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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you find out the sex of your baby?

84 replies

Ghosty · 03/09/2003 20:45

Morning! Or should I say 'evening'!!
Just wondering .... I am having my scan on Monday ... will be nearly 20 weeks (can you believe it??) ... and DH and I just can't decide whether we want to know the sex of our baby ...
What I want to know is ... did all you mumsnetters find out and if so why did you decide to find out?
And those who didn't, why didn't you?
And ... is there anyone who didn't with their first and did with their second? And did it make a difference in how well you bonded with your baby??
I know ... lots of questions ... but I am interested .... feel really torn about whether to find out this time ...
Cheers ... your friendly cyberspace Ghost

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tinyfeet · 03/09/2003 20:51

Hi Ghosty, We found out both times. I am now 24 weeks pg with DD2. DD1 is 17 months old. Both DH and I wanted to know both times because we figured there are enough surprises when having a baby, why not eliminate one? It helped me enormously last time in bonding with the baby since originally, I thought I was having a boy. My intuition was completely wrong. This time I actually felt like it was a girl, and I was right. If DH didn't want to find out, I don't think I would have found out. Good luck!

lou33 · 03/09/2003 20:56

When pg with dd1 they didn't tell you the sex. When pg with dd2 they didn't either. When pg with ds1 at the same hospital as dd2 they DID tell the sex and I chose to find out, same with ds2. I think it's really nice knowing, finding a definite name (rather then it will be xxx if a girl or xxx if a boy) and turning him/her into a real live little person. I would have asked the sex of both dd1 and 2 if they were volunteering that info at the time.

Angiel · 03/09/2003 21:00

I didn't find out with any of my pregnancies. Part of the fun (if that's the right word) of being pregnant is trying to guess whether you are having a boy or girl. I loved that moment just after you have given birth and they tell you if you've got a boy or girl.

I've always felt disappointed when my friends and relations have found out in advance. I remember my brother ringing me when my sil had just had her 2nd. There was none of the excitement of 'It's a Girl', just 'she's had the baby'.

scottiebabe · 03/09/2003 21:01

When I had ds they offered but we declined with dd they didnot offer in fact they told you from outset they had stopped but i know ppl in other areas that have been told and its been wrong "luckily" two friends who had their babes in same week had the opposite and so swapped some pink and blue things but when i was pregnant with dd- ds was convinced from beginning he was getting a sister and had chosen a name he was right which is just as well as we had no boys names chosen
good luck

sobernow · 03/09/2003 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tetley · 03/09/2003 21:21

We found out both times - I felt that it was as much of a surprise then just the same as if I'd been told at the birth.
I felt that it realy helped me to bond with the baby both times, as I could picture him (yes - a boy both times)so much better than I would have done if I hadn't known and having to refer to the baby as 'it'.
My dh just had to know asap as the suspense was killimg him!!!

Mooma · 03/09/2003 21:24

No with the first two (dd's); third dd born in UAE and it was obvious it was a girl from all the glum expressions and sympathy the staff gave me after the 20 week scan that really upset me as I was happy to have another daughter.
With no4 wanted to know as there had been all sorts of problems with the tests during early pregnancy and I just wanted to know something good and positive about the baby. When they said it was a ds I worried as I thought maybe we couldn't do boys and that was why there were problems. Anyway he was born fit and healthy, and continues to have more energy than the rest of the family put together!

Blu · 03/09/2003 21:34

We specifically asked not to know. I think I wanted it to be a surprise, but more than that, I wanted our baby to be born with his/her own blank slate to fill, not the image of a child we hadn't met yet. (if that makes sense, I find it hard to explain). Also, I wanted a very clear distinction between pregnancy and the beginning of face-to-face motherhood...again, hard to explain. And I wouldn't have told anyone, anyway....it felt very private. We didn't tell anyone names we had thought of, either: I wanted the baby to be the first to hear his (as it turned out)name. In fact dp and I both 'knew' very strongly from conception that he was a boy, don't know why.

