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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you find out the sex of your baby?

84 replies

Ghosty · 03/09/2003 20:45

Morning! Or should I say 'evening'!!
Just wondering .... I am having my scan on Monday ... will be nearly 20 weeks (can you believe it??) ... and DH and I just can't decide whether we want to know the sex of our baby ...
What I want to know is ... did all you mumsnetters find out and if so why did you decide to find out?
And those who didn't, why didn't you?
And ... is there anyone who didn't with their first and did with their second? And did it make a difference in how well you bonded with your baby??
I know ... lots of questions ... but I am interested .... feel really torn about whether to find out this time ...
Cheers ... your friendly cyberspace Ghost

OP posts:

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moosh · 04/09/2003 07:50

I didn't for ds1 but I will for this one. When carrying ds I was convinced I was carrying a boy and when I was in the delivery room delerious with gas and air and getting ready to push, I suddenly yelled "Oh my god what if I'm having a girl I don't think I can get my head round it"!!!! Purely because I had convinced myself that it was a boy 100% and he was. But the main reason is for ds to help him say baby bro or sis and when we are buying clothes e.t.c. he can help choose for a definate sex. He keeps asking now if it is a boy or girl,.

Pimpernel · 04/09/2003 08:13

I didn't have any scans so had no opportunity to find out - I wouldn't have wanted to know anyway though. We gave the baby a non-gender-specific pet name to use when it was still inside.

My mother did the ring test, and told me it was a girl. Dp's mum was absolutely convinced it was a boy. We had boys names ready, but hadn't narrowed the list of girls names down. dd was a lovely surprise!

karenanne · 04/09/2003 08:33

our local hospital doesnt tell parents anyway,its been in the local papers this weeks about it and the deal its done with a private hospital nearby where they refer you if your desperate to know
when i was pregnant with dd it didnt bother me too much as she was the first.im now 23 weeks pregnant and had my 20 week scan a few weeks back,personally we'd both love to have known what we're having as to planning.dd is three and still have a lot of her stuff ,knowing would make it easieras to whether to keep her stuff or be out buying boys bits.
i think after having one id rather know but as we cant afford ninety quid to have a private scan then we just have to wait

Azure · 04/09/2003 08:41

I absolutely wanted to find out the sex with DS and do this time around - personally, I fail to see the point in not knowing (obviously I appreciate that other people have different views). It was still a "surprise" when we found out. I felt it really helped to think of the baby as a person rather than "it", and this time around it will be nice for DS to know whether he's having a brother or sister. We were happy to tell everyone that we were expecting a boy - again, don't see the point in keeping it secret.

wiltshire · 04/09/2003 09:16

I couldn't bear the thought that the sonographer knew and I didn't. I am very nosy anyway. 3 different sonographers have told me I am having a boy as I have had to have so many scans. Doesn't make this whole pregnancy marlarkey any more real though. I still at 37 weeks cannot believe I am having a baby.

aloha · 04/09/2003 09:40

We told everyone too. Couldn't see the point of keeping it secret. Also told everyone the name! I suppose I didn't care at all about what other people thought or whether it would be nice for them to hear 'it's a boy' - after all he was our baby, not theirs. Never felt I stereotyped him! Still don't. Also, when a baby is less than a minute old you still know their sex but no more about them, personality wise, then you do while they are wriggling about inside you IMO.

Would definitely find out again.

Also enjoyed buying little blue outfits as it is my favourite colour anyway. His room was blue before he was even conceived!

aloha · 04/09/2003 09:40

Agree with Wiltshire - I am very, very nosy!

Bobsmum · 04/09/2003 09:46

We were adamant that dh would be the first in the delivery room to say "s/he's a boy/girl", actually he went all mushy and sobbed "we've got a son!" -awwww.

SIL told all friends and family her two names for boy and girl the day after the pg test (5 weeks). We were told the sex at the first scan they were sure of (20 weeks but possibly earlier). So for pretty much 9 months we always knew that not only was he a boy, but his name too. She signed all birthday and Christmas cards from her ds for the 9 months leading up. It felt like the longest pg on record because all the mystery was taken out of it IMO.

