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Original poster

Did you find out the sex of your baby?

84 replies

Ghosty · 03/09/2003 20:45

Morning! Or should I say 'evening'!!
Just wondering .... I am having my scan on Monday ... will be nearly 20 weeks (can you believe it??) ... and DH and I just can't decide whether we want to know the sex of our baby ...
What I want to know is ... did all you mumsnetters find out and if so why did you decide to find out?
And those who didn't, why didn't you?
And ... is there anyone who didn't with their first and did with their second? And did it make a difference in how well you bonded with your baby??
I know ... lots of questions ... but I am interested .... feel really torn about whether to find out this time ...
Cheers ... your friendly cyberspace Ghost

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IX · 05/09/2003 22:56

No I'm not interested in the sex of my bump, I was not born with a window.

I'm being scanned weekly and no one at the hospital has made me feel odd about not wanting to know the sex.

Another reason for not knowing is I hate the pink or blue options of clothes this country has to offer, I went to Holland for a break and everything is neutral there is no defined gender

bundle · 05/09/2003 23:20

didn't want to know with dd1 but found out accidentally (results of amnio on top of file, left open during my sweep, at 41 wks) but didn't tell dh who wanted a daughter...and got one
with dd2 I did want to know probably for dd1 to get used to the idea really. i didn't bond as quickly the second time, because I was so worried about what could go wrong, even more than first time. did help a bit with names - we always argue!

judetheobscure · 05/09/2003 23:24

Bumblelion - your sis sounds a bit like me - I've got girl, boy, boy, boy and will soon be trying for 5th and last with a little advice from Shettles et al re. gender slection - there's no harm in trying.

judetheobscure · 05/09/2003 23:25

PS - although I wasn't really depressed - just glad I had found out in advance.

Angeliz · 06/09/2003 00:29

my local hospital wouldn't tell me anyway so the decision was made for me! I like it that way then you can stop wondering if you want to know!

buzzybee · 06/09/2003 02:12

Ghosty - I had friends who knew the sex but chose not to tell any of their f&f "so we wouldn't be deluged with loads of pink or blue stuff". I thought that was quite a good plan - saves the "surprise" element for the family and the parents can still have the option of knowing if they want. In the UK many hospitals won't tell (my kiwi friends think this is really strange) and with us (at Chelsea & Westminster) they would only say it "might be" a girl. We were pretty convinced by this but we didn't tell anyone and I still got a little thrill at birth when she was confirmed a girl. I really liked the idea of a girl as a number of my friends have had girls and I hope they will be good play-mates. But I have gorgeous nephews too... Anyway I think its really a personal decision - although can be hard if one of you wants to find out and the other doesn't!

rainbow · 07/09/2003 11:12

Same sort or thing happened to me Boe, only I didn't have time to buy the pink stuff. I didn't find out what any of mine were. During labour with no 3 I was offered a scan as part of an ongoing trial and they aked me then if I wanted to know the sex. I said yes and I was told I was having a girl. Imagine my surprise when DS3 popped out! we will have one more but I am not bothered if it's a girl or a boy. I just wish people would stop saying "yes, I would have anoter and try for a girl!" it is really infuriating.

rainbow · 07/09/2003 11:19

A friend of mine was 100% convinced she was havindg a boy. Bought boys clothes lots of blue, chose boys names and the scan backed her, it's a boy so when she had a DD she was so disappointed but she had no girls' names. Poor DD is now 10yo but has a predomiantly boys name. Can be a girl but more a boy for example Frankie Lee or Stevie !!

aloha · 07/09/2003 13:01

At my scan the scanner actually 'drew' around ds's willy with her luminious green light-thing. So I was pretty convinced! It felt a bit invasive of his privacy though!

bobthebaby · 07/09/2003 14:00

I didn't find out the sex and even asked the midwife not to tell me so I could look myself. I had a waterbirth so it wasn't obvious when ds popped out. It took about 10 minutes for me to remember to look. Those 10 minutes when I had neither a boy or a girl, just a baby were very special to me.

Incidentally those friends who haven't known found the waiting at the end of pregnancy a bit easier than those knew and who had already picked out a name etc.

On a practical note it stopped us going mad with shopping as we were limited to bright and white. It will be handy if we have another to have unisex for the first 3 months or so.

Queenie · 07/09/2003 15:40

With my first pregnancy we didn't want to know the sex but everyone said I was having a boy so I was sort of convinced I was. Even my GP did some new moon analysis hocus pocus and said I was having a boy. When the midwife announced "Girl" I was a little surprised but not disappointed. With my second baby I wanted to know and as I was told it was definitely a boy was able to go shopping for new things to the horror of DH.

bunny2 · 07/09/2003 18:00

I'd be furious if I was told, I love the element of surprise. Also, I want a baby, gender really doesnt matter, in fact we having been trying for No2 for so long, I find it hard to believe people expressing disappointment at a boy/girl when they wanted the other. I cant understand how a tiny baby can be a disappointment.