Eulalia · 03/09/2003 21:36

Didn't with either. First was a boy, second a girl. We just wanted a surprise and genuinely didn't mind what we got. I bonded really well with both of them. I think it was nice for everyone else too not knowing and waiting for the phone call. Also you don't know the name of your child so it makes it all 'new' for you calling this little person by their name.

ANGELMOTHER · 03/09/2003 21:41

Yes with both. With dd1 I had to know to feel more in control, not because she was unplanned but that I personally felt a little shell shocked throughout my pregnancy (more due to the fact that I was living in a foreign country and a little cut off at a time when I prob needed a female mentor).
Am due in 3 wks with dd2 and finding out this time was purely because I wanted to be prepared ( am a bit of a control freak). It's nice to know what colour clothes to get, what names to choose etc, but by far the best bit has been telling dd1 she's getting a sister. I don't have a sister and don't have a wonderfull relationship with my Mum so knowing I was giving my daughter something I never had was great.

Eeek · 03/09/2003 21:46

I was pregnant with twins - they were sure of the sex of one but told me the other was 'probably a girl but we can't be sure' He turned out to be a gorgeous little boy. I'm thrilled about him but strangely I do sometimes miss that little girl who never was.

janh · 03/09/2003 21:46

It wasn't an option with first 3 (scans have come on a lot since then - we didn't even get a picture!)

With no 4 I had amnio, so we could find out definitely, and we chose to be told - we had 2 girls and a boy and I would have really liked another girl, but he was a boy, so I had time to get used to the idea and so did they.

It didn't help with choosing a name though! We didn't decide until after he was born (and when I say "we" I mean "they" because I was over-ruled...)

aloha · 03/09/2003 21:47

I found out - didn't seem right that the sonographer should know and me not. I was glad. It helped me feel parenthood started from that moment. He had his name in advance and didn't have to refer to my son as 'it' in utero. He felt more real as a person to me all the time I was pregnant. Plus I hate surprises

Linnet · 03/09/2003 21:51

I didn't find out with my dd as we wanted a surprise, although towards the end I was wishing I had asked as I was so bored and itching to buy something other than white for the baby. Looking back though I probably wouldn't have bought anything pink just incase they had got it wrong, lol
I'm waiting to see if I'm expecting #2 at the moment and if I am I plan to find out what it is. Basically so that I can plan things a bit better and my dd really wants a sister so if it's a boy we can prepare her in advance for the fact that she's not getting the sister she desperately wants.
We already have names picked out for any future children and we won't be telling anyone what they are until the baby is born. Although I'll probably change my mind a hundred times before the birth anyway.

princesspeahead · 03/09/2003 21:53

didn't find out for my first two - dd and ds respectively. thought it would be a great surprise when she was born and I wouldn't have missed that surprise for anything. thought it was rather dull of people to find out, actually, there are so few real surprises in life!
with this pregnancy I did find out, because my FIL was dying and I wanted to tell him what his next grandchild would be and discuss names etc with him. Found out on the tuesday - he was delighted and touched to know - he died on the Sunday.
It is sort of nice knowing - for very practical reasons like sorting out the baby clothes etc - but I don't think it has made any difference to the bonding, and I'm sure I'll miss the surprise. Also narrows down the naming, so you end up knowing what it is going to be called - and again I think that is a bit dull, much rather have a girls name and a boys name and not know which you are going to use...

misdee · 03/09/2003 21:54

i didnt find out. with my 1st dd they wouldnt give the info out, with my 2nd i choose not to find out, i kinda knew deep down i was having another girl anyway.

hoxtonchick · 03/09/2003 21:54

We found out at one of my many scans (I have diabetes). We'd been told at the 20 week scan that it was probably a girl, then the cardiologist very definitely showed us that he was a boy at about 24 weeks. It was really exciting finding out, & I'd do it again. Though I wasn't 100% convinced until I actually saw him!

