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Original poster

Shall I find out the sex of my baby at my 19 week scan?

164 replies

Enid · 23/10/2005 18:46

dh wants me to - we have 2 girls and, to be honest, he really really wants a boy and wants me to find out so he isn't horribly disappointed at the birth (if its another girl).

I don't care what I have (although having a boy would be easier in terms of family pressure!!)

I am hoping the baby will keep its legs crossed. I really don't want to know.

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wallopyCOD · 23/10/2005 19:48

yes and if you do
dotn tell anyone

JoolsToo · 23/10/2005 20:06

No don't! pregnancy is long enough without knowing the outcome before you get there!

Would he really be that disappointed? Once he claps eyes on your new baby he's a goner!

spidermama · 23/10/2005 20:13

It's like opening a present before your birthday.

It's a compelling idea, but leaves you feeling empty and dirty.

motherinferior · 23/10/2005 20:15

I'm of the same 'oh, no!' brigade. But then I'm the gas'n'air junkie who thought her newborn baby girl had testicles

nooka · 23/10/2005 20:20

My neighbours have just found out, and are really flat, as they were hoping for a girl (had a boy already). This is their planned last baby, and I think that they are really dispointed that it is a boy. I think it's easier when the baby is in your arms. But then we tried to find out with dd, and failed three times (including the day before she was born)! We were both convinced she would be a boy (had one already), and it did take a bit longer to bond, but that may have been more to do with a bad birth experience. So I guess it goes both ways. I don't like to buy stuff before the baby is born (my mother had three miscarriages and a still birth, so we were brought up not to count our chickens, so to speak) so I can't see any great advantage. I think it's just because we can know, that we want to...

HRHWickedwaterwitch · 23/10/2005 20:20

I've asked both times and I liked knowing, I was prepared. I wanted a girl first time and had 23 weeks to get used to the fact that I was having a boy. Second time I was told a boy at the 12week scan and was bitterly disappointed as I really wanted a girl, especially as I knew I wouldn't be having any more. So when they told me she was a girl at the 20 week scan I was so so pleased and it really cheered me up. I liked knowing. But hey, they do get it wrong so bear that in mind too!

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 23/10/2005 20:22

i couldnt....

didnt with Jess, and havent this time - and not just because my hospital wont tell anyway!

I see it that i have to go through however long carrying the baby, however long pushing it out - if i knew one way or another, it would have a name and i would be shouting at it already!

I was adament Jess was a boy up until the minute she was born, and i couldnt have been happier with my little girl - she's my princess.

I really want a boy this time, but im quite happy for another girl.... it will be what it will be and wont be any less loved.

Mojomummy · 23/10/2005 20:30

Yes definetly find out - if your DH wants a boy & it is a girl, then he has a while to adjust himself.

I had a scan to find out because I desperately wanted a girl & thought giving birth would be shock enough without adjusting to the possibility it might have been a boy.

And you don't have to tell anyone else you have found out the sex.

crazydazy · 23/10/2005 20:51

I found out with both of mine and didn't regret it one bit. I felt I bonded with them before they were even born because we referred to them by the sex not just "it". Plus the fact that we just couldn't wait nine months to find out what the sex was, we are both very impatient.

DP's sister didn't find out and was convinced she was having a boy, everyone told her she was carrying in the way expected for a boy and then she had a girl, she was gutted. At least finding out eliminates the disappointment.

nooka · 23/10/2005 21:13

but crazydazy it doesn't does it, it just brings it forwards - after all if you really want a baby of a particular sex and you don't have it, then at some point you are going to be upset. The question is is it better to be upset when you are pregnant, or when the baby is born. The same thing (only more extreme, of course) applies to having tests for problems during pregnancy, unless there is something that can be fixed, or some reason why you need to be ready, does the extra notice help? I think to some extent that you should only find out if you don't really mind, and are just curious. But of course everyone is different and for some people it could be fantastically helpful to have a little "lead time".

JoolsToo · 23/10/2005 21:14

can't understand someone being 'gutted' with the sex of their baby

magicfarawaytree · 23/10/2005 21:18

agree with nooka - I found out the sex for all of mine - we were not bothered by what they were but I wanted to name them and to start thinking of them as a specific individual - also didnt want to just be buying yellow.

Original poster
Enid · 24/10/2005 10:33

I won't be gutted! I have no problems with a third girl (think Ballet Shoes) and I can think of lots of nice girls names.

