Oh shit. Stick says yes. But I've got a 4 month old. Not sure I can do this.

[Underachieving]

The title sort of says it all.

I've got a 4 month old baby, so I've only just stopped being pregnant. God I can still wear my maternity leggings, I'm nothing like ready to do this again!

We had a really big arguement, we made up- properly. I thought, it's Ok, we'll use the morning after pill. Didn't know the effectiveness fell to 58% by the third day so left it till the third day and er, made the most of it as it were. Haven't used the morning after pill since I was a teenager, am usually so careful. What an idiot. [facepalm]

2 babies, 13 months apart?

It's too close. I'm scared. Someone tell me it's going to be alright? That 3 years from now I wont be incontinent and morbidly obese and having a nervous breakdown?

We wanted more kids, we had ideas of having a big family actually. So having three children running around isn't worrying, it's that those children would be 12 years old, 1 year and one month old and then a newborn.

OMG I don't even know what my point is. Sorry. Am panicking.

What IS the ACTUAL impact of having babies so close together?

not sure I can do this

You already have

It will be fine, they will be close and play together nicely, really grow up together.

Only got the one but have friends who experienced similar, the first few years are hard work but once kids are older it works out well as kids have similarish interests, can do stuff together, not like a baby and a ten year old!

Ok. don't panic.

I don't have experience of this in my own family, but from talking to others who have been in a similar situation, I think the hardest part is going to be the early days - but then people tell me their kids are the best of friends, look after each other, are really close, play together nicely etc.

My SIL has just under 13 months between her 2 DS. Apart from the obvious sheer exhaustion she says it is lovely because when they are older they will be really close, but it is hard work and she does feel sometimes that one or the other loses out on attention, but realistically knows that in the long term they won't remember that!

I think Jules and Jamie Oliver had an even smaller gap with their first two - her book is quite reassuring about coping with the details.

A friend of mine had hers really close together because she knew she wanted two but didn't want to spread all the nappies and everything over four or five years. She's thrilled now she has her two and although she's tired she thinks it's great to 'get it all over and done with'. She's also noticing that the younger DD is picking stuff up younger than her big sister did, essentially learning from big sis - she jokes that she'll be able to leave DD1 to bring DD2 up for her

My cousin has this x 4. I have had 3 in 4 years. Last two were quite close, not as close as you at all, but was still very much post natal (in my eyes) , breastfeeding etc. It's tough physically to be frank - plenty plenty plenty of rest, vitamins (antenatal)etc. but it'll be fine. Nice to bash them out quickly then have all the hard workdone. You'll be sleep deprived etc. anyway... It's fine, honestly. 2/3 years time you will be so happy, they will be both be sleeping through and past the overl dependant stage. & going to school within a year of eachother.

My older brothers have a 14 month age gap. They were best pals right up till they went to seperate uni's.

My mum recovered well - was never obese or incontinent either! You'll be fine as well.

i am on number 2 and mine will be 16 mths apart, i am also nervous and people keep saying i am mad but i think in the long run things will work out. try not to worry

Oh no, no no no no no. It gets worse.

According to the MN due date calculator I am due 19th October.

No.

That can't be right.

It's the same WEEK DD2 will have her first birthday.

Not a 13 month gap- TWELVE.

Oh fuckfuckfuckity fuck. No! No not fuck! Fuck was what caused this!

Hides head under cushion

Another thing I should probably say...

I was born on 18th of the month, my sister was born on the 19th of the same month- one year and one day after me. But I can't tell you what it's like being a child with a tiny age gap because I can't remember ever being anything else. Sis and I loved each other, and hated each other and never was there anything in between. But was it because we were close in age or because we were just like that?

My Mum wasn't a very nice lady, but that's a whole other story (she was prosecuted for neglecting us). She always said she was fat/depressed/bad at parenting because she'd had us too close together. My sister and I both deliberately did not have our babies close together, although we've never actually talked about it it's obvious why- neither of us want the comparisson to Mum.

Ahhhhh shit. I don't even want to break it to OH when he gets in. My head is spinning.

Thank you all for not hating me.

I'm going to Amazon now to look up Jules Olivers book.

On the bright side I suppose I can use up some more of the amazing baby names that DD1 and DD2 just did not suit.

Oh God, nothing's helping.

I'm petrified.

I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't be panicking like a teenager.

But I am.

Shiiiiiit. (Deffo shit, deffo not fuck, no more fuck, fuck is bad).

You will be fine!!
I have a friend who has the same age gap as you will. She did struggle for the first few months, but they are fine now!
I had a bit of an accident too, so am now 12 weeks pregnant.
That means I will have 3 under 3's. We were mortified, and worried, but got our heads around it after a few weeks.
Your second one will probably get left to get on with it, as your eldest will grab ALL your attention without you even realising it. Not such a bad thing though, as the baby will probably be a bit more chilled and independant? ( mine is so far - fingers crossed).
You will find that you are more relaxed with your second, and go with the flow a bit more.
Just get through the difficult few months of tiredness and body changes, and you will be glad you did it all at once.
You can get them to do similar games / activities together better I reckon than if they were years apart?
Stop worrying, and enjoy your pregnancy

I could of written your post almost word for word a year ago.

I now have a a 12 year old, a 17 month and 5 month old. My yongest are 53 weeks apart.

