Giving up seats for pregnant women on public transport

[mamamona]

Bit of a rant warning, please let me know if it is justified!

What the hell is wrong with Londoners?!!? I've always given up my seat on the tube or the bus for an elderly/disabled or pregnant woman and I will continue to do so, but yesterday really took the biscuit.

I left work early on Friday because I started having really bad cramps and was scared of premature labour, (ended up in hospital over the weekend just to check), and I get on the train, visibly pregnant, and visibly in pain, and try to make my way to a seat only to have it grabbed by some selfish woman who just smirks at me! Nobody else then offered to give me a seat and I was left standing, with cramps, crying, not having the energy to even muster a voice to ask someone to let me sit down.

This isn't even the first time its happened, even on the so called 'priority seats' for pregnant, those with children, elderly or disabled, are constantly being occupied by some selfish person who is happy to leave a more needy person while they listen to their ipod or tap away on their blackberry.

Whats happened to manners? What would you do? Would you demand a seat? Request that they get up for you? Stare at them giving them evil looks until they feel so guilty that they have to give up their seat for you? Or just let it go?

So angry!

RE: children - I put my toddler on a seat when I don't have a buggy because he is a liability standing up and would be running up & down the aisle. But once he gets to a well-behaved age then he can stand.

I think wearing a "Baby on Board" badge really does help. Men are often scared to get it wrong, and wearing the badge is a bit like wearing a sign saying "Yes, I am actually pregnant and I need a seat please!" I found I had no problems after I started wearing one. People were happy to give up their seats (though it was mainly women, I must say). Wearing the badge shows people it's ok to ask - my father in law was once extremely embarrassed by a very rude pregnant woman - he offered her his seat and she snapped "I'm pregnant, not disabled!" This made me very cross as many pregnant women really need a seat, and it's not very nice to embarrass someone that's trying to be kind, even if you don't want the seat.

Sorry to say but I think Londoners are lovely. I got so much help getting on and off transport and getting up and down stairs to a tube station with no lift people were so friendly and offered to help with my pushchair. They were chatty, kind and willing to help me out.

I live in Birmingham and to expect someone to give up a seat, move so you can get your pushchair in or offer a helping hand doesn't happen. Infact when waiting in line for a bus I get pushed out of the way. One time I got pushed out of the way someone bumped into my son who cried. I got so angry at how rude people were I let the pregnant lady go before me then rammed everyone else who again would rather push my baby out of the way then be polite. I got to the door and was told "sorry no space" and had to wait in the rain for ANOTHER bus.

Sorry but Londoners are far nicer then the rude and arrogant people of Birmingham.

And I think Londoners are more polite in this particular regard than where I've lived/stayed in Asia while pregnant (Singapore, China and Tokyo)

Can I ask, as I've not had pregnancy issues except preeclampsia and hyperemesis. Apart from SPD are there particular medical reasons that mean you require a seat?

This isn't inflammatory, I'm genuinely interested.

I actually found commuters/londoners generally quite thoughtful - i fell over while pregnant at rush hr at London Victoria and was surrounded by well wishers.
on the seat front - don't assume people have seen you - I had a couple of cases where I/the carriage was asked very agressively for a seat when i literally hadn't seen them (in the zone) - it felt like they were expecting refusal - i also got asked by a pregannt woman to give up my seat when pregnant myself!
I think the hardest thing is to get through standing people to get to the seats so that you can ask for a seat.
I am now travelling with a small child which is proving interesting...

otchayaniye many pregnant women have circulatory problems i.e. low blood pressure. this combined with holding the arms up (to hold on) can result in feeling faint.
I fainted on the tube before I knew I was pregnant because of this.

Completely agree, people are so bloody rude. Went to London with my sister when I was about 33 weeks, and no one offered me their seat despite wearing a baby on board badge. To be honest I felt worse for my sister who has ME and uses a walking stick. No one offered their seat to her either. I'm far more ballsy since having my son, if I were ever in the same situation again I would definitely ask someone to move.

I have seen loads of baby on board badges, and I would never have guessed the wearer was pg.
With coats and bags and lots of people, and heads stuck in books,I don't think people take much notice.
I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and during a row in a carpark, this woman called me a fat cow. Some people are just ignorant, and do not have a clue about pregnancy.

And would agree with "not wanting to get it wrong"
sometimes I have looked at someone and thought "hmm, could be pregnant" but wouldn't offer just in case they had eaten a few extra pies recently!