elliott · 03/09/2003 22:05

We didn't find out last time and won't this time either. I loved the moment when I unwrapped ds's sheet just after birth - I'm sure it wouldn't have been nearly as special just being told in the scanning room.
I also feel that too much emphasis can be placed on what gender a child is, and assumptions are made about what a girl will be like and what a boy will be like (goodness knows the stereotyping starts soon enough once the baby is born!). For me its not the most important thing at all, and somehow ONLY knowing the sex of the baby without knowing anything else about its personality places too much importance on that one factor. I'd rather get to know the baby as a person when it arrives, so that boy/girl is something you find out along with all the other clues about who this little being is.

dinosaur · 03/09/2003 22:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Gem13 · 03/09/2003 22:23

I didn't want to know during my first pregnancy but DH and I really wanted a boy. 12 nieces and 1 nephew between us.

I enlarged the 20 week scan pictures on a photocopier and propped one beside the tv and smiled at it for the next 19 weeks - my baby. Then 5 days before the due date I realised it was a boy (how could we have missed the evidence!) but we kept it to ourselves. 10 days late DS arrived - hurray!

One of my friends later admitted she seen the scan and twigged (unlike all my other friends and family) but knew we didn't want to know and kept quiet. I'm still really grateful to her.

This time round I don't want to know again. It's fun announcing it to everyone on the day. We think it's a girl though...

BTW - lots of people I know who knew what they were having still didn't know what to call the baby and they'd already had 20 odd weeks to make up their minds!

tomps · 03/09/2003 22:51

Had to find out as we were so sure we were having a boy, but I knew I'd be really disappointed if we were wrong and just felt that first reaction of disappointment wasn't fair on the baby. We were wrong and I spent a weekend miserable and 'grieving' for the little boy I felt I'd lost, and feeling SO guilty for feeling sad about it. Then had 6 months to get used to the idea and of course we're just thrilled she's fine and healthy etc ... Will definitely find out again next time too, to have as much time as poss to get used to the idea of 2 girls if necessary ! Good luck with yours ...

judetheobscure · 03/09/2003 23:28

Didn't find out for first 3, 1 dd followed bu 2 dss. But when 2nd ds was born I did feel a little disappointed because I wanted another girl. So when I was pregnant with no.4 decided there was no way I wanted to be "disppointed" again; we were told at the scan that it was another boy. I had a few days maybe a week of being slightly disppointed. But when it came to the birth the disppointment had all gone. I t definitely was the right decision for me - and also saved many hours with the name book.

lou33 · 03/09/2003 23:36

Janh they didn't do pictures with my oldest either.

eidsvold · 04/09/2003 06:25

Ghosty we had decided that we did not want to know and in fact did not ask at the 20 week scan. I was however convinced that the baby was going to be a girl. However that all changed when they picked up a serious heart defect in the baby at the 20 week scan. We had to have further scans including an anomaly scan to check for down's syndrome. I told dh that if it was possible I wanted to know something good about my baby - something positive to think about and enjoy rather than all the bad news with heart defect.

The obstetrician doing the anomaly san said it looks like a girl but as she was not very co operative she would not say 100%.

As you know we now have a dd - and it was wonderful to have that news. We were able to choose a name... and all I can say is thank goodness the scan was right as we had no idea for a boy's name.

Having said all that if/when we are expecting no2 - unless something shows up like the heart defect - we would prefer not to know!!

SoupDragon · 04/09/2003 07:46

Dh decided we didn't want to know with both DSs. I found out DS was a boy at 37 weeks when I went for a growth scan - one clear shot right between his legs and it was obvious even to me I then had to keep this a secret from DH (luckily only for another week as it turned out. I was devasated to have found out so close to my due date seeing as I'd got that far without knowing.

If we were to find out the sex of our Mythical Third Child, we would not tell anyone (not even DSs) that we knew - it would be our secret.

If you're not sure you want to know, have the sonographer write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. If you decide you want to know later on, you can open it.

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