what can you say to those who tell you "it's hard!"

[bowlingball]

This is driving me nuts, as I don't know how to respond to this. Soooooo many people say to me things along the line of " it will be hard when it's born/it won't be easy!"

I'd understand this if I thought having a baby was going to be a bed of roses but I don't. I may not have experienced it but am fully aware that it won't be easy, but this particular comment is making me feel very incompetent before I've even had the baby!

I don't understand why people have to be so negative all the time and want a response that I can retort with, without being too rude but making it blindingly obvious that i find the comment upsetting and that I'm a fully grown adult who realises that babies don't sleep through the night, that it is painful and that it will be a major life-changing experience.

Anyone got any ideas?

You just wait m'girl, if you think this is annoying wait until you get the giving birth horror stories and the dreadful tales of feeding

Congratulations BTW :o

how about "No shit" !!!

Or if you're too polite "I know its going to be hard but it will all be worth it"

people like that make me MAD!

The worse offenders are the ones who go on about how hard it is - and then have 2 or 3 kids - you want to say "wel - why did you have more????"

I'd be tempted to tell them to f-off - but i'm currently overdue, uncomfortable and grumpy. Maybe i'll hunt you down in a weeks time and message you about how "hard" it is!

oh i have - I am really not getting a lot of positive comments.

If I say I'm going to try breast-feeding and see how I get on, i get told most people don't get on with it and I probably shouldn't plan to do it!

I have started telling people to shut up if they say about their birth stories and this makes me feel much better - although suspect my friendship group is rapidly decreasing!

cupcakes - that did put a smile on my face - maybe you could start a thread specifically about how hard it is!

I normally say (in a way that is obvious that I am joking....) "oh no, my baby won't be like that - for me it will all be easy!". Usually they laugh and leave it at that

Breast-feeding can be painful (at first, which is why people give up), hard work and boring...but the feeling of nourishing your baby is unbeatable.

What makes it worth it? Why do people have more? The smiles/giggles from our lovely little bundles of joy. And when they grow older, the pleasure of watching them learn and the unbelievable feeling when they say "I love you Mummy".

You can't understand the love you feel for your child until you experience it yourself. It's primal and instinctive, like a lioness for her cub, and makes you feel like you would die for them.

It's the most intense love/hate rollercoaster relationship you'll ever experience. You have to give of yourself completely.

And sometimes you want to throttle them!

(Let's make a pact not talk about the toddler tantrums and teenage years!)

You smile and nod and grit your teeth...I hated people telling me it would be hard. Especially as I had a shit time in pregnancy with hyperemesis and the newborn days really were a lot easier and a thousand times more rewarding than pregnancy ever was.

It's not hard. It's easy-peasy. It just takes a bit of getting used to that you can't even pee or sleep when you want for a bit.

What these people seem to forget to tell you is that the joy these little bundles bring you more than make up for it and you negotiate with your baby a little routine that makes it all workable.

I'm 22weeks with DC3 and all I ever get is 'oo how you gonna cope' and 'are you sure about this' and I just want to say feck off, mind your own business and no I really haven't thought about it, I'm living in a bubble.
I've had a bad day, can you tell :)

This is all a got when i was pregnant! its so patronising!! im trying not to turn into one the ''it wont be easy you know?'' people, ha! yeah okay its damn hard im not going to lie, but its also the best experience in the world! but people arent so quick to tell you about the fantastic parts!

I find mostly men or women in not ideal situations have said this to me. I actually told a serial moaned today to "bore off and get it snipped"if kids are so bad stop reproducing?!!!! He is on his 3 rd. He sounds like he has no structure at home.

Ok so this is my first too and I have no idea how I will fair but all those miserable people I have started saying remind me not to come to you for advice!

I know some people are just being honest from own experience but these people (in my opinion) have forgotten what a little miracle they have or were never unfortunate to have difficulties when conceiving

Congratulations!!! I am 16 weeks and despite the sickness and my life the tiredness....I am so so thankful and excited about my bubs and so should u be allowed to be!

I'm available for pep talks ha ha xxx

LOL sam26oscar "No Shit!"

Them: It's hard
You: I'm tough
or
You: No Shit
or
You:

Good luck!
PS It's ever so hard you know, sleep deprivation, ooh there's nothing like it, ooh my nipples were like fruit pastilles after 2 days, even the midwife winced...etc etc etc

It's infuriating isn't it, the nurse who took my blood today actually asked me if I'd been watching OBEM then made a comment about how I must now be dreading the birth not only was she a HCP but she had two children!!! I just responded that there are over 6 billion people in the world so it can't always be that bad!

