Baby a week overdue! Jokes, please.

[grannieonabike]

My daughter's first baby was due last Saturday. We are running out of ideas to make it come.

So far she has tried love-making, laughing and chocolate - not all at once, at least I don't think so. Or maybe, actually, knowing her. Don't want to go there.

Exercise we do a lot of. Mainly walking to the local cafes to sample their chocolate, but also crawling on her hands and knees (round her flat, not to the cafes). Someone told her this would induce birth. I hope they weren't pulling her leg, but I remain dubious.

Finally, hot baths and curries - again, not together (too messy); going to the cinema, painting and reading. Listening to the radio ...

I have been baking, because that always helps in an emergency.

So what else? Nothing we've done so far has worked. Someone tell us a good joke, please. I don't want to give up on the laughing idea.

Try a gym ball. Just sit on it and bounce gently. Worked for my sister. Good luck!

Book a really nice treat for her. Either she will miss out because the baby decides to arrive and scupper plans of lovely treat, or baby still stays put but she still gets her lovely treat so win win really.

Have a look on youtube, or this had me really giggling

try a very bumpy car journey hun i feel for her i really do im 39 weeks regnant due in five days think im gonna go two weeks late id just tell her to ride it out and pester the hospital to induce her

Acupuncture?

Google Zita West's book: natural pregnancy.

Meant to add girlfriend of mine had acupuncture and baby arrived fast and furious within 2h the next morning on its due date.

The gym ball in the bumpy car with acupuncture on our way to a treat. That should do it.

No no no to induction! Being induced is painful!

Thanks for your ideas. Going on Youtube now.

And if you can possibly persuade her to eat pineapple while scrubbing the floor of the car, sitting on the gym ball, while the acupuncturist leans over from the front seat...
Right jokes...
Did you hear about the man who drowned in his museli?

...

he was pulled under by a stong currant!

What's E.T short for?

...

So he can fit in his spaceship!

Boom boom. Or did you want adult humour? You'll have to look elsewhere for that, I'm afraid

Nipple stimulation? The night before I was to be induced I sat there with the breast pump on for 15 mins every hour trying to entice DD out. She flew out the next day after 5 hour labour.

Take her to a pub for a meal. Will never forget a bloke at the bar asking me when I was due. When I told him a week last Friday he visibly backed away. I was the ultimate human time bomb.

get her to watch this

Nipple stimulation worked for me too after two sweeps failed!

Thanks, Kingfix - she loved the muesli joke.
Don't need adult humour - grown out of it.

Dustycups - oooh ... Made me feel a little queasy, so maybe it'll do the trick.

SpiderWilliam - she's frightened of her waters breaking if she goes out. D'oh!

Ahickeyfrom Kenickie - Nipple stimulation? Yes, she'll try that one. (No surprise there ...)

Grannie - it's not as fun as it sounds!

Oh no? I thought I might try some myself. For my - rheumatism ...

No baby yet. We're going for a walk up a hill with the dogs today.

Yesterday, she looked so tired and fed up.

Maybe she should just sit and stroke the dog.

Go to the hospital and get it induced in the normal way.

Here's a JOKE.

A Husband came back home one night, his wife threw her arms around his neck and said, "Honey, I'm one month overdue. It's like I'm pregnant! The Doctor conducted a test on me today, but until it is sure, we wouldn't tell anybody."

The next day, the Man's Wife received a phone call from the electricity company because they had not paid their electricity bill.

ELECTRICITY MAN: Am I speaking to Mr Kilish?

WIFE: This is his wife.

ELECTRICITY MAN: You are a month overdue hope you all know?

WIFE: How did you people know?

ELECTRICITY MAN: Madam, it's in our file.

WIFE: (shouting) How did it enter your file?

ELECTRICITY MAN: We have a system of finding out who is overdue.

WIFE: (exclaiming) Oh my GOD!

ELECTRICITY MAN: Madam, I'm sorry, I'm following orders. I just called to inform you that you are overdue.

WIFE: No problem. I will tell my husband when he comes back.

That night, she told her husband, "They know that I'm overdue at the electricity company."

The next day, the Husband rushed to their office, "What's happening? I heard you people have a file that says that my wife is overdue. How did you know?"

"Just calm down," said the Lady at the reception, "It's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

The Husband asked, "Pay you people for what? What if I don't pay?"

LADY: Well, in that case sir, we have no option but to cut yours off.

HUSBAND: If you cut it what will happen to my wife?

LADY: I don't know. I guess, she will have to use a candle!

The Husband fainted

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I think the baby is six years old now

This makes me laugh loads - there's a monkey on the car.

Oh I bloody wasted that on a Zombie thread? Fuck's sake, what's wrong with people!

😂😂😂 think the baby definitely came by now 😂😂😂😂

Fat old bag- but week overdue is probably a timeless thread. I've already forwarded to my (close relative- don't want to out myself)- for some moral support.