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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

what can you say to those who tell you "it's hard!"

57 replies

bowlingball · 02/02/2011 20:30

This is driving me nuts, as I don't know how to respond to this. Soooooo many people say to me things along the line of " it will be hard when it's born/it won't be easy!"

I'd understand this if I thought having a baby was going to be a bed of roses but I don't. I may not have experienced it but am fully aware that it won't be easy, but this particular comment is making me feel very incompetent before I've even had the baby!

I don't understand why people have to be so negative all the time and want a response that I can retort with, without being too rude but making it blindingly obvious that i find the comment upsetting and that I'm a fully grown adult who realises that babies don't sleep through the night, that it is painful and that it will be a major life-changing experience.

Anyone got any ideas?

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GnomeDePlume · 04/02/2011 09:16

Top post roundthehouses.

PinkElephant73 · 04/02/2011 09:42

agree with roundthehouses

I think what people may be trying to do, with the best of intentions, is to let you know that you are not alone, as and when you find parenthood hard going.

they probably wish that they could know what is the right advice to give you to help you through it. however, we all have different "challenges" and they probably dont want to frighten you off by going into specifics about all the possible scenarios!

after I had DC1 I had the opposite feeling "Why did noone tell me what this would be like????" I suspect because very few people can actually put into words what it is like to go from being a non-parent to having a baby totally reliant on you, including both the up and down sides. It is just so hard to describe! so maybe they are just trying to let you know its not your fault if you dont find it easy?

WriterofDreams · 04/02/2011 09:47

I hear ya bowlingball. I had one friend who when I was pregnant was so positive all the time and it was fantastic, such a support. Every time I spoke to her she used to say things like "Oh it's so exciting, I can't wait, you're going to love it, it's so special," and so on. And do you know what, she was right. I do love it. I basically ignored all the negativity because it wasn't in any way helpful and it was spoiling my pregnancy.

And, in the interests of positivity let me tell you that:

I had a six hour labour, only gas and air, minimal tearing and it was really great. Painful, but an amazing experience.

DS (now 5 weeks) is a lovely placid baby who is currently in his swing smiling and listening to music. Looking after him is far far easier than some of the shitty jobs that I've had in my time. Yes sleep deprivation is hard but it really isn't the end of the world and it's not forever. DS was a very bad sleeper at the beginning but he slept really well last night and so did I so I feel great.

The joy of having a little one is really unparalleled and seeing my DH holding him gives me a pain in my chest it's so lovely.

I get huge satisfaction out of bathing, changing and feeding DS as I feel it's all worthwhile, whereas other things I've done, for jobs etc feel so pointless.

I had a bit of a problem getting DS to latch at first but once that was sorted I had no problem whatsoever BFing. No pain at all, no cracked nipples, no infections (yet) and I love doing it.

I don't think people mean to be annoying when they go on about the negatives, and I think the only thing you can do is smile and ignore. I honestly think a lot of the stress I experienced in the first few weeks was from the negativity of others as I kept expecting things to get worse when in fact they never did. I actually find looking after DS quite easy but then I'm aware he's an easy baby. Just take it all as it comes, every baby is different and no one can predict what it will be like for you.

Stangirl · 04/02/2011 10:54

In the interests of positivity:

It's easy. All you are doing is feeding, changing, winding and cuddling. A job is much, much harder. The only thing that makes people think it is hard is the lack of sleep and insane hormones. Sleep deprivation will make nutters of us all.

You will cry with happiness.

Oh, and my answer to the "it will be so hard" lot would be "yeah, I just can't decide which DVD boxset to buy to watch whilst feeding." You should get a few of those in by the way......

Vix286 · 05/02/2011 09:08

Bowlingball I am so with you on this. It starts from day one, FIL asked for the phone to be handed to me when DH told him I was pg just to tell me I wouldn't be able to drink alcohol in pg!

People enjoy telling you there will be no sleep etc.

Lollypolly I told a group of people the other day that if I didn't like it I was going to e-bay it! (or sell it to Elton as a brother/sister for Zachary)

People keep asking me if I feel sick/ill and seem disappointed when I say I have been lucky and felt fine apart from 2 weeks! I think people love a disaster story better than a happy one - human natuer!

lovemysleep · 05/02/2011 10:32

This used to drive me nuts when I was pg with my dd too.

After having a mc before getting pg with my dd, I didn't bloody care how hard it would be - I was just so happy to be getting the baby I desperately wanted.

I did have a hard labour, but I got through it, and there were some tough times adjusting to having something so dependant on me - BUT these were part of the package of being a parent, and just part of getting used to the change. I would never change being a parent - I absolutely love it, and it gets easier as they get older.

I'm now pg after having another 3 mc's - only 4 weeks, and if this all goes to plan, and I actually manage to get another child, if anyone starts this negative crap with me, I'll stop them dead in their tracks.....Having a child is a blessing, not a nightmare!

bowlingball · 05/02/2011 12:05

Just wanted to say thank you - for all the positive comments x

love the polite comebacks esp. the ebay style ones! Gonna try a few next week as meeting up with some friends who without fail always let me know how hard it is!

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