Original poster
Ghosty · 07/09/2003 22:58

Well,
Just came back from the scan ... all tippety top and hunky dory (will post on the relevant thread the details if anyone is interested!) ... AND ....
We did NOT find out the sex of our baby!!!!!!
After long discussions over the weekend when DH one day said, "Let's find out" and the next saying "Let's not" ... I said to him that if we couldn't decide then it was best not to... I though that it would only make sense if one of us or both of us were desperate.
Also ... I kind of got to a place at the weekend where the health of the baby (and all the bits being in the right place etc) was much more important than the sex - which in the scheme of things seems irrelevant really!!
So now I have a big smile on my face and feel really good about not knowing and feel really excited about the prospect of finding out at the birth ... so even if I have a repeat shocker of a birth like last time at least the finding out will be the nice bit!!!!

Thanks so much for all your views on this one everyone ... I really appreciated it and it really helped me make a decision!!
Love G xxxxxx

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 08/09/2003 00:38

I'm so pleased to hear the scan was good Ghosty, although I admit I clicked on this thread thinking 'oh, I wonder whether it's a girl or a boy?' and lo and behold, you don't know! Ah well, nice surprise to look forward to hey?

2under2 · 08/09/2003 09:47

didn't find out with dd1 as we wanted the surprise.. with dd2 we did find out - mainly because all the little boys I knew at that point were awful children - real thugs who hurt their pets and siblings, tried to push dd1 (15 months at the time) off a 6 ft climbing frame etc so the thought of having a boy horrified me and I wanted to be prepared.
Now pg with baby3 who is a boy - we decided to find out due to sheer nosiness! (am not terrified of boys any more - have met lots of sweet ones since!)

Claireandrich · 08/09/2003 09:52

We didn't find out DD's sex during pregnancy. At the time, a couple of years ago, our hospital in Sheffield would not tell you. We also only had one scan at about 16 weeks so not sur if that was part of the reason.

Found out now that the hospital now does tell people and you now have 2 scans. Not sure what I would do in future if we ever have another. I still like the of the suprise at the end and do find it a bit strange when people do know, and have a name and everything. Not in a bad way, just a bit strange to me that's all.

Hughsie · 08/09/2003 10:01

Most people I know seem a bit sheepish when they know the sex - almost like they couldn't wait to find out but then with the rest of the pregnancy ahead of them they really wished they didn't know.

They probably wouldn't admit it but thats the impression I get - someone I know found out but her dh didnt want to know so she has three months left to keep it a secret - I dont think I could do it!

LadyP · 08/09/2003 10:48

Glad to know all is well, Ghosty.

I found out with DS (once all the medical checks had been made) - for sheer nosiness. I don't believed it marred my enjoyment of pregnancy. I will do it again - out of nosiness. Can't resist asking when I KNOW I could know

What bothered me, however, was when others asked me what I was having, I told them and then they would say that they wish they hadn't asked now. Simple - DON'T ASK!

It got to the point where I was double and triple checking with people that they definately wanted to know. I never just volunteered that info.

Plus there were so many women in the office who were saying that they would never find out and subsequently did at their 20 weeks scans - odd!

bluecow · 08/09/2003 12:15

Absolutely agree with Aloha's comments of Thursday about not keeping it secret, it's your baby etc.
I found out with ds and will find out again with the one I'm expecting (if it's obliging enough to show us its bits). Someone on a Tv prog said babies are not like a Christmas present to be surprised by. And I suppose that's my point of view. I loved calling my ds by the name we had chosen long before I met him on the day he was born. We also told people what we were going to call him and I got a bit annoyed when some of my family said they didn't want to know the sex - it wasn't their 'secret' after all!

Lilysmum · 08/09/2003 12:46

I can't see the point of not knowing - why keep it a mystery ? I'm biased because I hate surprises (dh says I am a control freak.

Also, since I want to have a girl, it would be a good idea to find out at an early stage if it is a boy - so that if it is I've got time to adjust to it....and feel postive about it

I found out the sex with my last pregnancy and didn't regret it.

wiltshire · 08/09/2003 13:12

I read somewhere that the reason some hosps won't tell you is because in some religions/cultures where boys are classed as more important, women were trying to abort girls if they found out they were expecting them. Taking mad herbs & stuff. Sad really.

jasper · 08/09/2003 13:12

Wouldn't have wanted to know the sex as for me the absolute best bit about giving birth is the moment the baby comes out and someone cries "IT'S A .....!"
I would not like to have missed out on the full impact of that moment.

webmum · 08/09/2003 15:28

I always knew I'd want to know and that's waht we did and never even thought about it.

I don't understand all the fuss about surprise, it still is a surprise it's not like you're going to be able to give it back if it's not what you want.

Personally I think you put more emphasis on the sex by not wanting to know.

After I had DD, I couldn't wait to see her face, I didn't even ask confirmation of her sex (even though I had dreams about finding out it was aboy in the end, but I wans't scared of it, actually I used to think it would have been quite funny), all I wanted to know was that she was well and to see her little face and get to know her. Her gender was totally incidental, but still a part of her.

ANd people finding th ecry 'the baby's born' disappointing? Not exciting? I don't think knowing the sex should make the slightest difference to this being one of the most beautiful moments of your life.
To me it was almost as exciting as when we were told she was girl!

webmum · 08/09/2003 15:29

OOPs that was wrong, the finding out was almost as exciting as seeing her for the first time....

M2T · 08/09/2003 15:42

I've got to agree with you webmum!

Finding out the sex does not take away the feeling of exhilaration you feel when they are born. I find that a bit of a ridiculous concept actually.

I'm just too impatient and practical to wait for the inevitable if I know I can find out before hand. That's all, no deep underlying reason..... just nosiness.