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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Giving up seats for pregnant women on public transport

77 replies

mamamona · 14/03/2011 14:00

Bit of a rant warning, please let me know if it is justified!

What the hell is wrong with Londoners?!!? I've always given up my seat on the tube or the bus for an elderly/disabled or pregnant woman and I will continue to do so, but yesterday really took the biscuit.

I left work early on Friday because I started having really bad cramps and was scared of premature labour, (ended up in hospital over the weekend just to check), and I get on the train, visibly pregnant, and visibly in pain, and try to make my way to a seat only to have it grabbed by some selfish woman who just smirks at me! Nobody else then offered to give me a seat and I was left standing, with cramps, crying, not having the energy to even muster a voice to ask someone to let me sit down.

This isn't even the first time its happened, even on the so called 'priority seats' for pregnant, those with children, elderly or disabled, are constantly being occupied by some selfish person who is happy to leave a more needy person while they listen to their ipod or tap away on their blackberry.

Whats happened to manners? What would you do? Would you demand a seat? Request that they get up for you? Stare at them giving them evil looks until they feel so guilty that they have to give up their seat for you? Or just let it go?

So angry!

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pinkypanther · 14/03/2011 14:05

I think in your circumstances, if I couldn't muster up the energy to ask for a seat, I probably would have sat on the floor...

I don't buy the usual excuse that people haven't noticed you, I have had lots of people look at me & bump, look at the "baby on board" badge, then go back to reading their papers.

It does suck, but unfortunately lots of people are just selfish. Or they might have their own reasons why they can't/won't get up.

(Be prepared BTW, you are going to get lots of "being pregnant isn't an illness" type replies from the competitive misery crew!)

Hope you are ok now.

StayFrosty · 14/03/2011 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum2b072011 · 14/03/2011 14:08

I feel exactly the same!! Central Line commuters seem to be selfish too .... i sometimes feel like pulling there ipods out telling them to get out of the priority seat!!

Have you got a baby on board badge?

Dont be shy to just ask someone, i didnt at first but now i am getting bigger i just think what the heck ask and they tend to give up the seat

It does help when my partner is with me i must admit as he tells them to get up and they never seem to make him feel uncomfortable.

Good Luck x

stuffedmk · 14/03/2011 14:08

I suspect I would just be quietly annoyed and moan about it later but I agree that people are totally self indulged these days and very few have any manners. I can understand it when you see a woman who may be pregnant but could equally just be fat but there does come a stage where in most pregnancy is obvious and there would be very few at this stage who would get arsey about being offered a seat. Of course what I would love to be able to do is actually ask someone to move but many of us just don't have it in us to speak up.

trixie123 · 14/03/2011 14:09

I think you DO have to have the gumption to ask in these circumstances. You shouldn;t have to but its better than standing. I also find that if you move down the carriage so you are standing facing a sitting person with your bump RIGHT in their face, its harder for them to ignore you than if you are in the doorway bit.

Original poster

mamamona · 14/03/2011 14:15

Lol @ trixie I think that is a fantastic idea for next time. I'll just keep my bump in their way.

I don't have a baby on board badge, where could I buy one of those, and do people actually notice them if you have it on?

I'm 29 +3 now and getting quite big, so its not like I'm discreetly pregnant now either! I had to ask DH and some friends to check whether I looked fat or pregnant just to double check that its not just me!

I am one of those people who normally just let things go, not very quick to anger, but I think I will definately just have to start asking people to move if I'm feeling really tired!

What makes me feel really bad though is that these people sometimes leave disabled people standing and the elderly. I just can not understand it!

OP posts:

festive · 14/03/2011 14:17

I have found most people have been great giving up seats its the odd one or two who look away.

If I was feeling really unwell I would point at the sign and say (loud and clear) excuse me, this is a priority seat and I don't feel all that well, would you mind if I sat down please? They'd have to be pretty brazen to refuse esp in front of all the other passengers.
And pregnancy isn't an illness but it does come with many problems people can't necessarily see - at 20 weeks i barely had a bump so did not look in visible discomfort but was desperate to sit down due to excruciating hip pain.
Hope everything is OK now btw
x

eaglewings · 14/03/2011 14:19

I'm disabled but you can't see my disability so I have learnt to say - 'please can someone let me sit down thank you'

Often it is the people not sitting in the special seats that stand up for me.

hard to talk if you are crying though - really feel for you

HipHopopotomus · 14/03/2011 14:20

yes you have to ask. I've found since it's been warmer and I've been out without coat I've been offered a seat several times (I am 33 weeks now) on the bus. Before then people prob just thought I was fat.

But really you have to ask, in a big clear voice (as calmly as you can), preferably with a smile. Apart from anything else, why allow yourself to carry this anger around with you (this happened Friday & you are still angry), when you could spare yourself the anger AND have a seat when you needed it.

