etc.
congrats to you too :)

Tortoise and thumb I'm so jealous happy! :o Congrats!

Snoopy, I say go for it. I had DS when I'd just turned 25 (he's three now) and who knows? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow for heaven's sake. :) Best of luck to you!

Thanks CheerfulYank! :)

I had DD at 41 and will be having DS at 42 in a few months. I had an early menopause in my 30s and so used donor eggs. I conceived very easily with donor eggs and both my pregnancies were without any difficulties (so far). In fact the success rate for donor eggs is very high - up to 90% with some clinics. I am by nature very unfit but have not been too tired to cope with my DD - in fact 6months after I had her I was the lightest I've been for years and was going to the gym every day (they have a free creche). I am seriously considering trying to have another child before I'm 45 and may even go for one more after that!

My grandmother had my mum at 37 and uncle at 45 - they both adored her and she lived to 92.

Go for it.

If you decide to go ahead and get the private testing make sure you get your DH tested too. My friend, who is 41 and TTC #2, is apparently in perfect health and her eggs are those of a much younger woman. Unfortunately, her husband has several serious problems, which means they have to do IVF to have a decent chance of a healthy pregnancy. That kind of info is important to have early on if time is already not on your side.

Snoopy - I gave birth at 45 last year - no problems (although I do have a history of previous pregnancy loss).

I found that after CVS results were through and all was perceived fine at that stage, nobody really mentioned my age at all. In fact, I was the one who felt I had to bring it to everyone's attention!

I am so much more relaxed this time round. A big thumbs up for 'older' mums from me.

You're not that old! But anyway I firmly believe that your lifestyle is more important when it comes to bringing up children, than the year you were born.

FWIW my DH will be 46 when our first child is born (I'll be 34), and he's 'younger' than a lot of people my own age - really fit, goes running, dead sociable. If I was my child I'd rather have him as a dad than some vegetating 30-year-old who's waiting for life to happen around them

Good luck :)

Good luck Snoopy. I had my second child at nearly 43 - all well. Between my 2 healthy pregnancies, I did have a termination due to my cvs results. [From the start this pregnancy felt 'wrong' and I wasn't well. I was 41]. However the good news - with my 2nd child I got pregnant within 3 months of trying at 42. I too was very much into supplements to help conception. I also put on half a stone as my BMI was lowish. I went into my last pregnancy with my eyes wide open and some anxiety. However I am [touchwood!] fit and healthy as are my children. Be aware of age related stuff but also be aware that things can go well too. I say it again- GOOD LUCK!

I have a neighbour who had her first baby at 47 and know lots of women your age who have become pregnant without any difficulty.

Yes, we are not as fertile as a 19 year old, but that's hardly news is it.

I am due to have my 3rd in just over 6 weeks (yikes). He was conceived 2 days after my 40th birthday (and 2 weeks after a m/c). My 1st took about 5 months to conceive (aged 34) and my second about 2 years (aged 37).

So I've actually become more fertile with age - ie it's all random and women have always had babies at every age, whatever the Daily Mail might tell you.

My only advice is to try not to become too obsessed. I did this with DS2 and it was an absolute waste of energy - I am certain it slowed everything down. I conceived him during my very last lot of IUI because I had given up and was totally past caring.

Good luck!

A really, really BIG thanks to everyone who replied to my question.

I had my first period (after I had been on the coil) on the 15th of March, coil come out beginning of Feb. I used Dong Quai Agnus Castus and Fertility Blend to get me going. Obviously that worked for the period.

A few days ago I started on the "one step ovulation Test" strips, so far came out negative, but I don't really know when I should start to ovulate as I have not had a period for a long time before this one.

Your posts included positive and negative, I think I stick with the positive (half pint full) method and just wait and see. Maybe I will not get pregnant, but I gave it my best shot. Hubby is only home Friday, Saturday and Sunday each week till easter, see it positively, I could have my "surge" at the week-end.

I know I would make a very good mother, being a very good step-mum to the kids (2 boys) from my husbands first marriage. But if it should not be, so will be it.

In my mind, if it should happen, it will. Really would like to have a baby and my best friends all think I would make a good mum (they even offered my free child-care, mind you I am not pregnant yet)

Anyway, great response from all of you, honest and to the point. I just have to wait now and see. You never know a little baby might be soon on it's way!

Better dash now and do some household duties, cleaning, hoovering and ironing, thanks again, you are lovely people!!

Have a very good week-end!
X

Good luck snoopy. Ovulation should be 14 days after the first day of your period if you have roughly 28 day cycles. That means if your period lasts 7 days, ovulation can be only a week after it finishes - I'm sure you know that but it caught me out for a while because I assumed it was later in the cycle. I had my first pg just a month after the coil came out so get cracking! Oh and the current pg happened when my DH was home on leave for just 2 days in the month...lucky eh!
Last thing - it has been proven that your chaps swimmers get a head start if you, ahem, 'enjoy' yourself to the max during sex...so make sure you get the attention you need...for practical reasons of course!
Dont forget your Preg vits including folic acid. Hope to see you announcing your pg soon x

Good luck - IMHO the blanket "harder to get pg after 40" is a scare-mongering tactic often deployed by the lovely Daily Fail to keep us wimmen where we should be making babies and not in the workplace.