But dh will be disappointed - tbh, he was disappointed that dd2 wasn't a boy - i know he sounds horrid but he isn't really. So I think I have decided to find out for his sake and then pretend to everyone else that I don't know. Sorry that means mumsnet too

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sweetkitty · 24/10/2005 11:05

I've found out with both of mine (in fact we paid to for a 3D scan to find out with this one) and I don't regret it for one little bit. Sorry already knowing she was a girl did not take away any of that brilliant moment of seeing her for the first time. We are also having a girl this time and are both delighted (although some family members have made some comments about wanting a boy which makes me so cross).

I think if you want a child of a particular sex and would be disappointed with the wrong sex then perhaps you shouldn't have another one at all (after all a 50% chance of getting the wrong one isn't that good odds).

It's entirely your decision and if you really don't want to know then don't ask. I'm sure whatever you have you will both be absolutely delighted.

Carmenere · 24/10/2005 11:17

I found out the sex of my dd and I'm glad I did. I had developed a relationship with and a picture of my baby in my head and 'he' was definitely a boy. When they told me it was a girl I was really sad because I was sure I was having a boy and I felt like I hadn't bonded with a girl. I was glad I found out because it gave me time to adjust. That and of course labour is enough of a 'surprise' to a first time mum

Rachey1969 · 24/10/2005 11:25

Totally up to you of course, I had two boys (without asking the sex) and when pregnant for the third time I decided to ask because I wanted to be prepared myself for all the insensitive 'another boy!' comments. It was a girl but we didn't tell anyone at all. This time I asked because the kids were nagging me so much! DD really wanted a sister but after initial tears when i told her it was (another) boy, she has been fine and it has really made the baby a little person to them and helped them bond/prepare with the new arrival (it is also my first with dp so that is a whole other issue). I think it does prepare you, however when it's born I'm sure he won't care at all!

piglit · 24/10/2005 11:31

It's a really hard decision and personally I think it's almost easier to find out if you don't care whether it's a boy or a girl. We found out with both of ours but we really really didn't care whether we were having a boy or girl. I loved knowing the sex of the db I was carrying and I felt I bonded before ds was born. When he arrived I felt like I'd known him for ages. We've been told that this db is a boy and I'm really looking forward to meeting him too. As with all of these things it's a personal choice. We haven't told anyone that we know and I'm amazed at the number of people who say "ooh, you must be really hoping for a girl". Nope. As long as I have a healthy baby I don't care.

CarolinaFullMoon · 24/10/2005 13:50

Enid, you're lovely .

Don't think I would find out for dp's sake if I didn't want to know .

Original poster
Enid · 24/10/2005 13:58

ah well. its his baby too. Also he's generally a lovely bloke so am prepearend to indulge him

am worried about what spidermama says though...imagine thast how I might feel...

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CarolinaFullMoon · 24/10/2005 14:03

You've made a reasoned decision to find out though - not like just finding out on a whim then afterwards realising you'd have relished the surprise.

Anyway, hope you don't find yourself feeling at all empty or dirty - good luck .

Mum2OneAndBump · 24/10/2005 14:11

I found out with my first, and i also found out with this one, i wanted to find out this time because i sort of secretly wanted a girl but would have also been pleased for a boy, this is our last baby 2 is quite enough, and we are having a girl this time, my ds will love having a baby sister and i am so happy, dp would have been happy with all boys he adores boys and thinks girls/women are just trouble lol

GhostofNatt · 24/10/2005 14:25

Enid, we could do swaps? I have two boys and have decided (just this minute) not to find out sex of number three on basis that the "Ah, look at his funny nose and fuzzy hair" factor will cancel out any disappointment at birth in the way it couldn't during a scan. Having said that, DS2's prodigious equipment was very obvious at 20 week scan try as I might not to look...

Original poster
Enid · 24/10/2005 14:27

lol

dh was desperately trying to peek at the nuchal fold scan. No sign of a great pair of goolies though

OP posts:
GhostofNatt · 24/10/2005 14:35

I think you'd be lucky at 12 weeks to see anything. Weirdly, DS2 is still an absurdly well-endowed three-year-old, to the point where people gawp a bit if he gets his kit off, but imagine he'lll grow into it...

Original poster
Enid · 24/10/2005 14:37

god dh would love that

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