Please tell me I've done the right thing.....(aggresive dog)

[redd82]

Hi, I really need someone to tell me that I've done the right thing....I'll try to keep it brief.
In a nutshell when I met and fell in love with my OH he had a dog that he rescued from a dogs home - the dog was a "lifer" due to aggression but he took him home as he has experience with difficult dogs. In the time that I have known the dog, he has bitten 7 people - including myself. I know it's due to being mistreated and in a way he does it to see if you come back and are worth loving.However, he has bitten strangers.
He is very protective of my OH and me and won't let anyone he doesn't know near us or in the house. I also have a dog - a king charles spaniel that is the totally different end of the spectrum.
When I discovered I was pregnant almost 7 months ago I said that if the dog ever showed any aggression to the baby or anyone wanting to get near baby, the dog would go.
However, after about 2 months I changed my mind and said the dog had to go. I couldn't take the risk. I would never trust him around the baby and our child comes first.
We have had 5 months of arguing and now he is going back to the dogs home next fri (he has to for legal reasons.)
The thing is my OH is absolutely distraught and says I am wrong and that he could be trained. I have desparately tried to change my mind but I can only think that the only way to remove the risk is the remove the dog.
I don't think he'll ever forgive me but I have said I would rather deal with him not forgiving me than put our baby at risk.
I am desparately hoping that when he holds our baby for the first time, he realises why i I have HAD to do this.

I know it will ruin the rest of my pregnancy...i am resigned to that.

Please tell me I did the right thing?,,

xxx

There isn't a single part of me that thinks you did anything wrong. The dog has a history of biting people. No matter how much love and attention you show the dog, you can't ever rule out the risk that it won't harm your baby. Your OH needs a reality check.

You have absolutely done the right thing - without question.

Growing up, my father had dangerous dogs which he was overly attached to in my opinion. They showed aggression to me and my sister (they bit my sister and she is still scarred by it), bit a couple of other people and my father made excuses for them over and over again.... until one attacked him very viciously and then they were finally put down.

I am still angry about this to this day, how could he have risked our lives (I am not being melodramatic, the dogs her had could have killed), our childhood friends' lives etc.

Your DP needs to realise that you would never forgive him or yourself if the worst happens... and this dog has already shown that it is not to be trusted.

Your instincts are right, trust them.

You did the right thing, absolutely.

Tell your OH to GET REAL! He is going to be a father soon. He will forget about that dog.

If he is still seething about the dog when the baby is born, then he is not worth knowing.

And YES, you have done the right thing.

Show him this thread.

If the dog has bitten several people already then he should have already been put down...!

Don't get me wrong I've got a dog of my own and I love him to pieces - however when the baby is born if there is ANY sign of trouble he will be rehomed, no question about it.

There is no question that you have done the right thing - your child comes first!

Do be sure to keep a careful eye on the other dog as well though - as babys can really change even the nicest, most placid of dogs, hopefully everything will be fine but just in case.

Good luck with everything.xxx

You did the right thing!!

had to stop by i t0 had the same problem with my dog a white lab he was crossed with somthing sure he had mental problems he wouldnt hurt a fly but used to jump up all the time and would play but he took it to far and once he had hold of ure hand in his mouth he wernt letting go and it bloody well hurt so many times he hurt me my daughter was a month old and he jumped up at me while i was carrying her trying to get hold of her,really showing his teeth i had to take him to the dog home i felt so bad i still feel bad today this was a year ago but had to put my child first even though my 14 year was upset he understood in the end, i think you did right u see so many children hurt by dogs its not worth the risk

Thank you so much for your replies.
I have said all of the above to my OH and I have also said that it is only by chance that someone hasn't already reported the dog.

I know how important the dog is to him and he was the only thing he had for a while but I honestly think that if you can get so dangerously attached to an animal, that you shouldn't have them.
I have also pointed out to him that when he made the decision to take on such a dog, he took on a responsbility - and with that responsibility comes sacrifice.

I know he loves me and baby and he must be putting us first or he would have blankly refused to give him up.
But it still hurts to see him so sad about this when I can cry and be sad and it never reduces him to cry for me.
I feel like now I am in this pregnancy without him.

I told him the dog had to go now so we have 3 months before baby arrives for him to try to get used to it. I'm scared he won't ever and that what is supposed to be a magical time is ruined by an animal who could be hit by a car tomorrow (i know that sounds awful but is true....)

I'm sorry to go on, but it really hurts.

Oh and the other dog - I offered to let her go to...he said he couldn't lose both but if she shows any signs, she will be out the door to.

xxx

I don't know why this is so difficult - people first, pets second

If your dog is killed in a road accident you would be upset for a few days. If your baby was killed, you would never ever get over it.

It's hard when you have put time and effort into rehabilitating an animal, and that time is not wasted, he'll have a better life at the shelter, or in another home, because of the care you and your DH have shown him.

But he has to go. Your DH will get over it.

Have you had a behaviourist* in to see the dog and instituted a positive behaviourist modification programme?

• A good behaviourist who uses kind, up to date methods.

If you have done thus and really worked with the dog over time to manage and modify the behaviouri traits then I think you possibly have no alternative as you have to put your Child's safety first.

My sentiments exactly whomovedmychocolate.