If people tell me having a baby is going to be hard work I just make jokes along the lines of "it's ok we've ordered a sleeper" really don't know what else they expect me to say!!

I got this all the time from women in my work when pregnant with my first, along with horror labour stories. I was told I wouldn't manage without an epidural and laughed at when I said I'd prefer not to have one but obviously if I had to I would.

I don't know why people try to scare you, I don't mind a bit of advice but some people seem to take joy in telling you all the bad things.

I'm now pregnant with my second although it's still early so haven't told them yet, no doubt I'll hear it all again!!

i am so glad i found this thread it has put a smile on my face. i am too getting sick and tired of the constant quips that people have said to me it will change your life u wont be able to do anything you used to etc.

i so want to say no shit sherlock but at the age of 30 what i used to o isnt classed as hip and trendy.

the other one thatt grates me is you will have to get rid of the cat!!!!! Why i was bought up with two cats living in my house when i was born its is doable.

i think i am very hormonal today :).

Congratulations to you all!

It's FABULOUS having children. One little kiss or smile. makes life worth living!

Tell the miseries to bog off.

Ahhh.. yep - I remember getting all that with my first too. It was infuriating and relentless! The whole "if you haven't got anything nice to say.." definitely applies.

I was fully prepared for the apocalypse by the end from all that I'd heard, but you know what? Despite having a baby with colic, and spending three nights a few weeks post partum back in the hospital for three nights with an infection, it wasn't half as horrific as had been made out and the bad bits were more than counterbalanced by the good bits. I probably had it far worse than a lot of those people lecturing me but it was what it was - the change to my life I'd been longing for for years, hence, y'know, deciding to have children.

In fact similar to other posters, I actually found life easier because I was no longer crippled by SPD and slept a lot better even though she was up every few hours!

Yes, it's a life changing experience, but so are lots of things - you don't get lectures over those and you don't always get to choose them either and have nine months to prepare!

You'll all be fine :)

I think if you're realistic about what a baby would be like, it really isn't hard - it's expected.

When people try to commiserate I always say that actually, he's not been a problem, but if I sit back and think about it I've had my share of sleepless nights, crazy evenings, early weeks glued to the settee feeding, hours spent walking up and down the hall or around the block.

I think that an optimistic attitude, knowing that it's all just temporary then you just forget the bad bits.

And once they've started showing how excited they are, and grinning at you as they realise what's coming you can never again think of breastfeeding as a chore

I dont think its hard, I think its challenging. What you have to go through is massive amounts of change. Some people love change and thrive on it but for others it scares the pants of them and makes them feel that everything is "hard"

Having and raising a baby is the biggest challenge I have yet come across in my whole life. Its has also been the most rewarding. Weighing up the pros and cons I would say that the high have been so brilliant they more than compensate for the lows - so much so that I really want to do it again. Come on baby number 2 where are you?

oh yeah, and there is no better response than samOscar's "no shit!"

I think people live in a different world to me. When obviously pregnant I got far more lovely and positive comments than negative. Friends, family, colleagues etc MUST be saying something nice to you about it all.

I think largely it's unfair to assume that people are just being pessimistic and trying to patronise or upset you. A lot of people are trying to reassure you that if it IS hard, you're not doing anything wrong. I think a lot of people are shocked by how hard it is (even when it isn't hard at all) and there's no comparison really and no way of explaining it until you've been there. Yes it might be an utter breeze, but I think most people have good intentions. Like when they say 'gosh you're big', they don't mean blimey you're a biffer, they mean look how marvellously your pregnancy is progressing. They mean 'it's okay if it's hard', they're just not very good at expressing it.

Some people are just being twats though, that much is true.

And having a baby is the most wonderful, humbling, joyous and lovely thing. The sheer wonder of it you can't really express, you'll get to experience that bit for yourself.

Just tell them that if it all gets too much, you'll put the baby on ebay - should shut them up!!!!

Yes, not easy having a baby (that's go to be the most obvious statement ever!) but lots of us do and most of us cope pretty well, even with more than one (and even if it takes a bit of venting, support and wine to get through some patches!)

You'll be great.

I've started interrupting people and saying, 'I hope you don't mind but I've made the decision not to pay much attention to negative stuff/birth horror stories.' Then I offer them one of my Haribos and we move on.