Its really hard work and some of the novelty has worn off for DS1! Like others have said I think it will be easier when they are older and able to play together. The interaction between DS2 and 3 is so lovely to watch (really feal DS1 missed out on that now.) They have a real bond already.

It has all settled now and just feels like normal life now IYKWIM and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

I have friends with 10m between them,different school years as it is December/October,but anyway they are so close and always have been,they are more like twins than regular sisters.In some ways I think it can be easier than the typical 2-3 y gap,as you won't have a stroppy toddler to deal with,you'll have two little babies.

I found out I was pg with DC3 when DC2 was 7 months old and my first thought was 'I can't be pregnant, I already have a baby!'

I worried that DC2 would be neglected - he wasn't.

I worried that I'd be exhausted - I wasn't (well, no more than anyone with 3 DCs!)

I worried that I wouldn't be able to cope with all the nappies (and I used washable ones) - I did.

I treated the two younger ones as babies together, that is I didn't expect too much from the older one and they were great together - no jealousy and they loved playing together. They're still very close.

When my DCs were small it was the very best time of my life and I'm sure you'll cope too.

You are not your mother! you are no more like her for having children so close together than because you have the same colour hair and eyes. She mad her choices and mistakes - you will not! and your DSis will see that too - it will be good for her to see it can work too.

Right, I am in your position at the moment. I found out that I was pregnant when DD was approx 4 months old. I am now 23 wks gone. If this baby is born on his/her due date then there will be an 11.5 month age gap between my two!

I definitely felt like you are describing now and thought that I was having a nervous breakdown.

However, things are massively different now and I feel positive and excited about this pregnancy. Sure, I still have some worries and concerns but we (and our families) have done lots of talking, planning & organising.

I haven't got time to type much more now but if you want any more info about my situation let me know

It's going to be alright. I was 30 (now 33) when I had 3 under 3. My youngest two are 9 months apart. I went through all of the emotions that you are going through right now.

It is tough at first but you soon get used to it and it is "normal" for you. (Although you do get sympathetic looks in the supermarket etc.)

"Thank you all for not hating me"
Why would anyone hate you?!?!?! These things happen (pah! I should know) and you will manage.

I could go on, and on and on but won't.

You're welcome to PM me.

Get hold of the February issue of Mother & Baby magaazine. There's a lady in there who had two 9 months apart. Her first was 14 weeks early and she got pregnant when baby was 10 weeks old (so before her original due date).

I think you'll find her story helpful and the mag is still in the shops, I only got my subscription copy last week.

Good luck

You never know happycamel, she maybe an MNer

You are not your mother.

You will be fine as you can be alert to the problems

My husband and his brother are one year and one week apart. They're fine. They're not especially close (we live very far apart and rarely see each other), but they get along fine.

Sis and I loved each other, and hated each other and never was there anything in between. But was it because we were close in age or because we were just like that?

My sister and I are five years apart and we've always had a pretty stormy relationship. I always chalk it up to her remembering life as an only child before I came along and stole some of the spotlight. Sibling relationships are always complicated and I think it's rare that you can point to one single factor as the cause for strife.

And as someone else has already said, you are not your mother. I've had to remind myself of this fact a lot. I was terrified of becoming a parent because I was afraid I'd turn into her. Not that she as all bad -- not at all. It was just that her circumstances had a lot to do with how she was, how I was raised, etc. My life is very different. I'm very different. I'm sure you are, too.

Join the club!

I have dd's 8, 4 and 1. Due no. 4 in 1 week!

It was complete shock to us as it is for you, and i lived in a bubble for a week or so, and then for the next few weeks i worried about how we'd cope, but now we are so close to meeting this baby i'm really excited. dd3 was the hardest of my babies and i think that added to my worries, but seeing what a dream she is now and how quickly the 'tricky' baby stage passes by gives me confidence that yes it may be tough initially, but how wonderful to have a big family and what a joy it is to have them all.

I appreciate your story of your mothers words adds to your worries, but you are not her and you will cope.

Wish you all the best! x

I have 5 children, all with between 13 months and 22 months between them and it is absolutely fine. It is so nice watching them all growing up together. They have their fights, it can be hard work but so rewarding having them all together. To be honest, for me, having them closer together made it easier...they all have their own buddies within the family, all occupy each other very well and all just seem to automatically know their own place.

Stop panicking..you will be absolutely fine and will wonder in a few years what you were worrying about. You are not your mother and you will be great.
Good luck with it all

What did he say? After 'Oh Fuck'??

You wanted more children, it has happened a little bit sooner than you planned. It's not the end of the world. As others have said, you are tired when you have a baby, having two isn't that much different.

I like what Zuzu said, treat them both as babies and don't expect too much of the older one and things will be fine:)

The most important thing to remember is that you and not your Mother. What she said is despicable - blaming you and your sister for her own inadequacies. You will be the best Mum you can be, no matter what the age difference between your children x

I was like you when i found out i was pregnant with my third child - had a 2y4m, a 4m and was pregnant. It all worked out fine and the youngest two get on great (most of the time!). I do feel the middle one missed out a bit on his baby time but I think that was about there being 3, not the 13 month gap. It helped that I loved being pregnant and did want children close together. Not obese or incontinent either!