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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Feeling Bad - here we go again.

96 replies

Rhubarb · 24/07/2003 20:37

Feel really, really s**t tonight. Just have no emotions at all. It's awful but I just want dh and dd to go away and leave me alone. The baby has been kicking furiously all day and I wish it wouldn't. I want to run away and start all over again. I don't want another baby, I can't cope with two, and I hate telling people that I'm pregnant, I just don't want to talk about it at all. I really wish I wasn't. I guess I should visit my GP now, but I feel like I've failed.

Just want to throw the towel in now.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
eefs · 30/07/2003 15:24

Rhubarb, I bought ds to see piglet last week - it was his first time in the cinema and he loved it "ohh wow big telly", dp left after 10 minutes to go shopping and I fell asleep halfway through - but as least ds liked it. not quite shrek though is it?

Tortington · 31/07/2003 01:04

BUT did you drive there AS YOU HAVE NOW PASSED YOUr TEST???

ohh i like your new keyring for your car keys

Rhubarb · 06/08/2003 15:28

I love my new keyring - thank you Custy!
Just to let you all know that the CPN's phoned yesterday and have booked me in to see a psychiatrist at the local hospital for an assessment on Friday - so I get told how loopy I really am! I wonder if they'll have a couch....?

I am feeling a bit more positive though. This week has been hard because of the weather and all our toddler activities cancelled for the summer. It's close to the weekend when I start to fall apart, so I've asked mil to have dd on Friday, which gives me a nice end to the week. Also I don't have to drag her to the shrink. I hate telling people what is happening in front of her, she picks so much up and already knows something is wrong. I hope they can help, I really do. Be awful if they sectioned me though wouldn't it!

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aloha · 06/08/2003 16:01

Yes, it would Rhubarb, you might not have internet access!

tigermoth · 06/08/2003 16:29

wishing you a nice comfortable couch in a room with superb air conditioning for your Friday appointment, rhubarb, along with a big free parking space if you are driving there.

Tillysmummy · 06/08/2003 16:29

Rhubarb, only just picked up on this thread, just wanted to wish you luck on Friday and send my cyber support xx

boyandgirl · 07/08/2003 15:14

Rhubarb, I had psychotherapy during my pregnancy and it helped enormously. Too short a time to actually solve all problems, but really really helped me to deal with them and cope with them. Good luck!

ps Very good idea not to have dd with you, much easier to talk freely - and to sob freely - that way.

SamboM · 07/08/2003 16:37

Hi Rhubarb, just back from holiday, so sorry to hear you are feeling bad. Best of luck and lots of hugs (((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))

Hilary · 07/08/2003 18:53

Sad admission coming up, sad bit of Piglet's Big Movie made me cry! I am pregnant, which is my excuse, but I am a bit soppy anyway. Sorry, sidetracked the thread.

Hope you get on ok on Friday, Rhubarb.

Rhubarb · 08/08/2003 14:28

Oooh SamboM - I'm following you round the board saying THANK YOU! Dh is well chuffed, I'll let you know how he gets on!

Well went to see CPN today - no couch I'm afraid! But I did pass a bunch of scary-looking zombie people huddled round a tv in one of the waiting rooms! Anyway, the shrink was very nice, she asked me loads of questions, gave me a self-help book called 'Mind over Mood' all about cognitive therapy, and has arranged for me to visit a local CPN at my GP surgery who will support me throughout this pregnancy. I feel very lucky to have so much support and I'm sure everything will turn out fine!

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pie · 08/08/2003 14:41

Glad to hear it went well Rhubarb and that you are being listened to, as that is the most important support you can have.

{{{HUGS{}}}}

codswallop · 08/08/2003 21:12

My mIL is a CPn - let me know if you want me to ask her anything off the record.

Ghosty · 08/08/2003 21:36

Glad that it went ok Rhubarb ... have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing ... {{{{{}}}}}

webmum · 08/08/2003 21:38

just found this thread Rhuburb, and you ahve all my admiration, depression is a very bad illness, you need all the support you can get but you already ahve the right attitude, you sound really strong and determined, I think I would just let go.....

Best of luck and huge hugs!

webmum · 14/08/2003 22:59

have been thinking of you Rhubarb and just wondered how are you doing?

hope your silence means things are improving
love

Rhubarb · 15/08/2003 14:55

Hello Webmum! I've been posting regular updates on my site here because I feel that it might help others reading what I am experiencing now, and also you lot would probably get sick of my rantings!