I feel your pain. I used to cry by the time I got to Euston from Oxford Street. I never travelled by tube (once was scary enough) and I got buses instead (just as bad if not worse than people on tube - a man on crutches had to stand on my route - that made me feel slightly better that it wasn't just me going through it!) People don't always know you are pregnant though - I worry about this now that I am back on the tube and can't tell if someone standing is pregnant or not.

My advice would be to find your voice and just ask. I would say this to anyone, pregnant or not, who feels bad and needs a seat. It's strange we are so British that we feel we can't ask for what is rightly ours (the seats for the infirm, pregnant etc).

But you are bringing one of the next generation of office workers/tube riders/consumers into the world so you have every right. I have found my voice since becoming a mother and am far more outspoken than I ever used to be. Maybe it's a part of becoming a protective mother. But I like it.

Good luck with the birth and don't worry about selfish people (easier said than done!).

Oh and recently I was refused entry to my local bus because I had a pram and there was loads of space onboard. I wrote to my local paper and the bus company were forced to apologise. Find your voices mums of Great Britain! :-)

You gotta ask, if you don't want to do the loud voice thing just pick the friendliest looking person in the end seats (for disabled, elderly, pregnant or those with children) and quietly ask them or point at your belly.
Most people generally don't notice when commuting so I just got used to asking, then 3 people leap up and chaos ensues.
Although at 35 weeks and with a very obvious belly the size of a planet the woman who told me I should wear a badge so that she knew I was pregnant did nearly get a smack in the chops...

I posted not that long ago about an argument with a London bus driver. I'd run for the bus (I was about 25 weeks pg with SPD!) and he promptly closed the doors in my face. Cue me banging on door and pointing at bump. He let me on and I lost it (tears and everything - SO embarrassing) and he shouted back that he hadn't seen me. Which was bollox, but there you go.

Aside from that I find buses are generally much better than tube. Maybe because people aren't so heads down in books. BUt I dread getting on the tube.

I am now 34 weeks and have a mahoosive bump. Even so, I've been ignored. But I must be more vocal. I'm not usually shy, so don't know why I get some embarrassed about asking. On the few ocassions I have, people have been more than fine.

otchayaniye I have had SPD from very early on, wchih is why I struggle to stand for long periods. It also means that if i've been walking, I simply need to rest TBH. As pg has progressed it's much more the weight of my bump. It often makes me feel like i'm going to pee myself when I've got the extra 1.5/2 stone bearing down on my bladder/pelvis.

I'm 37 weeks and commute into Edinburgh by train. I have never once been offered a seat, and have been working throughout pregnancy. I have, however, had people try to push me out of the way to get onto the train in front of me.
It really isn't a London thing! It's a rush-hour rude people thing.

Thanks, I didn't know that about low blood pressure, I fainted in this pregnancy (although I'm being monitored for high blood pressure) on the tube and I guess it must have been that, coupled with the fact that I can't keep all my food down)

Good luck to you and wish you easing symptoms

I've really only had good experiences on the tube/buses while pregnant. I agree that it's generally younger men, foreign men & women who help you out (these are also the people who will help you with your buggy later!). One older man hit a younger man on the head with his newspaper to get his attention & tell him to stand up for me. But you do have to ask if you feel you need to sit down & nobody is offering. I know it's hard!

I've just come back from work, straight back on to MN and just finished reading all of the responses. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with a bit of an issue about this, and maybe its not just a London thing! Being born and brought up in London I know there are plenty of nice ones out there but why can't I find them at rush hour!!

Having said that, today on the train back, armed with my new 'Baby on Board Badge' and my new found bad ass 'I'm-going-to-ask-for-a-seat-if-there-are-none available' attitude, I was blessed with an empty carriage! The irony! I'm glad of it though, loved all the space for myself.

I did feel a bit strange wearing the Baby on Board badge, but can see why it would definitely help. I'll be able to try it out properly tomorrow.

Still got another 8 weeks of it before I go on mat leave at 37 weeks!

To those who are mortified by the Baby on Board badge: it's good for when you are under about 7 months pregnant, and there is a possibility that commuters might think you are just fat. When I wasn't pregnant I was very relieved to not have to worry about the is-she-fat-or-pregnant issue, and would usually not offer someone a seat just in case they were just a bit tubby of tummy (I would be mortified).