It seems that every day there is something in the news about the "lovely harmless pet ripping the childs face off"....I know it sounds extreme but having been on the other end of "just a mouthing" i know how strong it is and how easy it would be to mame or kill.

Further more, if you show any attention to the other dog, he barks and does everything to get my OHs attention - imagine that with a baby?......

I can justify it til the cows come home but even my own family keep saying "but it'll be so hard on him, can't you just muzzle the dog or keep him in the garden"....as if i'm being unreasonable.

Just feel I'm alone with baby upstairs whilst OH is cuddling and crying over his dog....

and he hasn't even taken him yet......

You sound really sad.

Two things jump out at me:

a) Perhaps the dog can be helped to stop biting, but clearly not by your DH or he would have done it by now, surely?

b) I think your DH will feel differently once your baby arrives. He'll probably still be sad about the poor dog, but his priorities will shift (probably).

I can tell you're feeling really hurt by his perceived priorities, but he will need time to get over this. He obviously feels very strongly about the dog, and will grieve his loss.

I would have done the same thing in your position, fwiw.

Dog or you and the baby, is it a hard choice?

Laska,

yes we had a behaviourist and the works. the problem is he is very obidient and incredibly clever so he will do all the tricks and obidience training you ask him to do.

But that's the problem because the aggression will come out of nowhere. For example, my dad waved his arm at the tv the other night and the dog went for him. After 3 years of no problems with my dad.
Of course my OH said the dog didn't,he just barked, but we all saw it.

It's the unpredictability of it that makes it untrainable. You could train him every day for a year and he wouldn't show any problems but then the next day he could try to bite someone who got to close to us.

when we walk him off the lead, if we see children, we automatically put him on the lead. How can you have a dog like that with a child?
Also, the dog won't allow anyone into the house that he doesn't know.
So, our child can never have friends over or their parents etc because of the dog?
......

but because he never shows aggression to my OH, he can always talk it away....it is always the person's fault......

Try responding 'do you want a dead grandchild' then? They need to understand the realities of this.

I expect you've had to give us some things to have children too - like sleep, time to yourself etc. In fact as a mother you do sacrifice a lot. And you will continue to do so.

My DS is allergic to dogs. We've discussed it and if he develops an allergy to the cat, the cat is going to have to be rehomed. I will be absolutely gutted because I love my cat, but if it's the choice between DS not being able to breathe and the cat going and living with a new family - it's a no-brainer.

Given your last post - how your DH cannot realise that there is no alternative?

Of course any dog can go nuts suddenly - apparently the most injuries are caused by retrievers - but a dog who is known to be unpredictable, is never going to be suitable for a family.

Also, if he's bitten seven times, how come he's still alive? Did everyone say 'oh he didn't mean it?'

sorrento 56....that's what i said to him.

I said I didn't want to have to say to him it's either the dog or us, but ultimately that is what I was saying because I said I'm not prepared to have the dog around our child. So either he goes or we do.

And that's why the dog is going. My OH said I should have told him that when we first got together...my response was
(1) how could i possibily know I would feel this maternally protective
(2) he is struggling with it now I am nearly 7 months, he would never had got rid of him in anticipation of pregnancy..... to which he agreed and said he would have chosen the dog.....

why is this so hard for him? thing is, if i changed my mind tomorrow, he would love me forever and would keep the dog...thus putting baby and risk to stop his own hurt

i know i am being unfair....I'm just really really frightened that i've ruined it all....

redd I think things will get better once he has actually taken the dog. For as long as the dog is still in the house then all the emotions are fresh and so his grief is constantly renewed. When is he planning to take him away?

Is that true about retrievers? We have 2 and am always tripping over them....

No question you have done the right thing.

This dog cannot be trained.

End of.

He said he would have chosen the dog rather than have a baby with you

He sounds like a complete twat!

If he let's this destroy your relationship, well it's a bloody shame but he does sound like an arse. Does his dog make love to him, look after him and bring his own child into the world.

No it dribbles on the floor and bites people. And while you might do the former after you've had the baby - I think you will agree you are definitely the better of the two.

Apparently so ilovemydog. I guess it's because they are quite boisterous. It's not always biting. MiL was very badly injured when they knocked her flying in the woods and she hit a tree. And she's not exactly a lightweight.

Oh my goodness - he said he would have chosen the dog? That is outrageous.

I really hope that he suddenly transforms into a model partner and farther, I really really do.

whomovedmychocolate....

basically 4 out of the 7 people he's bitten have been within my family or his, so he has always blamed the person, not the dog.
the other 3 were the pizza guy, a jogger and someone who went to the NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS door when his mum had him.
god knows why, they never reported it. they should've done in my opinion.,,,
don't get me wrong, they weren't all gapping wounds but that is totally by the by - it's the intent.

my boss put it like this...if we had baby already and we went to a dogs home to pick a puppy...would we pick him?
NO

of course not

end of

why can so many of you understand but my partner not?

oh and sacrifice....don't get me started on what i've sacrificed....

my oh is still married to his wife who won't divorce him just to spite me...
i live in what was their house, with him to save money until we can move
I am having my first baby out of wedlock (not a sin i know! but I would love to have been married)
My baby will not have my surname because he won't push the divorce....
I can't marry him for at least another 3 years because of the divorce

oh i'm sorry, is asking you to get rid of your dog to save our child too much....

I'm sorry ladies, I'm just hurting and alone

except for the dog.....