When he was born I felt awful for the lack of excitement I was feeling for my first nephew's birth, but there was no sense of a new baby's "arrival". It was like Angiel said, "she's had the baby". I still feel really guilty for it feeling like an anticlimax, but it did.

WideWebWitch · 04/09/2003 09:52

I wanted a girl first time and was glad to know at 17 weeks that he was a boy - it meant I had lots of time to get used to the idea. This time I want a girl and was told 80% likelihood of a boy at 12 week nuchal scan (again, meant I had time to get used to the idea) and 90% likelihood of a girl at the 20 week scan, which I was thrilled about. So I'm fairly sure (and hoping) this one is a girl. One of each is exactly what I wanted!

Meid · 04/09/2003 09:54

I found out for exactly the same reason as Aloha - I didn't like the idea of the sonographer knowing and me not.
I am so pleased I found out because I think the bonding really started from that day when 'it' became a 'she'. Will definitely find out again should we have another.

Bobsmum · 04/09/2003 09:58

We rotated each week whether baby was a boy or a girl so we never called it "it". We were always talking about he or she.

bunnyrabbit · 04/09/2003 10:37

My hospital doesn't tell you as they're scared of being sued! How crap is that!!

M2T · 04/09/2003 10:52

I had 4 scans whilst I was pregnant. I asked the sex at every one of them, but ds was keeping his bum firmly behind my hip bone!! I was desperate to know coz I'm just too nosey and impatient, but it wasn't to be!

Go on Ghosty.... pleeeeeeeeeease I'm even nosey about the sex of YOUR baby too!

ThomCat · 04/09/2003 11:05

I didn't and my personal reason for that was that there are few pure surprises in life and I didn't want to spoil it.
I always try and find out what I've got for Xmas before the day and I if, or mainly when, I do it's always an anti climax opening them and I feel like I've spoilt Xmas morning, so I compared it to that!
Also when friends have told me what they were having, it took the edgy anticipation of their child arriving away. I knew what it was going to be so when they were here they were here and I looked forward to meeting them, but I missed that anticipation of finding out.
I understand some parents needing to know for practical reasons sometimes but I?d rather not know.

wickedstepmother · 04/09/2003 11:13

We didn't find out with DD and DH didn't with his 2 DSs from 1st marriage.

I was always adamant before I pregnant that I would never want to find out the gender until the baby was handed to me, but when I became preg the picture changed somewhat ! I found that when I knew that there was a baby in there I just had to know 'what' it was, I felt that I couldn't be this close to a person and not at least know it's sex ! However DH managed to change my mind back to the original, by reminding me that you don't get many surprises as an adult and this is just about the most miraculoous and wonderful surprise of all, one to savour. After the 20 week scan I was really pleased we hadn't found out, even though I felt SO certain that the baby was a boy. I'd have put mortgage payments on it ! My DH and StepDSs really wanted a girl and so perhaps I was sub-consciously preparing them for the fact that it may be a boy ?! Anyway, once my gorgeous little DD arrived I was stunned, DH said the look on my face was an absolute picture !

So despite the fact that my so-called 'womens intuition' made me look a bit of a prat I still wouldn't want to find out for any subsequent children.

With regards to the buying clothes/painting the nursery element I think that's a bit of an excuse TBH, after all how hard is it to paint a non-gender specific colour, buy a few fairly unisex baby-gro's and then go shopping once DD/DS arrives ?? Am glad I didn't find out and go off buying tons of pink stuff as DD has red hair and would have clashed terribly with all her new outfits !

Boe · 04/09/2003 11:18

I was told after CVS so knew for sure that DD was a DD and not a DS - half of me felt terrible and impatient for wanting to know and half of me felt good about it because I called her her name from 15 weeks.

