Crazy sh*t they didn't tell me,,,

[lowra]

about being pregnant.

Just how absolutely knackered I would feel during the first trimester.

That the contents of my nose (snot) would be all bloody.

That some of my freckles and moles would grow and become darker

How anxiety inducing and worrying this whole business is.

What were your suprises?

Oh and you end up peeing in the bath as you cant get out of it in time, and when you stand to dry yourself you end up peeing again, and have to wash yourself all again before the water disappears down the plug hole.

Yes to all of the above!
That not only is the first poo after childbirth truly terrifying, they will make you do one before you can go home

All of the above, certainly.

Great thread!

Oh and that you have to start buying panty liners.... who the hell buys panty liner fgs!
That every time you go for a wee, and then wipe, when you stand up there is always a stray drop to wet your pants/legs/dressing gown!
That you will never feel as clean as normal, down there, ever, even after a shower.
You become acutely aware of the smell of EVERYTHING!

I'm thinking that if this were a pregnancy book, it would make a bloody fortune :o

Ooh maybe I will use my mat leave to write the book, 'The crazy shit they don't tell you about being pregnant' Ideal stocking filler and essential reading for pregnant ladies everywhere

The itchiness.
the random urges to cry.
That my nesting instinct would be effectively smothered by the fact that I am still sooooo tired.
The risk of fainting if I get too hot (haven't yet but I've come scarily close.

That I would not be able to sleep for the entire second trimester... but that I would apparently nonetheless continue to "glow" so that no one believed me (except DH) when I said how tired I was.

That's just the worst one, and the one that came as a complete surprise as most others are vaguelly referenced in books and conversations etc. But none of these resources express the true awfulness of the experience. I believe it's a conspiracy of silence created by women with children in an attempt to ensure they don't sound like crazy whiners to all those non-pregnant people who think that once they're pregnant they'll waft around communing with the unborn babies and wearing flowing smock dresses.

BlingLoving - I know exactly what you mean. It's so hard to hear about how radiant you look when you feel awful on the inside. I'm dying to tell people the truth about how disgusting/tired/grumpy I really am but it seems so ungrateful.

That sciatica/SPD can cause you to get stuck while trying to get something out of the oven (and DH will stand and laugh before helping you stand upright).

That you will relive your childhood in terms of illness: colds without being able to take the good medications, spots, asthma, impetigo, I'm just hoping baby arrives before the hayfever really kicks in, I don't think I could cope with the constant nose bleeds!

The hairy-ness: I'm used to being on the hairy end of the spectrum in terms of arms and legs but I'm starting to think I'll need to comb the hair on my tummy soon!

That going up stairs sideways will be the only option as you can see the steps otherwise!

I feel like there should be more on this list...!

I put this exact comment on my facebook the other day!
That I'd develop spots and dry skin (I've never had spots even when I was 13)
That "blooming" is bullshit and you feel worse than ever
How many people think it's ok to comment on and touch your stomach
The unrelenting tiredness
The cellulite. What's that about?!
How goddamn horny you can feel at 4pm
How you worry about every little tiny thing
How it turns you into a psycho hose beast from hell
How I'm "not allowed" to feel like this according to everyone else because I've tried for nearly 4 years to conceive this baby so I should be happy

DH and I have decided evolution needs to get it's arse in gear and come up with something better than pregnancy for growing babies. Like you lay a little egg and put it in a plant pot next to your t v or something :)

I decided to check out the state of my bikini line with a mirror this morning, discovered that my fanny has turned purple, PURPLE I'm pretty sure there isn't a index entry for purple fanny in "what to expect ...."

That rolling over in bed is a mammouth task and can leave you so breathless that you are huffing and puffing for 5 minutes after.

thefurryone I ve just laughed so hard I wet myself , better go out and get those panty liners WalterFlipsticks suggested.

Weird dreams
tiredness that takes over your whole life
crappy maternity clothes
the constant judgement from others
crying over nothing
The need to eat chocolate each day

...BUT

The amazing feeling when the baby moves & kicks, and falling in love with my little bean even though I haven't met her yet.

That I'd have so much wind that I'd feel and look like a barrage balloon (to the point where I feel like asking someone to attach sandbags to me). Plus most of the above.

Serenajoy yes yes to the wind, last night I was sat on the sofa and this massive fart noise emerged from me, no wind expelled, just came from me somewhere like a loud groany fart
Ran in the bathroom to tell DH and he laughed and looked at me as if I had gone bonkers!

thefurryone I'm mightily impressed by your dedication to the cause. My bush looks like Justin Lee Collins' long lost twin. Fact. Although I'm dying to check if it's turned purple

The purple bits discovery was made by DH when he gave into my request for a trim . Thankfully, the lovely man is mostly unperturbed by all the pregnancy weirdness. Said I was "still a hottie" this morning, whilst I was stood, tissue in hand, attempting to de- bogey the nasty pregnancy nose with last nights leaky boob patches on my nightie .

Ooooh is my DH is in for treat tonight or what?! Good day at work darling? Good, good ... Now be a love and just tell me what call my fanny is, there's a sweetheart ... I might even get my hands on a dulux colour chart so we can give it an official shade

P.s. Are you looking forward to my AIBU thread tomorrow at his refusal to partake in such an activity?

That should be colour, of course ...

WalterFlipsticks - sometimes you just have to tell someone, don't you?! I just emailed DH to tell him that I'd managed to do a poo. I've been suffering all week (and therefore so has he, through having to listen to me complain) and it was a really good one.

No-one tells you your bowel movements become a) an acceptable topic of conversation, and b) cause for celebration.

Thanks to thefurryone I'm also now dying to get the hand mirror out and see if my area has turned purple. Should probably wait till I get home from work though.

Ha ha loving this thread!

Totally get the wetting yourself (and I am only 26 weeks). I had gastroenteritis a few weeks back - it was horrendous

That you cannot go anywhere without working out where the nearest toilets are first. If there are no loos, then I don't go there now!

That all of my self control that i pride myself on to not eat totally rubbish, and the ability to leave chocolate in the fridge has totally gone out the window.

That I would have an incredible sex drive - while my husband seems to be totally off the whole thing

That you do not feel blooming in your second trimester.

That what you do becomes everyone's business - I am dying to cut the grass, but cannot face on the onslaught of disapproval.... oh and "Yes I have suffered with morning sickness all day, and yes I do have some cravings (as well as other nasties, would you like to know those too)?"

That I would become very protective over my bump in the swimming pool.

That 'nesting' doesn't happen near the end - I have started baking cakes - I mean FGS, the closest I have ever come to baking cakes, is opening a packet mix and adding water!

That you wake up in the middle of the night Starving.....

Ha this thread is fab! I wasn't told to massage my front bum with perrinal oil (boots stock this) its supposed to help with stretching it and prepairing for birth.

Dreams are x rated
i dribble when ive never dribbled before
boobs are horrid and big and ever growing
that my nipples come out at the most inconveient times!

thefurryone i have just almost peed myself laughing at that!

I'm not even 5 weeks yet and already am waking up ridicoulously early every morning which is sooo unlike me - hubby is an early riser and when i was up before him yesterday he asked me if i'd pissed the bed. Which of course i hadn't but told him ironically, that may well happen further down the line....
I am also so hot in the night - and i'm the coldest person in the world - wear jumpers in summer! Now i'm flailing about naked in bed like we're in the bahamas.