Hope you are feeling better soon :)

festive · 14/03/2011 14:23

you get the badges at any ticket counter - my sis got mine for me at her local tube station and they gave her 3! she's a skinny minny and def not preggers so you clearly don't have to prove anything...
the badge def works, i didn't want to wear one as I kept saying they were naff but my dh and my bro insisted as they say as blokes its mortifying if you are not sure if someone is pg and you offer your seat and get it wrong- they said they'd rather be sure and people do notice it I would say

ShowOfHands · 14/03/2011 14:25

Oh it's miserable. I went to London when 8.5 months pregnant during a heatwave and stood on the tube deep breathing and trying not to faint. A very, very, very lovely man stood up at the other end of the carriage and loudly declared 'excuse me, could you all just let that very pregnant woman past so she can have my seat'. We were in the same carriage for about 20 minutes and he told me his wife was pg with dc4 and he'd got very good at commenting loudly.

I never managed to ask for a seat myself, too shy. Luckily, most people offer.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/03/2011 14:29

I have to say I found the opposite - commuted and travelled in London till 41 weeks and also got a seat (I have a fierce expression I understand). If there is a seat free on a crowded tube, I always sit in it and then take a specific look round to see if there's anyone who needs it more than me.

I don't really 'get' the Baby on Board badges but they do seem to work. They are free from tube stations I believe.

My tips are that younger people, especially young men with girlfriends / mothers tend to give up their seats more quickly as do women who look like they might have had kids. Also ask station staff for assistance if you're feeling poorly at a station or ask a strong looking man* to help / shout for a seat if the tube is very crowded by the doors and you can't make it to the seats and are not visible. I would always give up a seat if approached.

*Don't tell the feminist board I said that.

Hope you are feeling better after your hospital visit. Can you talk to work about changing your hours to avoid rush hour?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/03/2011 14:31

always not also

slowshow · 14/03/2011 14:34

Get yourself a baby on board badge. I asked at my local station and a member of staff went into the office and gave me two

AND someone jumped up as soon as I got onto the bus this morning!

I know it's hard getting the courage together to ASK people for seats, but you should. Target those sitting in the priority seats - they really can't argue with you, can they?

Original poster

mamamona · 14/03/2011 14:39

I'm back at work tomorrow, so will be asking at the tube station for the badge, lets see if it works. Unfortunately I can't really change the times I work and almost always get stuck on the rush hour train, (Events Manager at Earl's Court) and right now with the Ideal Home Show going on its absolutely manic, and I'm constantly on my feet the whole day, so would rather appreciate a seat on the tube but I don't think anyone would really care for my little sob story lol!

Will try and experiment by being more vocal tomorrow on the tube to see if it works, or if I muster the courage to do it!

And thank you all for your concerns about the hospital visit. It turns out it was really bad constipation, so kind of feel like a numpty, but it was really bad at the time!

OP posts:

slowshow · 14/03/2011 14:43

Be brave!

mousymouse · 14/03/2011 14:46

try and get up the courage to ask for a seat. I have never been declined a seat when asked.
I know it is not easy, but most people will be perfectly nice and get up so you can have a seat.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 14/03/2011 14:47

In general, these threads provoke a bunfight, but I think your circumstances are reasonable. I'm quite gobby outspoken, when I need to be, so I would request a seat, and if I didn't get one, I wouldn't be averse to sitting on swooning in the direction of the person in the priority seat!

KnitterNotTwitter · 14/03/2011 14:47

I always just asked.

Only one person (woman) ever said no and I waved my bump at them and they went bright red and got up. I always sat down when pg, whether I 'needed' to or not - much better that than falling when he bloomin' train does a sudden stop.

HipHopopotomus · 14/03/2011 14:49

remember to be polite but clear and smile. Also you don't need to ask one person specifically if you don't want to, but ask a group "Excuse me but I am PG and I need to sit down please (smile)". Bet my the time you've done this 4 times (that's only 2 days) you will have developed a certain stride/look about you and it will all get much easier.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 14/03/2011 14:50

Rafi · 14/03/2011 14:52

What Festive's DH said. I'll always give up my seat for a pregnant woman but the Baby on Board badges mean I don't risk insulting anyone.

flooziesusie · 14/03/2011 14:52

Really, really you must stand up and be counted - some people are bastards!

Sometimes, when I was pregnant (travelled on the northern line for 30 minutes each way in the rush hours till 39 weeks) I didn't actually want the seat - sometimes I was very vocal at the level I was shoved around and I was MASSIVE.

Make yourself No1 priority; if you want the seat, make them listen...

facefull · 14/03/2011 14:58

Ive had old ladies race me for seats on the tube when Im heavily pregnant! They are not so old and frail then I tell ya! Seriously though I have been hanging on the hand rails for dear life and the b***ds still don't offer me a seat!..............and I REALLY REALLY hate the attitude of some that "you choose to be pregnant, now lump it"....would they have wanted their own mothers, sisters, wifes to be treated like that!

Original poster

mamamona · 14/03/2011 14:59

Saggyoldclothcatpuss I love your style, but the ironic thing is I would speak up for anyone else and have done so too on the tube if I've seen an elderly person or pregnant lady and some idiot is sitting down.

But thanks to you lovely ladies I'm going to be assertive and ask and if need be demand a seat on the tube! :o

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