Your fertility depends on when you start to enter the menopausal phase. If your mum/older sisters/maternal aunts can tell you when they did then that gives you an idea of when you can expect to really lose your fertility. I knew that my chances were good as both my mum (I was born when she was 43) and my sister had become pregnant well into their forties. I have also heard that there is a fertility "surge" just before you start to enter perimenopause but I've not read anything to back that up

Hoover, that's a great link that you posted, even if it is depressing, but I don't think it paints the full picture. The reason is that people who are trying IVF by definition have already failed to conceive naturally, and so the figure of only 2pc success over age 44 applies only to women having IVF, not to women in general. I think the lesson from it is that if you are over 35 and having difficulties ttc, you need to look into it right away as you don't have time to spare.

The other main source of information about fertility as women get older comes from the Hutterite studies, also discussed on the page Hoover linked to. These are probably a more accurate picture, although as that web page points out, the Hutterite population has higher general fertility than the general population at the moment. That's the depressing part; on the other hand, it is possible that the older couples in the Hutterite study were not trying as actively to conceive as younger ones, given that they typically already had lots of children. It's an unknown factor.

For any individual woman, the stats don't tell her personally whether she is going to be one of the lucky ones or not. So if you want to, you might as well try.

On the more positive side, for those ttc at an older age, the rate of abortions amongst women 40+ is as high as amongst those under 16; some of these will be abortions due to abnormalities, but some of them are because women thought they were too old to get pregnant and got up the duff by accident.

In 2009 in the UK, almost 27000 babies were born to mothers aged 40 or over. That's a good sign - and it also means that medical staff are more used to dealing with older mums than in many other countries. So if you're 40 and ttc, the UK is a great place to be.

Sorry for the long post. I think Hoover is absolutely right that people should go into this with their eyes open to the risks. But at the same time, if it's what you want to do, you should go for it and hope for the best.

Congratulations thumbwitch it is Loujalou from difficulties trying ttc no thread. Am now 27 weeks pregnant with baby's legs stuck under my ribs. Ouch x

Oh yes - forgot to say, congratulations to everyone on here who's been successful, and good luck to everyone else ttc :)

thanks Louja and congrats to you too! :) legs under the ribs does sound very ouchy - hope baby turns/tucks them in soon for you
x

I'm not a first timer but i am 32 weeks pregnant at 44. Natural , planned conception. My youngest is 4 and i concieved him within a month and this latest one within 2 months. I didn't bother reading all the negative things aout being an older mum and all the risks ( that i am well aware of anyway) i just ate a healthy diet, drank loads of M&S pomegrante juice and drank green tea!.
I rest as much as possible and have had a very good experiance so far with my midwife and hospital consultant . They both told me it's really common now to be pregnant in your late 30's early 40's..

snoopy I'll be 44 in April and am currently 28 weeks pregnant - natural conception. I have three miscarriages - two very early and one "missed" at 8 weeks, all in the 12 months preceding this pregnancy.

I am finding it tough going (v tired) but as I understand it, that's pregnancy whatever age.

Good luck with it!

I should add that this is my first. Like Jasmine it is now the right time fir me to have children.

I definitely agree that not everyone is the same with regards to age and fertility. The stats are all based on the 'average' woman. Neither me or my mother had regular periods until our late 20s so I am always very when people say your fertility starts to go down from 30. Give it a go and see what happens is all that you can do.

Hi. I am 44 and in last few weeks of pregnancy. We didn't plan for baby but are very happy now -after initial shock!! So it doesn't always take ages to get pregnant.
Good luck

I just wanted to add a few points. My mum was 40 and my dad nearly 50 when I was born. It was pretty unusual to have "old" parents back then and I always wished my parents had been younger, especially when people thought my mum was my grandmother.

Sadly, my parents are no longer with us and never knew the joys of being grandparents.

Because of this I wanted to complete my family by the time I was 30. This didn't happen and I finally got pregnant with DD when I was 41 and OH was 47.

What I would say as an older mother is that I really, really struggled with the lack of sleep. Also the change to my lifestyle was extremely hard for me. To go from working full time, being able to do what I wanted when I wanted, to sleep uninterrupted all night long, to eat out if I didn't feel like cooking etc to having a tiny little bundle of joy entirely dependent on me was very difficult.

I am painting a negative picture, but I love my daughter to bits. She has brought such joy.

I just wanted you to be aware of what you are letting yourself in for. I also find that since OH and I have turned 50 we do tend to take health niggles more seriously because of the implications for our daughter - and yes we have had a few scares. Also, looking ahead financially is grim. OH is 60 next birthday, we had to decline DD's place at a private school because we will have to fund DD through university when the time comes, and we don't want her to start off her adult life being up to her neck in debt. (OH and I both had the benefit of the grant system when we were students).

Good luck with everything.

I'm 43 and trying for baby 4. It is scary when looking at stats and stuff but I have faith in God if it's meant to be then it will happen and if not maybe their is a good reason for that. Age is brought up alot but it's not just age as women struggle to get pregnant at all ages. I know many girls who don't take care of there health in young age and struggle even getting up a few steps. Whereas I see many older women with healthy figure and well also age of child has no bearing death can come at any age so people would not get pregnant at all. Leave it to god as you are different and unique and all people are not the same. Focus on what you want and just do your part leave rest to nature not people on any forum or Google etc as this will mess up your head even more..

Don't let anyone stop you from your faith and make decisions for you..