I am up and down most days. Sometimes I have no emotions at all and just feel that I am merely functioning. Then sometimes I can't stop crying and feel very, very sad. Sometimes I feel very anxious and panicky and am kept awake at night imagining all sorts. But other times I feel fine. Today for instance I've had a busy day in town carrying bags of shopping with my 3yo, but I managed to keep cheerful. Probably because I know that my best friend is travelling about 450 miles to see me!

So all-in-all I am coping and hope to get through this relatively unscatched. Thanks very much for your concern. This site has been the most tremendous support for me, just joining in some of the discussions is a welcome distraction for me! I WILL get through this!

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naughtynoonoo · 15/08/2003 15:07

Rhubarb, sounds like you have a great husband and best friend, hope they are looking after you. Take care of yourself.

mum2neve · 20/08/2003 16:37

Rhubarb - I hope you are having a better day today. As a Mum using Prozac, I have every admiration for someone who is able to get through depression without chemical assistance.

I have just recently increased my dosage back to 20mg per day, having felt wonderful about being able to reduce it over the past few months, however, my unexpected bad feelings about discovering that I am pregnant again paniced me.

Needless to say, now I feel terrible because I am 6 weeks pregnant (feel like I have been run over by a bulldozer most days), and am suffering from the side effects of prozac all over again.

My days feel as though they go on with minimum involvement from me, and I view them through a steamed up window, in slow motion.

Luckily, my doctor has told me that if I feel I need to continue on medication , then I should do so despite my pregnancy, for the time being at least. Can't tell you how relieved I was about that !

I have made the decision that my 3yr old will do 4 afternoons a week at nursery from Septmber - which should give me a little more time to catch my breath, and get back on my proverbial feet before the new baby arrives in April. Can't help but feel guilty about not being with her myself though - though at the moment zombie mum would be a great chat name for me.

Thinking of you

Rhubarb · 20/08/2003 21:13

Oh, I wish I knew what to say to you! I can only tell you how much I understand what you are going through. It's like living in a permanent haze sometimes isn't it? You often wonder if you are still awake or asleep. Just take one day at a time. My 3 year old dd is to do 5 mornings a week at nursery in Sept - not my choice but something to do with funding! I wasn't happy about it at first, but now I realise that I will need that time to relax and to adjust once the new baby is here. And I think she will enjoy it, I can no longer provide the stimulation she needs 24 hours a day! I have spoken to her about the nursery and she has been to visit, so far she seems fine about the idea and I think, is looking forward to it!

So don't feel guilty. She will have a better time there than stuck at home with you - I know mine will! There are days mine has literally been watching tv most of the day because I've not had the energy to get out of the house, or pick up the phone, or even to make dinner sometimes, so she has jam on toast. I'm not proud of that, which is why I think she will benefit greatly from nursery.

Try to keep yourself busy, make yourself appointments, book yourself in for Yoga classes or something, a commitment that gets you out of the house once a week. There is nothing worse than succumbing to the depression and staying in, no matter how lethargic you feel. Once out there you will begin to feel tons better, I promise you! Go the library too, get yourself some books to read to stop you from thinking too much. Ask for a CPN, they will often come to see you once a week, and it's another person to talk to, you need human contact! Your weeks will go quicker if you fill them up, so start making arrangements now.

I wish you the best of luck. Please let us know how you get on, and you can contact me via my website any time you like, the link is a couple of messages down.

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mum2neve · 21/08/2003 10:53

Thanks for your words of encourasgment Rhubarb.

Been to see my GP this am, she has signed me off work today and tomorrow as I am exhausted and my blood pressure is up already. I seem to spend too much time at the moment argueing with myself about things, like -should I have gone into work despite feeling half dead just for the company ? not really a realistic question anyway, as I am so weak and tired i probably shouldn't be driving anyway.

My mum and dad have taken neve out today so that I can get some rest, but I feel so alone now they have gone, but when they were here I couldn't wait for them to go and leave me in peace.

Roll on bedtime, maybe I will feel better tomorrow.

myersthecat · 21/08/2003 11:41

Sounds like a day of pampering is required to help you unwind.
What about booking an aromatherapy massage or similar. Or even better a day in a spa (if there's one relatively local). Normally if you let them know you are pregnant they can do somethings for you.

Since doing a course on massage and aromatherapy, I tend towards this when I have the blues.
It also gets you out of the house.

Also after my miscarriage I spent a lot of time cycling. It helped to clear my head.

I'm very anti-medication due to seeing the effects of reliance with my mum in the past/present.

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