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Original poster

He can't even look at me, I don't know what to do.

90 replies

Halfterm · 28/10/2010 11:57

I would be grateful for some advice please.

I have been with my DP for a year and we live together with my DC from a previous relationship, They are 7 and 9.

He has never wanted children and has been to the doctors several times for a vasectomy but they turned him down saying her was to young. We have always been very careful, I am on the pill and never miss a dose.

I found out a week ago that I am pregnant, about 8 weeks now. I told him on Monday and he hasn't spoken to me since except to say he doesn't understand how its happened and he doesn't want children.

He hasn't touched me, told me he loves me or given me any sign that he doesn't hate me. I asked him why he doesn't just leave and he said it wouldn't make a difference as I would still have his child.

I feel so lonely and upset. I feel like its all my fault and all I want is for him to give me a hug and tell me it will be ok or to walk away and leave me to it, I can't carry on like this. I feel unwelcome in my own home.

I had a scan on Tuesday, he wont even look at the picture, I can't have an abortion because i've seen the baby and heard the heartbeat. He wont discuss it. I know he would put me under a huge amount of pressure if I told him that an abortion was a possibility but I told him couldn't have one because there was a heartbeat Blush he doesn't know how many weeks I am because he wont listen to a word about it.

Please tell me what to do.

Ps, Have name changed.

OP posts:
hazchem · 29/10/2010 11:49

Halfterm I orginlly suggested seeing a councillor. after reading in more detail about our partner i would like to strongly change my advice.

Please contact the police. Simply say you are going for a walk and go to your local police station and let them what has happened. from there ask them to put you in contact with your local council who will be be ale to make your house safe for you and your children to live in. they can change locks install alarms a load of stuff.

This is a truely dreadful situation for you to be in. Please know tht you are not alone and the law and the service within this country are firmly on your side. as are all of us here.

Stay safe.

CocoPopsAddict · 29/10/2010 11:54

Halfterm, I have come late to this thread, but just want to say this.

You know how we hear on the news sometimes those awful cases about women (or men, for that matter) being attacked by partners, or partners attacking their children? Don't become one of those, please.

You will achieve nothing by staying, because his behaviour is not going to get any better. Ever. He has crossed the line and there is no going back. How could you ever trust someone like that again?

SkeletonFlowers · 29/10/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Southsearocks · 30/10/2010 15:36

"Control" is the operative word here. And it sounds like he's controlling in other aspects of your lives. If so, I've been there myself and can only wish you the strength to get him out of your lives. Emotional abuse is still abuse.

Sending you a big hug...

laurenamium · 30/10/2010 17:17

This has given me the shivers, please either leave or get him out...If not for you then for your DCs and the bump!

broughthimroundtotheidea · 30/10/2010 18:24

My BFF was in a controlling relationship which sounds very much like yours halfterm she got pregnant and had it, he wasn't happy .His controlling got worse and worse. BFF loved him despite his nature and wanted to get married. He insisted the only way he would marry her was if she got sterelized! it was a term and condition apparently. Well BFF went along with it and had the steralization aged 25!! She stayed with him for another 10 years!! he didnt allow her money or friends I was nicknamed the poisoned dwarf. He even wouldn't let her attend her grans funeral.BFF suspected he was playing away and this was confirmed when someone spotted him at it. BFF confronted him and he strangled her to the point where she passed out. When she woke up she rang me and I called the police. He was arrested and charged with battery and remanded. She moved out that night and now has a new BF and She now looks back and recognises that she should never have been with him when he first said he didnt want their baby and that she wasted the best years of her life.
Don't make the mistake BFF made it nearly ended in her death!

AnakisT · 30/10/2010 18:34

What shithouse your partner is.

Please follow the advice given from the ladies here.

Be safe and please come back when you can to update.

AmIGoingMad · 30/10/2010 18:47

I have to echo what's been said above.

You have to think of your safety and that of your children. I know that's easy to say from the outside but it's so important!
Please take care and let us know how you're doing.

homebirthmummy · 30/10/2010 20:31

Are you ok Halfterm?

Just read the thread and am worried for you.

Hugs ....

grapeandlemon · 30/10/2010 21:28

I remember your other thread. He sounded like a potentially violent abuser. the things he says to you are truly vile.

You know you need to get out I hope you do. Stop making him dinner and get out quick. Good luck and post when you can we are rooting for you.

MaudOHara · 30/10/2010 23:53

Halfterm - please follow the advice that you have been given - look after yourself and your DC and get away from this awful man.

Pootletrinket · 31/10/2010 09:36

Just found this and, like many others, have become more and more fearful for you as I've read on.....I know that positive action is going to feel so exhausting and daunting, but the liberation you'll feel when you're not walking on eggshells and having your life controlled will be amazing. I hope you're OK and have been able to follow some of the really great advice on here.

LoveBeingAMardyBum · 31/10/2010 09:51

Halterm hope you are ok, and still reading if not posting. It is difficult coming to terms with the who the real man is that you share your lfe with. It is clear he is aware to some degree as he says he doesnt want any children and prefers woman with older childre, he doesnt want any baby to take his place as being the most important/take attention away from him.

Does your BF know about all of this? If not please share this with her you need some RL support.

fayc84 · 02/11/2010 12:07

Just read this and wanted to add my support. Please let us know you're ok Halfterm if and when you can.

clarabellarocks · 02/11/2010 13:10

Another one that has just read this and wanted to say I am thinking of you and you need to put as much space as possible between you and your children and him.

Please follow the advice of the girls and see help - midwife or womens aid. One thing I noticed when I read your post was that you used an embarrassed face when you said you had heard the heartbeat and wanted to keep the baby. That is nothing to be ashamed of but completely natural!

Let us know you are okay. xxx

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