Original poster

Ghosty · 04/09/2003 11:27

Thanks so much for all these replies ... I love it when a thread that I started has a good response
Having read everything I am still undecided though! When I first got pregnant all I cared about was a healthy pregnancy and baby ... but now that time is moving on and I am beginning to get my head around the idea that I really am pregnant I have come to this dilemma!
As I say, we didn't find out the sex of DS and I was so convinced that he was a girl that when they said 'It's a boy!' I didn't believe them. I sometimes wonder whether my delay in bonding with him had something to do with the fact that the baby they put in my arms was not the baby that I had imagined in my head!
It really doesn't matter to me whether it is a boy or a girl (although deep down a girl would be nice as it is one of each and I wouldn't be tempted to go for a third ) ... all that matters is that the birth is ok and the baby is ok....
BUT ... would I bond better next time if I had time to get my head around what I am expecting?
BUT then again ... there will be no surprise ... and once you have had one baby there are no surprises surrounding the second (ie ... labour hurts, sore/leaky knockers, terminal tiredness etc etc ...) so at least finding out the sex at birth is a nice surprise ....
Oooooh ... I just don't know what to do! Maybe I will do what someone suggested and get them to write it down on a piece of paper and seal it up.
DH does want to find out because he doesn't want me to feel any kind of disappointment at the birth ... but he says that we have to keep it to ourselves the whole pregnancy ... I just don't know if I would be able to do that for the next 5 months ...

OP posts:

judetheobscure · 04/09/2003 11:59

If it's any help dh and I had great fun keeping it secret for 5 months. Friends knew we had found out but knew we weren't telling them although some tried to make us slip up. It was a nice thing to share all those months - like when you're first pregnant and don't tell anyone.

Boe · 04/09/2003 13:35

Just a word of warning x2b's cousin was told that his girlfriend was having a little girl and when he popped out they were really surprised - not least because everything was pink!!

Bumblelion · 04/09/2003 15:49

Didn't find out with any of mine and had no inkling either. Had girl, boy, girl.

My sister-in-law had a boy then a girl. Really wanted another girl but had a boy. Had another child (4th) - really wanted a girl but got another boy. Very disappointed and depressed during her pregnancy although she did bond (after about 2 weeks) with the new baby. When she fell pregnant again she found out because if it was another boy (which it was) she wanted the time to adjust before he was born.

She would still like another girl - all her children were planned - but her and her husband have decided 5 children are enough and they can't get going on forever and ever hoping to get another girl. At least they have got one, although admittedly she is a bit of a tom boy having one older and three younger brothers.

sb34 · 04/09/2003 16:34

Message withdrawn

Hilary · 04/09/2003 18:55

I admit, we are in the same place as you about this Ghosty. If I find out, will I regret not keeping it a surprise? If I don't find out, will I be able to wait another 5 months to find out? We didn't find out with either of the boys but were delighted with what we got each time. This is my last child, as far as we can decide that, so some of me wants to find out and keep that secret for months, just because it is my last chance to know at the scan.

Interesting responses on this thread - got some more thinking to do...

Tinker · 04/09/2003 20:05

Oh, I never wanted to know the sex of my first one - only one, so far. And I do get very disappointed when other people tell you the sex of their baby before it's born. It's like knowing what you're getting for Christmas in October, not quite as exciting when you get it.

Not sure if I would be so adamant were I to get pregnant again but the surprise is all part of teh wonder of pregnancy I think.

CP · 05/09/2003 18:48

We found out with DD as I hate surprises and dh and I could not agree on names so we figured that if we know the sex then there is 50% less to argue about! I am glad I found out as I really wanted a boy and it took me a long time to get my head around having a girl, by the time she arrived I was so excited I bonded really well but am convinced I would have struggled if I had not found out. Will be finding out this time around as well...

easy · 05/09/2003 19:48

Yes, because

I couldn't bear the idea that the radiographer would know, and I wouldn't (I think that they must often notice, but try not to tell if you ask not to know)
I wanted to name the baby and talk to him from the first.

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