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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Being made to feel like a freak because I don't want to find out the sex!

55 replies

MrsBloomingTroll · 08/03/2011 12:42

Is anyone else finding they are being made to feel like a freak because they don't want to know the sex of their baby?

DH and I didn't find out last time either, and we enjoyed the anticipation, discussing names, and the finding out. We actually have the best of both worlds already because our lovely DD is neither a girly-girl (although happy to wear a dress/tutu/fairy wings from time to time) nor a complete tomboy (but loves kicking a ball around).

I think it's also because we've had quite a long journey trying to conceive. When we first started out we had had discussions like "a born in would be perfect because ..." but as it became clear we wouldn't have that choice, we have just been grateful for any baby born in any month.

But we seem to be in the small minority amongst our friends in terms of not minding either way/not finding out. And I keep finding myself in conversations where I'm being made to feel like a complete weirdo for not wanting to find out before the birth.

The "nursery" is our spare room, painted cream, and the baby will be dressed in white for the first weeks, as was DC1. We don't like baby pink or baby blue anyway. So what difference does it make?

Please tell me it's not just me being made to feel like this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ghansell · 08/03/2011 12:49

It's totally your choice and don't feel bad in not finding out. I didn't find out for my first two (g/b) but the with number 3 we had a cvs so found out at 13 weeks just because we could. Then with no;4 we found out hoping to even the numbers out and it came true (2b/2g). With our last one we knew but didn't tell anyone. Quite a few annoyed relatives but that was our choice. We are now on number 5 also had a cvs so we found out that we are having boy number 3.

If you don't want to find out thats up to you. Personally i always dress my babies in white for a few weeks after they are born anyway.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy how far along are you?

nickelprincess · 08/03/2011 12:52

you're not a freak.

I don't want to know, either!
I love the surprise element, and quite frankly, in the olden days, they'd pick the new born up and say "it's a boy/girl!" as they handed it to you.
that's what I want.

JBrd · 08/03/2011 12:52

I'm not finding out, and pretty much all of my friends with babies didn't either. You're not a weirdo, loads of people don't find out beforehand!

jasmine51 · 08/03/2011 12:59

No you are not a freak - people seem to get really miffed when you wont tell them the sex dont they (whether you know yourselves or not) I have got really fed up with people trying to get it out of us then getting huffy when we wont tell them.If you dont know then you are in an easier position than us..we know, we're just not telling and there are lots of people around us who think it is a snub not to tell them. I completely support your choice, what a lovely surprise you are going to have. I couldnt do it...I'm too impatient!

misty0 · 08/03/2011 13:02

I didn't find out with any of my 3 girls, (hospital policy) and it drove me mad at the time! lol

But now with this one i will be finding out as i live in a different area and i cant decide if i'm pleased about it or not. There is something very special about the 'what's it going to be ????' feeling for 9 months. So i know just how you feel.

I know i dont HAVE to know but OH wants to so thats that realy - i can't picture us one knowing and the other not.

catwhiskers10 · 08/03/2011 13:19

Personally I think it's more strange to want to find out. You cant change the sex so why would you want to know? And what if you did find out and colour coordinated everything and the hospital had got the sex wrong!?
For me a big part of the excitement and anticipation of having a baby was not knowing if it would be a boy or a girl.

Original poster

MrsBloomingTroll · 08/03/2011 13:29

Thanks for all your lovely comments!

I'm coming up to my 20-week scan, hence the questions.

I do know someone who was told the wrong sex, forgot about that, thanks catwhiskers, will add that to my argument next time someone asks me!

I know my DH wouldn't be able to keep it to himself if we found out.

OP posts:

cece123 · 08/03/2011 13:29

Its up to you if you want to find out the sex or not. My DP has found out the sex of are baby but i don't know. People found that very strange aswell.

WinterLover · 08/03/2011 14:05

I'm coming up to my 20w scan too. Both DP and I don't want to find out. He already has a daughter but it's our first together and we want to keep the excitement there :)

shesparkles · 08/03/2011 14:16

I didn't find out with mine, and always feel a bit "cheated" when someone has a baby and the sex is already known.
Horse for courses though

kirrinIsland · 08/03/2011 14:25

I found out the sex with my first pregnancy, never really occurred to me not to find out - I did still buy mostly neutral stuff though. However, should I go for a second I think I would try and restrain myself - it must be lovely to find out at the birth and have the anticipation of finding out through-out the pregnancy.

daimbardiva · 08/03/2011 14:32

I didn't find out first time, and won't this time (though it is tempting!). I actually think it's the norm amongst my friends and family not to find out (probably because it's only recently become possible to in our local hospital)

So you are not a freak!

mousymouse · 08/03/2011 14:36

are you having a boy or a girl?
answer "an angel, just like mum!"

