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Original poster

He can't even look at me, I don't know what to do.

90 replies

Halfterm · 28/10/2010 11:57

I would be grateful for some advice please.

I have been with my DP for a year and we live together with my DC from a previous relationship, They are 7 and 9.

He has never wanted children and has been to the doctors several times for a vasectomy but they turned him down saying her was to young. We have always been very careful, I am on the pill and never miss a dose.

I found out a week ago that I am pregnant, about 8 weeks now. I told him on Monday and he hasn't spoken to me since except to say he doesn't understand how its happened and he doesn't want children.

He hasn't touched me, told me he loves me or given me any sign that he doesn't hate me. I asked him why he doesn't just leave and he said it wouldn't make a difference as I would still have his child.

I feel so lonely and upset. I feel like its all my fault and all I want is for him to give me a hug and tell me it will be ok or to walk away and leave me to it, I can't carry on like this. I feel unwelcome in my own home.

I had a scan on Tuesday, he wont even look at the picture, I can't have an abortion because i've seen the baby and heard the heartbeat. He wont discuss it. I know he would put me under a huge amount of pressure if I told him that an abortion was a possibility but I told him couldn't have one because there was a heartbeat Blush he doesn't know how many weeks I am because he wont listen to a word about it.

Please tell me what to do.

Ps, Have name changed.

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 28/10/2010 22:26

What SGB says.

Giddyup · 28/10/2010 22:26

x posts

Original poster
Halfterm · 28/10/2010 22:28

I feel more detached than anything else to be honest, I can't quite believe whats happening.

Its like the person typing this is someone else and its not happening to me.

I have just ordered him food to reheat when he gets home - What the fuck did I do that for?? One part of me is gearing up for the big fall out and getting it over with and the other half just ordered him food and is in total denial Angry

I am scared of so many things that I can't find the words.

OP posts:
buttonmoon78 · 28/10/2010 22:29

Please, please don't do this. He has got you so inert about your situation that you're not dealing with this at all.

Make some phone calls NOW and lock your door.

Please don't give him another chance to abuse you.

Original poster
Halfterm · 28/10/2010 22:29

I will delete my internet history as he will check it. He also has my phone as his hasn't worked for a while. I do still have the landline though.

OP posts:
everythingiseverything · 28/10/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giddyup · 28/10/2010 22:33

Sweetheart, how do you think things will be tomorrow when your DC are back if you let him back tonight?

buttonmoon78 · 28/10/2010 22:34

Halfterm - where are you? You can always PM or couch it into local terms if that helps.

I can't be of much help until Monday, but if you're still suffering then I'll be of any help I can.

And if I can't help, there'll be others who can.

Original poster
Halfterm · 28/10/2010 22:34

for the people that saw the thread / the photos, you have seen the size of him - he is a big strong man. I would have no chance if it came to it. I don't think it will but I wouldn't swear it wouldn't either. He is a 'play fighter' Hmm everything done jokily so I can't accuse him of anything.

Although he hasn't even accidently touched me in anyway since he found out.

I don't think I will call them tonight, I feel to tired, to ill and I just haven't got it in me. I know thats pathetic. I am just so tired.

OP posts:
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 28/10/2010 22:36

He has your phone?

If you phone the operator and ask to be put through to the police anonymously I think you can have it so it does not show on your billing as a call made (if you were to ask for the domestic abuse team on the normal forces number, rather than 999).

Remember to know where your phone is at all times. And also remember, that while your children are not there, it will be easier to leave.

buttonmoon78 · 28/10/2010 22:36

OK, but please keep posting. We're all behind you. x

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 28/10/2010 22:38

sorry that should read, 'know where your landline is at all times', keep police on speeddial, even 999.

alicatte · 28/10/2010 22:48

I am so worried about you. You don't need to make any decisions yet but, realistically, you both need some space. He is very angry (because the world is not asking for his agreement) and you are emotionally exhausted and need some space to recuperate.

But you need to contact someone tonight. Even if it is only to email someone that you know and say what is going on. You are a mother - your children need you.

Original poster
Halfterm · 28/10/2010 22:54

I am going to have a bath and get off to bed, I just need to sleep at the moment - probably pregnancy hormones and stress.

Thank you all for listening, I will come back but can only post when he isn't here i'm not aloud on "slags-net" so only post when I am alone. So please don't worry if i'm gone for a couple of days.

I am going to phone womens aid for some advice and find myself a pregnancy counsellor, not foe him - he is to far past that I think.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
everythingiseverything · 28/10/2010 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blinks · 28/10/2010 23:44

please get some advice and support so you can act fast. this sounds a very serious situation.

chipmonkey · 28/10/2010 23:51

What SGB said.

You poor love. Phone the police now.

louisesh · 28/10/2010 23:57

Please take care.I was telling my DH about you and he said tell this lady she can come and stay with us!!!! Please take care of you and your kids XXX

midori1999 · 29/10/2010 00:27

I have just read this adn I am so worried for you. There is no way you can have a baby and want this man to parent it, nor your existing children. Will their father help you in any way? Your parents/siblngs? Can they provide a place to stay if you need it?

I hope you are safe and bearing up as well as possible. Sad

Beetrootlady · 29/10/2010 00:47

Please take care and get some help, you are very precious and so are your children (including the one you are carrying). Be strong.xxx

TorturesInAHalfHell · 29/10/2010 00:56

Holy fuck, you poor woman. This man is horrifically abusive.

Yes, get yourself some advice from WA and about the pregnancy. He is, as you say, too far gone for counselling - someone who is threatening to beat you until you miscarry, forbids you to talk on the internet, who has taken your phone and who you're clearly physically scared of, is not someone who can be talked to reasonably.

And I'm very glad he doesn't want children, because you cannot stay with a man this vile.

1Catherine1 · 29/10/2010 01:40

Your house or not get the fuck out of there and do it now. There is no doubt that you are suffering from verbal and mental abuse here. Get out of there and get the police to remove him from there. Even then I'd probably want to stay with family for a while to stay safe. It might even be better if your DC stay with their father for a while - I'm sure he would understand since if you're in danger so are they.

I've read page 1 and 3 only and I can tell by those posts alone that you are intimidated by him with good reason. He is an evil sick man to say the things he has said to you.

Please keep us posted, I'll be thinking of you.

3thumbedwitch · 29/10/2010 02:30

if your MIL can't understand why anyone is with her DS then I can fully appreciate her position in not wanting grandchildren - perhaps she recognises that he would be the pits as a father and wouldn't want to inflict him on any children.

please find the strength and energy to get shot of this loser asap.

buttonmoon78 · 29/10/2010 07:25

Hi Halfterm.

How are you feeling today? Is today the day you're going to get shot of this loser? I know that's really easy for me to write and not easy at all for you to do, but now you know you have to do it then you need to do it as soon as possible.

I know it's hard and a really huge leap, but just imagine your life afterwards. I know there will be obstacles - being a single mum to 3 will be hard - but you will be free again.

The more you say, the more controlling he sounds. How are you off for money?

Please, please grasp the nettle and get rid of him. Your life is not bettered in any way by having him with you. It will hurt but then it will get better, I promise.

EnSuiteShed · 29/10/2010 11:35

Halfterm, is there any way at all you could say or hint at where in the country you are? If you are near me I would more than welcome you and your children to come and stay with me - we have plenty of room Smile.

You can PM me if you don't want to say on here xx