And to those who think that being pregnant or wearing the badge is some horrific sign of entitlement: no it's not, it's just helpful to other people.

And finally, otchayaniye - I also have low blood pressure at the best of times, and worse when pregnant, and really find standing in a packed, airless tube carriage almost intolerable and sickness / dizzy / faint-inducing. Also, now that I'm 31 weeks, my back is really aching and it's hard standing still for any period of time (much easier when I'm walking, which is why it's not a trial to walk from the tube station to work, but it is hard to stand still on a tube train).

I think pregnant women are so aware of how much their body has changed that they generally overestimate how obvious their pregnancy is to people who don't know them. Especially in the winter when they're wearing coats.
And on the tube, the fact that someone is looking straight at you with their eyes open does not always mean they can see you - their mind might be entirely consumed with spreadsheets/that row with their mum/their recent unexpected BFP. But I never found anyone who could withstand my LOOK AT ME I'M PREGNANT stance.
If I find myself sitting in a priority seat then I do try to make a point of looking round the carriage at each stop for someone I should be giving it up to, but I can't promise that I've never missed anyone.

I didn't know about the Baby On Board Badge!

That is great!

I am not showing enough yet to expect people to offer up thier seats so I don't really expect it. When the time does come though I will be quite happy to stare people down or show them up vocally if they do what that woman did to you to me. London is very mean to pregnant women, my friend who's little one is 2 now was telling me about her pregnancy and transport horror stories.

My DP and I have always been the type to stop and help or give up a seat for another person, but most people are too selfish nowadays.

Sorry someone did that to you, evil cow

You can also get the badge through the TFL website. They will post it to you.

I had about a month where I though londoners were horrid to pregnant women. It got better though. I moved my badge to make it more visible and as the bump grew i got more offers. Coats and scarfs can hide the badge and the bump even when you feel like you are obviously pregnant I don't think others see what you feel, like someone else mentioned.

It also helped that I started my working day later and stayed at work later.

I didn't like it when people cut me up to get through the barriers or a seat. That upset me more.

I never had the guts to ask for a seat though. I still find it all a bit embarrassing.

I've got a baby on board badge but it doesn't always work. Should be more vocal I guess. Problem is when you are getting on a train and can't get into the section where the seats are, people on the seats can't see that you have a badge at all. I also stopped wearing a scarf (and hence freezed!) because it was covering the badge.

Also, some tube lines are better than others I find. The Met line is pretty good. Circle/Hammersmith lines are dire but that is partly because there are very few seats on the trains on these lines.

otchayaniye if you suffered from pre-eclampsia then you would definitely have benefited from a seat since standing exacerbates both your swelling and your blood pressure.

It's an interesting question otchayaniye because yes, some women have more difficult pregnancies that others. Yet most women still expect a seat, even some when they are as little as 7 weeks on.

As for me, 90% of the time (at 26 weeks) I don't actually need a seat. Of course, like anyone, I quite like to have one! I can recall 2-3 times when I really appreciated the seat, e.g. I had been out shopping all afternoon and I could feel the arches of my feet bowing under the pressure (a common side effect as the ligaments get looser and weight gets heavier), or the bus/tube was jolting me around and ab muscles aren't quite what they used to be.

My personal experience is that until the bump becomes obvious, many pregnant women don't NEED to sit, as least not any more than they needed to after a long days work before they were pregnant. But some legitimately do.

(but i may be an unsual case as I was pretty fit and healthy before I fell preggers, and I've continued to stay very active up until now... third trimester may be different however! but by then there will be no doubt that I am pregnant and hopefully it won't be a problem)

well, I was fit and healthy before I got pregnant. the first few weeks were the worst for me, because I would faint if standing up on the tube or bus. I only sprouted a visible bump much later, but really needed a seat then. my guess is that many women feel that way in the earlier weeks.

Personally speaking, otchayaniye I am a champion fainter even when not pregnant. It's just something I'm predisposed to. Put me in a hot, crowded, claustrophobic space, with hardly any room to change my posture and attempt the get the blood flowing back up my legs, and within 20 minutes I'm going to start feeling woozy. Now I'm pregnant, make that 10 minutes.

I'm 14 weeks and don't have an obvious bump, but I would really appreciate a seat.

Interestingly, this week I have got onto crowded buses and women outnumber men 2-0 when it comes to offering me their seat. And of course I thanked them profusely