ShowOfHands · 08/03/2011 14:37

It goes both ways. People who like to find out get told by people who don't 'oh but you're 'cheating', you're 'ruining the surprise', 'it's better on the day'.

It's the same as everything. People do things their own way, idiots like to comment negatively.

Ragwort · 08/03/2011 14:44

It must be one of the very few real 'surprises' left in the world I think: we certainly didn't want to find out. People always have to comment one way or the other - being pregnant seems to be a public affair these days - everyone has to have their say and give their opinion on something which is of absolute no relevance to anyone but Mum and Dad.

hallamoo · 08/03/2011 14:51

We found out with all 4 of ours (3 girls, boy due in 3 week!), some people make you feel like a weirdo because you want to know. Each to their own I say. If you don't want to, don't and if you do want to, then do!

Personally, for us, it really helped to bond with the baby as a person before they were born, helps with name choices, and also helped to prepare older siblings for a sister/brother. Somehow it makes it all a bit more real.

TBH, it's not much of a surprise is it? It's either going to be one or the other! Each time, I was more than ecstatic to be holding my newborn in my arms!

Good luck.

Beveridge · 08/03/2011 15:01

It's NHS policy here not to tell you the gender so lots of people I know didn't find out, but a friend of ours did our 20 week scan (second baby) so she (and I would assume her husband!) now obviously knows the gender.

So I could phone her up right now and she could tell me but actually, I have found that instead of being consumed with curiosity, I am actually even more happy than ever to wait and find out on the day after all the hard work is done.

Like last time, we'll boil our name choices down to a girl's and a boy's and wait and see which one comes out at the time!

PipPipPip · 08/03/2011 15:04

I hear you, MrsBloomingTroll !!

Why is everyone so interested in my kids' genitals? And why should I "plan" my child's life based around its genitals anyway??

Bumpsadaisie · 08/03/2011 15:10

Each to their own. Personally I am a definite finder-outer. For me I am so impatient to know as much about my baby as possible in advance - the 9 months is such a slog, knowing this really helps me feel bonded to the baby and get through the pregnancy.

Different strokes for different folks, though!

doireallywant3 · 08/03/2011 15:17

i don't believe in finding out at all. didn;t with dd1 and haven't this time. have never been made to feel a freak about it though. lots of people I know find out and don't tell people. once couple i know found out and told people the name too.. I think that is a bit odd.
as bumps says, different strokes and all that.

KatieWatie · 08/03/2011 15:20

I don't really want to find out as I love surprises, but I know my husband really wants a boy (has 2 girls from previous marriage) and I don't think I could handle his disappointment - no matter how hard he tries to hide it - as well as everything else during labour, so yeah I'm in a bit of a dilemma really.

onadietcokebreak · 08/03/2011 15:23

It really is one of lifes true surprises.

My Dps children were born by c section. They knew sex, date of birth, name and rough idea if weight. Eg big!

We are not finding out sex of this one!

Quenelle · 08/03/2011 15:24

I didn't want to find out. The moment your DC is born and you find out is absolutely unrepeatable - worth waiting for.

kerala · 08/03/2011 15:27

I had it the other way around! I did find out and endured lots of cats bum mouths and sanctimonious attitudes from those that didnt. So it cuts both ways. My midwife on discovering I had found out said "I just didnt think you were that type of person"

theborrower · 08/03/2011 15:45

I know what you mean OP, everyone seems to ask "Are you having a boy or a girl" or "Do you know what you're having?". I said "well I hope it's a baby" to keep it lighthearted, but inevitably I'd find myself explaining that we didn't know and didn't want to. I think some people are like "don't you want to get stuff ready?", but really that's daft. Baby wears (and still wears) white sleepsuits and will not grow up gender confused because of this!

We didn't want to know because we genuinely didn't have a preference for either sex - we were going to be happy with just a baby, thank you. Besides, I didn't want to be inundated with baby blue or cutesy pink crap beforehand (Ha, we were just inundated with cutesy pink crap after she was born instead!).

Someone I know found out (and kept it secret) because she didn't want a girl (not sure why) and so if she was going to have one (and she did) she said she wanted to come to terms with it before baby was born. Her family were seriously annoyed though that she wouldn't tell them what she was having, because "how would they know what to buy?".

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